Why am I upset over a seemingly small matter?
Let’s put things in perspective:
The incident:
My missus took a piece of bread for my son, and left the seal open. Later that night, she saw the unsealed package, and told me, “why do you always leave things like that? Seal back the bread package!” I told her she was the one who opened it. She walked away, when I told her she should apologize, she ignored me, and instead told my son, who is too young to understand anyway, that papa is a very sensitive man, and like to pick a fight over very small issues.
The point is : this is not the first time such things have happened. I have always rationalized to myself that she doesn’t know / think it is hurtful, and I should not read too much into it. However, one incident, two times, many many times over the years, it starts to bug me.
As an analogy :-
If I keep pressing at one point in your thigh, after many times, it will start to hurt. I do not like to “eat dead cat” and I think nobody likes it.
Sometimes, I wonder if I am being too sensitive?
An interesting incident happened the next day, she turned on the internet, and was browsing, and then she told me to look at some sites, after she is done, she told me to off the internet, and I was like - ok, I will do it later. And it start again, why do you always leave the internet on when you are not using it. Our network is not secured, what if someone tap in? Then she is off to bed.
Excuse me? I think you turned it on, not me leh?
The question to me is : Is she too proud to apologize? Or does she really think it is so minor, and it is acceptable to talk like that between husband and wife? I have expressed unease over the way we communicate many times, and I am concerned that my son will grow up adopting these habits, but it does not seem to register with her….
Am I sensitive because I cared about how my wife talk to me, or is it just inferior complex? Would I care as much if it is someone else who talk like that to me? Would things be different if I am more successful than her in my career? Would I still feel the same way, or would she still behave in the same manner?
I am posting and asking for opinion because I am not even sure if the fault lies with me? I do not want to kick up a fuss over small things like this… but I am also unwilling to live like this for the next 30 years.
Dun get me wrong, my wife is a Singaporean, tough as nails at work, and considerably successful at work. She does not go out partying, and for the good part of '08 when I was not working, she does not pressure me at all. In fact, I thought she was very supportive. As such, there are still many positives in my marriage, except for such incidents. Personally, I think it has to do with family background, cos that is how her siblings communicate. But I do not want my family to communicate in the same way.
Any sincere opinions are welcomed, sorry if you guys think I am ball-less, but as I explained to my friend once, if I have a choice of jumping off a building, or putting up with the nagging, I would choose to jump off the building. I know one of my weakness is I really do not like a confrontation, esp if I am not 100% correct.
But this is driving me crazy, sometimes I think I am even suicidal due to stress like this…. Over such minor incidents? I think I need help?
Let’s put things in perspective:
The incident:
My missus took a piece of bread for my son, and left the seal open. Later that night, she saw the unsealed package, and told me, “why do you always leave things like that? Seal back the bread package!” I told her she was the one who opened it. She walked away, when I told her she should apologize, she ignored me, and instead told my son, who is too young to understand anyway, that papa is a very sensitive man, and like to pick a fight over very small issues.
The point is : this is not the first time such things have happened. I have always rationalized to myself that she doesn’t know / think it is hurtful, and I should not read too much into it. However, one incident, two times, many many times over the years, it starts to bug me.
As an analogy :-
If I keep pressing at one point in your thigh, after many times, it will start to hurt. I do not like to “eat dead cat” and I think nobody likes it.
Sometimes, I wonder if I am being too sensitive?
An interesting incident happened the next day, she turned on the internet, and was browsing, and then she told me to look at some sites, after she is done, she told me to off the internet, and I was like - ok, I will do it later. And it start again, why do you always leave the internet on when you are not using it. Our network is not secured, what if someone tap in? Then she is off to bed.
Excuse me? I think you turned it on, not me leh?
The question to me is : Is she too proud to apologize? Or does she really think it is so minor, and it is acceptable to talk like that between husband and wife? I have expressed unease over the way we communicate many times, and I am concerned that my son will grow up adopting these habits, but it does not seem to register with her….
Am I sensitive because I cared about how my wife talk to me, or is it just inferior complex? Would I care as much if it is someone else who talk like that to me? Would things be different if I am more successful than her in my career? Would I still feel the same way, or would she still behave in the same manner?
I am posting and asking for opinion because I am not even sure if the fault lies with me? I do not want to kick up a fuss over small things like this… but I am also unwilling to live like this for the next 30 years.
Dun get me wrong, my wife is a Singaporean, tough as nails at work, and considerably successful at work. She does not go out partying, and for the good part of '08 when I was not working, she does not pressure me at all. In fact, I thought she was very supportive. As such, there are still many positives in my marriage, except for such incidents. Personally, I think it has to do with family background, cos that is how her siblings communicate. But I do not want my family to communicate in the same way.
Any sincere opinions are welcomed, sorry if you guys think I am ball-less, but as I explained to my friend once, if I have a choice of jumping off a building, or putting up with the nagging, I would choose to jump off the building. I know one of my weakness is I really do not like a confrontation, esp if I am not 100% correct.
But this is driving me crazy, sometimes I think I am even suicidal due to stress like this…. Over such minor incidents? I think I need help?
