Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

[8868]

Why call center guys are paid so much.....

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS ARE PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. ...?




TAKE A LOOK:

1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

 

[8868]

1) Customer : "I received the software update you sent,
but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


--------------------------------------------------

2) Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

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3) Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

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4) Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech support : ##### ***

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5) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####

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6) Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"

Customer : "Pentium."

Tech support : ////-----+++
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7) Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????

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[8868]

True story from a Novel Netware SysOp:

caller: "Hello, Is this tech support ? "
Tech: "Yes, It is. How may I help you ?"
caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am withing my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed ?"
Tech: "Did you say a Cup holder ? "
caller: "Yes ! it is attached to the front of my computer"
Tech: "Please excuse me If I seem a bit stumped, It's because
I am. Did you received this as part of a promotional,
at a trade show ?"
caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotional, It just has 4X on it."
At this point the tech rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it...he was laughing too high.
The caller had been Using the load drawer of CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive

 

[8868]

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You`re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat.

So don`t trouble the other employees. The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

A month later the boss returns and says: "You`re all working very hard, and I`m very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our cleaners has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavowed all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we`ve been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"

 

[8868]

A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech: Just add the line LOAD <http://nosmoke.com/> NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.

Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User: MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User: I need a new power supply.

Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

 

[8868]

A Tester’s Courage

The Director of a software company proudly announced that a flight software developed by the company was installed in an airplane and the airlines was offering free first flights to the members of the company.

“Who are interested?” the Director asked. Nobody came forward. Finally, one person volunteered. The brave Software Tester stated, “I will do it. I know that the airplane will not be able to take off.”

 

[8868]

The HR manager received the following appraisal report one day:

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without

3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never

4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always

5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended

6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be

10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be

11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be

12 promoted to executive management, and a propoal will be

13 executed as soon as possible.


Later that day, the same HR manager received the following addendum:

Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I
wrote the report sent to you earlier today.
Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines

 

[yinyang]

Only in OZ..

 

[yinyang]

Church ladies threw out my cookies

Some people just don't appreciate artistic works

Well, the Church Ladies removed my cookies from the bake sale..... again!
I don't know what their problem is -- I just used a dog bone cookie cutter...
cut them in half and decorated them! I thought they looked rather cute!!

*
They have no sense of humour.

 

[Fishypie]

The Cat and the Wind Chime
=====================

A cat was standing at the balcony gazing
at a wind chime on the opposite building.
The cat has fallen in love with her, but
she's foolishly waiting for the wind.

The wind swiftly came by and danced
with her for a while, but left her crying
when he's gone. It pained the cat to see
that, but the sound of her cry was melodic.

The wind chime couldn't do anything
unless the wind came to visit her.
The cat couldn't talk to her unless
he crossed the street and climbed over.

Between them was just the distance of a street,
and the cat could have easily crossed over.
But even if he did, nothing could be changed;
As the wind chime was only meant for the wind .

Courtesy of Ronny Ng..

 

[8868]

Buying Viagra.....

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said, "That's no problem. How many do you want?"
The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces."
The pharmacist said "That won't do you any good."
The elderly gentleman said "That's all right. I don't need them for sex anymore, as I'm over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes".

 

[8868]

Old People Football.......

An old man and his wife have gone to bed.

After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football... I just scored."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure's on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail.

Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he has, but instead of farting, he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"

The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides."

 

[8868]

Hard Of Hearing......

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving.

She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.

The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."

The woman gives him her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."

The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.

 

[yinyang]

IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1. YOU can't count your hair
2. YOU can't wash your eyes with soap
3. YOU can't breathe when your tongue is out

Put your tongue back in, fool !.

10 Things I know about you...

1) YOU are reading this
2) YOU are human.
3) YOU can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips
4) YOU just attempted to do it
6) YOU are laughing inwardly at yourself
7) YOU have a smile on your face and you skipped No.5
8) YOU just checked to see if there is a No.5
9) YOU laugh at this because you are silly, & everyone does it too.
10) YOU are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it
Sorry but it's just all in fun... no offence intended

You have received this e-mail because I didn’t want to be alone in the “Idiot” category.

 

[8868]

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably.

He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?" The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered: pepper only."

 

[8868]

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace". The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was ,the florist said. "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

 

[8868]

 

[8868]

A Husband & Wife Were
Arguing Over Some Issue.
After Much Of Discussion,
Wife Finally Said:
“Tell Me Dear ,
Do You Want To Win
OR
Do You Want To Be Happy . . ?

Argument Ended !!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~

Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

~~~~~~~~~~

A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has habit of talking in sleep! what should i give him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he’s awake !!!

~~~~~~~

Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember.


~~~~~~~~~

A Prospective husband in a book store”Do You have a book called, ‘Husband-the master of Wife’?”



Sales Girl: “Sir Comic department is on the 1st floor!”

 

[8868]

One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed."

The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see." The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.

The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.

"Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?" asked the bartender. The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years."

 

[8868]

Golf Is A Mystery


To Bill's wife, golf was a total mystery. She never could understand why Bill insisted on tiring himself by walking so far every time he played.

One day she went with him to see for herself what the game was about.

For six holes she tramped after him.

It was on the seventh that he landed in the infamous bunker where he floundered about for some time in the sand.

She sat herself down composedly and, as the sand began to fly she happily ventured:

"There, I knew you could just as well play in one place if you made up your mind to!"