Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

[yinyang]

Job interview

An Office Manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified --
an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Gujarati from India.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked,

"What is the fastest thing you know?"

Dave, the American, replied, "A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head.
There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And now you sir?" he asked Vladimir, the Russian.
"Hmm... let me see. "A blink." It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened.
A BLINK is the fastest thing I know."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch.
When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on Yep,
Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man.
"It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.

Turning to Patel, the chap from India, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.

Patel replied, (in his Gujju accent!): "Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et's obius to me dat the fastest thing is "DIARRHOEA."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
The others were already giggling in their seats...
"Oh, I can expleyn sir," said Patel.

"You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I ran so fast to the baatrum,
but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I alredi done it !"

Patel is now the new "Office Manager" at Wal-Mart in Washington.

 

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[Wayne Piew]

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements, now how do you want their placements sir?"

M.D: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:-

1) If they are counting the bricks, Put them in Accounts deptt.

2) If they are re-counting the bricks, Put them in Auditing.

3) If they have messed up the whole room with the bricks, Put them in Engineering.

4) If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in Planning.

5) If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in Operations.

6) If they are sleeping, Put them in Security.

7) If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in Information Technology.

8) If they are sitting idle, Put them in Human Resources.

9) If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, Put them in Sales.

10) If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.

11) If they are staring out of the window, Put them in Strategic Planning.

And.......

12) If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
13) And if they keep blaming each other - put them in Khaw's Ministry of Transport...

 

[yinyang]

WHAT A LIFE WE LIVE!

Have you taken note of the CO-INCIDENCE OF LIFE:

1. CHURCH has 6 letters so does MOSQUE.

2. BIBLE has 5 letters so does QURAN.

3. LIFE has 4 letters so does DEAD.

4. HATE has 4 letters, so does LOVE.

5. ENEMIES has 7 letters, so does FRIENDS.

6. LYING has 5 letters, so does TRUTH.

7. HURT has 4 letters, so does HEAL.

8. NEGATIVE has 8 letters, so does POSITIVE.

9. FAILURE has 7 letters, so does SUCCESS.

10. BELOW has 5 letters, so does ABOVE.

11. CRY has 3 letters so does JOY.

12. ANGER has 5 letters, so does HAPPY.

13. RIGHT has 5 letters, so does WRONG.

14. RICH has 4 letters, so does POOR.

15. FAIL has 4 letters, so does PASS.

16. KNOWLEDGE has 9 letters, so does IGNORANCE.

Are they all by Coincidence? We should choose wisely, this means LIFE is like a double-edged sword.

 

[pakchewcheng]

The thing Mugabe will be missed for is his wit. These are some of his quotes:

1) "When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don’t take a goat as a friend."

2) "If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don’t walk around with X-ray machines to see inner beauty"

3) "When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour’s soup gets suspicious."

4) "Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow"

5) "Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real"

6) "If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first."

7) "What is the problem with deporting white men from Africa? We now have aeroplanes which can take them back quicker than the ships used by their ancestors."

8) "Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.

9) Interviewer: "Mr President, when are you bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?"
Robert Mugabe: "Where are they going?"

 

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Capt speaking

The flight attendant sees an odd couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.

“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, graceful and rich looking female passenger on board. She looks quite frightened, maybe abused.. and the man she’s with is fat, grumpy and orange-haired who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and devious looking! We must save the lady!"

The Captain responds, "Patricia, I’ve told you before....You do not work for United Airlines anymore. This is Air Force One. It’s your first day but for the last time... please learn to respect the American President!"

 

[yinyang]

Screwed?

Johnny knocks on the door of an exclusive brothel.
Through a small window, the Madam asked, “
What can I do for you, sir.”

“I like to get screwed”, answered Johnny.
“This is an exclusive club, to join you must slip S1000 under the door” , she answered.

Johnny did so, but the door didn’t open.
So he knocks the door again & the Madam reappears.
He said,”hey, I said I like to get screwed.”
“Again “ the Madam replied

 

[yinyang]

4 Husbands

4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital while waiting for their wives birth giving. then a nurse came out and told to the first daddy, "Congratulations, you got twins!".

"Oohh.. maybe its a coincident" said the daddy.

"I am working in Petronas Twin Towers".

Then another nurse came out and told to the second daddy,

"Congratulations! You have triplets!"

"Wooow!, this is a coincidence too" said the second daddy. "I am working for 3M Corporation"

Another nurse came out and told the third daddy, "Congratulations! Your wife got quadriplets!"

"Thank God! Maybe this is also a coincidence."

"I work in the Four Seasons Hotel!"

The fourth daddy-to-be was very worried. All the 3 daddies asked him, "Why are you so worried??

He answered, "I am working in Seven-Eleven!"

 

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It happens, person of year award

 

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OZ asylum

 

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Virtual banana

 

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Terror everywhere

 

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Risk
the New Yalta: Russia Iran and Turkey together in Syria Peace Plan

 

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Black fri?