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<TR>Aug 3, 2009
Easy way out? Divorce is last resort
</TR><!-- headline one : start --><TR>Many put up with years of abuse before split: Aware
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<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->I REFER to the letter by Focus On The Family last Thursday, 'Why we value marriage but behave as if we don't', which states: 'Divorce, which was once viewed as a family tragedy, is now viewed as a new kind of success - an assertive move, especially by women, to take control of one's life.'
We wonder what evidence Focus On The Family has for coming to this conclusion. The Direct Services arm of the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) regularly handles cases of women who seek help with troubled marriages. Most of them have put up with years of abuse of one kind or another, with cheating or absent husbands, or inadequate financial support for the family. These women typically put off any thought of divorce because they believe in keeping the family intact for the sake of the children.
It is usually the women who come forward for help to salvage troubled marriages. Sadly, the men often refuse or are resistant to help. Only after many attempts to reach out for solutions do some women conclude that there is no choice but to divorce. For them, there is relief when the legal battle is over, but invariably they wish this decision was never placed on them.
We agree that 'what distinguishes a good marriage from a bad one is how the couple are able to resolve differences'. But when a marriage is bad, there must be the option to step out of it. The woman who finds herself trapped in an abusive, humiliating marriage should take control of her life.
Focus On The Family appears to imply that moving away from stereotyping gender roles is what leads to unhappy marriages and divorce, because it causes 'confusion as to how to be men and women in the family today'. This sounds like advocating a return to the days when the man was the breadwinner and the woman stayed at home and cooked and cleaned and cared for the children.
We cannot turn back the clock. The world has changed, economic activity has changed, gender roles have changed. Women go out to work as much because their families need the income as because they want to achieve their full potential. The responsibility for childcare, for keeping the family intact and the marriage fulfilling must be shared equally between men and women.
Dana Lam (Ms)
President
Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware)
</TR>
<TR>Aug 3, 2009
Easy way out? Divorce is last resort
</TR><!-- headline one : start --><TR>Many put up with years of abuse before split: Aware
</TR><!-- headline one : end --><!-- show image if available --></TBODY></TABLE>
<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->I REFER to the letter by Focus On The Family last Thursday, 'Why we value marriage but behave as if we don't', which states: 'Divorce, which was once viewed as a family tragedy, is now viewed as a new kind of success - an assertive move, especially by women, to take control of one's life.'
We wonder what evidence Focus On The Family has for coming to this conclusion. The Direct Services arm of the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) regularly handles cases of women who seek help with troubled marriages. Most of them have put up with years of abuse of one kind or another, with cheating or absent husbands, or inadequate financial support for the family. These women typically put off any thought of divorce because they believe in keeping the family intact for the sake of the children.
It is usually the women who come forward for help to salvage troubled marriages. Sadly, the men often refuse or are resistant to help. Only after many attempts to reach out for solutions do some women conclude that there is no choice but to divorce. For them, there is relief when the legal battle is over, but invariably they wish this decision was never placed on them.
We agree that 'what distinguishes a good marriage from a bad one is how the couple are able to resolve differences'. But when a marriage is bad, there must be the option to step out of it. The woman who finds herself trapped in an abusive, humiliating marriage should take control of her life.
Focus On The Family appears to imply that moving away from stereotyping gender roles is what leads to unhappy marriages and divorce, because it causes 'confusion as to how to be men and women in the family today'. This sounds like advocating a return to the days when the man was the breadwinner and the woman stayed at home and cooked and cleaned and cared for the children.
We cannot turn back the clock. The world has changed, economic activity has changed, gender roles have changed. Women go out to work as much because their families need the income as because they want to achieve their full potential. The responsibility for childcare, for keeping the family intact and the marriage fulfilling must be shared equally between men and women.
Dana Lam (Ms)
President
Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware)
