For a woman, being promiscuous can be socially devastating, so she employs “anti-slut defense” to maintain a perception of purity, even if she wants to have sex with you.
Also, other women will slut-shame and judge other women to gain a competitive edge in the mating market. All this contributes to a potential sexual stigma many women feel.
It is so ingrained in most cultures that, despite a few recent cultural changes toward a more sexually liberated world, it cannot undo the harm caused by the sex-negative norms related to female sexuality. Young girls learn from their parents that screwing around is bad, and this impacts their self-worth.
And even though sexual liberalism is found all over and promoted by women in the media, social media, and pop culture, the stigma remains. They will always bump into judgmental people – those who will not only judge them but also potentially impair their social reputation.
Women care deeply about where they stand in the social hierarchy. Their status, and particularly their “sexual status,” has a huge impact on their desirability to men. Many men are looking for what I call “virgin sluts” – girls who can satisfy all their sexual kinks and needs while being “a clean Madonna.” This is closely related to the common Madonna/Whore Complex.
Men seek purity but also get bored with it. What irony.
Many women are aware that men seek “purity,” so she will:
You’ll hear verbal statements like:
But it can also be communicated non-verbally:
And again, like everything else in this field, try out something. If it doesn’t work, do something else. We never possess full information about a situation, and therefore, we must make assumptions and calibrate accordingly. This is no exception.
External ASD will cause her to avoid certain behaviors so she doesn’t feel judged or viewed negatively. Mind that those "judges" don’t always have to be close circles, like friends, but could be acquaintances and even strangers. For instance, women care about their public perception, so if they feel judged, even if by total strangers, it is still a big deal to them.
Sometimes, basking in the perception of purity overwhelms her desire to get nasty with you. If you want action, isolate!
In other words, if she feels like she is socially exposed, her defense mechanisms will pop up. Therefore, it is generally a bad idea to escalate too much physically in front of her friends unless she is one of those "I don’t care what others think" kind of girls, or her friends really like you. (Social value can actually help diminish anti-slut defense – I have written about this in my post on the importance of social value.)
Viable solutions to this form of anti-slut defense:
Therefore, even if there are no people around, she may still have her defenses up, because hooking up with you may make her feel dirty, unworthy, and slutty. This can be a tough one, but these girls usually love feeling liberated – unless their defense is caused by a strong belief, such as Christian or Muslim values, etc. (even then – I once had a girl put on a hijab post-sex!)
The way you deal with this form of anti-slut defense is by:
This is a big one. Some women will put up their defenses, not only to protect themselves but to appear as more attractive potential long-term girlfriends.
They feel that (or even know that) many men want “virgin sluts,” and therefore will put on that mask – a false purity to make the guy think they are long-term girlfriend material.
The problem is – it is usually only a mask. I once knew a guy who met a girl like this. The guy kept on insisting all my girls were sluts – what a jackass.
And interestingly, he kept insisting how his new girlfriend was not like the rest – she was no slut. She was pure, only his, and never had a dirty past.
That same night, I met this cute blonde at a private party. Things escalated quickly, and we made out. We ended up in a bathroom, and I screwed multiple of her holes. The sex was passionate, and she enjoyed it.
We eventually parted ways.
Later, I met this guy (different guy from 3 paragraphs up) who introduced me to his new “pure” girlfriend. It was the girl I just had filthy sex with in the bathroom. Yup.
Of course, I kept my mouth shut.
The point is, if you are looking for purity, you will be looking for something fake. Does that mean women are dirty? No! I think the right way to think about that is to try to learn to enjoy women for who they truly are. I believe you may even discover they are cooler than you, though. In my opinion, women are cooler, more fun, and more interesting once you start to understand and accept them for who and what they are.
Anyway, back to my point. Sometimes women will have fears about you being open to accepting her as the sexual being she truly is and therefore will hold back her sexual needs and desires. It may be a response to something you did or said, but it can just happen for no reason, perhaps out of habit on her part.
No matter what, make sure you handle it right.
Suggested solutions are generally the same here:
What Is Anti-Slut Defense (ASD)?
Anti-slut defense refers to a common female defense mechanism against social sanctions related to the slut label or any negative perceptions related to female sexual behavior. Even though we may have entered a more sexually liberated era in the West (for good and bad), the truth remains that many women still feel, or at least act upon, the female promiscuity stigma. After all, some men still judge women for acting upon their needs and desires, which, in my opinion, is their right as much as men.Also, other women will slut-shame and judge other women to gain a competitive edge in the mating market. All this contributes to a potential sexual stigma many women feel.
It is so ingrained in most cultures that, despite a few recent cultural changes toward a more sexually liberated world, it cannot undo the harm caused by the sex-negative norms related to female sexuality. Young girls learn from their parents that screwing around is bad, and this impacts their self-worth.
And even though sexual liberalism is found all over and promoted by women in the media, social media, and pop culture, the stigma remains. They will always bump into judgmental people – those who will not only judge them but also potentially impair their social reputation.
Women care deeply about where they stand in the social hierarchy. Their status, and particularly their “sexual status,” has a huge impact on their desirability to men. Many men are looking for what I call “virgin sluts” – girls who can satisfy all their sexual kinks and needs while being “a clean Madonna.” This is closely related to the common Madonna/Whore Complex.
Men seek purity but also get bored with it. What irony.
Many women are aware that men seek “purity,” so she will:
- Hide her sexual desires and needs
- Deny herself to guys
- Hold back potential promiscuous behavior
- Back off from their sexual advances
You’ll hear verbal statements like:
- “I am not that kind of girl”
- “I never had a one-night stand” (rarely true)
- “I am not a slut”
But it can also be communicated non-verbally:
- Resisting your moves
- Pulling your hand away
- Pushing back and telling you “Hey, that’s too much.” (but this can mean many other things, like lack of compliance/attraction)
- Women Really Do Like Sex
- How to Use Pattern Interrupts to Bust Through LMR
- What to Do When Women Resist Your Charms
- Display low-key behavior
- Be a sexually liberated man, displaying a sexually liberated attitude
- Show high social value (can minimize ASD)
- Isolate her
- And to some extent – persistence, as it reduces the girl’s guilt since you were the one persisting after all)
And again, like everything else in this field, try out something. If it doesn’t work, do something else. We never possess full information about a situation, and therefore, we must make assumptions and calibrate accordingly. This is no exception.
External Anti-Slut Defense
This is usually caused by external factors like her surroundings – for example, social circle, her friends, or professional circle.External ASD will cause her to avoid certain behaviors so she doesn’t feel judged or viewed negatively. Mind that those "judges" don’t always have to be close circles, like friends, but could be acquaintances and even strangers. For instance, women care about their public perception, so if they feel judged, even if by total strangers, it is still a big deal to them.
Sometimes, basking in the perception of purity overwhelms her desire to get nasty with you. If you want action, isolate!
In other words, if she feels like she is socially exposed, her defense mechanisms will pop up. Therefore, it is generally a bad idea to escalate too much physically in front of her friends unless she is one of those "I don’t care what others think" kind of girls, or her friends really like you. (Social value can actually help diminish anti-slut defense – I have written about this in my post on the importance of social value.)
Viable solutions to this form of anti-slut defense:
- Isolation (should be done at all times – if possible)
- Display low-key behavior
Internal Anti-Slut Defense
This form is a bit complex, as her surroundings do not necessarily cause it (however, surroundings can reinforce it), but it’s related to internal factors like her self-image. In this case, she is afraid of feeling like a slut. It’s because all her life she has feared this label, and the experience becomes traumatic for her.Therefore, even if there are no people around, she may still have her defenses up, because hooking up with you may make her feel dirty, unworthy, and slutty. This can be a tough one, but these girls usually love feeling liberated – unless their defense is caused by a strong belief, such as Christian or Muslim values, etc. (even then – I once had a girl put on a hijab post-sex!)
The way you deal with this form of anti-slut defense is by:
- Reframing sex as natural and not a big deal
- Being nonjudgmental
Anti-Slut Defense Caused by You
Or any other guy.This is a big one. Some women will put up their defenses, not only to protect themselves but to appear as more attractive potential long-term girlfriends.
They feel that (or even know that) many men want “virgin sluts,” and therefore will put on that mask – a false purity to make the guy think they are long-term girlfriend material.
The problem is – it is usually only a mask. I once knew a guy who met a girl like this. The guy kept on insisting all my girls were sluts – what a jackass.
And interestingly, he kept insisting how his new girlfriend was not like the rest – she was no slut. She was pure, only his, and never had a dirty past.
That same night, I met this cute blonde at a private party. Things escalated quickly, and we made out. We ended up in a bathroom, and I screwed multiple of her holes. The sex was passionate, and she enjoyed it.
We eventually parted ways.
Later, I met this guy (different guy from 3 paragraphs up) who introduced me to his new “pure” girlfriend. It was the girl I just had filthy sex with in the bathroom. Yup.
Of course, I kept my mouth shut.
The point is, if you are looking for purity, you will be looking for something fake. Does that mean women are dirty? No! I think the right way to think about that is to try to learn to enjoy women for who they truly are. I believe you may even discover they are cooler than you, though. In my opinion, women are cooler, more fun, and more interesting once you start to understand and accept them for who and what they are.
Anyway, back to my point. Sometimes women will have fears about you being open to accepting her as the sexual being she truly is and therefore will hold back her sexual needs and desires. It may be a response to something you did or said, but it can just happen for no reason, perhaps out of habit on her part.
No matter what, make sure you handle it right.
Suggested solutions are generally the same here:
- Reframe sex as natural and no big deal
- Display a nonjudgmental attitude; be nonjudgmental and open-minded
