Help!! Is there a problem with me?

[Jabba]

Have u read the thread abt a couple getting divorced becoz of different habits on squeezing a tube of toothpaste?

Prepare to tell her...YOU ARE FIRED!

 

[po2wq]

tis word sumhow struck me ... apologize ...

y u so like her 2 apologize? ... y dun u beg her 2 apologize 2 u n c how? ...

dun mind my saying, me tink u r a pretty petty person, oways oni c faults in others, like 2 point out faults in others ...

dun noe abt ur wife, but me tink u can b a person difficult 2 get along wif ...

learn 2 c open more ... look @ ze problem in urself b4 pointing ur finger @ others ...

if me hv offended u wif tis ... well, apologies ...

 

[vamjok]

its bloody time to teach her who is the boss.

first go find a chicken in geylang and have a good fuck to gain back your social life.

then start posting field reports on the sex forum. try to hint your wife the existence of such forum. woman being woman will surely wonder what you have post.

when she realise she is losing you, she will start to treat you like a king.

 

[king13]

remember if you don't deal with your problems, it will come back to haunt you...

good one. and if you take away your religion nonsense, i will read your post more often

 

[pfingo]

sory 2 hear your plight bro. be like me and tony chat - give up hopeless sinkie women

 

[lifeafter41]

Why am I upset over a seemingly small matter?

Let’s put things in perspective:

The incident:

My missus took a piece of bread for my son, and left the seal open. Later that night, she saw the unsealed package, and told me, “why do you always leave things like that? Seal back the bread package!” I told her she was the one who opened it. She walked away, when I told her she should apologize, she ignored me, and instead told my son, who is too young to understand anyway, that papa is a very sensitive man, and like to pick a fight over very small issues.

The point is : this is not the first time such things have happened. I have always rationalized to myself that she doesn’t know / think it is hurtful, and I should not read too much into it. However, one incident, two times, many many times over the years, it starts to bug me.

As an analogy :-
If I keep pressing at one point in your thigh, after many times, it will start to hurt. I do not like to “eat dead cat” and I think nobody likes it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am being too sensitive?

An interesting incident happened the next day, she turned on the internet, and was browsing, and then she told me to look at some sites, after she is done, she told me to off the internet, and I was like - ok, I will do it later. And it start again, why do you always leave the internet on when you are not using it. Our network is not secured, what if someone tap in? Then she is off to bed.

Excuse me? I think you turned it on, not me leh?

The question to me is : Is she too proud to apologize? Or does she really think it is so minor, and it is acceptable to talk like that between husband and wife? I have expressed unease over the way we communicate many times, and I am concerned that my son will grow up adopting these habits, but it does not seem to register with her….

Am I sensitive because I cared about how my wife talk to me, or is it just inferior complex? Would I care as much if it is someone else who talk like that to me? Would things be different if I am more successful than her in my career? Would I still feel the same way, or would she still behave in the same manner?

I am posting and asking for opinion because I am not even sure if the fault lies with me? I do not want to kick up a fuss over small things like this… but I am also unwilling to live like this for the next 30 years.

Dun get me wrong, my wife is a Singaporean, tough as nails at work, and considerably successful at work. She does not go out partying, and for the good part of '08 when I was not working, she does not pressure me at all. In fact, I thought she was very supportive. As such, there are still many positives in my marriage, except for such incidents. Personally, I think it has to do with family background, cos that is how her siblings communicate. But I do not want my family to communicate in the same way.

Any sincere opinions are welcomed, sorry if you guys think I am ball-less, but as I explained to my friend once, if I have a choice of jumping off a building, or putting up with the nagging, I would choose to jump off the building. I know one of my weakness is I really do not like a confrontation, esp if I am not 100% correct.

But this is driving me crazy, sometimes I think I am even suicidal due to stress like this…. Over such minor incidents? I think I need help?

Life is too short to get stress over such minor stuff. You are a husband to your wife, a father to your son and have a happy family. Cherish what you have. That is the most important.

 

[blackmore]

Why am I upset over a seemingly small matter?

Let’s put things in perspective:

The incident:

My missus took a piece of bread for my son, and left the seal open. Later that night, she saw the unsealed package, and told me, “why do you always leave things like that? Seal back the bread package!” I told her she was the one who opened it. She walked away, when I told her she should apologize, she ignored me, and instead told my son, who is too young to understand anyway, that papa is a very sensitive man, and like to pick a fight over very small issues.

The point is : this is not the first time such things have happened. I have always rationalized to myself that she doesn’t know / think it is hurtful, and I should not read too much into it. However, one incident, two times, many many times over the years, it starts to bug me.

As an analogy :-
If I keep pressing at one point in your thigh, after many times, it will start to hurt. I do not like to “eat dead cat” and I think nobody likes it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am being too sensitive?

An interesting incident happened the next day, she turned on the internet, and was browsing, and then she told me to look at some sites, after she is done, she told me to off the internet, and I was like - ok, I will do it later. And it start again, why do you always leave the internet on when you are not using it. Our network is not secured, what if someone tap in? Then she is off to bed.

Excuse me? I think you turned it on, not me leh?

The question to me is : Is she too proud to apologize? Or does she really think it is so minor, and it is acceptable to talk like that between husband and wife? I have expressed unease over the way we communicate many times, and I am concerned that my son will grow up adopting these habits, but it does not seem to register with her….

Am I sensitive because I cared about how my wife talk to me, or is it just inferior complex? Would I care as much if it is someone else who talk like that to me? Would things be different if I am more successful than her in my career? Would I still feel the same way, or would she still behave in the same manner?

I am posting and asking for opinion because I am not even sure if the fault lies with me? I do not want to kick up a fuss over small things like this… but I am also unwilling to live like this for the next 30 years.

Dun get me wrong, my wife is a Singaporean, tough as nails at work, and considerably successful at work. She does not go out partying, and for the good part of '08 when I was not working, she does not pressure me at all. In fact, I thought she was very supportive. As such, there are still many positives in my marriage, except for such incidents. Personally, I think it has to do with family background, cos that is how her siblings communicate. But I do not want my family to communicate in the same way.

Any sincere opinions are welcomed, sorry if you guys think I am ball-less, but as I explained to my friend once, if I have a choice of jumping off a building, or putting up with the nagging, I would choose to jump off the building. I know one of my weakness is I really do not like a confrontation, esp if I am not 100% correct.

But this is driving me crazy, sometimes I think I am even suicidal due to stress like this…. Over such minor incidents? I think I need help?

Judging from your experience, your wife already call the shots the moment she supported the family when you were out of work. The fact is that these small issues are subtle outbursts of bottled up frustrations and indirectly shaming you in the process. Its actually nothing if you have the patience to endure such.

Consider yourself lucky that she never nags at you or belittle you. Otherwise, day in day out you feel like getting back at her. Or you may end up as a resident in IMH.

Suggest you find yourself some hobby to focus yourself on. Or as other forummer suggested, find good sex. This is the typical Sinkie woman attitude and I am talking from experience. I just can't be bother anymore otherwise I may end up more mad in the process.

 

[Kid278]

I am posting and asking for opinion because I am not even sure if the fault lies with me? I do not want to kick up a fuss over small things like this… but I am also unwilling to live like this for the next 30 years.

But this is driving me crazy, sometimes I think I am even suicidal due to stress like this…. Over such minor incidents? I think I need help?

There's this thing called *Irritable Male Syndrome* and *Male Menopause*. Do a google search, you might learn how to handle it if not seeking professional assistance. It doesnt matter who is at fault, look at it as a breaking up red alert. Or the relationship is not going to last, let alone next 30 years.:p

 

[imperialarms]

Why am I upset over a seemingly small matter?

Let’s put things in perspective:

u think lar, why u feel stress now is becoz of a role reversal, UR now the FEMALE in the relationship. A male is the provider, the protector the leader, U leh????

 

[eeoror88]

Moral of the story : Money is important !! Who got more money, who call the shots !!

 

[tonychat]

Why am I upset over a seemingly small matter?

Let’s put things in perspective:

The incident:

My missus took a piece of bread for my son, and left the seal open. Later that night, she saw the unsealed package, and told me, “why do you always leave things like that? Seal back the bread package!” I told her she was the one who opened it. She walked away, when I told her she should apologize, she ignored me, and instead told my son, who is too young to understand anyway, that papa is a very sensitive man, and like to pick a fight over very small issues.

The point is : this is not the first time such things have happened. I have always rationalized to myself that she doesn’t know / think it is hurtful, and I should not read too much into it. However, one incident, two times, many many times over the years, it starts to bug me.

As an analogy :-
If I keep pressing at one point in your thigh, after many times, it will start to hurt. I do not like to “eat dead cat” and I think nobody likes it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am being too sensitive?

As such, there are still many positives in my marriage, except for such incidents. Personally, I think it has to do with family background, cos that is how her siblings communicate.

Normally a person will apologise if she/he says anything that hurt or if she/he is in the wrong.

Face it. You married a sinkie and that is how sinkie behave. ( take note at the part on red)

When they are in the wrong, they are not humble enough to apologised. The self-delusion of being first world no matter what and everyone should bow to them.

And yes, now you eat free rice and she earns the bread. She dun seems to want to be on equal grounds leh and not open her mind enough to accept a guy who eat free bread.

 

[eatshitndie]

An interesting incident happened the next day, she turned on the internet, and was browsing, and then she told me to look at some sites, after she is done, she told me to off the internet, and I was like - ok, I will do it later. And it start again, why do you always leave the internet on when you are not using it. Our network is not secured, what if someone tap in? Then she is off to bed.

Excuse me? I think you turned it on, not me leh?

the first thing your wife and you must realize is that no one, i repeat, no one, can turn "on" or "off" the internet. until a global mass extinction event or you both understand the moronic mindsets you both possess, there's no simple solution to your problem.

 

[catch71]

thanks for all the views. Actually, i also think that it is very minor and i should not be feeling upset. But I am being honest w myself, and i do feel upset.

truth is, we earn our own keep. during the period when i am not working, i am still doing my part for the family as far as finance is concerned. non issue there. she does have some unhappiness about lifestyle, as even her secertary stays in a condo, while we stay in a HDB. sometimes, she would mention like : if only you can make the same amt of $ as i do, we will be staying in a much nicer place. But to me, the up side is that we do not need to sweat over money.

Man always talk about how jiak liat we are when we drink kopi, women always talk about how good life is for them when they drink kopi - at least I think so. She has a friend who is not working, but putting up at a condo in robertson, and i get a lot of grief over that whenever they meet up.

No worries, I am not going to start shouting and picking up a fight, I also know that these are minor incidents and I really should not be upset over them (although i am, very, over the past 2 days)

But putting them down in words, and working thru the various possibilities, as raised by the bros here, I think I am just being sensitive, plus, my missus is a little domineering.

but then again, her lifestyle and surrounding has changed too much since the day i met her, her income has one extra '0', while mine has more or less stagnate, so what is how we value things have changed.

Actually, I think i need some lessons on how to deal with confrontation. So far. I have dealt with them by avoiding it, or giving in, but fuming inside. Personally, i think it is not healthy, and cowardly. But i find it even harder to pick a fight / quarrel with anyone. No, I am not referring to my wife, but in general.

Guess my development is not complete in some aspect.... anyone else has the same problem?

 

[lolabunny]

Why am I upset over a seemingly small matter?

Let’s put things in perspective:

Are there things that you are doing to her that you are not saying here? You should reflect on yourself. And you definitely need some help.

You should confront her seriously. You are on the verge of jumping off a building already, what else is more important than your life?

 

[pia]

Bro, I think it's not a problem with you.. it's with her too.

From what you described, she's likely the type who need to "keep up with the Joneses" and her meetings with friends are basically a show-and-tell of who's better off in wealth. Highly damaging. You need to spend more time with her your son elsewhere and avoid her meeting these bad company.

At the moment, she's probably thinking she's got the "wrong" husband who can't elevate her status level to her friends'.

I don't know if you can, or if not, as suggested by bros here, 3rd party like counseller, bring her back to the fundaments... why she married you in the first place. I don't believe it was for money, so there are definitely lost of other reasons why she chose this Mr. Right.

Another thing is to rid yourself of any inferior complex due to her earning that extra "0". That's is, if you have. Money is not everything in a married life, and the sooner you and her realise and accept this fact, and focus on other matters that really matter, like mutual respect, son's welfare, and.. ya.. love. It will be the things other than money which will save your marriage.. which looks on the rocks at the moment.

Just my 2 cents worth of advice. We're not perfect, but it helps if we try. You should take the first step. Cheers

 

[tonychat]

Are there things that you are doing to her that you are not saying here? You should reflect on yourself. And you definitely need some help.

You should confront her seriously. You are on the verge of jumping off a building already, what else is more important than your life?

ARe you trying to say that it is the man's fault and he should do more for the girl so the problem will be solve.

That is the reason why i stay away from sinkie woman.

 

[tonychat]

Bro, I think it's not a problem with you.. it's with her too.

From what you described, she's likely the type who need to "keep up with the Joneses" and her meetings with friends are basically a show-and-tell of who's better off in wealth. Highly damaging. You need to spend more time with her your son elsewhere and avoid her meeting these bad company.

At the moment, she's probably thinking she's got the "wrong" husband who can't elevate her status level to her friends'.

I don't know if you can, or if not, as suggested by bros here, 3rd party like counseller, bring her back to the fundaments... why she married you in the first place. I don't believe it was for money, so there are definitely lost of other reasons why she chose this Mr. Right.

Another thing is to rid yourself of any inferior complex due to her earning that extra "0". That's is, if you have. Money is not everything in a married life, and the sooner you and her realise and accept this fact, and focus on other matters that really matter, like mutual respect, son's welfare, and.. ya.. love. It will be the things other than money which will save your marriage.. which looks on the rocks at the moment.

Just my 2 cents worth of advice. We're not perfect, but it helps if we try. You should take the first step. Cheers

That is what i mean by sinkie behavior. They have nothing to do in life , instead of trying to work toward being in harmony with her family , she just go and trying to compare and compete.. What a disgusting behavior!!!!

And pls for catchy, dun be a wimp, you really sound like a wimpy guy.. PLs "Man Up" yourself.

 

[lolabunny]

Bro, I think it's not a problem with you.. it's with her too.

From what you described, she's likely the type who need to "keep up with the Joneses" and her meetings with friends are basically a show-and-tell of who's better off in wealth. Highly damaging. You need to spend more time with her your son elsewhere and avoid her meeting these bad company.

At the moment, she's probably thinking she's got the "wrong" husband who can't elevate her status level to her friends'.

I don't know if you can, or if not, as suggested by bros here, 3rd party like counseller, bring her back to the fundaments... why she married you in the first place. I don't believe it was for money, so there are definitely lost of other reasons why she chose this Mr. Right.

Another thing is to rid yourself of any inferior complex due to her earning that extra "0". That's is, if you have. Money is not everything in a married life, and the sooner you and her realise and accept this fact, and focus on other matters that really matter, like mutual respect, son's welfare, and.. ya.. love. It will be the things other than money which will save your marriage.. which looks on the rocks at the moment.

Just my 2 cents worth of advice. We're not perfect, but it helps if we try. You should take the first step. Cheers

Totally agree. I think both hubby and wife should examine themselves here.

I know that catch is probably stressed out given a wife like that but catch, have you ever talked to her properly? Maybe she's stressed out from having to earn money given that you make less than her.

One thing i have to point out, and this is purely a woman's POV -- SHE LOVES YOU. Why do I say that? If she didn't she'd have left, not fight it out in the working world. She's working for you and the kid.

You yourself said that she didn't pressure you when you weren't working much in the 2008. So I think that alone, she's good to you, more than most women can ever do.

Moreover, has it occurred to any of the brothers here that she could be absent minded because she's stressed out at work?

One thread runs clear -- she forgets that she was the one who did certain things while accusing you of doing them.

THIS IS NOT BOSSY. THIS IS A MEMORY PROBLEM. She may have a brain tumour. You should ask her to seek medical help.

Either that, or she's stressed out at work, not telling you and this is manifesting like that.

Hope you can save your sanity and marriage. Your wife is not perfect, but she has her redeeming qualities. And you do love her if you even bother to type this out.

 

[Leongsam]

just an advice though...

Should be "just some advice" or "just a piece of advice."

"Advice" is a non countable noun.

 

[tonychat]

Maybe she's stressed out from having to earn money given that you make less than her.

What's new, that is how women thinks. I thought they want equality? no? So it is still back to the basic? Woman the housekeeper while man the bread winner.