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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,547
- Points
- 113
"Complete” or “Finished”?
No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between “complete” and “finished.”
However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgob in, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make that very distinction.
The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this:
“Some say there is no difference between ‘complete’ and ‘finished.’ Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.”
Answer:
Mr. Balgobin’s response: “When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.’ If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished.’
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘completely finished.'”
--------------------------------------------
4th Grade
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children in her class what their mothers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up — teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher gently prodded him about his mother.
He replied, “Well my mother’s an exotic dancer in a club and takes off all her clothes in front of men, and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.”
The teacher, obviously shaken by this bold statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to quietly ask him, “Is that really true about your mother, dear?”
Nope,” the boy said, “She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be the next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”
------------------------------------------
Old Couple Making Out?
A old married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondling her vagina.
He did this only for a very short while, and then he would stop and resume reading his book. The wife gradually became aroused with this, and thought that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement before going any further.
She got up and started stripping in front of him.
The husband was confused and asked “What are you doing taking your clothes off?”
The wife replied, “You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight.”
The husband said, “No, not at all.”
The wife then asked, “Well, what the hell were you doing then?”
“I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!”
No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between “complete” and “finished.”
However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgob in, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make that very distinction.
The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this:
“Some say there is no difference between ‘complete’ and ‘finished.’ Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.”
Answer:
Mr. Balgobin’s response: “When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.’ If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished.’
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘completely finished.'”
--------------------------------------------
4th Grade
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children in her class what their mothers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up — teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher gently prodded him about his mother.
He replied, “Well my mother’s an exotic dancer in a club and takes off all her clothes in front of men, and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.”
The teacher, obviously shaken by this bold statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside to quietly ask him, “Is that really true about your mother, dear?”
Nope,” the boy said, “She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be the next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.”
------------------------------------------
Old Couple Making Out?
A old married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondling her vagina.
He did this only for a very short while, and then he would stop and resume reading his book. The wife gradually became aroused with this, and thought that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement before going any further.
She got up and started stripping in front of him.
The husband was confused and asked “What are you doing taking your clothes off?”
The wife replied, “You were playing with my pussy. I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight.”
The husband said, “No, not at all.”
The wife then asked, “Well, what the hell were you doing then?”
“I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book!”
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- 12,289
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- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,547
- Points
- 113
BBC breaking news:p
BBC Breaking News - Suicide Bombers Go On Strike
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Maipants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
Al Jazeera.
BBC Breaking News - Suicide Bombers Go On Strike
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Maipants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
Al Jazeera.
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
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- 20,547
- Points
- 113
Miow:p Your terror twin Butoh asking for you, cat fight :p
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,547
- Points
- 113
WHAT IS VALENTINE'S DAY?
If you marry the right person, everyday is Valentine's Day.
Marry the wrong person, everyday is Ching Ming's Day.
Marry a lazy guy, everyday is Labour's Day.
Marry a rich fellow, everyday is Chinese New Year.
Marry a Casanova, everyday is Single's Day.
You marry a childish guy, everyday would seem like Children's Day.
Marry a cheater or liar, everyday will become April Fool's Day.
If you marry the right person, everyday is Valentine's Day.
Marry the wrong person, everyday is Ching Ming's Day.
Marry a lazy guy, everyday is Labour's Day.
Marry a rich fellow, everyday is Chinese New Year.
Marry a Casanova, everyday is Single's Day.
You marry a childish guy, everyday would seem like Children's Day.
Marry a cheater or liar, everyday will become April Fool's Day.
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- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,547
- Points
- 113
What Confucious did NOT say :p
What Confucius DID NOT say................But could have...
[TABLE="width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 100%"]
CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's' leg will not find nuts.
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
[TABLE="width: 100%"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 100%"]
CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's' leg will not find nuts.
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,547
- Points
- 113
How marriage works ???
A newly wed couple had only been married for two weeks. Husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out in town and party and drink with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I am going out and will be back soon.
'Where are you going honey bunch?' asked wife.
I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'
Wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She went and opened the door of the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries - Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
Husband didn't know what to do, the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop but at the bar U know they have
frozen glasses.'
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because wife interrupted him by saying - 'You want a frozen glass puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
Husband, looking bit pale, said, 'Yesss.. Tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those reshmi kababs, that are really delicious.. I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise.. Okkk?
'You want reshmi kababs poochie pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different types of ready to eat kababs, chicken wings, cutlet, mushroom, pork strips, etc.
'But my sweet honey.. At the bar... U know... There's swearing, dirty words and all that..'
'You want dirty words, you bastard?? Drink your fucking beer in your damn frozen mug and eat your shitty snacks, bcoz you got married now and you aren't going anywhere!! Got it, Asshole?'
So he stayed home...
And, they lived happily everafter..
A newly wed couple had only been married for two weeks. Husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out in town and party and drink with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I am going out and will be back soon.
'Where are you going honey bunch?' asked wife.
I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer.'
Wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She went and opened the door of the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries - Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
Husband didn't know what to do, the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, lolly pop but at the bar U know they have
frozen glasses.'
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because wife interrupted him by saying - 'You want a frozen glass puppy face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
Husband, looking bit pale, said, 'Yesss.. Tootsie roll, but at the Bar they have those reshmi kababs, that are really delicious.. I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise.. Okkk?
'You want reshmi kababs poochie pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different types of ready to eat kababs, chicken wings, cutlet, mushroom, pork strips, etc.
'But my sweet honey.. At the bar... U know... There's swearing, dirty words and all that..'
'You want dirty words, you bastard?? Drink your fucking beer in your damn frozen mug and eat your shitty snacks, bcoz you got married now and you aren't going anywhere!! Got it, Asshole?'
So he stayed home...
And, they lived happily everafter..
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2008
- Messages
- 20,547
- Points
- 113
It's really not difficult to make a wife happy.
A husband only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a man
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a charmer
15. a doctor
16. a psychologist
17. a bug exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
AND, WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments frequently
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Never stress her
50. Never look at other women!
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space
AND, VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* her favorite color
* her favorite flower
* her favorite gem
* her favorite fragrance
* her favorite memories
* her favorite holidays
* her favorite friends
* her favorite vacation destinations
* her favorite beverage
* her favorite food
* her favorite restaurant
* any arrangements she makes
---------------------
And Now,
HOW TO MAKE HUSBAND HAPPY
Just leave him alone.....with his TV remote and mobile phone...and his favourite drink.....And he'll be just fine...
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2008
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- 0
if you go MGOTW, you will not have women bullshit problems like this. You dun need to text anyone or tell anyone anything.
Women are always in constant fear of being cheated by men until they become a psychopath with mental issues.
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2008
- Messages
- 24,581
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- 0
How to keep wife happy . . . .!
It's really not difficult to make a wife happy.
A husband only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a man
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a charmer
15. a doctor
16. a psychologist
17. a bug exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
AND, WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments frequently
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Never stress her
50. Never look at other women!
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space
AND, VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* her favorite color
* her favorite flower
* her favorite gem
* her favorite fragrance
* her favorite memories
* her favorite holidays
* her favorite friends
* her favorite vacation destinations
* her favorite beverage
* her favorite food
* her favorite restaurant
* any arrangements she makes
---------------------
And Now,
HOW TO MAKE HUSBAND HAPPY
Just leave him alone.....with his TV remote and mobile phone...and his favourite drink.....And he'll be just fine...
If you dun have a wife, you dun need to do all these bullshit. And even happier..... yup leave him alone with his TV and mobile plus fav drink.. Dun need a woman to suck a man's life away.
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