Today I had 1 to 1 lunch meeting in office with my lady line manager boss

[bigcockman]

Are these just stories or are they real? Cos’ what she said was exactly what I was thinking.

I swear it is real.

 

[bigcockman]

Having managed a sizable regional department in a MNC before, here's my thoughts on your situation. What I'm going to say probably isn't going to sound pleasing, but here goes:

1) Your entire thought process of thinking meeting project milestones should lead to a promotion is wrong in the first place. All it demonstrates is you are competent in your current assignments, perhaps a case can be made that you should be given a performance bonus, but promotion implies capability to fill a bigger role which is a different ball game altogether.

2) Generally most jobs tend to slant more towards stakeholder engagement and less on individual technical competency the more senior it gets. Some of the examples cited by your boss (I assume it's true as you did not dispute any of them as not factual) do seem like you have difficulty in managing both your external (customers) and internal (colleagues, subordinates and boss) stakeholders.

While most companies and bosses are more tolerant of such inadequacies as long as you can do your basic job correctly, such competency gaps become more glaring and detrimental the higher you climb in the corporate ladder. In short, doing/saying what you feel like as long as you get the job done without caring too much about the impact on stakeholders and the organization around you is a luxury for juniors only.

3) You have admitted you argued with your boss over all the points she raised. That is further evidence of a) You still haven't grasp the change in mindset required to move to a higher position and b) You do not know how to handle your most important stakeholder, the boss. That's not exactly very confidence inspiring for any manager to put you up for promotion.

4) Although you managed not shout to out expletives directly in front of your boss, the fact is internally you have already gotten all emotional over a very common scenario of your boss communicating a few areas of improvement she would like to "wait and see" before deciding. Maybe she's just procrastinating and has no intention to promote you, but that's not the main issue here. What I'm trying to say is your going mentally ballistic is not evidence of the emotional stability required for moving up to larger roles.

Hope this helps.

What did I do wrong? Why can't I be authentic and be myself.

Must I act like a hypocrite at work. It isn't me. My parents bring me up as a honest person.

Are you saying I dump all my morals into the bin? Be a Yes man and let her pillage and plunder my body and soul?

;(

 

[batman1]

Why should I? I am a competent worker.

In real life,what u think u are is not important .It is what your immediate superior thinks of u.U may be competent but your superior may give the promotion to another person because she like the other person or the other person has connections to the director or shareholder.

 

[eatshitndie]

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I still keep the VISA gift card the managers gave me. Hold it dearly to my heart.

I feel very sad now.

Brings back good memories when I felt appreciated and proud of myself. Confident. Positive. Was reading the performance review they gave me. Who are they talking about? I am now just a fucking pile of shit.

Why? MEDICINE. FUCK YOU MEDICINE. FUCK DOCTORING! Took away my soul my happiness.

don’t need appreciation from anybody. just be happy with yourself that you make it to canada (and the best part of canada) and able to provide for your spouse and kids. most important, it is your kids’ futures that are secured and their happiness looking forward when they look back growing up. they want daddy to be there with them when they get married and when they have kids.

 

[eatshitndie]

It is too late already lah.

Daddy is dead. I may not be physically dead. But my spirit and my soul has been murdered by medicine.

I am no longer who I was.

no lah. walk around the town, and when townsfolk realize you are a doc they will smile, appreciate, and envy you. be proud!

 

[JohnTan]

During the 1-1 lunch meeting in her office room, she asked me how I rate my performance for 2021.

I said I did my best and have delivered good performance milestones and should be able hit my project targets by end of year.

She look at my project updates I have prepared and sent her this morning. She agreed with me.

I then asked if she is putting me up for promotion to the next salary grade for Year 2022.

She hesitated. Then she says she is not too sure. I asked her why as I am a consistent performer.

She added that I lacked EQ, so she will adopt a "wait and see" approach before deciding nearer the end of the year.

I asked her to list examples of where I lack in EQ.

She listed as follows;:

1. Refusal to speak Mandarin to Mainland Chinese clients when I am fully conversant in Mandarin,

2. Overreacting over a mooncake gift as bribe from a fellow colleague,

3. Refusal to have lunch meeting with her to discuss work at her home,
4. Always deep in thoughts in office like day dreaming to the extent that I am not aware of her presence in office,

and a few more other instances like always copying her in my emails over matters that I have the authority and power to deal with.

So I argued with her over all these examples she listed.

Then she said I have a very argumentative character too.

I was like wanting to scold her Fucking Smelly Chow Chee Bye Slutty Bitch, I QUIT!!!

But I managed to control myself and now deep in thoughts sitting in my workstation.

Do you think she is making my life difficult on purpose by citing all these non performance related issues?

Or she has ulterior motives to make me her toy boy??? Am I being sexually harassed by her?

I feel very exhausted and sian with low motivation now. Sigh..... :(

If you still refuse to shape up, your lady boss would have no choice but to replace you with a more talented staff from India or Philippines.

 

[vamjok]

@bigcockman i worked in officr before.

Started as newbie. $15/hr Train with senior manager. Learn fast. Also got on well with her.

After 3 month probation over they raised my pay to $20/hr. They said is a first for them but impressed with my performance. Also was supposed to enrol and do some land admin course eith Olds College. They told me no need liao cos I alrwady know more than the course.

Another month later they say got good feedback from clients that I did work for. Requests for me to handle files for the biggest oil company client. Challenge is that the project manager handling that account is a "difficult bitch".

I said ok I will join the department.

I very careful when talking to manager. Work hard. Work fast. Make little mistakes. Get approvals fast. Got on well with the manager also. Dont find her a problem actually. Can see why people say she is "difficult". Just follow what she says and agree.

As the months go by I start to see other department managers come to me to ask if I am able to help with "rush" projects on top of my regular work. I say ok I will try. I had made good relationships with people at ASRD and other land admin at various oil companies. so i manage to get the rush projects done. Everyone is happy. I am happy too. Able to make the "impossible" possible.

One day office senior manager comes to me and says want to speak to me about something. I thought shit. Complaint? Going to fire me? Retrench? I said ok I will go to see you in a bit.

Shortwhile later she shows up at my cubicle. Says the other managers and I have noticed you working hard and helping the company in all areas and wish to show you a token of appreciation for your efforts. She gives me a thank you card and a $100 visa gift card. I said fhank you i appreicate this very much.

After she left i cried. Actually typing this i am also crying.

Because in my entire life as a doctor i have never had any such words of thanks and appteciation for my work. Medicine is fucked up only know how to criticize and discilpline and only talk to you when there is problem.

After 1 year the HR and president of company ask me whether I am keen to take on the role of project manager for the company biggest client. My "difficult" project manager who i dont find difficult is semi retiring. Built a house in Penticton. Moving there with her husband. I said sure. They said feedback from the senior landman at CNRL says I am good. Always contactable. Fast in response. Accurate in information. Gets approvals done. No errors.

So promotion. $30/hr to start.

I also am sponsored to do my landman licence course which leads to future opporunities within the company.

I was going places in the industry.

And this was all in the year i was studing for my MCCEE MCCQE1 NAC OSCE and MMI exams and applying for family medicine residency and attended 1 interview at U of C.

2 weeks later U of C calls me. I did not match first round. But someone pulled out. I am top on reserve list. Ask if i want become dr again. Sigh. I said ok.

They give me 1 week to resign from my current job and move from Edmonton to Calgary. Need to do 3 month assessment. No pay. Stipend lf $1000/month for 3 months. No guarantees. If fail then no residency. If pass then residency $40,000 year first year $50,000 a year 2nd year.

Now back to medicine where rhere is no promotion. There is no bonus. There is no performance incentives. It is just volume. Stay out of trouble. So what you help patient diagnose properly is shingles and not eczema and treat correctly? Nothing. Lots of people individual siao lang. No key people. No career advancement. Every year talk about cutting billing ie cutting salary.

I totally regret leaving my career to become fucking dr seriously. Medicine treats HCW like beggars. Like we owe medicine. Fuck medicine.

@bigcockman I give you some tips. Give praise and appreciation where it is due. Must be real and sincere. People will love you for it. If someone does good work tell them! Say thank you. If someone help you at work give them a gift. $20 starbucks gift card. Or even write a thank you card. If people are doing extra work thank them. Acknowledge. Too often people work and feel unappreciated.

People are dying for recognition and appreciation. Give it when it is due.

Praise is from the heart. Flattery is through the teeth. Appeal to the nobler self.

A good book to read is Dale Carnegie's how to make friends and influence people. Get the old old version. Classic. Not the updated one.

wah bro...read your story really makes me respect you more. you give up a medical career locally to go oversea, take on some odd jobs to get on your feet. you have my respect bro.

 

[maxsanic]

What did I do wrong? Why can't I be authentic and be myself.

Must I act like a hypocrite at work. It isn't me. My parents bring me up as a honest person.

Are you saying I dump all my morals into the bin? Be a Yes man and let her pillage and plunder my body and soul?

;(

You are confusing social etiquette with morality. Nobody is asking you to lie, cheat or steal - there are moral as well as immoral people amongst the higher ups in any company as well.

Every organization is made up of people and when there are people there will be a culture and socially acceptable norm. As no man is an island, your success at work will depend to a large extent on the help or at least the acquiesce of others. When you choose to ignore such norms, you will drop out of the game and as a result no matter how technically competent you are individually, you wouldn't be able to do much beyond simple direct assignments.

As you move up the corporate ladder, the expectations become exponentially higher and such expectations cannot be met by just individual brilliance, it would require mobilizing of financial and talent resources both within and outside your team. You will need to be able to get others to help you in delivering whether through goodwill, persuasion or coercion. Someone who goes around pissing everyone off, saying whatever he/she feels like, argue whenever he/she hears anything not nice isn't going to be able mobilize others effectively.

I have heard of this claim of "I'm no hypocrite like the rest!" from many subordinates and people I have coached over the years as well, my advice has always been the problem isn't about being hypocritical, but knowing when to say what, how to say it and to whom to say what. It's something people with high EQ seem to pick up easily while others can slowly learn through experience over the years as well.

Having said that, I also know some people who insist that they don't want to learn to play the game because of whatever moral standards they profess to uphold. To them I say you have three possible good choices:

1) Start to be humble and learn to play the game.

2) Consider a change in job that requires less of such social interactions, either more pay for performance such as commissioned sales (still need to at least please clients, but no need to deal with corporate games at least) or pick up a highly technical specialization where you can hide behind and just concentrate on doing something professionally sophisticated (not easy for anyone above 40 though)

3) Accept that by not playing the game you will not move up the corporate ladder and just be content with what you have. Do not be jealous or envious of others who move up.

Either of the options will lead to at least some form of tangible and intangible fulfilment. The worst and most common mistake people make is insist on staying in a job where skillful social interaction is required, refuse to play the game claiming moral high ground and at the same time getting all wound up when things don't go their way and people who have played the game progress forward.

 

[batman1]

What did I do wrong? Why can't I be authentic and be myself.

Must I act like a hypocrite at work. It isn't me. My parents bring me up as a honest person.

Are you saying I dump all my morals into the bin? Be a Yes man and let her pillage and plunder my body and soul?

;(

Your ass is on the line.Just be mentally prepared .Don't be shocked when u recd the notification in the morning.

 

[bigcockman]

Now I shall resign and psyche myself to being a prostitute that the working world wants. Sell my body sell my soul just to remain gainfully employed.

If that's life, I shall be a prostitute.

And in future when I get to be a senior leader in my industry I shall also turn and indoctrinate all your sons and daughters to be prostitutes of the mind body and soul.

 

[bigcockman]

The most if I can't handle it anymore, I still have 60 dormicum tabs in my freezer to end it all. Book a hotel stay and just disappear altogether.

 

[Morgernstern]

You are confusing social etiquette with morality. Nobody is asking you to lie, cheat or steal - there are moral as well as immoral people amongst the higher ups in any company as well.

Every organization is made up of people and when there are people there will be a culture and socially acceptable norm. As no man is an island, your success at work will depend to a large extent on the help or at least the acquiesce of others. When you choose to ignore such norms, you will drop out of the game and as a result no matter how technically competent you are individually, you wouldn't be able to do much beyond simple direct assignments.

As you move up the corporate ladder, the expectations become exponentially higher and such expectations cannot be met by just individual brilliance, it would require mobilizing of financial and talent resources both within and outside your team. You will need to be able to get others to help you in delivering whether through goodwill, persuasion or coercion. Someone who goes around pissing everyone off, saying whatever he/she feels like, argue whenever he/she hears anything not nice isn't going to be able mobilize others effectively.

I have heard of this claim of "I'm no hypocrite like the rest!" from many subordinates and people I have coached over the years as well, my advice has always been the problem isn't about being hypocritical, but knowing when to say what, how to say it and to whom to say what. It's something people with high EQ seem to pick up easily while others can slowly learn through experience over the years as well.

Having said that, I also know some people who insist that they don't want to learn to play the game because of whatever moral standards they profess to uphold. To them I say you have three possible good choices:

1) Start to be humble and learn to play the game.

2) Consider a change in job that requires less of such social interactions, either more pay for performance such as commissioned sales (still need to at least please clients, but no need to deal with corporate games at least) or pick up a highly technical specialization where you can hide behind and just concentrate on doing something professionally sophisticated (not easy for anyone above 40 though)

3) Accept that by not playing the game you will not move up the corporate ladder and just be content with what you have. Do not be jealous or envious of others who move up.

Either of the options will lead to at least some form of tangible and intangible fulfilment. The worst and most common mistake people make is insist on staying in a job where skillful social interaction is required, refuse to play the game claiming moral high ground and at the same time getting all wound up when things don't go their way and people who have played the game progress forward.

You are right.
I chose number 3. Left that job of 6 years, found a job with almost the same responsibilities and with higher pay than the previous job of 6 years.

Now I fly business class on my personal holidays to Europe.

 

[Asterix]

don’t need appreciation from anybody.

Don't know what happened to the doc's post. Think he used his "staff member" privileges to remove it altogether. So, no choice but to reply to your post instead. Helps to keep the discussion on track.

It is already too late for doc to make a career switch. My advice to doc is to see his current and much hated work as the means to an end and not an end in itself. He should already have enough financial capital to use money to make money. The hated doctor's work is just a source of stable income while he develops another source to replace it. Once the investment skills are developed, he can ditch the hated doctor's work and enjoy life.

 

[nayr69sg]

Don't know what happened to the doc's post. Think he used his "staff member" privileges to remove it altogether. So, no choice but to reply to your post instead. Helps to keep the discussion on track.

It is already too late for doc to make a career switch. My advice to doc is to see his current and much hated work as the means to an end and not an end in itself. He should already have enough financial capital to use money to make money. The hated doctor's work is just a source of stable income while he develops another source to replace it. Once the investment skills are developed, he can ditch the hated doctor's work and enjoy life.

I have been trying to do that. But I am hopeless at all these investing stuff and business stuff.

Calgary real estate has performed dismally since 2013.

I do not have enough capital in stocks to make a significant impact on the recent % gains either.

The more I try the more money I lose.

I now realize the situation is hopeless. I am better off just accepting my doctoring work is the best option financially.

Anyway that's the money side of things. Honestly I really have no desire to live longer or retire or enjoy life or whatever. I had never planned on doing that actually. I had moved to Canada to get away from medicine. It was an enforced justifiable way to get out.

But the same justifications landed me back in it.

Life is thus a torture and really no different from being in Singapore.

I really do hope I die soon. As time goes on I find it easier and easier to think of dying.

I now have settled on hanging myself as the way to finish myself off.

All i need is to buy the rope and practice tying the knots.

I will go buy the rope tomorrow.