Help!! Is there a problem with me?

[Frankiestine]

Bro you live only once. Why be miserable? Find another soulmate. There are alot of fishes in the ocean that will love you and your boy more.

well if it wasn't for the fact that he is in sinking land i would definitely advise him to ditch the woman but face it here in sinking land guys are screwed when it comes to divorces...:oIo:

 

[chupacabra]

well if it wasn't for the fact that he is in sinking land i would definitely advise him to ditch the woman but face it here in sinking land guys are screwed when it comes to divorces...:oIo:

Not really, if you are handsome,strong and cleber like me. No need to worry one.

If you are fat and ugly, lord help you.

 

[sage]

2. my entertainment of clients, which is very seldom - cos it is always ktv and orchard towers, and she thinks it is low class...

So you told your wife your cca and she said low class. I suppose you also told her that you are holyman in those places. If she believe you, you she is either abnormal or tolerating. I think she is worried of std and you better do check up and produce her certificate of reassurance, the extra procedure for telling her your cca.

 

[TeeKee]

It's healthy and normal for couples to argue in a relationship.

1. first it helps to stimulate the marriage lives.
2. second through argument, one could start to understand another point of view.
3. after argument, both of you make peace, then you get to enjoy great sex.

so don't feel bad that you argue with your wives often. couples who doesn't argue, their relationship may not be strong...and it's likely to be abnormal...

 

[samurai1110]

Catch71,

U seem very reluctant to talk about your sex life with your wife.
Are u inadequate here and a failure in this department?
If so then u better buck up and be a better jockey.
Your wife is showing the classic symtoms of not getting it all in bed.
If u do this right by her ... u don't need the condo and an 'attap hut' will do.
Just see how happy Jane is with Tarzan in the jungle.

 

[scroobal]

I was hoping to put the money issue to bed... I have a job as well, we can survive on either of our income. rolex, nice continental car for her, holidays and 5* hotels already have, no issues there. I either pay for it, or i help with my share.. although she buys her own branded stuff.

However, I will not move us to a condo cos i am not willing to take that finanical commitment. My pay is not stable month - month, and i do not want to risk having to quarrel over money.

Sorry, this is more serious than your first post has alluded to. You write in a rational, calm and organised manner which tells me a lot. I think your wife has taken advantage of your personality and over the years does not realise the equity that has been put into this marriage.

What you need to do is to seriously consider the worse case scenario possible if you attempt to confront or address the situation. If you do then you must be prepared for such an outcome and it will easier to work out the steps to address it.

Next be very clear when you state the issues to her. Do not become emotional but do expect her to become emotional and irrational. Be firm and tell her that you expect to be treated like an equal partner and you certainly not looking for sympathy.

Tell her not to rush into judgement but take the time to think about what you have told her.

If things do not improve, you yourself must make that decision to act. Nothing irrational but something in a measured way including a trial separation.

 

[TeeKee]

If things do not improve, you yourself must make that decision to act. Nothing irrational but something in a measured way including a trial separation.

seriously, not so jialat until like this what...

 

[vamjok]

seriously, not so jialat until like this what...

this time i am on your side.

on a serious note, being raise up in a broken family, the last thing i wish to see is another child being in the similar situation as mine

 

[Maximuz]

Sorry to hear about your plight bro.

Just to throw my 2 cents in, my dad was henpecked by my mom for 20 years.. His personality (and mine) are very very like your's... Non confrontational, rational, giving, but when we are stretched we suffer immensely, in silence. So dad internalised his pains and finally consorted with other women.

Going by all you said, and reading all the posts thus far, I think it might be good for you to grab a piece of paper and do a SWOT analysis (or feasibility study) of sorts. Or maybe something like:

Is it a problem/Can you live with it?: Yes / No / If Yes, elaborate
- Income disparity
- Compatibility (way of life)
- Being the head of the houshold
- Her companionship
- Henpecked for the rest of your life
- Pain of separation (wife)
- Pain of separation (kid)
- Sex
- Include a footnote of grievances, in order to help you make up your mind.

And others you might want to add. Weigh up your options, and consider staying this way, forcing a change in the relationship, a trial separation/leaving, etc. Hope this can help clarify your thoughts so you can get what you really want.
Some superfluous advice:

I-Ching: When Heaven (man) doesn't lead or Earth (woman) doesn't yield, disaster will follow. Everything and everyone has their role to play, failure to do so by either party will lead to suffering.

Sun Tzu's Art of War:
- When a capable general leads weak soldiers, the result is Collapse.
- When a weak general leads strong soldiers, the result is Insubordination.
- When insubordinate soldiers fight without the general's orders, the result is Ruin.
- When there are no set duties or roles for officers and men, the result is utter Disorganization.

My personal opinion: You might not have put across your frustrations and all that you've bled forcefully enough to her. Actually, I think printing out all your posts here for your wife to read might shock her into her senses. But be prepared for her to call you a "useless man" or things like that. If she does, its another point you can add in my suggested list. Oh wells...


Take care and all the best

 

[lolabunny]

Sorry to hear about your plight bro.

Just to throw my 2 cents in, my dad was henpecked by my mom for 20 years.. His personality (and mine) are very very like your's... Non confrontational, rational, giving, but when we are stretched we suffer immensely, in silence. So dad internalised his pains and finally consorted with other women.

Going by all you said, and reading all the posts thus far, I think it might be good for you to grab a piece of paper and do a SWOT analysis (or feasibility study) of sorts. Or maybe something like:

Is it a problem/Can you live with it?: Yes / No / If Yes, elaborate
- Income disparity
- Compatibility (way of life)
- Being the head of the houshold
- Her companionship
- Henpecked for the rest of your life
- Pain of separation (wife)
- Pain of separation (kid)
- Sex
- Include a footnote of grievances, in order to help you make up your mind.

And others you might want to add. Weigh up your options, and consider staying this way, forcing a change in the relationship, a trial separation/leaving, etc. Hope this can help clarify your thoughts so you can get what you really want.
Some superfluous advice:

I-Ching: When Heaven (man) doesn't lead or Earth (woman) doesn't yield, disaster will follow. Everything and everyone has their role to play, failure to do so by either party will lead to suffering.

Sun Tzu's Art of War:
- When a capable general leads weak soldiers, the result is Collapse.
- When a weak general leads strong soldiers, the result is Insubordination.
- When insubordinate soldiers fight without the general's orders, the result is Ruin.
- When there are no set duties or roles for officers and men, the result is utter Disorganization.

My personal opinion: You might not have put across your frustrations and all that you've bled forcefully enough to her. Actually, I think printing out all your posts here for your wife to read might shock her into her senses. But be prepared for her to call you a "useless man" or things like that. If she does, its another point you can add in my suggested list. Oh wells...


Take care and all the best

This is really cool.

I think catch should take the majority vote her and break up with her. Like the bros here say, there are many choices for him.

Which kid wants to grow up in an unhappy but complete family?

It seems that if the husband is being dominated, he will have sex outside. So in that case, if the wife is being dominated, should she also do the same? Just wondering. :p

 

[TeeKee]

Snipped.........

 

[Neh_Neh_Pok]

dun wake up your son when he's about to go asleep, he'll have problems sleeping later on...

i advise you and your wife to see a marriage counseller, if you are a Christian, see your pastor...

No need la, you go ask your pestors and your "Goat" to help can liao mah, why leh your pestors and "Goat" can't help this kind of problems ah?

 

[scroobal]

seriously, not so jialat until like this what...

A trial separation will show how valuable his contribution to the family is. He has clearly indicated that he has been doing the bulk of the work including for members of her family. She obviously has taken things for granted. It will give both parties breathing space to evaluate and assess their respective contributions and to each other.

However if he continues to do all these things while being separated things might not register.

 

[lolabunny]

Wow, my favourite book of Corinthians. Aren't you wasting your time here? Most of the guys want Catch to break up with the wife.

It's always the same old advice whenever the hubby can't stand the wife:
1a. Divorce her
1b. Worry about Women's Charter + assets

2. Screw around outside (because wife pissed you off)

3. Miss the kid and want to work hard for him

4. There are many fishes in the sea etc, find another one.

Seriously, no one ever says "save the marriage".

So he shouldn't. Just break up with the wife. :p

Not use quoting all these stuff. Break up makes the guy happy because he gets to play. She already made you this pissed off, might as well. You've only got one life rite?

 

[TeeKee]

Not use quoting all these stuff. Break up makes the guy happy because he gets to play. She already made you this pissed off, might as well. You've only got one life rite?

he can play all he wants, but he might end up back to square one....if he doesn't deal with his problems and continue to carry on with another.

 

[lolabunny]

he can play all he wants, but he might end up back to square one....if he doesn't deal with his problems and continue to carry on with another.

You are an optimistic guy. Do you have a really good wife who makes you hopeful about women?

On the other hand, you are pessimistic. We don't know him, what makes us think he'll be back to square one? On the bright side, at least he took one round the block.

Dump your old life and embrace the new. Look at me! I'm happier now without the bastard ex. My mom had a cancer scare and when I told him, he didn't even bother sms-ing a reply. Now aren't I glad he's out of my life?

MOVE ON BUDDY! You owe it to yourself. :p

 

[TeeKee]

You are an optimistic guy. Do you have a really good wife who makes you hopeful about women?

On the other hand, you are pessimistic. We don't know him, what makes us think he'll be back to square one? On the bright side, at least he took one round the block.

Dump your old life and embrace the new. Look at me! I'm happier now without the bastard ex. My mom had a cancer scare and when I told him, he didn't even bother sms-ing a reply. Now aren't I glad he's out of my life?

MOVE ON BUDDY! You owe it to yourself. :p

i don't think his situation is really that bad...unlike yours...not to put you down but we are talking about marriage here, not boyfriend or girlfriend you can change all you want......nowadays young married couples divorce because of small little things, really very silly, hehe...mines is not perfect but i love mine too...there's ups and down in marriage life, but if both pulls through, it can be very gratifying..oh it helps to have God in your marriage life....

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[lolabunny]

i don't think his situation is really that bad...unlike yours...not to put you down but we are talking about marriage here, not boyfriend or girlfriend you can change all you want......nowadays young married couples divorce because of small little things, really very silly, hehe...mines is not perfect but i love mine too...there's ups and down in marriage life, but if both pulls through, it can be very gratifying..oh it helps to have God in your marriage life....

OIC :p:p

 

[Neh_Neh_Pok]

seriously, not so jialat until like this what...

Then how jialat you would expect? Like your naked man hanging on the cross like that?

 

[Neh_Neh_Pok]

he can play all he wants, but he might end up back to square one....if he doesn't deal with his problems and continue to carry on with another.

You go ask him to go your church let your pestors all 'prbitch' and 'brainwash' him lo