In step

[RiverOL]

Shiphrah and Puah: Disobeying Pharaoh​

By David C. Cramer​

Read Exodus 1:8–22; Psalm 22​

“For the Lord’s sake, submit to all human authority—whether the king as head of state, or the officials he has appointed. For the king has sent them to punish those who do wrong and to honor those who do right” (1 Peter 2:13–14).


“You who are slaves must submit to your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you—not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel. For God is pleased when, conscious of his will, you patiently endure unjust treatment” (1 Peter 2:18–19).

“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22–24).

What do these passages have in common?

First, they’re all from New Testament letters.

Second, they all instruct those with less power in a relationship to “submit” to those with power over them.

Third, they all give a theological rationale for such submission.

Fourth, they all seem like fairly straightforward, universal commands.

And, fifth, there’s no way they can possibly mean what they seem to mean on their face.


How do we know this?

Because we have examples in Scripture where people with less power refuse to submit to those with power over them. And instead of condemning them, the Bible commends them.

Whatever these New Testament verses mean, they can’t possibly be an unqualified, universal command for subjects, slaves, and wives to submit to their rulers, masters, and husbands.

Some Sunday we can circle back to how to understand these important New Testament teachings. But this morning I want to draw our attention to two fiercely faithful, rad women of Scripture who refuse to submit to their human authority and are commended by God for their refusal: the midwives Shiphrah and Puah.

Midwives in Nigeria, Feb. 2, 2011 / UK Department for International Development / flickr
Not only are Shiphrah and Puah commended for their resistance to Pharaoh. But, as midwives, they become a forerunner and instigator of God’s own action on behalf of Israel.


Indeed, these fiercely faithful midwives, Shiphrah and Puah, serve as an image of God’s fierce faithfulness. Following the midwives’ deliverance of Israelite babies for Pharaoh’s decree, God shows up to deliver the Israelite people from Pharaoh’s rule. In so doing, God is revealed to be the Divine Midwife of the people of Israel.

But let’s back up to set the stage for the story first.

As the first book of the Bible, Genesis, comes to a close, Joseph has just rescued Egypt and the surrounding region from seven years of famine. In return, Pharaoh invites all of Joseph’s family, around 70 individuals, to move to the best land of Egypt.

After a few hundred years have passed, Joseph’s family, the Israelites, have greatly multiplied to the point where a new king of Egypt is threatened by their sheer numbers. He has no memory of how the Israelites came to Egypt in the first place—that it was at the invitation of a previous king of Egypt after an Israelite saved the kingdom by his faithfulness to his God.

No, Pharaoh just sees the existence of this large and growing group of foreigners in their midst as a threat. In order to crush this threat, he decides to crush their will, their spirit, and their sense of humanity by making them slaves.


But even in the face of “brutal slave drivers” and “crushing labor” (Exodus 1:12), the Israelites only continue to grow. When he realizes that his ruthless demands will not crush the Israelites, Pharaoh devises a plan for extermination through infanticide. He will have the Hebrew boys killed and allow the Hebrew girls to live. In this way, he can ensure that in a generation, the Israelites will begin to die out.

Other than the sheer evil and cruelty of this plan, it has a problem: implementation. If Pharaoh sends his soldiers in to kill babies, it will create an uprising and rebellion. It must be more subtle to give him plausible deniability.

So Pharaoh calls on the Hebrew midwives, Shiphrah and Puah, to implement his plan. As midwives, they would be trusted with the delivery of the babies. And, given the general mortality rates with births at that time, they could plausibly claim that the baby boys simply did not survive the birthing process.

But what Pharaoh fails to imagine is that these midwives might refuse to submit to his authority. It is unclear whether Shiphrah and Puah are Egyptian women who serve as midwives for the Israelites or Hebrew women themselves. Either way, they are not in a position to be able to resist the orders of Pharaoh. They are Pharaoh’s subjects, women, and quite possibly slaves themselves.


And yet. And yet.

The narrative states that “because the midwives fear God, they refuse to obey the king’s orders” (Exodus 1:17). Their refusal to obey their human authority is not in opposition to their faithfulness to God but is an expression of it.

When the king calls them in for questioning, they respond: “The Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women. They are more vigorous and have their babies so quickly that we cannot get there in time” (1:19).

It is unclear whether they are actually trying to deceive Pharaoh with this explanation or whether this is a taunt to his face: Sorry, our king, but the Hebrews are just, well, stronger than you!

Either way, their refusal to obey Pharaoh’s orders is a dangerous refusal. They are putting their lives on the line for the sake of the lives of Hebrew babies. And because of their fierce faithfulness, the story states, “God is good to the midwives” and “gives them families of their own” (1:20–21).


Meanwhile, the Israelites “continue to multiply, growing more and more powerful” (1:20). And so this part of the story ends on an ominous note. Pharaoh does away with pretenses and makes a public order to all his people to murder newborn Hebrew boys by throwing them into the Nile.

We might see this as a cautionary coda to the story: If you defy your human authorities, it could lead to escalation. But this is not the end of the story; it is only the beginning.

What we soon learn is that Shiphrah and Puah’s resistance is the spark that leads to Israel’s deliverance. Because of their fierce faithfulness, they become the impetus for God to show up in fierce faithfulness for God’s people.

And so, a couple chapters later, God appears to Moses in a burning bush and says this: “I have certainly seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt, and I have heard their cry caused by their slave masters. I really do understand their pain, so I have come down to deliver them from their domination by the Egyptians and to bring them out of that land to a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey” (Exodus 3:7–8, ISV).


Just as Shiphrah and Puah delivered Israelite babies as their human midwives, so now God says that God will deliver the Israelites from their bondage as their Divine Midwife.

Through Moses and numerous plagues and miracles, God causes Pharaoh to let the Israelites go. But then Pharaoh changes his mind and sends his soldiers after them, so that the Israelites are trapped between the Egyptian army and the sea.

And then Moses stands and calls out to the Israelites: “Don’t be afraid! Stand still and watch how the Lord will deliver you today, because you will never again see the Egyptians whom you’re looking at today. The Lord will fight for you while you keep still ”(Exodus 14:13–14, ISV).

Like a midwife reassuring a mother in labor, Moses reassures the Israelites:

Everything is OK.

I know you’re afraid.

Just lay back.

God’s here.


God’s going to deliver this nation today.

And then God spreads the waters, creating a safe birthing canal for the nation of Israel. And so, writes the narrator, “On that day the Lord delivered Israel from the hand of the Egyptians” (14:30, ISV).

The nation of Israel was born that day as a free people, delivered by their Divine Midwife, the Lord.

The God of Eve, mother of all the living.

The God of Hagar, who sees the oppressed and hears their cries,

The God of Shiphrah and Puah, who delivers the oppressed and leads them to a land flowing with milk and honey.

 

[RiverOL]

Grabbing Some Solitude ​ ​

. . . he would withdraw to desolate places and pray—Luke 5:16 ​

Why are we men so bad at solitude? Our king did it quite well. As a man, Jesus knew his limitations. He understood his need to connect with his father—to his guidance and power. He knew how good that connection was. He wants us to know too. If it’s so good, though, why do we struggle? Well, it’s a little because we’re busy. Solitude is hard when you’re working and/or married and/or have kids and/or have friends. And, it’s a little because we’re not well practiced. Our culture trains us for motion and multitasking—not for slowing and simplifying. And it’s a little because, deep down, we know solitude means confrontation. You see, solitude removes distractions and leaves us, for a few minutes, alone with God the Holy Spirit. Solitude is sometimes defined as being alone, but we aren’t. The Spirit dwells within us (1 Corinthians 3:16). God’s right there. And we never know what might happen when we’re alone with God. He might ask us to stop something we don’t want to stop or start something we don’t want to start. He might. He does that (Hebrews 12:5). But if we avoid his confrontation, we’ll miss his companionship, counsel, comfort, restoration, and rescue. So, we must take courage. We mus ​

Okay, so what do we do? Start small. Find something that works for you. Turn off devices and take a walk at work—at lunchtime or during a break. Get some air in your neighborhood after dinner. Slip outside just before bed and sit quietly in the dark. And, if you’re ready for more, take a half-day or full-day or overnight solo trip into the outdoors.​

 

[RiverOL]

Should We Argue In Front Of Our Kids?​

A few months ago, a friend of mine was telling me about her experience as a child whose parents divorced when she was a young girl. She told me that she grew up in a home where everything was completely peaceful and seemingly perfect…ALL THE TIME…from her perspective. She had never seen her parents argue.

Not once.

Her mom and dad would embrace often, smile at each other, and even hold hands. They seemed happy and in love. And, then one day, when she was ten years old, they sat her down and said they didn’t love each other anymore and hadn’t for a long time. They told her they couldn’t stay married, and her dad moved out the next day.

My friend was completely blindsided, confused, and heartbroken.

She had NEVER seen her parents disagree about ANYTHING. All she had perceived was a “Stepford Wife” marriage…a “house of cards” romance…an inauthentic partnership.

She never witnessed her parents discussing real issues or concerns. Her mom and dad had evidently been building up resentment towards each other for years while disagreements were being dodged, issues were kept inside, and true intimacy was quickly becoming something of the distant past.


My friend said it took her a long time to cope with her parents’ divorce and an even longer time trying to figure out how to effectively communicate, especially during disagreements in her own marriage.

All to often, we pause our spousal communication…especially our disagreements…”because of the kids”. We use our kids as an excuse to stop our line of communication. I think there are times that we simply don’t want to hash out an issue with our spouse, so we say we can’t discuss something “because the kids are in the house” and “they might know we are mad at each other”.

What we fail to realize is that our kids need to understand that married couples argue sometimes. We get mad at each other. We disagree.


Our kids need to see us work through our issues in a healthy way…NO berating each other, using foul language, tossing blame back and forth, name-calling, yelling, or any physical aggression. We must approach each other with respect. We need to be slow to speak and quick to listen.

Reader, let me be clear…NASTY ARGUMENTS WITH THE BEHAVIOR DESCRIBED IN THE LIST ABOVE ARE EXTREMELY DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR CHILDREN.

There is NO scenario where that kind of behavior is okay, whether children are present or not.

If we find ourselves in a nasty argument in front of our kids, we must apologize to both our spouse and our kids for the behavior and quickly seek help from a professional marriage counselor on how to effectively resolve conflict in your marriage. You can learn the skills necessary to argue in a more respectful and healthy manner, and your marriage and kids will greatly benefit.


Sometimes, we are going to blow it. We might lose our temper and raise our voice. It happens. The best way we can turn that negative situation around is by quickly recognizing the error of our ways and seeking forgiveness.

One of the best lessons our kids can learn from us is how to seek forgiveness and how to offer forgiveness. The Bible tells us to seek and offer forgiveness quickly, and we have a golden opportunity to demonstrate this for our kids by how we treat our spouse when we are having an argument or disagreement.
I want my kids to know that even when I am upset with Dave, I love him. There must be love at the baseline of an argument. How can our kids understand this, if we never show them the process?

They must see us work through a disagreement from time to time, so they can fully understand how married couples navigate conflict resolution and forgiveness. For more on how to do argue effectively, be sure to read, “4 BIG Do’s and Don’ts when Arguing with your Spouse”, by clicking here.


As parents, we sometimes have disagreements that deal with issues that are too mature in nature for our kids to hear. We must be mindful of this and save those discussions for when we have privacy.

Conflict is part of life…especially when you and your spouse are in the trenches of raising kids. Our kids need to experience us working through our own issues through healthy discussion, lots of humility, mutual respect, and of course, forgiveness.
For more on how arguing is actually a healthy part of a marriage, please read “Can COMPLAINING to each other really make a MARRIAGE LAST?”, by clicking here.
If you found this blog to be helpful to you and your family, please feel free to share this blog to encourage other couples to strengthen their marriage. Thank you so much for reading and sharing. Be blessed!

 

[RiverOL]

3 Relationship Dead Ends​

There is a big difference between the everyday pains and struggles of relationship and a major dilemma. All of us need to persevere and communicate through the conflict, the challenges, and the annoyances of being in a relationship.





The best relationships still have to deal with struggle. It is a part of what makes a relationship great, the way we tackle issues. But the stress and strain can also be indicative of a major problem.


Use whatever metaphor you like – rock bottom, falling off the end, capsizing, etc. – some relationships are in crisis mode. How do you tell if you are at a relationship dead end or heading toward one? We often talk about an event (like abuse or infidelity or serving papers) as the dead ends of a relationship. But our circumstances, even the extreme ones are symptoms of the underlying diseases that destroy relationships. Understanding those underlying dangers can help us avoid them and live life within the kinds of relationships we all desire.

“Drifting Apart”​

Our first dead end is actually two dead ends. One of you is at one and the other at the other. We often talk about this phenomena as “drifting apart”. You might use this phrase to describe why you are getting a divorce or haven’t seen a friend of yours in a long time. The idea being that, over time, the two of you have found yourself in different spots with a chasm between you.

How do we “drift apart” and how do we avoid it? The undercurrent that leads to this kind of separation is a difference in vision. If one of you is looking one way and walking toward the spot on the horizon you’re gazing toward, while the other is doing the same thing but toward an altogether different spot, of course you are going to end up in two different places.

This is often masked in the early, romantic phase of a relationship. When those spots are far off in the horizon, they can seem pretty close. Plus the romance of beginning a journey with hope can mask how different your visions really are.

If you find yourself “drifting apart”, you need to have some honest, intentional conversations about what you value and what your vision is for the relationship. Separate visions result in two distant, lonely dead ends for each person involved. You have to backtrack and find a common and shared vision if you want any chance of salvaging the relationship.

Combat​

One of the most prevalent dead ends in the subtle commitment from one or both parties to fight and defeat the other. I want things my way. We need to put the toilet paper roll on in the direction I like, do traditions like my family does them, go where I want for vacation, raise our kids like I think they should be raised. These are actually symptoms in and of themselves – the real desire is: this relationship should validate what I want to be true about myself, I should feel good all the time, I need to feel comfortable and safe and cared for.


None of these are bad considerations. You do need to communicate these. The trouble comes when you value your own perspective and desires over and against your partners. You should love as much as you want to be loved.
We want someone to care for us and not value us for our looks, who will love us in spite of our faults and be there and care for us. But we want that person to be hot and rich! It’s a disjointed, absurd, self-centered, naïve approach to relationships. And when we set ourselves and the people we love up to this ME-centered approach to living, we commit to fighting one another to make it happen. And no one wins.

Resignation​

This last one is a little more subtle. Sometimes a couple will just decide to live two separate lives. Like those people who sleep in different rooms. You come home, do your thing, play with the kids, and retreat to your own room. It is a dead end of isolationism. You become two ships constantly passing in the night. You do not have a life together, just parallel lives.

A relationship cannot survive this way. It suffocates one or the other (or both) or drowns them in a sad, robotic complacency.


The good news is all of these dead ends are not permanent. Think of them more like cul-de-sacs. We can turn around and find our way out or we can crash and burn into the unforgiving curbside. The choice, as always, is in our hands.

 

[RiverOL]

FIghting Lust With Scripture​

The Word of God has power, but we need to tap that power in order to fight lust, so here are Bible verses that can help you defeat it when you meet it.

Wicked Hearts​

The Bible teaches that the human heart is wicked, and even after the Spirit comes to live in the believer, there is still a tendency to sin (Rom 7), so even though they still sin, over time, they do sin less thanks to the work of the Spirit of God. At least they should, but the idea that the human heart has any redeeming value of itself is destroyed by Jeremiah the Prophet who wrote a rhetorical statement: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it” (Jer 17:9)?

We might think we fully understand our own heart, but God says, “I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds” (Jer 17:10), but lusting is not so much a physical act as it is an act of the mind. In other words, we can sin by lusting in our minds. Jesus said “that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:48), so sexual immorality is not just a physical act but can be committed in the mind.

Of course, the physical act is worse as Paul said “that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh” (1 Cor 6:16), but we can just as easily lust in our hearts if we don’t flee temptation. Believers must realize that our “bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never” (2 Cor 6:15)!

Will of God​

People don’t have to search very far to find out God’s will for their life. It’s spelled out very clearly in Scripture. For example, the Apostle Paul says that “this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor” (1 Thess 4:3-4). That’s not a difficult theological issue to struggle over. It’s very obvious. Paul says to Timothy (and to all), “flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (2 Tim 2:22), so it’s God’s will to flee passions of the flesh, “For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world” (1 John 2:16).

Fleeing, or getting away from passions and sexual immorality takes an act of the will. The Spirit of God will tell us to flee, but we must be the ones to move our feet, therefore, Paul says, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Cor 6:18). This is all the more reason we must “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Col 3:5).

The Word​

Scripture teaches us that the Word of God is living and active (Heb 4:12-13), and the Word works in the hearts of believers, but also in those who do not yet believe, but will. The Spirit quickens us to new life in Christ (Eph 2:1-5), but the Spirit of God and the Word of God make a potent defense against temptation and sin. For example, many men and women who have battled pornography have learned that by memorizing Scripture, they can pull out a resource for when they’re tempted to sin. Perhaps one of their favorites is Job’s statement, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin” (Job 31:1)?

King David understood that the Word of God can help us avoid sin. He wrote, “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11). It’s almost as if he’s saying, “I have stored up your word in my heart so that I might not sin against you.”

The Apostle Peter reminds us “as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul” (1 Pet 2:11), so there’s a war going on. It’s a battle of the mind….a battle with the pulls of the world, the desires of the flesh, and demonic influence. Pulling Scriptures from memory can help, like Proverbs 6:25-26 where Solomon wisely wrote, “Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes; for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread, but a married woman hunts down a precious life.” Millions of lives…and millions of families have been irreparably damaged by sexual immorality.

That’s why the Bible teaches that it’s so serious, and all the more reason we need to fight lust when we’re tempted. And we’re not alone in this battle because “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death” (James 1:14-15). This means we can’t pass the buck and say my friends (or the Devil) made me do it. In the end, we’re responsible for our own actions.

Conclusion​

If believers will hide or memorize God’s Word in their heart, and flee temptation when it comes, they’ll have a better chance of avoiding sexual immorality, but that’s getting harder and harder to do in this day and age. The glut of media makes it nearly impossible to avoid sexually explicit images, but by memorizing Scripture, and yielding to the Spirit’s voice, it can motivate our feet to run…or, “Flee from sexual immorality,” and that’s the whole idea. We can commit adultery by lusting in our hearts…but this may be a deadly precursor to the real thing…sexual immorality, which we clearly know is not the will of God. In fact, Paul says that “orgies, and things like these” are done by those who “will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal 5:21).

 

[RiverOL]

“Go set this on the kitchen table.”

Ruby grabbed plate and “thankful” tag her mom and put together and set it carefully on the kitchen table. She paused just a second to feel the smoothness of the wood. A faint smile crept across her face as she remembered that table’s history.

When they’d first gotten the table, they all got splinters from it. “Ouch!” was the most common word spoken at the dinner table that night.

That’s when Ruby’s dad had hauled the table to the garage and begun sanding on it. Ruby had just been a little girl, but her father had let her watch as he rubbed rough paper against the wood’s grains. “You’re hurting the table!” Ruby had protested, but her father had just smiled. He knew what she didn’t–that this sandpaper was exactly what that table really needed.

He’d been right. The table after sanding and finishing no longer produced splinters. It served its purpose and had been blessing them all since.

Ruby snapped back to the present, thinking about the things in her life that felt a little uncomfortable, like sandpaper. Maybe she should really be thankful for the situations and people that rubbed her wrong. Perhaps they were meant to somehow transform her like the sandpaper had this table.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

 

[RiverOL]

Conflict With A Purpose​

It may seem strange to say this—I usually don’t look for comfort from my own books—but when I set out a copy of 90 Days of God’s Goodness for a friend in need, I was thinking about Nanci and palpably feeling her absence. So I picked up the nearest book even though I’d written it, and the next thing I knew God had really touched me through the first six entries. I’ll share them in a series of blogs over the next couple of weeks.

Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold intoEgypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. For two years now there has been famine in the land, and for the next five years there will not be plowing and reaping. But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance.

“So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.…
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”
—Genesis 45:4–8; 50:20

After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before. All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before…comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the Lord had brought upon him.…
The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.
—Job 42:10–12

While most of my books are nonfiction, I’ve written seven full-length novels. Now, if I were to write a novel about lives without conflict, where characters get everything they want, where life marches on comfortably and no one ever loses anything, nobody would read it. Who likes a boring story? In fact, my central characters always face great conflict, turmoil, uncertainty, and suffering. Some die. That it makes for a far better story is my main reason for doing this. (We enjoy in fiction much that we do not enjoy in life.)

So who am I to say that God shouldn’t write such things into His story, including my part?
In our lives God uses conflict not just to make the story better but to make us better. In life, not just literature, we repeatedly see that protection from conflict produces soft, spoiled, and selfish people, while enduring conflict is more likely to produce someone strong, capable, and caring.
If, in an interview with a character from one of my novels, you were to ask whether he’d like to be written out of the story, he would answer no. Nonexistence appeals to no one. Now ask him if he would like to suffer less, and he’ll answer yes. Who wouldn’t?

I empathize with my characters since I, too, am a character in God’s story. At times I’d love to take a break from the drama. Three months off without stress would feel nice. But I also realize I’m part of something great, far bigger than myself. And I trust God not only to bring the whole story together but also to do with my part of it what he knows to be best.

Given the option while facing his trials, I’m confident Joseph would have walked off the stage of God’s story. After betrayal by his brothers when he was a teenager and being sold into slavery and later falsely accused by Potiphar’s wife and sent to prison, Joseph had surely endured enough for one life!

Talk to Job in the middle of his story—with ten children dead and excruciating boils covering his body, God apparently abandoning him and friends haranguing him. Ask if he wants out. I know what he’d say because he said it: “Why did I not perish at birth?” (Job 3:11).
But that’s all over now. On the New Earth, sit by Job and Joseph at a lavish banquet with their Lord. Ask them, “Be honest. Was it really worth it?”

“Absolutely,” Job says. Joseph smiles, nodding emphatically.
“But, Job, had God given you the choice, wouldn’t you have walked out of the story?”
“In a heartbeat. I’m just glad he didn’t let me.”

You and I are characters in God’s story, handmade by Him. Every character serves a purpose. God loves a great story, and all of us who know Him will recall and celebrate and continue to live in that story for all eternity.
Before we fault Him for the plot twists we don’t like, we should remember that Jesus has written this story in His own blood.

Father, what a privilege to be chosen by you to be a character in the greatest story ever told—and to know that one day we’ll be able to read it start to finish. Thank you for this true, unfolding drama of redemption. Thank you that in the ages to come we will praise you for not letting us walk off the pages. Thank you for accomplishing the purposes in us that at first only you, the Author, understand, but in the end, looking back, we, the readers—and characters—will too.

 

[RiverOL]

Protecting The Honor Of Women In 1 Corinthians 11​

Why does Paul talk about women’s hair and veiling in 1 Corinthians 11? Paul’s comments in that chapter puzzle readers for many reasons. One reason is our lack of knowledge about the ancient world and especially its norms governing what people thought honorable or shameful.


In this series, I will share two significant proposals that attempt to interpret 1 Corinthians 11 while taking seriously the role of honor and shame. This first post presents the view of Cynthia Long Westfall. The next post builds on Lucy Peppiatt‘s work.

The Text of 1 Corinthians 11:2-16​

As a reminder, 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 says:

I commend you because you remember me in everything and maintain the traditions just as I handed them on to you. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the husband is the head of his wife, and God is the head of Christ.
Any man who prays or prophesies with something on his head disgraces his head, but any woman who prays or prophesies with her head unveiled disgraces her head— it is one and the same thing as having her head shaved. For if a woman will not veil herself, then she should cut off her hair; but if it is disgraceful for a woman to have her hair cut off or to be shaved, she should wear a veil. For a man ought not to have his head veiled, since he is the image and reflection of God; but woman is the reflection of man.

Indeed, man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for the sake of woman, but woman for the sake of man. For this reason a woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man or man independent of woman. For just as woman came from man, so man comes through woman; but all things come from God.
Judge for yourselves: is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head unveiled? Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair, it is degrading to him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. But if anyone is disposed to be contentious— we have no such custom, nor do the churches of God. (NRSV)

I won’t presume to answer everyone’s questions about this passage in just a few posts. Instead, we’ll look at some of the cultural dynamics that go a long way in helping us make sense of Paul’s meaning.

Ancient Perspectives on Hair and Veiling​

Most modern readers assume Paul orders women to veil and cover their long hair because the Corinthians effectively were stubborn feminists. Perhaps they wanted to throw off the veil as a sign of subordination. Or maybe they wanted to be liberated to express their individuality or even sexuality.

This interpretation could make sense if Paul were writing to us in the 21st century. But he’s not. His letter was written for us, but not to us. To sort out Paul’s message, we need to understand ancient Mediterranean views of hair and veiling.
Several scholars undermine the modern assumption that it was the Corinthian women wanted to unveil.[1] Accordingly, they cast serious doubt on the claim that Paul primarily corrects troublesome Corinthian women.

Consider just some of the insights from Cynthia Westfall’s incredible book Paul and Gender. (I’ll only summarize a few key findings. You’ll have to read the book yourself to get the background and citations.)


Here is a fundamental starting point to the conversation. Ancient people established laws regulating who could and could not wear veils. Only upper-class wives and women deemed chaste (i.e., sεxually pure) were permitted to wear a veil. Slaves and prostitutes, by contrast, were prohibited from wearing veils. Keep in mind that enslaved women especially were routinely exploited as sεx workers.

Whether one wore a veil was a matter of status. We’re not talking about being YouTube famous or anything like that. Instead, wearing a veil protected a women’s dignity. Not covering one’s hair with a veil signaled a women’s availability, so much so that a Roman man would not be held liable for seducing or even assaulting a woman who was not dressed “properly.”[2] Classicist Sarah Ruden adds,

For a Roman woman, “to get married” and “to veil oneself” were exactly the same word… The veil was the flag of female virtue, status, and security. (Paul Among the People, p. 80).

What’s the big deal with hair? For the ancients, hair was erotic. In fact, scholars observe that women’s hair was considered a part of the female genitalia, according to Greco-Roman physiology.[3] (I bet you won’t ever read 1 Corinthians 11 the same again.)

Ruden, therefore, says that ancient literature adds

some context to show just how disturbing, how distracting to men and stigmatizing to women, the lack of a veil could be. This context supports the idea that Paul was being protective rather than chauvinistic. (p. 82)

At Issue for the Corinthian Women​

No wonder the Corinthian women would want to wear veils! This would be especially true for those who lacked social standing, which were many in the Corinthian church according to 1 Corinthians 1:26-28.
By contrast, men and social elites had a vested interest in maintaining the status quo (Westfall, 73-74). Allowing marginalized and “spoiled” women to wear veils felt scandalous and certainly would have required the upper-class women to sacrifice their own relative status.
Ruden casts a vision for what Paul sought to accomplish with his comments. She writes,

Perhaps the new decree made independent women of uncertain status, or even slave women, honorary wives in this setting. If women complied… you could have looked at a congregation and not necessarily been able to tell who was an honored wife and mother and who had been forced, or maybe was still being forced, to serve twenty or thirty men a day. (82)

This reading is not only consistent with the ancient context; it also alleviates several difficulties that interpreters have faced when explaining 1 Corinthians 11.
To only mention one example, it’s noteworthy that translators frequently provide a gloss of v. 10. The NRSV says, “For this reason a woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels.” The problem is that Paul doesn’t write “a symbol of authority.” The word he uses is simply “authority” (ἐξουσία). Interpreters, trying to make sense of Paul, give us an interpretive phase. What Paul actually states is “For this reason a woman ought to have authority over her head.” [4]
In other words, Paul tells the men that women should have the authority to decide whether they’ll wear a veil, not the men who want to define women by sεxual and social norms.
NOTE: This is one reading of 1 Corinthians 11 that takes honor and shame seriously. In a separate post, I will present another by Lucy Peppiatt.

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[1] For example, see Cynthia Long Westfall, Paul and Gender, 2016; Sarah Ruden, Paul Among the People, 2011.
[2] Ulpian Digest Book 47.10.15 says, “If someone accost maidens, even those in slave’s garb, his offense is regarded as venial, even more so if the women be in prostitute’s dress and not that of a matron. Still, if the woman be not in the dress of a matron and someone accost her or abduct her attendant, he will be liable to the action for insult.”
[3] Cf. Troy Martin, “Paul’s Argument from Nature for the Veil in 1 Corinthians 11:13-15: A Testicle Instead of a Head Covering.” JBL 123, no. 1 (2004): 75-84.
[4] According to one scholar, 10:2-16 forms a chiasm that spotlights v. 10 as the central idea. See Thomas Shoemaker, “Unveiling of Equality: 1 Corinthians 11:2-16.” Biblical Theology Bulletin 17 (1987): 62.

 

[RiverOL]

Freedom And Comfort In Truth​

As Nanci dealt with suffering and faced her death, I saw greater joy and more profound happiness in her than ever before. She had been happy in Jesus all our marriage, but great suffering is a big test. She didn’t merely pass it, she aced it. Sure, she had tough days where she longed for relief and release. But her light didn’t gradually go out; it shined brighter until the last week or so where it really did fade, and her eyes were looking at another world. A far better one.

In October 2018, Nanci wrote in her journal that she was “above all, eternally thankful for the incredible growth in my heart spiritually. I honestly would not trade this cancer experience to go back to where I was—which wasn’t bad. I believed and experienced God’s hand on my life before cancer. But these last months have been used by God to propel me into a deeper understanding and experience of His sovereignty, wisdom, steadfast love, mercy, grace, faithfulness, immanency, and trustworthiness and omnipotence.”

Nanci’s journals have so much Scripture and so much Charles Spurgeon woven into them, way more than personal details of her battle with cancer. In her own words, she expresses the depth of her trust in the love and sovereignty of God. She is a wonderful example of seeking comfort and perspective in God’s solid truth, just like I talk about in today’s blog, excerpted from 90 Days of God’s Goodness:

I am laid low in the dust;
preserve my life according to your word.
I recounted my ways and you answered me;
teach me your decrees.

Let me understand the teaching of your precepts;
then I will meditate on your wonders.
My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
Keep me from deceitful ways;
be gracious to me through your law.

I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set my heart on your laws.
I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord;
do not let me be put to shame.

I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.
—Psalm 119:25–32

Don’t you love the heartfelt honesty of the words God has chosen to include in the Bible? “My soul is weary with sorrow.” It’s the burden of life in a hurting world that causes the writer to turn to Scripture for strength: “Preserve my life according to your word.… Strengthen me according to your word.”
If abuse, rape, desertion, paralysis, debilitating disease, or the loss of a loved one has devastated you, then the issue of evil and suffering isn’t merely theoretical, philosophical, or theological. It’s deeply personal. Logical arguments won’t satisfy you; in fact, they might offend you.

You need help with the emotional problem of evil, not merely the logical problem of evil. Like children at times, each of us must snuggle into our Father’s arms, and there receive the comfort we need.
But remember this: you are a whole person. Truth matters. To touch us at the heart level—and to keep touching us over days, months, years, and decades—truth must work its way into our minds.

Never seek comfort by ignoring truth. Comfort in falsehood is false comfort. Jesus said, “The truth will set you free” (John 8:32). When you try to soothe your feelings without bothering to think deeply about ideas, you are asking to be manipulated. Quick-fix feelings won’t sustain you over the long haul. On the other hand, deeply rooted beliefs—specifically a worldview grounded in Scripture—will allow you to persevere and hold on to a faith built on the solid rock of God’s truth.

In writing His magnificent story of redemption, God has revealed truths about Himself, us, the world, goodness, evil, suffering, and Heaven and Hell. (I capitalize those terms as proper nouns because they are actual places, like New England or Saturn.) Those truths God reveals to us teem with life. The blood of man and God flows through them. God speaks with passion, not indifference; He utters fascinating words, not dull ones. To come to grips with the problem of evil and suffering, you must do more than hear heart-wrenching stories about suffering people. You must hear God’s truth to help you interpret those stories.

The Bible reveals Him to be a great God, sovereign and all-powerful, gracious and all-good, kind and all-wise. And He is also our Abba, our Papa. But we do not always feel warmth and security, do we?

Maybe you’re holding on to years of bitterness and depression. You blame someone for your suffering—and that someone may be God. You will not find relief until you gain perspective. That perspective can be found as you meditate on His wonders and ask Him to use the truths of His revealed Word to strengthen you.

Lord, at times my heart is heavy with sorrow. This fallen world isn’t an easy place to live in. You know because you descended from Heaven’s happiness and lived here, laughed here, suffered here, and were crucified here. Thank you for living as you did and dying as you did and rising as you did so I can live forever with you and your people in a world where you will, once and for all, make all things right.

 

[RiverOL]

7 Ways To Connect With Your Partner And Break The Pursuer-Distancer Pattern​

During a recent couples counseling session, Karen, 37, and Rob, 40, discuss their destructive pursuer-distancer pattern in their marriage. During their ten-year relationship, Karen has felt ignored and emotionally neglected by Rob often and Rob feels criticized, unloved, and unappreciated.




Karen put it like this, “No matter how hard I try, Rob withdraws and avoids talking to me when I seek him out. He says that I’m needy and put too much pressure on him and I feel lonely and ignored.”
Rob reflects, “Maybe if Karen gave me a break and didn’t criticize me so much, I’d feel like spending time with her. It never seems like I can do enough to please her.”

What is the Pursuer- Distancer Dynamic?
One of the most influential authors on this topic, Dr. Sue Johnson, posits that one of the primary reasons why we fear intimacy and lack connection with our partners is that we do not feel emotionally safe with him or her. Lacking confidence in our partner’s trustworthiness can cause us to feel disconnected and distressed a great deal of the time. Over time, this can lead to a Pursuer- Distancer Dynamic.

Dr. Johnson identifies this pattern as the “Protest Polka” and refers to as one of three “Demon Dialogues.” She explains that when one partner becomes critical and aggressive the other often becomes defensive and distant. Renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottman’s research on thousands of couples discovered that partners that get stuck in this pattern the first few years of marriage have more than a 80% chance of divorcing in the first four or five years of marriage.

Let’s see how it usually works in a typical scenario with Karen and Rob. Karen’s hyper-vigilance is her strategy to motivate her husband to open up. But in this case, the ways that Karen and Rob respond to each other backfires – going from bad to worse.
“We never spend time together anymore because you’re too busy,” Karen complains as Rob watches the news (which she dislikes). “How can we get along if you ignore me?”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Rob says. He continues, “You’re never happy with me. I’m just trying to work and relax when I get home.”
Karen feels increasingly frustrated with her attempts to draw Rob out. Meanwhile, Rob resorts to his classic distancer strategy – becoming defensive and ignoring her attempts to communicate. As Karen continues to express more disappointment in Rob, he further withdraws. If this pattern does not change, Karen and Rob might both begin to feel criticized and contempt for each other – two of the major warning signs that their marriage is doomed to fail, according to Dr. Gottman.
7 ways to connect with your partner in positive ways and break the Pursuer-Distancer Dynamic:

• Gain awareness about how your past can impact you and your partner’s preferences for emotional attunement. For instance, did you feel ignored or criticized by one of your parents? Our relationship with our parents can affect our expectations and responses to our spouse.
• Think back to when you felt more emotionally attuned to your partner, earlier in your relationship, and try to recreate that level of emotional intimacy (do similar activities and/or rekindle loving feelings).
• Accept that negative patterns exist and need to be corrected to improve the long-term stability of your relationship. Work on changing your reactions to your partner and take responsibility for your part in interactions with him/her.
• Don’t let your fear and shame of failure keep you from being vulnerable with your partner.
• Accept your different perspectives and preferences and try to understand rather than criticize your partner.
• Stop the blame game. Practice tolerance and forgiveness for real and non-intentional acts or hurtful words.
• If you or your partner feels flooded, walk away but not in anger or blame. Disengage as a way to restore your composure not to punish your partner. Attempt to resume a dialogue when you feel refreshed and able to talk calmly and rationally.

The best way to nurture any intimate relationship is to establish emotional safety and emotional attunement. When experiencing problems in your marriage, it is wise to examine your own actions while adopting realistic expectations about your partner’s willingness to change.
Put simply, don’t focus on trying to fix your partner or play the blame game (no one wins). Self-awareness and being aware of your partner’s needs for attachment are key to ensuring a lifetime of love.

 

[RiverOL]

What’s So Funny? Every Dad Must Know How To Laugh!​

How can a father keep his cool and his sanity? Eduardo explains just how important it is to have a good sense of humor and laugh. Listen to this 10 minute podcast, and be encouraged!
https://www.sammyboy.com/javascript:void(0);
What’s funny? I don’t know, lets ask Sarai, Abram’s wife.

Do you like to laugh? A sense of humor is good, you know. The Bible says, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”​

To be able to laugh is awesome. To be able to laugh at ourselves is just as neat. I agree, there are many sad things in the world but we need to lighten up sometimes and just see the humor in things. We also need to help others to do the same. I know scripture tells us there is a time to laugh and a time to cry; that we can’t deny. So we also need to be there with each other through sad times, as well.

Genesis 17:16-17
And I will bless her and give you a son from her! Yes, I will bless her richly, and she will become the mother of many nations. Kings will be among her descendants!”
[17] Then Abraham bowed down to the ground, but he laughed to himself in disbelief. “How could I become a father at the age of one hundred?” he wondered. “Besides, Sarah is ninety; how could she have a baby?”
Genesis 18:11-12

Laugh at This​

And since Abraham and Sarah were both very old, and Sarah was long past the age of having children, [12] she laughed silently to herself. “How could a worn-out woman like me have a baby?” she thought. “And when my master—my husband—is also so old?”
So, guess what…there is also a time NOT to laugh. Guess when that time is…When God says anything is possible with God and we don’t believe Him. God loves us and wants what’s best for us but we need faith and we need to believe Him when He tells us or asks us for something. One of my favorite verses comes from Jeremiah 29:11 that says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Friends, we need to believe that. We need to believe that, even though the situation we may be in, seems hopeless at times. Here’s what’s funny to me today…I know the end of the Book. You know the end of the book. The devil loses and pain loses. Hatred loses. Sin loses. God wins and all those with Him – WIN. Jesus Christ has victory over sin and death and the grave. So keep your heads up; find the humor in things and enjoy this great life that God has kindly bestowed on us. Amen

 

[RiverOL]

Peopling The Biblical World​

The Biblical world at various eras is probably the most intensely studied society in human history. Just how many books, for instance, have been written about Palestine in the time of Jesus? Despite all that work, though, we still have major areas of ignorance about such a basic issue as population. If we look at a country today, that is such a critical theme. How many people are there to pay taxes, to serve in armies, to populate cities, and to feed those cities? Numbers are not everything, but nor are they nothing. So just how many people lived in Palestine – broadly defined – at any given time? And how many in Jerusalem itself?


Biblical Numbers

Biblical sources are full of numbers of various kinds, and I find myself at the skeptical end of readers. Whatever we think of accounts of the Exodus, it would take a stubborn true believer to think that such an event involved 600,000 men, not counting the women and children (Exodus 12.37). Some three million migrants in all, crossing Sinai? Bishop John Colenso – a mathematician as well as a Biblical scholar – shredded such figures in the 1860s and 1870s, however often they still get defended on Internet sites.

Or what are we to make of David’s census, recorded in 2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21, set around 1000 BC? The project was inspired by Satan, who thus emerges as the true founder of historical demography. Under extreme protest, David’s servant Joab “reported to the king the number of those who had been recorded: in Israel there were 800,000 soldiers able to draw the sword, and those of Judah were 500,000.”

The Chronicles figure is even higher: “In all Israel there were 1,100,000 men who drew the sword, and in Judah 470,000 who drew the sword. But he did not include Levi and Benjamin in the numbering.” That would imply a minimum population for ancient Israel of at least five million, far above what most modern scholars would think feasible. Even if that did include David’s wider empire, it still stretches credibility to the limit.

Be aware that in 1000 BC, the total human population of the whole world is estimated at around fifty million. That includes India, China, Central America … and five million of those fifty million were in Palestine? Really? The global figure probably would not have hit 200 million until the early years of the Christian era.
With David’s census, I might say simply “Divide by ten and it sounds about right,” but if we are going to do that, why accept any numbers offered at all?
This does all raise an added question: were the Biblical writers inventing the numbers out of whole cloth, or did they have some actual official source on which they were relying, even if not accurately? I don’t know the answer.

Personally, I tend to discount most such figures, whether for whole populations, or for armies or populations or migrants, and that attitude extends wholeheartedly to writers like Josephus. In my view, pre-modern societies (Biblical and otherwise) basically had little idea of such numbers, and compensated by putting forward impressive sounding statistics that were conditioned largely by the limits of the counting systems available to them. They basically had no idea of what concepts like “a million” (for instance) actually meant, beyond “a really large and stunning figure.”

In these issues at least, call me an agnostic
Let me say right away that critical scholars whom I respect immensely differ substantially from me on these issues. I have heard the argument that if we are looking at ancient Israel between, say, 800 and 600 BC (Iron Age II), our archaeological evidence gives a solid and reliable record for the production of goods such as olive oil. That allows us to calculate roughly what national production might have been, and just how many people would have been needed to consume those goods. Based on that sound empirical argument, then it is credible to suggest that Israel truly was as densely populated as the higher Biblical estimates suggest, at that particular time. Even so, we have a lot of leeway in estimating actual population figures.

Or to take another credible source, look at 2 Kings 15: 19-20, where the Assyrians impose a tax around 738 BC. The figures imply a population of some sixty thousand households, say three to four hundred thousand people. Assyrian and Babylonian conquerors also recorded the number of Israelites they carried off at various times, but these numbers are also shaky, and subject to much debate. What they do suggest very strongly is that, outside Jerusalem, most Israelite towns and cities were very small affairs, in effect glorified villages.



How Many in Palestine?
If you want to see just how much scholars differ on such themes, then look at the interesting Wikipedia section on the Demographic History of Palestine. Issues of definition are critical. Are we counting just “Palestine” – ie, the old Mandate territory that now constitutes Israel, Palestine and the Gaza Strip – or including the closely related lands to the east of the Jordan? And are we counting Jews, or the non-Jewish populations that certainly existed within that area, for instance in Jesus’s time? I offer a sample of the discussion:

Applebaum argues that in Herod’s kingdom, there were 1.5 million Jews, a figure Ben David says covers the numbers in Judea alone. Salo Wittmayer Baron estimated the population at 2.3 million at the time of Emperor Claudius. According to Israeli archeologist Magen Broshi argues that West of the Jordan the population did not exceed 1 million … a study by Yigal Shiloh of The Hebrew University suggests that the population of Palestine in the Iron Age could have never exceeded a million.

That is an extremely wide range, especially as Herod’s kingdom stretched well beyond the limit of modern day Israel. We need to read such accounts very carefully to see exactly who they are counting, and in what land area. (See also the entry on Historical Jewish Population Comparisons).

To put all that in perspective, the population of British Mandate Palestine was around 750,000 to a million in the 1920s. The modern population of combined Israel/Palestine (roughly the same area) is now around 12.7 million, likely rising to 18.5 million by 2035.
How Big Was Jerusalem?

It is still harder to deduce the population of particular cities. What, for instance, is the demographic history of Jerusalem? Biblical minimalists suggest that the city would scarcely have existed before the ninth or eighth centuries BC, and that it might not have had more than a few thousand people in the Persian period. Others would disagree powerfully with those statements. By Hezekiah’s time – late eighth century – estimates range from six to twenty thousand.

The figures we are offered are inflated to an outrageous extent. Here for instance is 2 Maccabees describing the sack of Jerusalem by Antiochus Epiphanes in the 160s BC:
Then there was massacre of young and old, destruction of boys, women, and children, and slaughter of young girls and infants. Within the total of three days eighty thousand were destroyed, forty thousand in hand-to-hand fighting, and as many were sold into slavery as were killed.
Bear that high number in mind when we look at some more credible numbers later.

Literary evidence at least points to the city in Jesus’s time being a significant Mediterranean community, but the range of estimates varies widely. Here is a sample from the Wikipedia entry on the first century AD:

The population of Jerusalem in the time of Josephus has been estimated to be around 80,000 … During the First Jewish–Roman War (66–73 CE), the population of Jerusalem was estimated at 600,000 persons by Roman historian Tacitus, while Josephus, estimated that there were as many as 1,100,000, who were killed in the war. … After the Roman victory over the Jews, as many as 115,880 dead bodies were carried out through one gate between the months of Nisan and Tammuz. Arguing that the numbers given in historical sources were usually grossly exaggerated, Hillel Geva estimated from the archaeological evidence that the actual population of Jerusalem before its 70 CE destruction was at most 20,000.

On which, all a non-specialist can really comment is: Huh? Twenty thousand or a million?
Looking at various sources on the city in Jesus’s time, I see a consensus of between forty and seventy thousand permanent population at any given time, a number that of course swelled enormously during the great pilgrim festivals, likely into the hundreds of thousands, and maybe a quarter million or more. You would get a similar effect during times of war and crisis, when many thousands of rural dwellers would seek the security of a well-fortified city.

Without forcing exact numbers, I would not argue too strongly with the accessible account offered some years ago by Christian History and Biography:
The population of Palestine in Jesus’ day was approximately 500,000 to 600,000 (about that of Vermont, Boston, or Jerusalem today). About 18,000 of these residents were clergy, priests and Levites. Jerusalem was a city of some 55,000, (about the size of Wheaton, Illinois, today) but during major feasts, could swell to 180,000.

Reading Joachim Jeremias
Again, that sounds about right. But the question arises where these figures are coming from? This passage summarizes the classic account in Joachim Jeremias, Jerusalem in the Time of Jesus, 82-84. This book was published in German in 1969, but many of its materials were far older, dating back to the 1930s and ’40s.
For all his legendary scholarship, Jeremias (1900-1979) was of course making many assumptions.


In theory, it should be an easy deduction. You take the inhabited area of the city, which is well established by archaeology. Then you eliminate areas that were not permanently inhabited because they served as official or ritual structures, the Temple being an obvious example. You are left with an inhabited area in terms of (say) square meters, and you multiply that by a plausible figure for density of population, as established from comparable societies, whether ancient or modern.

And after doing that simple and logical work, you are still left with a phenomenally wide range of possible answers. Just to illustrate the difficulties involved, let me quote one of Jeremias’s famously erudite footnotes, stating his position in the 1940s:

Ancient figures for the inhabitants of Jerusalem are unreliable. (Pseudo-Hecateus, as quoted in CA 1.197, gives 120,000 for the period before 100 BC; Lam. R. 1.2 on I.I, Son. 70f, gives figures amounting to 9 1/2 billion.) Consequently, we must try to calculate the number of inhabitants from the area of Jerusalem. …. Now the density of the population in Jerusalem, including the suburbs, fifty years ago was about one person to every 30 square metres (about 135 persons per acre), but since the ancient city consisted only of the area inside the walls, we may guess at a somewhat greater density, about one person to 25 square metres (about 160 per acre). So we have a figure for the population of ancient Jerusalem of about 55,000 to 95,000. The smaller figure is the more probable, and even that may still be too high.
By the 1960s, he was still more conservative, lowering the estimated population density:

This results in a population of about 20,000 inside the city walls at the time of Jesus, and 5,000 to 10,000 outside. This figure, of from 25-30,000, must be the upper limit.
Later scholars would put that figure significantly too low, and raise Jeremias’s estimate to, say, 70,000, or even 100,000. Everything depends on how we estimate the population densities of ancient cities. But ultimately, who knows for sure? Even for Rome itself, that city’s population at its height is guesstimated anywhere from 250,000 to 1.5 million.

If there is one impression we get time and time again, it is the small and indeed intimate size of ancient Jerusalem. And also, the fact that nobody really knows the numbers for sure.

 

[RiverOL]

4 Ways To Prevent A Crisis In Your Marriage​

This morning, I sat down with a married couple in crisis. The exhaustion and frustration was evident in their weary faces before either of them spoke a word to tell me about their situation.






They, like many couples, are both juggling the demands of stressful careers, parenting, and several major life transitions all happening at once. In their frenetic pace of life, their marriage had been on “autopilot.” Their time together was scarce, and even when they were together, they were usually too exhausted and distracted to engage in meaningful conversation.

In the midst of this tiring season, the husband had developed a “friendship” with a female work colleague. The wife became uncomfortable with their closeness and asked him to stop texting with her, and he agreed. He then made the terrible choice of continuing the communication and concealing it.
When the wife discovered the longterm pattern of deceit and the escalating level of intimate dialogue between them, she was furious. Her first response was to pursue divorce. She didn’t think she could continue loving a man who had broken her trust with such a deliberate pattern of deception.

They now sat in my office, brokenhearted, regretful, confused, exhausted and looking for answers. They wanted to keep their family intact, but they didn’t know where or how to begin.
I shared with them How to rebuild trust and the keys to forgiving, healing and moving forward. I also shared with them The truth about divorce. In addition, I shared with them with the option of doing a weekend retreat for married couples in crisis. They agreed to work towards healing, and I believe these tools will help them move forward.

I believe any couple can make it through any crisis if they remain committed, but it’s far better to prevent the crisis from happening in the first place.
Below are four keys to prevent a crisis in your marriage:
1. Don’t wait for a crisis to happen before you make your marriage a priority.
The crisis was the “wake up call” this couple needed to made some drastic realignment of priorities, but the “crisis” could have probably been prevented had they been proactive about prioritizing the marriage in the first place. Time is the “currency” of relationships, so if you want to start investing into your marriage, start by investing more time.
2. Don’t “outsource” things only you and your spouse should be doing.
When we feel like our sexual needs aren’t being met, there’s a temptation to “outsource” that need through pornography or romance novels or even through an actual affair. When we feel that the emotional support needs aren’t being met, we’re tempted to “outsource” those through a secret “friendship” with someone else of the opposite sex. Anytime we’re getting a marriage need met outside of our marriage, we’re being unfaithful and sabotaging the marriage.

3. Watch out for the digital distractions.
In our age of constant connectivity, it’s possible to be in the same room with your spouse, but still in different worlds. Use technology to keep you connected, not distracted. Use these 5 ways to improve your marriage using your smart phone and be very careful of the ways your smart phone might be hurting your marriage.
4. Communicate about everything.
In marriage, secrets are as dangerous as lies. Communication does for a marriage what breathing does for lungs. T

 

[RiverOL]

5 Timeless Truths From The Life Of Jonah​

If you think the story of Jonah is just about being swallowed by a big fish, then you’re missing some incredible truths! Here are five timeless truths from the life of Jonah:

1 The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: 2 “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.” Jonah 1:1-2

Okay, so the historical setting is the late 8th century BC. Jonah was a Hebrew living in Israel, and the Assyrian Empire was the big bully on the block, occupying modern-day Iraq and dominating the surrounding areas. Their capital city was Nineveh. Now, God didn’t want Jonah to preach against the sin of Nineveh from the comfort of his living room, his local church or his Facebook account. He wanted Jonah to go to Nineveh and preach against them in the middle of Nineveh.

That would be like someone asking you to go to the middle of Taliban or ISIS controlled territory and start waving the American flag. I mean, you love your country and everything, but you’d also like to live. So, I don’t blame Jonah for doing what he did, because honestly, I probably would have done it myself. Jonah ran.

3 But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord. 4 Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. 5 All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god. And they threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship. Jonah 1:4-5
9 Jonah answered, “I am a Hebrew and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.”

10 This terrified them and they asked, “What have you done?” (They knew he was running away from the Lord, because he had already told them so.)
11 The sea was getting rougher and rougher. So they asked him, “What should we do to you to make the sea calm down for us?”
12 “Pick me up and throw me into the sea,” he replied, “and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.”
15 Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm. Jonah 1:3-15

So, that didn’t work out so well. I don’t know if Jonah really thought he could run from God, but when you’re desperate, you’ll do just about anything. That leads us to our first timeless truth we can learn from the life of Jonah:

1. You can’t outrun God. This is a timeless truth that Jonah’s life illustrates for us in excruciating detail. Ancients thought that gods were territorial. If you were in Israel you were under the jurisdiction of the God of Israel. But God wasn’t just the God of Israel. He is the God of the heavens and the earth. He has no jurisdiction. Jonah could have sailed all the way to America, and God would have found him. You can’t outrun God.

It’s not that different today. How many people spend years and years running from God? Maybe you think because you can’t see God He can’t see you, so as long as you keep your secret life secret He’ll never find out. Maybe you think that if you run long enough and hard enough and far enough, God will eventually grow tired or lose interest and give up. If Jonah could come down from the stands of faith and speak truth to you, he would say, “you can’t outrun God. I tried, it didn’t work out too well for me.”

You can’t outrun God. If that’s you, right now, if you’re here in body but you’re not here in spirit, if you’re running, let me tell you how that’s going to end for you: badly. Jonah is thrown into the sea, but he doesn’t drown.

17 Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.
1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God. 2 He said:
“In my distress I called to the Lord,
and he answered me.

From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
and you listened to my cry. Jonah 1:17-2:2

Jonah had a come to Jesus conversation in the belly of a whale. It’s hard to keep your dignity and pride when you’re being partially digesting by a whale. So, he decides it’s as good of a time as any to get his life right. Here’s the finish of his prayer:

8 “Those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God’s love for them.
9 But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
will sacrifice to you.

What I have vowed I will make good.
I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’”
10 And the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land. Jonah 2:8-10

Some of you have been there. No dignity, no pride, life has beaten you up and literally vomited you back onto dry land. You never, ever, ever thought you would be where you are today. You never thought your career would turn out this way, that your marriage would turn out this way, that your kids would turn out this way. You never thought you would grow old, that you would lose your health, that you would lose your retirement.

Whatever it might be, some of you have been and maybe you are right now in the belly of the whale. When you’re there, when you’ve been humbled by life or by God, you can give up, you can get angry, or you can get right. And that’s the second timeless truth from the life of Jonah:


2. If you’re in the belly of the whale, make the most of it. It’s no fun being in the belly of the whale. No one asks for it, you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. But sometimes you find yourself where you never thought you’d be. So, when you’re there, make the most of it. James, the half brother of Jesus, talked about this in the New Testament:

6 That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:6, 10

This is called repentance. You can either humble yourself, or you will be humbled in the belly of the whale. Either way, we will all be humbled. That’s not a fun fact we like to celebrate, but it is a fact. So, when life has you beat down, you can give up, you can get angry, or you can get right. It’s never fun being in the belly of the whale, but when you’re there, might as well make the most of it. Jonah was vomited back on dry land, which leads to one of the most hopeful verses in the entire Old Testament, Jonah 3:1.

1 Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time: 2 “Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you.”
3 Jonah obeyed the word of the Lord and went to Nineveh. Jonah 3:1-3

The word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time. Doesn’t that fill you with hope? That leads to our third timeless truth:

3. God is the God of second chances. I grew up with this notion that the will of God was so narrow and rigidly defined that if I made one bad mistake, I would somehow miss out on the will of God and be on the sidelines the rest of my life. Some of you Christians think that. When you hear about God using people, some of you immediately think to yourselves: “Sure, God could have used me before I went through my 20s. God could have used me before my affair. God could have used me before I made a complete wreck of my life.”

If that’s you, look at the story of Jonah and find hope, because the word of the Lord came to Jonah again, after he had flagrantly disobeyed God and ran to the ends of the earth. If Jonah could get a second chance, so can you. With that, here’s a fourth timeless truth from this same passage in Jonah 3:


4. Stop waiting for God to tell you something different. Just as it’s important to note that God gave Jonah a second chance, it’s also important to note that when God did give Jonah a second chance, He didn’t give Jonah a different directive. God gave Jonah a second chance to follow through and obey what God had originally told Jonah.

And that’s important for us to remember today. Many times we’re on the sidelines, not because God put us there but because we put ourselves there by refusing to do what He’s asked us to do. Some of us have this mistaken notion that if we don’t like something God has asked us to do, if we just wait long enough God will change His mind and ask us to do something more agreeable to us. God doesn’t work that way.

It’s God’s world, we’re just living in it. If you would say, “God hasn’t spoken to me in years. I haven’t heard His voice for decades,” I would tell you: go back to the last thing God told you to do and do it. God is always waiting for us at the point of our obedience to what He’s already told us to do. If God’s clearly told you something to do but you don’t like it and you’re waiting until God tells you something different, just a heads up, you might be waiting around awhile.

That’s the fourth truth. There’s one more, but we need to set this up with a bit of narrative that comes from the last chapter in the book of Jonah:

3 Now Nineveh was a very large city; it took three days to go through it. 4 Jonah began by going a day’s journey into the city, proclaiming, “Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.” 5 The Ninevites believed God. A fast was proclaimed, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth.
6 When Jonah’s warning reached the king of Nineveh, he rose from his throne, took off his royal robes, covered himself with sackcloth and sat down in the dust. Jonah 3:3-6
10 When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he relented and did not bring on them the destruction he had threatened. Jonah 3:10

The large powerful pagan nation suddenly repents and turns to God. That doesn’t sound realistic, but it’s actually not that farfetched. This was a particularly rough stretch for the Assyrian Empire. There was widespread famine during this time, there were numerous revolts from the countries they had conquered, and there was an auspicious solar eclipse that happened in this time, which for a superstitious people would have freaked them out and would have been a sign that the gods weren’t happy with them.

And there’s an outside chance that when Jonah was spit back up on dry ground, somebody saw him. Perhaps his story preceded him before he even walked into the city. Either way, the completely unexpected happened and the people of Nineveh repented and turned to God, which was great! Wasn’t it? Well, not to Jonah.

1 But to Jonah this seemed very wrong, and he became angry. 2 He prayed to the Lord, “Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. 3 Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”
4 But the Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry?”
5 Jonah had gone out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city. Jonah 4:1-5

Jonah didn’t want to see the city of Nineveh repent. He wanted to see it burn. That’s our last timeless truth:

5. Do you truly want the world to repent or would you rather see it burn? Those people on the opposite end of the political spectrum, those people that practice a different religion, those people who support values that you abhor, do you truly want to see them repent and turn to Jesus or would you rather see them judged? Do we want to see the world repent or would we rather see it burn? That’s a heart check moment for each of us. Because God calls Jonah on the carpet for his heart:

6 Then the Lord God provided a leafy plant and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the plant. 7 But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the plant so that it withered. 8 When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah’s head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, “It would be better for me to die than to live.”
9 But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”

“It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.”
10 But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. 11 And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left—and also many animals?” Jonah 4:6-11

When we show concern about things but not about people, our hearts are not in a good place. God didn’t say the plant wasn’t important, He said that it wasn’t right to show concern for the plant but no concern whatsoever for the people. Think about how hard Jonah’s heart had to have become to walk through the streets of Nineveh for forty days and preach. That’s what he did. He looked in the eyes of thousands of people. He saw women and men, young and old. And he wanted them all to burn. And he was angry enough to die when they turned to God. As Christians, I pray that we never give off the impression of Jonah, that we actually want the world to burn, that we care more about things or buildings or traditions than we do about people.

 

[RiverOL]

Four Reasons Christians Distinguish Between Happiness And Joy​

When I was writing my book Happiness, I knew that the chapter on “What’s the Difference Between Happiness and Joy?” would likely prove to be one of the most controversial. To verify my assertion that joy and happiness are synonyms, I cited more than one hundred verses in various translations that use joy and happiness together, as well as numerous quotes from trusted Christian pastors, writers, and thinkers who use the two synonymously. (A summarized version of the chapter is available on my blog.)

Still, the idea that the two words are synonyms can be radical to many readers. In response to a post I shared about happiness, a sincerely concerned person wrote me, “Joy, peace, and contentment do not equal happiness.” To some, the difference between the two words is as central as believing in the deity of Christ or the resurrection!
In talking to believers and researching the two words, I think there are at least four reasons why Christians see a need to distinguish between happiness and joy:

1. Many believers have been frequently taught through books and sermons, or have taught others, that happiness and joy are two completely different things.
A pastor friend wrote to tell me why it would be a big mistake to write a book about happiness: “Happiness changes from moment to moment and is reflected by our moods and emotions. Joy is a spiritual peace and contentment that only comes from God and is strong even during times of sadness. God’s desire is not to make us happy in this life but to fill our lives with joy as a result of our relationship with Christ.”
The following is typical of the artificial distinctions made by modern Christians:

Joy is something entirely different from happiness. Joy, in the Biblical context, is not an emotion. . . . Joy brings us peace in the middle of a storm. Joy is something that God deposits into us through the Holy Spirit. . . . There is a big difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is an emotion and temporary; joy is an attitude of the heart.

Judging from such articles (and there are hundreds more out there), you’d think the distinction between joy and happiness is biblical. It’s not. But when something like this is repeated often enough, as it has been from the last half of the 20th century until now, it’s easy to see how it becomes widely accepted truth. Yet there’s a long, rich history of equating joy with happiness in Christ, as shown by writings from the Puritans, Wesley, Spurgeon, and many others. As just one example, consider these words of Charles Spurgeon: “May you so come, and then may your Christian life be fraught with happiness, and overflowing with joy” (“A Happy Christian” Sermon #736).

2. Many Christians believe it’s important to use words to clearly differentiate between the Christian’s experience of godly happiness (specifically called “joy”) and the world’s false happiness.

Oswald Chambers, who I love, was the first I found to speak critically about happiness and make it opposed to joy. Chambers wrote in his book Biblical Ethics, “Happiness is no standard for men and women because happiness depends on my being determinedly ignorant of God and His demands.” Unfortunately, because Bible teachers such as Chambers saw people trying to find happiness in sin, they concluded that pursuing happiness was sinful in and of itself. It’s true that as sinful people, we chronically seek happiness in sin, but the core problem isn’t seeking happiness but choosing sin instead of God.

As Christians, don’t we know that when Scripture speaks of peace, hope, justice, and love, it routinely attaches deeper and more Christ-centered meanings to those words than our culture does? By all means, we should explain that there’s a difference between Christ-centered, God-honoring happiness, and secular, sinful happiness!

Happy isn’t the only word with baggage. Love is commonly used in superficial ways, as popular music has long demonstrated. People say they love hamburgers, hairstyles, and YouTube. They “make love” to someone they barely know. Since the word love has been so trivialized, should we remove it from Bible translations and stop using the word?

Of course not. Instead, we should clarify what Scripture actually means by love, holiness, hope, peace, pleasure, and yes, happiness. We should contrast the meaning in Scripture with our culture’s superficial and sometimes sinful connotations.
So can someone have false, superficial, and ungodly joy? Of course! Just as happiness can be spiritual or unspiritual, so can joy. Isaac Watts (1674–1748), who wrote “Joy to the World,” spoke of “carnal joys.” Charles Spurgeon recognized the difference between false and true joy:

Christ would not have us rejoice with the false joy of presumption, so He bares the sharp knife and cuts that joy away. Joy on a false basis would prevent us from having true joy, and therefore, . . . the joy we may get may be worth having—not the mere surf and foam of a wave that is driven with the wind and tossed, but the solid foundation of the Rock of Ages! (“Christ’s Joy and Ours,” Sermon #2935)

Someone can have Christ-centered happiness or Christ-denying happiness. The former will last forever; the latter has an exceedingly short shelf life.

3. Other Christians don’t want to accept that we should experience happiness that touches our hearts and emotions perhaps because they don’t feel happy, and don’t want to be told it’s what God desires for us.

An e-mail I received from a Christian leader said, “In Scripture we find that God is not about the pursuit of happiness. . . .What, then, of the widespread ambition to be happy? Is it, perhaps, an ultimate idol meant by God’s Enemy to distract us from joy?”
So what’s our problem with happiness? Does it stem from anti-world Christoplatonism? Are we suspicious that someone who’s happy must be sinning? Is it because we think we’re taking the spiritual high ground? Do we feel like “We are above this happiness nonsense,” but since we all want to experience heart-felt happiness and delight, we just call it something else (in this case, “joy”)?

Perhaps we marginalize happiness because something inside us testifies that we—who were snatched from the jaws of Hell to Heaven’s eternal delights, who are indwelt and empowered by a happy God—should be happier than we are. Maybe by defining joy as unemotional, positional, or transcendental, we can justify our unhappiness, in spite of God’s command to rejoice always in Him. Maybe saying that joy isn’t happiness allows us to lower the bar and accept a downtrodden, cheerless Christian life. And if that’s the case, we need to evaluate whether our attitudes are in need of a major paradigm shift.

Of course, no treatment of joy and happiness should deny or minimize the importance of realism and sorrow in the Christian life. The happiness described in Scripture is all the richer because it doesn’t involve denial or pretense and can be experienced amid severe difficulty. Christ-followers don’t preach the flimsy kind of happiness that’s built on wishful thinking. Instead, our rock-solid basis for happiness remains true—and sometimes becomes clearer—in suffering.

4. Satan has vested interests in keeping us from embracing what Scripture teaches about God’s happiness and ours. By convincing us that we can achieve a “joy” that’s stripped of all happy emotion and warmth, he blinds us to the truth about the God-honoring happiness Christ intends for us.

The prophet Isaiah said of a human king who appears to also represent the devil, “How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth” (Isaiah 14:12, NIV). Jesus was actually there when this event happened. He told his disciples, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven” (Luke 10:18).The devil has been unhappy ever since he rebelled against the God of happiness and was evicted from Heaven, the home of happiness.

Satan forfeited his own happiness, and he bitterly hates us—the objects of God’s love. His lie from the beginning was that God doesn’t care about our good. The truth is, God wants us to seek real happiness in Him.
The devil tempts us toward what will dishonor God by telling persuasive lies to convince us that the things that make us miserable will actually make us happy. After thousands of years of doing this, he’s remarkably good at it. Jesus said of Satan, “When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44, NIV).

Satan hates God, he hates us, and he hates happiness—God’s and ours. He’s not about happiness; he is about sin and misery, which come from seeking happiness where it can’t be found. God is the one who planted our desire for happiness and joy.

So what difference does it make whether we see happiness and joy as synonyms?
To declare joy sacred and happiness secular closes the door to dialogue with unbelievers. If someone is told that joy is the opposite of happiness, any thoughtful person would say, “In that case, I don’t want joy!” If we say the gospel won’t bring happiness, any perceptive listener should respond, “Then how is it good news?”

We need to reverse the trend. My hope is that we can redeem the word happiness in light of both Scripture and church history. Our message shouldn’t be “Don’t seek happiness,” but “You’ll find in Jesus the happiness you’ve always longed for.”
Because this issue is so important, I’ve written a small hard cover book called Does God Want Us to Be Happy? that expands and develops the themes of this article.

 

[RiverOL]

5 Ways To Cope When Your Partner Has An Anxiety Disorder​

Typically, anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, panic, or fear that can manifest itself in physical symptoms such as trembling, breathlessness, sweating, numbness, or having hot and cold flashes. When someone is experiencing a panic attack, they may also feel like they can’t breathe and that they are going to die. All of these symptoms range in severity and can be a challenge for a person who is anxious.


While approximately 1 in 5 Americans suffer from some form of anxiety disorder, most people suffer silently. Statistically, women are more likely to suffer from anxiety than men. The internet is full of advice and articles for how to cope with anxiety, but not as much is written about how to aid the partners of anxious people.

Truth be told, an individual who is in an intimate relationship with someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder may feel helpless, isolated, and overwhelmed. Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder can also be frustrating. If you are the partner of an anxious person, you know that reassuring your significant other with words such as “everything will be okay” is often ineffective. You may find yourself annoyed and challenged by your partner’s inability to resolve his or her anxious feelings. As a result, you may find yourself feeling stressed and your own life may become impacted by your partner’s struggles.

If you’re reading this article because you want to help your partner, and you want your relationship to improve, you are already on the road to success. An interest and willingness to support your partner and find tools for recovery are essential to sustaining your relationship. If your partner’s anxiety has begun to affect his or her everyday life, a combination of therapy and medication may help. Keep in mind that even if your spouse has not sought treatment, these strategies will still help you.

5 Ways to Cope When Your Partner Has An Anxiety Disorder:

1. Express empathy. Empathy is a powerful antidote to most shameful emotions. Even if you don’t suffer from anxiety yourself, you’ve undoubtedly experienced other uncomfortable and difficult feelings. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and share in his or her struggles. Let them know you understand and can imagine the distress she or he feels. Saying something like “It must be scary to feel you can’t control your fears,” is a way to express empathy.
2. Focus on improving your communication skills. Improve your listening skills and try not to make assumptions about why your partner feels a certain way. If he or she is experiencing a flood of anxiety, ask them questions about why they feel the way they do. Do your best not to make judgments and ask questions about their triggers such as “Do you know why you felt so much panic? If not, let’s explore it together.”
   
   
   
3. Be direct and set boundaries. Make specific requests. For instance, your anxious spouse may call you frequently while you are work to get reassurance. When this behavior becomes disruptive you can ask him or her to stop calling you at work, or to wait for you to return their calls. Although it may be hard to set these boundaries at first, you will actually find it makes it easier for them to manage their anxiety and learn how to self soothe.
4. Encourage your partner to be resilient and develop coping skills. When your significant other is anxious, your instinct is probably to do whatever you can to reassure him. For instance, Chris, Deanna’s husband suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder . He checks to make sure the front door is locked at least ten times before leaving the house. After leaving the house, he will frequently ask to turn around to check the door again. After five years of marriage, Deanna is trying not to enable him by telling her husband: “Chris, I watched you check the door and I am certain it is locked. We will not be turning around and end up being late for a family event. I love you and we will get through this.”
   
   
   
5. Promote opportunities for your partner to maintain healthy sleep hygiene. Developing a regular sleep routine will lessen a person’s anxiety and poor sleep habits are linked to anxiety disorders. You can assist your partner in going to sleep at a regular time and sleeping more soundly by encouraging them to go to bed on time (turn off technology, lights, and stimulation) and not disturbing them when they are resting.

Although all of these strategies are important, deciding not to enable your partner’s anxiety might be the most important gift you can give them. Practicing empathy and improving your listening skills alone will not go far enough to help. But choosing to set boundaries and re-directing your partner away from anxiety helps immeasurably. In Deanna’s example, if she agreed to turn around and allow Chris to check the door again, she would end up perpetuating his anxiety. She may think she’s helping him, because once he sees the lock is off, he might feel better. But the goal is to get Chris to not check the door at all. Only by confronting his compulsions, offering gentle reassurance, and not giving into them, will they improve.

Finally, remember that asking for support is a sign of strength, not weakness, when you are dealing with someone who has an anxiety disorder. This is especially true if you are married or living together. So if you find that being in a relationship with someone who has an anxiety disorder is taking a toll on your own mental health, be sure to seek support. You do not need to be alone in your struggle. You can contact your personal or family doctor (or insurance company) for a referral for counseling. You need not suffer silently or needlessly.

 

[RiverOL]

How Far Should We Follow Our Feelings?​

I saw an ad recently about how to handle our emotions. It suggested the way we are designed is to stay planted in consistency and watch our emotions go by, acknowledging them and addressing them. It described our fundamental human task as sitting and waiting while the circumstances and feelings fly by us.






Where we get into trouble, the ad claimed, is when we follow a particular emotion or experience too far. We jump off our stoop of consistency and run after one particular thing, trying to catch it, subdue it, or defeat it. And since these tasks are beyond our scope of ability, all we end up doing is wasting our time, getting lost, and ignoring all the other entities flowing through our lives.

It has really got me thinking about how we handle emotions. I don’t think the ad has it all right, but there is a lot of good there. Mostly, I find applicable the idea of chasing after something particular – with near obsession – at the cost of appreciating what else is going on around me.

Attention Versus Attachment​

The real struggle we face when dealing with emotions is how long and how intensely to hold on to them. We mess it up on both ends.
On one side of the spectrum, we try to ignore or rush through our emotions. We do not give them the proper weight and attention. Our emotions are important, immensely important. They let us know when a value is being pressed. They are the first line of defense in protecting who we are and what matters to us most. If we just gaze at them passing by without any interest or without significant consideration, we are exposing ourselves to endangering our values and vision – either by neglect, complacency, or confusion.


On the other hand, if we attach ourselves to a particular emotion and/or a particular circumstance, we become enslaved to it. Our emotions don’t know what to do. They just know how to express, not how to act. In order to figure out how to respond to our emotions, we need to release our grip on them and invoke the help of other internal resources – thought, etc.

Some of us, all of us at times, know what it is like to obsessively chase after an emotion or a particular circumstance. We want to control it, but it ends up controlling us. We want to conquer and defeat it when its very nature is to dissipate and make way for other entities.
The way we choose to process our emotions is important. It helps sets the course for the kind of life we are going to live. Many of us have decided to live a life devoid of emotions, to try our best to not deal with the complexities they bring to light. Others have decided to worship our emotions, to treat them as all-important, all-knowing deities that need to be followed unto their last dying breath and then resurrected in the frightening void that follows.
Emotions our powerful. How we feel is an essential guide. It isn’t nothing. And it isn’t everything. Like most things in life, the key is in striking the right balance, following them just long enough to discern where they came from and what value they are alluding to. And then, letting them go as best we can as our perspective shifts towards discerning how to respond.

 

[RiverOL]

Discovering The Gifts Of The Spirit​

How can you know which gift(s) of the Spirit you have? There is a way.

Gifts of the Spirit​

The Apostle Paul has written a lot about spiritual gifts. To begin with, he says that “there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone” (1st Cor 12:4-6), and “To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good” (1st Cor 12:7). The first point is God is the One Who determines which gift is given to each person, and it is not for their own good but for the church’s sake, or “the common good.”

Never are gifts given for the believer’s benefit, although it may help them develop spiritually, but they are intended for the Body of Christ. There are a “variety of activities” and “varieties of service,” but we must remember that it is God “empowers them all in everyone.” He deserves the glory for these gifts (Psalm 115:1), so both the gifts and the power are from God. We are, at best, an electrical cord…it is no good until it is plugged into something, and we must be connected to God by the Spirit, however, nothing will dampen a gift of the Spirit quicker than living in sin or being prideful. It is not we who are responsible for our gifts, but the Gift Giver. When we begin to elevate our gifts over the Giver of those gifts, then we’ve rendered our gifts useless to God. We might as well worship them! God resists the proud, but grace always flows downward to the humble (James 4:6).

One Spirit​

There are other gifts of the Spirit, and it may be that some have more than one gift, but everyone who is born again has at least one gift. Paul says that “to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit” (1 Cor 12:8). For another it could be “faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit” (1 Cor 12:9), but notice that Paul repeats after each sentence that it is “by the one Spirit,” as if to remind us that it is all from God. I thing I’ve noticed is that when God dispenses His gifts, He has evenly distributed them throughout the Body of Christ. For example, there are not 15 teachers and no one with the gift of mercy. As Paul concludes, again he reminds the readers (and us) that it is “by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills” (1 Cor 12:11).

Paul thought this was worth repeating a few times, indicating it’s importance, saying it is as God wills and not man, and it is by One Spirit that He distributes these gifts, not we who do it. There is not even a hint that we can choose these gifts or pray for these gifts, or make God change His mind. God has not given everyone the same gifts (1 Cor 12:3), and He hasn’t made a mistake giving you the gift you have. Some think 1 Corinthians 14:1 says we can pray for spiritual gifts, but that’s not what it says. It only says, “Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy.”

The word “earnestly” means sincerely, and the word “desire” simply means we should genuinely desire or have a passion for these spiritual gifts. It does not say we should earnestly pray for these gifts or some other gifts because we’re not happy with the gifts we have. Maybe God is telling us to genuinely desire the gifts you and I have for the Body of Christ…and not to covet other people’s gifts. God knows best which gifts go with each of us…better than we do. Remember, Scripture says that it is at God’s discretion, so He knows which gifts fit best with whom.

Other Gifts​

First Corinthians 12 is not the only place where Paul mentions gifts of the spirit. There are other gifts like teaching, exhortation, giving, and mercy (Rom 12:6-8), but these may not be all the gifts there are. I know some people who do things that are not listed under any gift. That’s because God’s Spirit is not limited. He can move in many different ways through many different people by gifting, but it is God’s choice, and it is intended for the building up of the church. Remember that “just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit” (1 Cor 12:12-13).

Other gifts include the gifts of administration (1 Cor 12), Teaching, (Romans12; Ephesians 4), Helps and Service (Romans 12; 1 Corinthians 12), Hospitality (1 Peter 4:9-10), Leadership (Romans 12), and possibly more than these. Paul wants us to recognize the source of the gifts, but also that it is the Giver Who determines which gift(s) are given to which person. As the Scripture says, “God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose” (1 Cor 12:18).

Discovering Gifts​

Having been asked numerous times how someone can know what gift they have, I say just jump into something and you’ll know in your spirit whether it’s right or not. I like asking them, “If you didn’t have to work for a living, what one thing would you most desire to do if you had the time and the means?” This may point to their giftedness. What’s their passion about? What is the “one thing” they would like to change or help make a difference in? That may be a clue as to what a person has a gift in. There are numerous ways to tell which gift of the Spirit you have, but I know not all teachers make good preachers, and not all preachers make good teachers.

If they’re not gifted in that area, they will usually find that out in time…or from others. Time, chance, circumstances…all these things can work together into a “perfect storm,” and somehow, you’ll just know. Like Eric Liddell, the runner in Chariots of Fire, he felt God’s pleasure when he ran. By the way, he also said, “We are all missionaries. Wherever we go we either bring people nearer to Christ or we repel them from Christ.” [1] Amen!

Conclusion​

I hope you find your gift, or if you’ve already discovered your gift of the Spirit, I hope you find a place to utilize that gift for the church’s benefit. Perhaps God will bless that church because of the gift you have. When many members come together with various gifts of the Spirit, the whole Body can function better, and that makes the Head’s job much easier…the Head of the Church, being Jesus Christ. Jesus as the Head desires the Body cooperate with Him, and if they would engage their spiritual gifts for the benefit of the church, it would do no harm for the Body and it’s functioning as the hands, feet, eyes, ears, mouth, and heart of Christ.

We do this for others (Matt 25:35-36), but make no mistake about it, we are actually doing it unto Him (Matt 25:40). In those few short verses, we can see how the gifts of the Spirit can reach out to a hurting world and show the love of Christ. It is by our love for one another that all people will know who Jesus’ disciples are (John 13:34-35). Jesus disciples do what He says, not just hear His words.

Our precious Lord warns all who would listen (or read), “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven” (Matt 7:21). “Doing” is evidence of Lordship. The “many” who cry out, “Lord, Lord,” will be the same many that will forever be turned away. Make you calling and election sure (2 Pet 1:10). Get this right. Be certain. Be certain before the day is out (2 Cor 6:2). Tomorrow may be too late (Heb 9:27; Rev 1:7, 20:12-15).

 

[RiverOL]

Why Lying Has Become Normal And Acceptable​

Just this week I necessarily visited two “big box” stores—to buy items I truly needed. (Due to the pandemic I am temporarily avoiding stores as much as possible.) At one big box store I took my item to the cash register and happened to notice that it charged me $10 more than the price clearly displayed for the item on the shelf. I was not surprised. This happens often. A few hours later, the same thing happened at another big box store. Different amount, same difference between the “shelf price” and the price charged.

None of that surprised me. It happens often. What surprised me was the reactions of the “customer service” people when I complained. They treated these discrepancies as normal and took no responsibility for them. “Oh, it happens all the time; why are you upset about it?” That was their attitudes.
Now don’t get me wrong; I was not yelling at them or showing them any anger. But I did complain and tell them both that they need to speak to management about this all-too-common occurrence.

I could tell they had no intention of doing that. In fact, I felt treated as a trouble maker just for asking for my money back—after I proved that they overcharged me and I overpaid for the items. In fact, in both cases, they attempted to argue that the “true price” of the items was what the “computer said” rather than what the price tag on the shelf said. (Neither item had a price tag on it.)

What do these two same-day and very common incidents illustrate?
They don’t illustrate the point I want to make here very well. Much better—by way of illustration—would be the numerous advertisements and commercials I am bombarded with every day. Everywhere I go I see signs and hear messages that I can easily detect are deceptive, manipulative, sometimes obviously untrue.

I believe we have approached and even entered a social situation (in America) where lying, defined as intentionally deceiving, even if only by leaving out a very important fact, is so common in government and in business that we are used to it and don’t feel that it is wrong. It is normal. What is normal can’t be wrong. I believe that is the attitude of too many people.

I happen to believe that the people who operate big box stores KNOW that there are often discrepancies between the prices of items on their shelves and the prices the “computers” charge at the “check out” “cash registers.” I believe this has become the accepted new normal for big business—hiding the true cost of advertised or displayed items even if only by neglecting to update the computers and/or shelf prices. I suspect very few people notice the difference and walk away having paid more for their purchase than they thought they would. I think the big box stores owners and managers know this.

This is a small illustration of what I want to say here. My point is that I have come to believe that we are so used to being deceived by powerful people who control our lives that we don’t even expect that it should be or could be otherwise.

As a student of history, including American history, I am all too well aware of how often and how profoundly our government leaders have lied to us. It’s extremely difficult not to be cynical about business and government.
What’s worse, however, is deception practiced by religious leaders—including Christians ones. One of the great defining “moments” (really series of events) in my life was the terrible controversy about open theism that raged among evangelicals in the 1990s and into the first decade of this century. It unveiled to me how willing some evangelical leaders, including theologians, were to manipulate evangelical opinion their way.

Open theism was publicly labeled belief in “an ignorant God” and belief in “a God who gives bad advice.” Certain evangelical theologians invented quotations and attributed them to me and other evangelicals with the clear intention of harming our reputations and careers. Open theists’ writings were taken out of context to make it appear to the unwary that they were process theologians. In at least two cases that I could easily identify here evangelical theologians who blatantly lied about what open theists said.

When I attempted to point these things out to evangelical leaders I was brushed off as expecting too much with regard to rigorous devotion to truth.
I was shocked to discover that even seemingly reputable evangelical Christian theologians, seminary presidents, publishers and speakers would blatantly lie to achieve the desired result which was to turn people in the pulpits and pews against open theism (and by extension Arminianism). They used overtly manipulative and deceptive means to do that.

Lying, deceiving, manipulating facts (taking them out of context to distort their true meanings) has become part of the fabric of American society. I can accept that even as I daily struggle with it. The doctrine of original sin helps me cope with it; it’s a result of human depravity. What I have never been able to come to terms with is the same thing among evangelical Christians. And the open theism controversy is not the only example of it.

I consider it blatant deception if not a form of lying when a church hides its denominational affiliation in order to appeal to the “post-denominational” mindset of potential members. I have made it a practice at least occasionally to look for the denominational affiliation of churches that advertise themselves as “community” churches with no hint anywhere about their denominational affiliations. Almost always I find some denominational affiliation, however informal or unofficial, buried somewhere on their web site. Why is this deceptive? Because in most cases these churches require members or at least leaders (deacons, elders, whatever) to fit into the particularities of the denomination’s distinctive beliefs and practices.

Some years ago I was invited by a very large, very influential, nationally very well-known evangelical church to teach a Wednesday evening series on Christian doctrine. The church is known as one of the first American congregations to publicize and even organize itself (outwardly, at least) using marketing techniques. The church was and is very Baptist; I knew that. But during my series many of the attenders complained bitterly that they did not know it was a Baptist church until they had been attending for a year or two and applied for membership.

Only then were they told, individually and somewhat secretly, that they would have to be “re-baptized” by immersion (most of them were Lutherans) in order to join the church. To them that meant rejecting their own baptisms. They felt deceived. By the time they discovered the true identity and beliefs and practices of the church they had already “put down roots” in it and didn’t want to leave.

I believe that IF a church is going to stick to denominational particularities it ought to indicate its denominational affiliation “up front”—on its sign or at least in its worship folder/bulletin. And yet, this practice of hiding denominational affiliation is commonplace and widely accepted and hardly ever called out as a form of deception. It has been accepted as normal even though it is deceptive.

Frankly, as a person who cares about truth and reality, I find living in this world of falsity, of deception, of manipulation of truth and reality, very difficult. I struggle with cynicism and anger a great deal. And I worry about people who have simply come to terms with the situation and take the attitude that “it is what it is.” My solution is to point out deception to advertisers, business people, church leaders, politicians and anyone who will listen.

You can’t just take things as true because they are on a billboard or in the newspaper or spoken from a pulpit. You have to look into things deeply enough to know whether they might be true or not. It’s not easy to tell and that causes many people to stop trying. So they are simply swept along by the tide of untruth that infects our culture, our society and even our churches and religious organizations.

 

[RiverOL]

How To Make A Choice​

I was reading a book recently that talked about Adam and Eve’s choice in the garden. The serpent is whispering lies to them – “did God really say…?” They are filled with their own confusion – Eve saw the fruit was good for eating. But they had the ominous command from God – don’t eat!





I think Adam and Eve get a bad wrap for their poor decision. When we hear the story, we all know what the right decision is. We all know the result of their bad choice. But they don’t. They’re confused. Those first humans aren’t trying to upset the world, get kicked out of the garden, or offend God. They are just trying to make a good choice, based on the factors in front of them.

Adam and Eve never saw an example of bad choices. Think about that. Did they even realize bad choices were a truly possible thing? Did they trust their ability to choose too much? Imagine having to make a choice when you had never seen the consequences of a bad one. Like I said, I think they get a bad wrap.

Making Choices​

Thinking about Adam and Eve got me thinking about myself and my ability to make choices. What factors go into my decision making? Why is it so hard for me to decide what to do – I can’t even make a decision about Chinese or Italian for dinner without second-guessing myself.
A choice is an act of ownership. There are options on the table and we commit to one. We internalize our choices as part of who we are. The results were disastrous for Adam and Eve (and the serpent). Our world is so afraid of truth and vulnerability, it is no wonder we struggle to make choices. We can hardly commit to a Netflix show, let alone something that truly matters. And in a world so trigger-happy with criticizing others, it is no wonder we are nervous about attaching ourselves to a political party or career path or a dating partner.

The Factors​

Just like Adam and Eve, we have a host of voices muddying up the waters of our decision-making. People want us to make decisions that align with their agenda. Including God. God wants us to do what he wants us to do.

And then there is our own agenda. Sometimes it is healthy and sometimes it is destructive. Sometimes we want something that aligns with our values and the vision for our lives. Sometimes we deceive ourselves and we want something easy and superficial, some shortcut that won’t work out.
So making a decision is about navigating these factors as best we can. There is no magic formula for decision making. We simply have to name and acknowledge the factors and then do our best.

Options​

We work at a college and have a lot of conversations with students about making a decision. What major to take, what job to pursue, whether or not to go home over Easter, etc.
One thing we’ve noticed is that there are two different kinds of decisions. One is between good and bad. Should I kill this person or go to the movies with friends. A clear right There. The other kind is between two good options (maybe it helps to call it a good and a better option). A vast majority of our decisions are the latter.

The students here are wrestling between good and better decisions, worried their life might be ruined if they chose a good decision. One of the things we need to do when making a decision is figure out if this is a good/bad decision or a good/better decision. Students here are fighting themselves looking for which of the options is evil. Since neither is, they don’t know what to do.


With a good/better decision, you obviously want to make the better decision. But there is less weight. This is usually a closer race, by the way, than the good/bad decisions. The better may be better by a hair. Good/better decisions are a struggle of ownership rather than morality.
With all of this in mind, we have to own our decisions. We have to boldly make the choices, as best we can. Knowing today’s choice is not the only one we will ever make. Decision making is a honed skill. We have to search our internal motivations and discern the advice of community. In the end, we have to own our choices. They belong to us. And nobody is going to make them on our behalf.