<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR>Find time for each other to make marriage a success
</TR><!-- headline one : end --><!-- show image if available --></TBODY></TABLE>
<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->I REFER to last Thursday's letter by Focus On The Family, 'Why we value marriage but behave as if we don't'.
I have been married for 16 years, and the letter struck a chord with me. Moreover, I am also shocked by the number of divorces in my circle of friends.
Many will agree with me that it is harder to stay married these days. A lot of marriages are under attack and I am not surprised at the high divorce rate.
Though my own parents' marriage was a stormy one, they managed to hang on for the sake of the children. I learnt a thing or two about persevering despite the odds and their example helped me in my own marriage.
My marriage was a roller-coaster ride and there was even a short period of agreed separation when I worked in China two years ago so we could cool off. The relationship had almost died and there was nothing to look forward to, especially after several big disagreements over family matters. Needless to say, intimacy was at an all-time low.
Fortunately, we have now relocated to a less stressful work culture in Australia and our marriage is on the mend after a series of marriage counselling sessions.
There are two main stressors on most marriages in Singapore: work commitment and failure to make time for each other. Overworked, stressed out and always with no time for anything else, we fail to provide enough love nutrients in a marriage, finally starving it in the process.
In his sequel book, Why Mars And Venus Collide, Dr John Gray aptly wrote: 'Just as women recovering from stress have difficulty taking time for themselves, men under stress have difficulty being there for others.'
Our strong work ethic, though admirable, may cause many families to split up as couples find more tangible returns at work than at home.
Working wives find they do not need to depend on a man for livelihood or companionship. They find satisfaction in their work and will not hesitate to forgo a difficult marriage without trying hard to hang on.
I am not saying men are without fault. Many, including me, stop wooing their wives almost immediately after marriage. They stop going on dates, especially after the children arrive, neglecting their relationship in the process.
My wife and I now take time to watch television daily after work and spend one day a week on our own, either having dinner together or going shopping.
Our mutual decision to work on our marriage with counselling has caused us to enjoy our relationship again. After all, we still have many years to go and it is never good for a man or a woman to be alone.
Gilbert Goh
</TR><!-- headline one : end --><!-- show image if available --></TBODY></TABLE>
<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->I REFER to last Thursday's letter by Focus On The Family, 'Why we value marriage but behave as if we don't'.
I have been married for 16 years, and the letter struck a chord with me. Moreover, I am also shocked by the number of divorces in my circle of friends.
Many will agree with me that it is harder to stay married these days. A lot of marriages are under attack and I am not surprised at the high divorce rate.
Though my own parents' marriage was a stormy one, they managed to hang on for the sake of the children. I learnt a thing or two about persevering despite the odds and their example helped me in my own marriage.
My marriage was a roller-coaster ride and there was even a short period of agreed separation when I worked in China two years ago so we could cool off. The relationship had almost died and there was nothing to look forward to, especially after several big disagreements over family matters. Needless to say, intimacy was at an all-time low.
Fortunately, we have now relocated to a less stressful work culture in Australia and our marriage is on the mend after a series of marriage counselling sessions.
There are two main stressors on most marriages in Singapore: work commitment and failure to make time for each other. Overworked, stressed out and always with no time for anything else, we fail to provide enough love nutrients in a marriage, finally starving it in the process.
In his sequel book, Why Mars And Venus Collide, Dr John Gray aptly wrote: 'Just as women recovering from stress have difficulty taking time for themselves, men under stress have difficulty being there for others.'
Our strong work ethic, though admirable, may cause many families to split up as couples find more tangible returns at work than at home.
Working wives find they do not need to depend on a man for livelihood or companionship. They find satisfaction in their work and will not hesitate to forgo a difficult marriage without trying hard to hang on.
I am not saying men are without fault. Many, including me, stop wooing their wives almost immediately after marriage. They stop going on dates, especially after the children arrive, neglecting their relationship in the process.
My wife and I now take time to watch television daily after work and spend one day a week on our own, either having dinner together or going shopping.
Our mutual decision to work on our marriage with counselling has caused us to enjoy our relationship again. After all, we still have many years to go and it is never good for a man or a woman to be alone.
Gilbert Goh
