-
IP addresses are NOT logged in this forum so there's no point asking. Please note that this forum is full of homophobes, racists, lunatics, schizophrenics & absolute nut jobs with a smattering of geniuses, Chinese chauvinists, Moderate Muslims and last but not least a couple of "know-it-alls" constantly sprouting their dubious wisdom. If you believe that content generated by unsavory characters might cause you offense PLEASE LEAVE NOW! Sammyboy Admin and Staff are not responsible for your hurt feelings should you choose to read any of the content here. The OTHER forum is HERE so please stop asking.
Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Of politicians and diapers
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.
The grocer was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.
Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.
The politician was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up,
there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
REMEMBER: POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.
The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.
The grocer was happy and left the shop.
The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.
Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.
The politician was very happy and left the shop.
The next morning, when the barber went to open up,
there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
REMEMBER: POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.
Little Biblical Humor
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a
little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph
was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles
were all in one Accord.
Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer
lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Middle East was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
PS... Did you know a woman doesn't make coffee in olden times?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . 'He-brews'
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a
little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph
was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles
were all in one Accord.
Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer
lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Middle East was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
PS... Did you know a woman doesn't make coffee in olden times?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . 'He-brews'
Wonder what his last girlfriend said about this – probably “mmmmuffffnnnuthin”
Lonely life of Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, the man with the world’s longest penis
At nearly 19 inches (48.2cm) Roberto Cabrera’s penis is just two inches shorter than the world’s smallest man.
ROBERTO Esquivel Cabrera has just set a world record for having the longest penis.
The 52-year-old Mexican measured in at a whopping 18.9 inches (48.2cm), with a tip circumference of 10 inches (25cm), at certification by World Record Academy officials yesterday.
Mr Cabrera had been hoping for recognition by Guinness World Records but had to settle for the less famous certifier after Guinness confirmed it had no category for penis size.
The World Record Academy stepped in after Mr Cabrera shared his story with a local journalist in an interview that was picked up by the world press over the weekend.
He told how his massive member had ruined his life, preventing him from having a relationship and even getting a job.
“Look where it is, it goes far below the knees,” Mr Cabrera said.
“I cannot do anything, I cannot work, and I am disabled so I want authorities to declare me as a disabled person and give me support.”
Women were too frightened to have sex with him, so he had never had a long-term girlfriend, let alone a wife.
The real deal: An X-Ray of Mr Cabrera’s 48.2cm penis, which hangs down below his knees. In 2011 Mr Cabrera was deported from US to Saltillo in the north-eastern Mexican state of Coahuila, where he lives alone in a room given to him by his brothers.
He survives on social assistance and scavenges for food and materials on waste dumps. He has no friends and says people “shun” him wherever he goes.
Before his record was made official, Mr Cabrera had a medical examination and X-ray of his phallus to support his application for disability. Doctors at a medical institution in Saltillo have confirmed the scan is genuine, The Mirror reported.
Some experts have suggested Mr Cabrera consider a shaft reduction operation but it is not clear what his thoughts are on the subject.
The previous record holder for penis length was an American called Johan Falcon, whose 13.38 inch manhood (34cm) was dwarfed by Mr Cabrera’s.
Over the past couple of days, journalists have compared the size of the Mexican’s penis to that of a horse and a rounders’ bat.
Mr Cabrera’s story and struggle for help is to be published in a book called El Sordido Pudor, which translates as “Sordid Shyness”.
Lonely life of Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, the man with the world’s longest penis
At nearly 19 inches (48.2cm) Roberto Cabrera’s penis is just two inches shorter than the world’s smallest man.
ROBERTO Esquivel Cabrera has just set a world record for having the longest penis.
The 52-year-old Mexican measured in at a whopping 18.9 inches (48.2cm), with a tip circumference of 10 inches (25cm), at certification by World Record Academy officials yesterday.
Mr Cabrera had been hoping for recognition by Guinness World Records but had to settle for the less famous certifier after Guinness confirmed it had no category for penis size.
The World Record Academy stepped in after Mr Cabrera shared his story with a local journalist in an interview that was picked up by the world press over the weekend.
He told how his massive member had ruined his life, preventing him from having a relationship and even getting a job.
“Look where it is, it goes far below the knees,” Mr Cabrera said.
“I cannot do anything, I cannot work, and I am disabled so I want authorities to declare me as a disabled person and give me support.”
Women were too frightened to have sex with him, so he had never had a long-term girlfriend, let alone a wife.
The real deal: An X-Ray of Mr Cabrera’s 48.2cm penis, which hangs down below his knees. In 2011 Mr Cabrera was deported from US to Saltillo in the north-eastern Mexican state of Coahuila, where he lives alone in a room given to him by his brothers.
He survives on social assistance and scavenges for food and materials on waste dumps. He has no friends and says people “shun” him wherever he goes.
Before his record was made official, Mr Cabrera had a medical examination and X-ray of his phallus to support his application for disability. Doctors at a medical institution in Saltillo have confirmed the scan is genuine, The Mirror reported.
Some experts have suggested Mr Cabrera consider a shaft reduction operation but it is not clear what his thoughts are on the subject.
The previous record holder for penis length was an American called Johan Falcon, whose 13.38 inch manhood (34cm) was dwarfed by Mr Cabrera’s.
Over the past couple of days, journalists have compared the size of the Mexican’s penis to that of a horse and a rounders’ bat.
Mr Cabrera’s story and struggle for help is to be published in a book called El Sordido Pudor, which translates as “Sordid Shyness”.
SG female teacher asked student : What goes in hard but come out soft and sticky?
A primary one student lying on the table looking listless.
Female teacher ask him "What's wrong?"
Student said "Primary one stuff is too easy for me !!!"
Teacher decided to bring him to the principal.
The principle decided to give him some test. If he get one question wrong, he will continue to stay in primary one.
Both the teacher and student agreed.
Principle asked "3 x 3 = ???"
Student answered "9"
Principle asked "6 x 6 = ???"
Student answered "36"
The principle asked a lot of primary 3 question and the student managed to get all correct.
Principle told the teacher "He can go to primary 3"
Teacher said "Let me ask him some more questions"
Both the principle and student agreed.
Teacher asked "Female cow has 4, but only 2 on my body, you guess what is it?"
Principal stare at teacher's boobs ......
Student answered "Legs"
Teacher asked "You have something inside your pants but not inside my dress, you guess what is it?"
Principal face turns red .....
But he heard the student answered "Pocket"
Principal relieved .....
Teacher asked "What object start with letter "C", end with "T", has a lot of hair on it, oval shape, has white liquid inside it?"
Principal opened his eyes wide and jerked his leg.
Student answered "Coconut"
Principal place his hands on his chest and showed sign of relieve .....
Teacher asked "What thing required other's hand to assist, so that it can pierce inside another object.
When it pierce through, it will jerk and this is the stage when it is release itself!"
Principal face turns red again ..... = ="
Student answered "Arrow"
Teacher continued to ask "What thing is hard when it enters, and come out soft and sticky?"
Principal looks embarrass and wanted to stop the teacher to continue asking .....
Student answered "Chewing gum"
Principal slap his own forehead .....
Teacher continued to ask "There is something on my body, when it is itchy, I use my finger to dig it and I will feel shiok. Sometimes white liquid will flow out from it. What is it?"
Student answered "Nostril"
Principal keeps panting .....
Teacher asked "There is something I have that my husband or my finger can put inside. When I feel frustrated, I will use a my hand to hold against it. Use another finger to poke inside. In and out makes my feel excited. The most memorable is when I got married and I hope me and my husband can put put inside. You guess what is it?"
Principal keeps sweating .....
Student answered "Wedding ring"
Principal close his eyes, feel relieved, lean against the chair and wipe his sweat "I think you can go to Junior College as I couldn't get any of the above questions correct. You are a genius !!!"
http://therealsaga.blogspot.sg/2015/09/sg-female-teacher-asked-student-what.html?m=1
A primary one student lying on the table looking listless.
Female teacher ask him "What's wrong?"
Student said "Primary one stuff is too easy for me !!!"
Teacher decided to bring him to the principal.
The principle decided to give him some test. If he get one question wrong, he will continue to stay in primary one.
Both the teacher and student agreed.
Principle asked "3 x 3 = ???"
Student answered "9"
Principle asked "6 x 6 = ???"
Student answered "36"
The principle asked a lot of primary 3 question and the student managed to get all correct.
Principle told the teacher "He can go to primary 3"
Teacher said "Let me ask him some more questions"
Both the principle and student agreed.
Teacher asked "Female cow has 4, but only 2 on my body, you guess what is it?"
Principal stare at teacher's boobs ......
Student answered "Legs"
Teacher asked "You have something inside your pants but not inside my dress, you guess what is it?"
Principal face turns red .....
But he heard the student answered "Pocket"
Principal relieved .....
Teacher asked "What object start with letter "C", end with "T", has a lot of hair on it, oval shape, has white liquid inside it?"
Principal opened his eyes wide and jerked his leg.
Student answered "Coconut"
Principal place his hands on his chest and showed sign of relieve .....
Teacher asked "What thing required other's hand to assist, so that it can pierce inside another object.
When it pierce through, it will jerk and this is the stage when it is release itself!"
Principal face turns red again ..... = ="
Student answered "Arrow"
Teacher continued to ask "What thing is hard when it enters, and come out soft and sticky?"
Principal looks embarrass and wanted to stop the teacher to continue asking .....
Student answered "Chewing gum"
Principal slap his own forehead .....
Teacher continued to ask "There is something on my body, when it is itchy, I use my finger to dig it and I will feel shiok. Sometimes white liquid will flow out from it. What is it?"
Student answered "Nostril"
Principal keeps panting .....
Teacher asked "There is something I have that my husband or my finger can put inside. When I feel frustrated, I will use a my hand to hold against it. Use another finger to poke inside. In and out makes my feel excited. The most memorable is when I got married and I hope me and my husband can put put inside. You guess what is it?"
Principal keeps sweating .....
Student answered "Wedding ring"
Principal close his eyes, feel relieved, lean against the chair and wipe his sweat "I think you can go to Junior College as I couldn't get any of the above questions correct. You are a genius !!!"
http://therealsaga.blogspot.sg/2015/09/sg-female-teacher-asked-student-what.html?m=1
Similar threads
