In step

[RiverOL]

Shiphrah and Puah: Disobeying Pharaoh​

By David C. Cramer​

Read Exodus 1:8–22; Psalm 22​

“For the Lord’s sake, submit to all human authority—whether the king as head of state, or the officials he has appointed. For the king has sent them to punish those who do wrong and to honor those who do right” (1 Peter 2:13–14).


“You who are slaves must submit to your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you—not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel. For God is pleased when, conscious of his will, you patiently endure unjust treatment” (1 Peter 2:18–19).

“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22–24).

What do these passages have in common?

First, they’re all from New Testament letters.

Second, they all instruct those with less power in a relationship to “submit” to those with power over them.

Third, they all give a theological rationale for such submission.

Fourth, they all seem like fairly straightforward, universal commands.

And, fifth, there’s no way they can possibly mean what they seem to mean on their face.


How do we know this?

Because we have examples in Scripture where people with less power refuse to submit to those with power over them. And instead of condemning them, the Bible commends them.

Whatever these New Testament verses mean, they can’t possibly be an unqualified, universal command for subjects, slaves, and wives to submit to their rulers, masters, and husbands.

Some Sunday we can circle back to how to understand these important New Testament teachings. But this morning I want to draw our attention to two fiercely faithful, rad women of Scripture who refuse to submit to their human authority and are commended by God for their refusal: the midwives Shiphrah and Puah.

Midwives in Nigeria, Feb. 2, 2011 / UK Department for International Development / flickr
Not only are Shiphrah and Puah commended for their resistance to Pharaoh. But, as midwives, they become a forerunner and instigator of God’s own action on behalf of Israel.


Indeed, these fiercely faithful midwives, Shiphrah and Puah, serve as an image of God’s fierce faithfulness. Following the midwives’ deliverance of Israelite babies for Pharaoh’s decree, God shows up to deliver the Israelite people from Pharaoh’s rule. In so doing, God is revealed to be the Divine Midwife of the people of Israel.

But let’s back up to set the stage for the story first.

As the first book of the Bible, Genesis, comes to a close, Joseph has just rescued Egypt and the surrounding region from seven years of famine. In return, Pharaoh invites all of Joseph’s family, around 70 individuals, to move to the best land of Egypt.

After a few hundred years have passed, Joseph’s family, the Israelites, have greatly multiplied to the point where a new king of Egypt is threatened by their sheer numbers. He has no memory of how the Israelites came to Egypt in the first place—that it was at the invitation of a previous king of Egypt after an Israelite saved the kingdom by his faithfulness to his God.

No, Pharaoh just sees the existence of this large and growing group of foreigners in their midst as a threat. In order to crush this threat, he decides to crush their will, their spirit, and their sense of humanity by making them slaves.


But even in the face of “brutal slave drivers” and “crushing labor” (Exodus 1:12), the Israelites only continue to grow. When he realizes that his ruthless demands will not crush the Israelites, Pharaoh devises a plan for extermination through infanticide. He will have the Hebrew boys killed and allow the Hebrew girls to live. In this way, he can ensure that in a generation, the Israelites will begin to die out.

Other than the sheer evil and cruelty of this plan, it has a problem: implementation. If Pharaoh sends his soldiers in to kill babies, it will create an uprising and rebellion. It must be more subtle to give him plausible deniability.

So Pharaoh calls on the Hebrew midwives, Shiphrah and Puah, to implement his plan. As midwives, they would be trusted with the delivery of the babies. And, given the general mortality rates with births at that time, they could plausibly claim that the baby boys simply did not survive the birthing process.

But what Pharaoh fails to imagine is that these midwives might refuse to submit to his authority. It is unclear whether Shiphrah and Puah are Egyptian women who serve as midwives for the Israelites or Hebrew women themselves. Either way, they are not in a position to be able to resist the orders of Pharaoh. They are Pharaoh’s subjects, women, and quite possibly slaves themselves.


And yet. And yet.

The narrative states that “because the midwives fear God, they refuse to obey the king’s orders” (Exodus 1:17). Their refusal to obey their human authority is not in opposition to their faithfulness to God but is an expression of it.

When the king calls them in for questioning, they respond: “The Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women. They are more vigorous and have their babies so quickly that we cannot get there in time” (1:19).

It is unclear whether they are actually trying to deceive Pharaoh with this explanation or whether this is a taunt to his face: Sorry, our king, but the Hebrews are just, well, stronger than you!

Either way, their refusal to obey Pharaoh’s orders is a dangerous refusal. They are putting their lives on the line for the sake of the lives of Hebrew babies. And because of their fierce faithfulness, the story states, “God is good to the midwives” and “gives them families of their own” (1:20–21).


Meanwhile, the Israelites “continue to multiply, growing more and more powerful” (1:20). And so this part of the story ends on an ominous note. Pharaoh does away with pretenses and makes a public order to all his people to murder newborn Hebrew boys by throwing them into the Nile.

We might see this as a cautionary coda to the story: If you defy your human authorities, it could lead to escalation. But this is not the end of the story; it is only the beginning.

What we soon learn is that Shiphrah and Puah’s resistance is the spark that leads to Israel’s deliverance. Because of their fierce faithfulness, they become the impetus for God to show up in fierce faithfulness for God’s people.

And so, a couple chapters later, God appears to Moses in a burning bush and says this: “I have certainly seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt, and I have heard their cry caused by their slave masters. I really do understand their pain, so I have come down to deliver them from their domination by the Egyptians and to bring them out of that land to a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey” (Exodus 3:7–8, ISV).


Just as Shiphrah and Puah delivered Israelite babies as their human midwives, so now God says that God will deliver the Israelites from their bondage as their Divine Midwife.

Through Moses and numerous plagues and miracles, God causes Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. But then Pharaoh changes his mind and sends his soldiers after them, so that the Israelites are trapped between the Egyptian army and the sea.

And then Moses stands and calls out to the Israelites: “Don’t be afraid! Stand still and watch how the Lord will deliver you today, because you will never again see the Egyptians whom you’re looking at today. The Lord will fight for you while you keep still ”(Exodus 14:13–14, ISV).

Like a midwife reassuring a mother in labor, Moses reassures the Israelites:

Everything is OK.

I know you’re afraid.

Just lay back.

God’s here.


God’s going to deliver this nation today.

And then God spreads the waters, creating a safe birthing canal for the nation of Israel. And so, writes the narrator, “On that day the Lord delivered Israel from the hand of the Egyptians” (14:30, ISV).

The nation of Israel was born that day as a free people, delivered by their Divine Midwife, the Lord.

The God of Eve, mother of all the living.

The God of Hagar, who sees the oppressed and hears their cries,

The God of Shiphrah and Puah, who delivers the oppressed and leads them to a land flowing with milk and honey.

 

[RiverOL]

Grabbing Some Solitude ​ ​

. . . he would withdraw to desolate places and pray—Luke 5:16 ​

Why are we men so bad at solitude? Our king did it quite well. As a man, Jesus knew his limitations. He understood his need to connect with his father—to his guidance and power. He knew how good that connection was. He wants us to know too. If it’s so good, though, why do we struggle? Well, it’s a little because we’re busy. Solitude is hard when you’re working and/or married and/or have kids and/or have friends. And, it’s a little because we’re not well practiced. Our culture trains us for motion and multitasking—not for slowing and simplifying. And it’s a little because, deep down, we know solitude means confrontation. You see, solitude removes distractions and leaves us, for a few minutes, alone with God the Holy Spirit. Solitude is sometimes defined as being alone, but we aren’t. The Spirit dwells within us (1 Corinthians 3:16). God’s right there. And we never know what might happen when we’re alone with God. He might ask us to stop something we don’t want to stop or start something we don’t want to start. He might. He does that (Hebrews 12:5). But if we avoid his confrontation, we’ll miss his companionship, counsel, comfort, restoration, and rescue. So, we must take courage. We mus ​

Okay, so what do we do? Start small. Find something that works for you. Turn off devices and take a walk at work—at lunchtime or during a break. Get some air in your neighborhood after dinner. Slip outside just before bed and sit quietly in the dark. And, if you’re ready for more, take a half-day or full-day or overnight solo trip into the outdoors.​

 

[RiverOL]

Should We Argue In Front Of Our Kids?​

A few months ago, a friend of mine was telling me about her experience as a child whose parents divorced when she was a young girl. She told me that she grew up in a home where everything was completely peaceful and seemingly perfect…ALL THE TIME…from her perspective. She had never seen her parents argue.

Not once.

Her mom and dad would embrace often, smile at each other, and even hold hands. They seemed happy and in love. And, then one day, when she was ten years old, they sat her down and said they didn’t love each other anymore and hadn’t for a long time. They told her they couldn’t stay married, and her dad moved out the next day.

My friend was completely blindsided, confused, and heartbroken.

She had NEVER seen her parents disagree about ANYTHING. All she had perceived was a “Stepford Wife” marriage…a “house of cards” romance…an inauthentic partnership.

She never witnessed her parents discussing real issues or concerns. Her mom and dad had evidently been building up resentment towards each other for years while disagreements were being dodged, issues were kept inside, and true intimacy was quickly becoming something of the distant past.


My friend said it took her a long time to cope with her parents’ divorce and an even longer time trying to figure out how to effectively communicate, especially during disagreements in her own marriage.

All to often, we pause our spousal communication…especially our disagreements…”because of the kids”. We use our kids as an excuse to stop our line of communication. I think there are times that we simply don’t want to hash out an issue with our spouse, so we say we can’t discuss something “because the kids are in the house” and “they might know we are mad at each other”.

What we fail to realize is that our kids need to understand that married couples argue sometimes. We get mad at each other. We disagree.


Our kids need to see us work through our issues in a healthy way…NO berating each other, using foul language, tossing blame back and forth, name-calling, yelling, or any physical aggression. We must approach each other with respect. We need to be slow to speak and quick to listen.

Reader, let me be clear…NASTY ARGUMENTS WITH THE BEHAVIOR DESCRIBED IN THE LIST ABOVE ARE EXTREMELY DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR CHILDREN.

There is NO scenario where that kind of behavior is okay, whether children are present or not.

If we find ourselves in a nasty argument in front of our kids, we must apologize to both our spouse and our kids for the behavior and quickly seek help from a professional marriage counselor on how to effectively resolve conflict in your marriage. You can learn the skills necessary to argue in a more respectful and healthy manner, and your marriage and kids will greatly benefit.


Sometimes, we are going to blow it. We might lose our temper and raise our voice. It happens. The best way we can turn that negative situation around is by quickly recognizing the error of our ways and seeking forgiveness.

One of the best lessons our kids can learn from us is how to seek forgiveness and how to offer forgiveness. The Bible tells us to seek and offer forgiveness quickly, and we have a golden opportunity to demonstrate this for our kids by how we treat our spouse when we are having an argument or disagreement.
I want my kids to know that even when I am upset with Dave, I love him. There must be love at the baseline of an argument. How can our kids understand this, if we never show them the process?

They must see us work through a disagreement from time to time, so they can fully understand how married couples navigate conflict resolution and forgiveness. For more on how to do argue effectively, be sure to read, “4 BIG Do’s and Don’ts when Arguing with your Spouse”, by clicking here.


As parents, we sometimes have disagreements that deal with issues that are too mature in nature for our kids to hear. We must be mindful of this and save those discussions for when we have privacy.

Conflict is part of life…especially when you and your spouse are in the trenches of raising kids. Our kids need to experience us working through our own issues through healthy discussion, lots of humility, mutual respect, and of course, forgiveness.
For more on how arguing is actually a healthy part of a marriage, please read “Can COMPLAINING to each other really make a MARRIAGE LAST?”, by clicking here.
If you found this blog to be helpful to you and your family, please feel free to share this blog to encourage other couples to strengthen their marriage. Thank you so much for reading and sharing. Be blessed!

 

[RiverOL]

3 Relationship Dead Ends​

There is a big difference between the everyday pains and struggles of relationship and a major dilemma. All of us need to persevere and communicate through the conflict, the challenges, and the annoyances of being in a relationship.





The best relationships still have to deal with struggle. It is a part of what makes a relationship great, the way we tackle issues. But the stress and strain can also be indicative of a major problem.


Use whatever metaphor you like – rock bottom, falling off the end, capsizing, etc. – some relationships are in crisis mode. How do you tell if you are at a relationship dead end or heading toward one? We often talk about an event (like abuse or infidelity or serving papers) as the dead ends of a relationship. But our circumstances, even the extreme ones are symptoms of the underlying diseases that destroy relationships. Understanding those underlying dangers can help us avoid them and live life within the kinds of relationships we all desire.

“Drifting Apart”​

Our first dead end is actually two dead ends. One of you is at one and the other at the other. We often talk about this phenomena as “drifting apart”. You might use this phrase to describe why you are getting a divorce or haven’t seen a friend of yours in a long time. The idea being that, over time, the two of you have found yourself in different spots with a chasm between you.

How do we “drift apart” and how do we avoid it? The undercurrent that leads to this kind of separation is a difference in vision. If one of you is looking one way and walking toward the spot on the horizon you’re gazing toward, while the other is doing the same thing but toward an altogether different spot, of course you are going to end up in two different places.

This is often masked in the early, romantic phase of a relationship. When those spots are far off in the horizon, they can seem pretty close. Plus the romance of beginning a journey with hope can mask how different your visions really are.

If you find yourself “drifting apart”, you need to have some honest, intentional conversations about what you value and what your vision is for the relationship. Separate visions result in two distant, lonely dead ends for each person involved. You have to backtrack and find a common and shared vision if you want any chance of salvaging the relationship.

Combat​

One of the most prevalent dead ends in the subtle commitment from one or both parties to fight and defeat the other. I want things my way. We need to put the toilet paper roll on in the direction I like, do traditions like my family does them, go where I want for vacation, raise our kids like I think they should be raised. These are actually symptoms in and of themselves – the real desire is: this relationship should validate what I want to be true about myself, I should feel good all the time, I need to feel comfortable and safe and cared for.


None of these are bad considerations. You do need to communicate these. The trouble comes when you value your own perspective and desires over and against your partners. You should love as much as you want to be loved.
We want someone to care for us and not value us for our looks, who will love us in spite of our faults and be there and care for us. But we want that person to be hot and rich! It’s a disjointed, absurd, self-centered, naïve approach to relationships. And when we set ourselves and the people we love up to this ME-centered approach to living, we commit to fighting one another to make it happen. And no one wins.

Resignation​

This last one is a little more subtle. Sometimes a couple will just decide to live two separate lives. Like those people who sleep in different rooms. You come home, do your thing, play with the kids, and retreat to your own room. It is a dead end of isolationism. You become two ships constantly passing in the night. You do not have a life together, just parallel lives.

A relationship cannot survive this way. It suffocates one or the other (or both) or drowns them in a sad, robotic complacency.


The good news is all of these dead ends are not permanent. Think of them more like cul-de-sacs. We can turn around and find our way out or we can crash and burn into the unforgiving curbside. The choice, as always, is in our hands.

 

[RiverOL]

FIghting Lust With Scripture​

The Word of God has power, but we need to tap that power in order to fight lust, so here are Bible verses that can help you defeat it when you meet it.

Wicked Hearts​

The Bible teaches that the human heart is wicked, and even after the Spirit comes to live in the believer, there is still a tendency to sin (Rom 7), so even though they still sin, over time, they do sin less thanks to the work of the Spirit of God. At least they should, but the idea that the human heart has any redeeming value of itself is destroyed by Jeremiah the Prophet who wrote a rhetorical statement: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it” (Jer 17:9)?

We might think we fully understand our own heart, but God says, “I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds” (Jer 17:10), but lusting is not so much a physical act as it is an act of the mind. In other words, we can sin by lusting in our minds. Jesus said “that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:48), so sexual immorality is not just a physical act but can be committed in the mind.

Of course, the physical act is worse as Paul said “that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh” (1 Cor 6:16), but we can just as easily lust in our hearts if we don’t flee temptation. Believers must realize that our “bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never” (2 Cor 6:15)!

Will of God​

People don’t have to search very far to find out God’s will for their life. It’s spelled out very clearly in Scripture. For example, the Apostle Paul says that “this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor” (1 Thess 4:3-4). That’s not a difficult theological issue to struggle over. It’s very obvious. Paul says to Timothy (and to all), “flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (2 Tim 2:22), so it’s God’s will to flee passions of the flesh, “For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world” (1 John 2:16).

Fleeing, or getting away from passions and sexual immorality takes an act of the will. The Spirit of God will tell us to flee, but we must be the ones to move our feet, therefore, Paul says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Cor 6:18). This is all the more reason we must “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Col 3:5).

The Word​

Scripture teaches us that the Word of God is living and active (Heb 4:12-13), and the Word works in the hearts of believers, but also in those who do not yet believe, but will. The Spirit quickens us to new life in Christ (Eph 2:1-5), but the Spirit of God and the Word of God make a potent defense against temptation and sin. For example, many men and women who have battled pornography have learned that by memorizing Scripture, they can pull out a resource for when they’re tempted to sin. Perhaps one of their favorites is Job’s statement, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin” (Job 31:1)?

King David understood that the Word of God can help us avoid sin. He wrote, “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11). It’s almost as if he’s saying, “I have stored up your word in my heart so that I might not sin against you.”

The Apostle Peter reminds us “as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul” (1 Pet 2:11), so there’s a war going on. It’s a battle of the mind….a battle with the pulls of the world, the desires of the flesh, and demonic influence. Pulling Scriptures from memory can help, like Proverbs 6:25-26 where Solomon wisely wrote, “Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes; for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread, but a married woman hunts down a precious life.” Millions of lives…and millions of families have been irreparably damaged by sexual immorality.

That’s why the Bible teaches that it’s so serious, and all the more reason we need to fight lust when we’re tempted. And we’re not alone in this battle because “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death” (James 1:14-15). This means we can’t pass the buck and say my friends (or the Devil) made me do it. In the end, we’re responsible for our own actions.

Conclusion​

If believers will hide or memorize God’s Word in their heart, and flee temptation when it comes, they’ll have a better chance of avoiding sexual immorality, but that’s getting harder and harder to do in this day and age. The glut of media makes it nearly impossible to avoid sexually explicit images, but by memorizing Scripture, and yielding to the Spirit’s voice, it can motivate our feet to run…or, “Flee from sexual immorality,” and that’s the whole idea. We can commit adultery by lusting in our hearts…but this may be a deadly precursor to the real thing…sexual immorality, which we clearly know is not the will of God. In fact, Paul says that “orgies, and things like these” are done by those who “will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal 5:21).

 

[RiverOL]

“Go set this on the kitchen table.”

Ruby grabbed plate and “thankful” tag her mom and put together and set it carefully on the kitchen table. She paused just a second to feel the smoothness of the wood. A faint smile crept across her face as she remembered that table’s history.

When they’d first gotten the table, they all got splinters from it. “Ouch!” was the most common word spoken at the dinner table that night.

That’s when Ruby’s dad had hauled the table to the garage and begun sanding on it. Ruby had just been a little girl, but her father had let her watch as he rubbed rough paper against the wood’s grains. “You’re hurting the table!” Ruby had protested, but her father had just smiled. He knew what she didn’t–that this sandpaper was exactly what that table really needed.

He’d been right. The table after sanding and finishing no longer produced splinters. It served its purpose and had been blessing them all since.

Ruby snapped back to the present, thinking about the things in her life that felt a little uncomfortable, like sandpaper. Maybe she should really be thankful for the situations and people that rubbed her wrong. Perhaps they were meant to somehow transform her like the sandpaper had this table.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

 

[RiverOL]

Conflict With A Purpose​

It may seem strange to say this—I usually don’t look for comfort from my own books—but when I set out a copy of 90 Days of God’s Goodness for a friend in need, I was thinking about Nanci and palpably feeling her absence. So I picked up the nearest book even though I’d written it, and the next thing I knew God had really touched me through the first six entries. I’ll share them in a series of blogs over the next couple of weeks.

Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold intoEgypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.

“So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.…
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
—Genesis 45:4–8; 50:20

After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before. All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before…comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the Lord had brought upon him.…
The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.
—Job 42:10–12

While most of my books are nonfiction, I’ve written seven full-length novels. Now, if I were to write a novel about lives without conflict, where characters get everything they want, where life marches on comfortably and no one ever loses anything, nobody would read it. Who likes a boring story? In fact, my central characters always face great conflict, turmoil, uncertainty, and suffering. Some die. That it makes for a far better story is my main reason for doing this. (We enjoy in fiction much that we do not enjoy in life.)

So who am I to say that God shouldn’t write such things into His story, including my part?
In our lives God uses conflict not just to make the story better but to make us better. In life, not just literature, we repeatedly see that protection from conflict produces soft, spoiled, and selfish people, while enduring conflict is more likely to produce someone strong, capable, and caring.
If, in an interview with a character from one of my novels, you were to ask whether he’d like to be written out of the story, he would answer no. Nonexistence appeals to no one. Now ask him if he would like to suffer less, and he’ll answer yes. Who wouldn’t?

I empathize with my characters since I, too, am a character in God’s story. At times I’d love to take a break from the drama. Three months off without stress would feel nice. But I also realize I’m part of something great, far bigger than myself. And I trust God not only to bring the whole story together but also to do with my part of it what he knows to be best.

Given the option while facing his trials, I’m confident Joseph would have walked off the stage of God’s story. After betrayal by his brothers when he was a teenager and being sold into slavery and later falsely accused by Potiphar’s wife and sent to prison, Joseph had surely endured enough for one life!

Talk to Job in the middle of his story—with ten children dead and excruciating boils covering his body, God apparently abandoning him and friends haranguing him. Ask if he wants out. I know what he’d say because he said it: “Why did I not perish at birth?” (Job 3:11).
But that’s all over now. On the New Earth, sit by Job and Joseph at a lavish banquet with their Lord. Ask them, “Be honest. Was it really worth it?”

“Absolutely,” Job says. Joseph smiles, nodding emphatically.
“But, Job, had God given you the choice, wouldn’t you have walked out of the story?”
“In a heartbeat. I’m just glad he didn’t let me.”

You and I are characters in God’s story, handmade by Him. Every character serves a purpose. God loves a great story, and all of us who know Him will recall and celebrate and continue to live in that story for all eternity.
Before we fault Him for the plot twists we don’t like, we should remember that Jesus has written this story in His own blood.

Father, what a privilege to be chosen by you to be a character in the greatest story ever told—and to know that one day we’ll be able to read it start to finish. Thank you for this true, unfolding drama of redemption. Thank you that in the ages to come we will praise you for not letting us walk off the pages. Thank you for accomplishing the purposes in us that at first only you, the Author, understand, but in the end, looking back, we, the readers—and characters—will too.

 

[RiverOL]

Protecting The Honor Of Women In 1 Corinthians 11​

Why does Paul talk about women’s hair and veiling in 1 Corinthians 11? Paul’s comments in that chapter puzzle readers for many reasons. One reason is our lack of knowledge about the ancient world and especially its norms governing what people thought honorable or shameful.


In this series, I will share two significant proposals that attempt to interpret 1 Corinthians 11 while taking seriously the role of honor and shame. This first post presents the view of Cynthia Long Westfall. The next post builds on Lucy Peppiatt‘s work.

The Text of 1 Corinthians 11:2-16​

As a reminder, 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 says:

I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions just as I handed them on to you. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the husband is the head of his wife, and God is the head of Christ.
Any man who prays or prophesies with something on his head disgraces his head, but any woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled disgraces her head— it is one and the same thing as having her head shaved. For if a woman will not veil herself, then she should cut off her hair; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or to be shaved, she should wear a veil. For a man ought not to have his head veiled, since he is the image and reflection of God; but woman is the reflection of man.

Indeed, man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for the sake of woman, but woman for the sake of man. For this reason a woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man or man independent of woman. For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman; but all things come from God.
Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head unveiled? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair, it is degrading to him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. But if anyone is disposed to be contentious— we have no such custom, nor do the churches of God. (NRSV)

I won’t presume to answer everyone’s questions about this passage in just a few posts. Instead, we’ll look at some of the cultural dynamics that go a long way in helping us make sense of Paul’s meaning.

Ancient Perspectives on Hair and Veiling​

Most modern readers assume Paul orders women to veil and cover their long hair because the Corinthians effectively were stubborn feminists. Perhaps they wanted to throw off the veil as a sign of subordination. Or maybe they wanted to be liberated to express their individuality or even sexuality.

This interpretation could make sense if Paul were writing to us in the 21st century. But he’s not. His letter was written for us, but not to us. To sort out Paul’s message, we need to understand ancient Mediterranean views of hair and veiling.
Several scholars undermine the modern assumption that it was the Corinthian women wanted to unveil.[1] Accordingly, they cast serious doubt on the claim that Paul primarily corrects troublesome Corinthian women.

Consider just some of the insights from Cynthia Westfall’s incredible book Paul and Gender. (I’ll only summarize a few key findings. You’ll have to read the book yourself to get the background and citations.)


Here is a fundamental starting point to the conversation. Ancient people established laws regulating who could and could not wear veils. Only upper-class wives and women deemed chaste (i.e., sεxually pure) were permitted to wear a veil. Slaves and prostitutes, by contrast, were prohibited from wearing veils. Keep in mind that enslaved women especially were routinely exploited as sεx workers.

Whether one wore a veil was a matter of status. We’re not talking about being YouTube famous or anything like that. Instead, wearing a veil protected a women’s dignity. Not covering one’s hair with a veil signaled a women’s availability, so much so that a Roman man would not be held liable for seducing or even assaulting a woman who was not dressed “properly.”[2] Classicist Sarah Ruden adds,

For a Roman woman, “to get married” and “to veil oneself” were exactly the same word… The veil was the flag of female virtue, status, and security. (Paul Among the People, p. 80).

What’s the big deal with hair? For the ancients, hair was erotic. In fact, scholars observe that women’s hair was considered a part of the female genitalia, according to Greco-Roman physiology.[3] (I bet you won’t ever read 1 Corinthians 11 the same again.)

Ruden, therefore, says that ancient literature adds

some context to show just how disturbing, how distracting to men and stigmatizing to women, the lack of a veil could be. This context supports the idea that Paul was being protective rather than chauvinistic. (p. 82)

At Issue for the Corinthian Women​

No wonder the Corinthian women would want to wear veils! This would be especially true for those who lacked social standing, which were many in the Corinthian church according to 1 Corinthians 1:26-28.
By contrast, men and social elites had a vested interest in maintaining the status quo (Westfall, 73-74). Allowing marginalized and “spoiled” women to wear veils felt scandalous and certainly would have required the upper-class women to sacrifice their own relative status.
Ruden casts a vision for what Paul sought to accomplish with his comments. She writes,

Perhaps the new decree made independent women of uncertain status, or even slave women, honorary wives in this setting. If women complied… you could have looked at a congregation and not necessarily been able to tell who was an honored wife and mother and who had been forced, or maybe was still being forced, to serve twenty or thirty men a day. (82)

This reading is not only consistent with the ancient context; it also alleviates several difficulties that interpreters have faced when explaining 1 Corinthians 11.
To only mention one example, it’s noteworthy that translators frequently provide a gloss of v. 10. The NRSV says, “For this reason a woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.” The problem is that Paul doesn’t write “a symbol of authority.” The word he uses is simply “authority” (ἐξουσία). Interpreters, trying to make sense of Paul, give us an interpretive phase. What Paul actually states is “For this reason a woman ought to have authority over her head.” [4]
In other words, Paul tells the men that women should have the authority to decide whether they’ll wear a veil, not the men who want to define women by sεxual and social norms.
NOTE: This is one reading of 1 Corinthians 11 that takes honor and shame seriously. In a separate post, I will present another by Lucy Peppiatt.

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[1] For example, see Cynthia Long Westfall, Paul and Gender, 2016; Sarah Ruden, Paul Among the People, 2011.
[2] Ulpian Digest Book 47.10.15 says, “If someone accost maidens, even those in slave’s garb, his offense is regarded as venial, even more so if the women be in prostitute’s dress and not that of a matron. Still, if the woman be not in the dress of a matron and someone accost her or abduct her attendant, he will be liable to the action for insult.”
[3] Cf. Troy Martin, “Paul’s Argument from Nature for the Veil in 1 Corinthians 11:13-15: A Testicle Instead of a Head Covering.” JBL 123, no. 1 (2004): 75-84.
[4] According to one scholar, 10:2-16 forms a chiasm that spotlights v. 10 as the central idea. See Thomas Shoemaker, “Unveiling of Equality: 1 Corinthians 11:2-16.” Biblical Theology Bulletin 17 (1987): 62.

 

[RiverOL]

Freedom And Comfort In Truth​

As Nanci dealt with suffering and faced her death, I saw greater joy and more profound happiness in her than ever before. She had been happy in Jesus all our marriage, but great suffering is a big test. She didn’t merely pass it, she aced it. Sure, she had tough days where she longed for relief and release. But her light didn’t gradually go out; it shined brighter until the last week or so where it really did fade, and her eyes were looking at another world. A far better one.

In October 2018, Nanci wrote in her journal that she was “above all, eternally thankful for the incredible growth in my heart spiritually. I honestly would not trade this cancer experience to go back to where I was—which wasn’t bad. I believed and experienced God’s hand on my life before cancer. But these last months have been used by God to propel me into a deeper understanding and experience of His sovereignty, wisdom, steadfast love, mercy, grace, faithfulness, immanency, and trustworthiness and omnipotence.”

Nanci’s journals have so much Scripture and so much Charles Spurgeon woven into them, way more than personal details of her battle with cancer. In her own words, she expresses the depth of her trust in the love and sovereignty of God. She is a wonderful example of seeking comfort and perspective in God’s solid truth, just like I talk about in today’s blog, excerpted from 90 Days of God’s Goodness:

I am laid low in the dust;
preserve my life according to your word.
I recounted my ways and you answered me;
teach me your decrees.

Let me understand the teaching of your precepts;
then I will meditate on your wonders.
My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
Keep me from deceitful ways;
be gracious to me through your law.

I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set my heart on your laws.
I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord;
do not let me be put to shame.

I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.
—Psalm 119:25–32

Don’t you love the heartfelt honesty of the words God has chosen to include in the Bible? “My soul is weary with sorrow.” It’s the burden of life in a hurting world that causes the writer to turn to Scripture for strength: “Preserve my life according to your word.… Strengthen me according to your word.”
If abuse, rape, desertion, paralysis, debilitating disease, or the loss of a loved one has devastated you, then the issue of evil and suffering isn’t merely theoretical, philosophical, or theological. It’s deeply personal. Logical arguments won’t satisfy you; in fact, they might offend you.

You need help with the emotional problem of evil, not merely the logical problem of evil. Like children at times, each of us must snuggle into our Father’s arms, and there receive the comfort we need.
But remember this: you are a whole person. Truth matters. To touch us at the heart level—and to keep touching us over days, months, years, and decades—truth must work its way into our minds.

Never seek comfort by ignoring truth. Comfort in falsehood is false comfort. Jesus said, “The truth will set you free” (John 8:32). When you try to soothe your feelings without bothering to think deeply about ideas, you are asking to be manipulated. Quick-fix feelings won’t sustain you over the long haul. On the other hand, deeply rooted beliefs—specifically a worldview grounded in Scripture—will allow you to persevere and hold on to a faith built on the solid rock of God’s truth.

In writing His magnificent story of redemption, God has revealed truths about Himself, us, the world, goodness, evil, suffering, and Heaven and Hell. (I capitalize those terms as proper nouns because they are actual places, like New England or Saturn.) Those truths God reveals to us teem with life. The blood of man and God flows through them. God speaks with passion, not indifference; He utters fascinating words, not dull ones. To come to grips with the problem of evil and suffering, you must do more than hear heart-wrenching stories about suffering people. You must hear God’s truth to help you interpret those stories.

The Bible reveals Him to be a great God, sovereign and all-powerful, gracious and all-good, kind and all-wise. And He is also our Abba, our Papa. But we do not always feel warmth and security, do we?

Maybe you’re holding on to years of bitterness and depression. You blame someone for your suffering—and that someone may be God. You will not find relief until you gain perspective. That perspective can be found as you meditate on His wonders and ask Him to use the truths of His revealed Word to strengthen you.

Lord, at times my heart is heavy with sorrow. This fallen world isn’t an easy place to live in. You know because you descended from Heaven’s happiness and lived here, laughed here, suffered here, and were crucified here. Thank you for living as you did and dying as you did and rising as you did so I can live forever with you and your people in a world where you will, once and for all, make all things right.

 

[RiverOL]

7 Ways To Connect With Your Partner And Break The Pursuer-Distancer Pattern​

During a recent couples counseling session, Karen, 37, and Rob, 40, discuss their destructive pursuer-distancer pattern in their marriage. During their ten-year relationship, Karen has felt ignored and emotionally neglected by Rob often and Rob feels criticized, unloved, and unappreciated.




Karen put it like this, “No matter how hard I try, Rob withdraws and avoids talking to me when I seek him out. He says that I’m needy and put too much pressure on him and I feel lonely and ignored.”
Rob reflects, “Maybe if Karen gave me a break and didn’t criticize me so much, I’d feel like spending time with her. It never seems like I can do enough to please her.”

What is the Pursuer- Distancer Dynamic?
One of the most influential authors on this topic, Dr. Sue Johnson, posits that one of the primary reasons why we fear intimacy and lack connection with our partners is that we do not feel emotionally safe with him or her. Lacking confidence in our partner’s trustworthiness can cause us to feel disconnected and distressed a great deal of the time. Over time, this can lead to a Pursuer- Distancer Dynamic.

Dr. Johnson identifies this pattern as the “Protest Polka” and refers to as one of three “Demon Dialogues.” She explains that when one partner becomes critical and aggressive the other often becomes defensive and distant. Renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman’s research on thousands of couples discovered that partners that get stuck in this pattern the first few years of marriage have more than a 80% chance of divorcing in the first four or five years of marriage.

Let’s see how it usually works in a typical scenario with Karen and Rob. Karen’s hyper-vigilance is her strategy to motivate her husband to open up. But in this case, the ways that Karen and Rob respond to each other backfires – going from bad to worse.
“We never spend time together anymore because you’re too busy,” Karen complains as Rob watches the news (which she dislikes). “How can we get along if you ignore me?”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Rob says. He continues, “You’re never happy with me. I’m just trying to work and relax when I get home.”
Karen feels increasingly frustrated with her attempts to draw Rob out. Meanwhile, Rob resorts to his classic distancer strategy – becoming defensive and ignoring her attempts to communicate. As Karen continues to express more disappointment in Rob, he further withdraws. If this pattern does not change, Karen and Rob might both begin to feel criticized and contempt for each other – two of the major warning signs that their marriage is doomed to fail, according to Dr. Gottman.
7 ways to connect with your partner in positive ways and break the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic:

• Gain awareness about how your past can impact you and your partner’s preferences for emotional attunement. For instance, did you feel ignored or criticized by one of your parents? Our relationship with our parents can affect our expectations and responses to our spouse.
• Think back to when you felt more emotionally attuned to your partner, earlier in your relationship, and try to recreate that level of emotional intimacy (do similar activities and/or rekindle loving feelings).
• Accept that negative patterns exist and need to be corrected to improve the long-term stability of your relationship. Work on changing your reactions to your partner and take responsibility for your part in interactions with him/her.
• Don’t let your fear and shame of failure keep you from being vulnerable with your partner.
• Accept your different perspectives and preferences and try to understand rather than criticize your partner.
• Stop the blame game. Practice tolerance and forgiveness for real and non-intentional acts or hurtful words.
• If you or your partner feels flooded, walk away but not in anger or blame. Disengage as a way to restore your composure not to punish your partner. Attempt to resume a dialogue when you feel refreshed and able to talk calmly and rationally.

The best way to nurture any intimate relationship is to establish emotional safety and emotional attunement. When experiencing problems in your marriage, it is wise to examine your own actions while adopting realistic expectations about your partner’s willingness to change.
Put simply, don’t focus on trying to fix your partner or play the blame game (no one wins). Self-awareness and being aware of your partner’s needs for attachment are key to ensuring a lifetime of love.

 

[RiverOL]

What’s So Funny? Every Dad Must Know How To Laugh!​

How can a father keep his cool and his sanity? Eduardo explains just how important it is to have a good sense of humor and laugh. Listen to this 10 minute podcast, and be encouraged!
https://www.sammyboy.com/javascript:void(0);
What’s funny? I don’t know, lets ask Sarai, Abram’s wife.

Do you like to laugh? A sense of humor is good, you know. The Bible says, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”​

To be able to laugh is awesome. To be able to laugh at ourselves is just as neat. I agree, there are many sad things in the world but we need to lighten up sometimes and just see the humor in things. We also need to help others to do the same. I know scripture tells us there is a time to laugh and a time to cry; that we can’t deny. So we also need to be there with each other through sad times, as well.

Genesis 17:16-17
And I will bless her and give you a son from her! Yes, I will bless her richly, and she will become the mother of many nations. Kings will be among her descendants!”
[17] Then Abraham bowed down to the ground, but he laughed to himself in disbelief. “How could I become a father at the age of one hundred?” he wondered. “Besides, Sarah is ninety; how could she have a baby?”
Genesis 18:11-12

Laugh at This​

And since Abraham and Sarah were both very old, and Sarah was long past the age of having children, [12] she laughed silently to herself. “How could a worn-out woman like me have a baby?” she thought. “And when my master—my husband—is also so old?”
So, guess what…there is also a time NOT to laugh. Guess when that time is…When God says anything is possible with God and we don’t believe Him. God loves us and wants what’s best for us but we need faith and we need to believe Him when He tells us or asks us for something. One of my favorite verses comes from Jeremiah 29:11 that says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Friends, we need to believe that. We need to believe that, even though the situation we may be in, seems hopeless at times. Here’s what’s funny to me today…I know the end of the Book. You know the end of the book. The devil loses and pain loses. Hatred loses. Sin loses. God wins and all those with Him – WIN. Jesus Christ has victory over sin and death and the grave. So keep your heads up; find the humor in things and enjoy this great life that God has kindly bestowed on us. Amen