http://tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,208453,00.html?
Nomadic family has stayed in four places in past three months
COUNSELLOR TO MUM: Let us help your kids
MUM REFUSES: They're better off with me
By Benson Ang
July 23, 2009
NOMADS: Madam Mary with the youngest of her four children. The family is living in a bedroom of a friend's flat for now. PICTURE: JONATHAN CHOO
LET OTHERS help you, says a counsellor.
But this needy mother says: 'I won't give my children to anybody.
'My children are better off with me because there is love.
'Nobody can take care of children better than their own parents.'
But can she?
Madam Mary, as she wants to be known, cannot provide her four school-going children with a home.
So they have been moving from place to place since last year.
They even spent two nights sleeping on Changi Beach and the mother, 36, admits that her children's schoolwork is suffering because of their nomadic lifestyle.
Madam Mary said her eldest son, 16, was a top student in primary school.
He scored 254 in his PSLE, the second highest in his school, and would have qualified for some of Singapore's top schools.
But his results now are only 'okay okay', she told The New Paper.
Can't concentrate
'He can't concentrate because we have nowhere to settle down. I also can't afford tuition for my children.'
Concerned that Madam Mary is unable to cope, a counsellor has suggested that it was in the children's best interests for the state to take care of them.
Once Madam Mary has sorted out her problems, she could get her children back.
Counsellor Sheena Jebal, who took charge of Madam Mary's case a month ago, said this was a case of homelessness.
She said: 'Madam Mary should hand her children over to the state while she empowers herself.
'Even though she is homeless due to circumstances, she must realise that her children need a conducive environment to grow up and study,' she said.
'If this situation is left unattended, it is a form of neglect on the part of the parent.'
Ms Sheena is the counselling psychologist at NuLife Care and Counselling Services and has more than 14 years of experience in the social service sector.
She said: 'It's not fair to hold onto the children if she cannot afford to take care of them.'
Madam Mary's two sons, aged 16 and 13 , and two daughters, aged 15 and 4, have stayed in at least four different places in the last three months.
After she sold her flat last year, they lived in a rental flat for about a year.
But when she could not afford the rent, they squatted in the living rooms of her friends, moving every few days.
They stayed in a tent on Changi Beach for two days last month. They bathed in public toilets and ate bread and cup noodles bought from convenience stores.
Madam Mary earns about $800 a month as a freelance domestic cleaner. (See report on facing page.)
She admitted that she has yet to pay the school fees for a daughter who is in secondary school.
Her daughter is stressed and 'afraid she can be kicked out at any time'.
The family now lives in the master bedroom of a Sembawang flat owned by one of Madam Mary's friends.
She pays $650 a month in rent, which she says she cannot afford.
Though Madam Mary is a Singaporean, she has no family here and is unwilling to ask relatives in Malaysia for help.
Since May, she has been separated from her husband, who is bankrupt and unemployed. He could not be contacted.
Ms Sheena said: 'Madam Mary appears to be creating a facade of security when there's no real security in her financial situation.'
Madam Mary, however, insists she is not neglecting her kids.
She said: 'I cook for them, wash their clothes, and even teach my youngest daughter the alphabet and numbers.'
When probed about her inability to provide shelter, she would only say: 'That's the struggle I'm facing now.
'When my husband's business was doing well, my children lived as princes and princesses. It's just that times are hard now.'
Ms Sheena said that while Madam Mary fears that she might lose her children, she should bear in mind that she can still visit them and take them back after resolving her issues.
'It is understandable that Madam Mary might feel she has not been able to live up to her duties as a parent,' she said.
'But if she does not place her kids in a safer environment, that's when she has failed.'
A spokesman for the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports said that a parent can be deemed to have neglected a child if the parent 'wilfully or unreasonably neglects to provide adequate food, clothing, medical aid, lodging, care or other necessities of life for the child or young person'.
Care and Protection Order
When parents are not motivated to work in the interests of the child or when the risk to the child is high, a Care and Protection Order is resorted to, to ensure the child's well-being and safety are taken care of.
The spokesman advised families who are having difficulty coping with the care and management of their children to approach the nearest Family Service Centre.
These centres are equipped to provide support and to link these families with the relevant resources.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Help for family
MADAM Mary's eldest child, a Singaporean, is on a financial assistance scheme provided by the Ministry of Education via his school. His school fees are subsidised.
The second child, a Malaysian, receives $40 in vouchers a month from the Tzu Chi foundation to use at the school canteen and bookshop.
The third child, also a Malaysian, does not have financial assistance.
The youngest child, a Singaporean, has her kindergarten fees waived and gets free transport.
Madam Mary requested financial assistance from the Central Singapore Community Development Council two months ago. But it was rejected because she earns a regular income and her husband gives her money.
Her situation has been referred to the New Hope Community Services and HDB's rental section department.
It has also been referred to the Ang Mo Kio Family Service Centre for consideration under the School Pocket Money Fund.
The centre called Madam Mary late last month and arranged an appointment with her. But she did not attend because she said she had work to do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trouble started when she sold her flat at a loss
MADAM Mary's problems started last year when she and her businessman husband sold their HDB flat.
They were trying to pay off his debts from his failed cargo delivery business.
Madam Mary blames her property agent for making a loss on the sale.
The four-room flat in Sin Ming Avenue, bought for $294,000 in 1999, was sold for $285,000 last year.
Madam Mary, who claims to have lost contact with the agent, said she can't get a bank loan to buy another home because she doesn't have a stable job.
Her husband gives her $750 a month to supplement her own $800 monthly income.
She said she cannot hold a full-time job as she has to take care of her youngest daughter.
Madam Mary studied till Secondary 4 and used to work as an airline customer service officer.
Two of her school-going children are Malaysian and must each pay school fees of about $200 a month. However, three of the kids are getting financial aid. (See report below.)
Madam Mary wants HDB to allow her to buy a subsidised three-room flat.
But this would be against HDB rules as her previous flat was bought at a subsidised rate.
Those who sell subsidised flats and want to buy a second subsidised flat from HDB must pay a resale levy to ensure a more equitable distribution of housing subsidies.
If Madam Mary wants to downgrade to a three-room flat, she has to pay a $40,000 levy in cash, which she says she cannot afford.
But she thinks that 'special arrangements' can be made for people like her.
And she still hopes that things will improve, saying: 'All my children think we will get better.'
Sometimes, she said, her children talk about their ambitions and their dreams of buying a condominium unit in the future.
'I promised them that I will find some way to send all of them to university.'
'If I can just find a shelter, I know that I will get back on my feet again, and my husband will come back to me.'
Nomadic family has stayed in four places in past three months
COUNSELLOR TO MUM: Let us help your kids
MUM REFUSES: They're better off with me
By Benson Ang
July 23, 2009
NOMADS: Madam Mary with the youngest of her four children. The family is living in a bedroom of a friend's flat for now. PICTURE: JONATHAN CHOO
LET OTHERS help you, says a counsellor.
But this needy mother says: 'I won't give my children to anybody.
'My children are better off with me because there is love.
'Nobody can take care of children better than their own parents.'
But can she?
Madam Mary, as she wants to be known, cannot provide her four school-going children with a home.
So they have been moving from place to place since last year.
They even spent two nights sleeping on Changi Beach and the mother, 36, admits that her children's schoolwork is suffering because of their nomadic lifestyle.
Madam Mary said her eldest son, 16, was a top student in primary school.
He scored 254 in his PSLE, the second highest in his school, and would have qualified for some of Singapore's top schools.
But his results now are only 'okay okay', she told The New Paper.
Can't concentrate
'He can't concentrate because we have nowhere to settle down. I also can't afford tuition for my children.'
Concerned that Madam Mary is unable to cope, a counsellor has suggested that it was in the children's best interests for the state to take care of them.
Once Madam Mary has sorted out her problems, she could get her children back.
Counsellor Sheena Jebal, who took charge of Madam Mary's case a month ago, said this was a case of homelessness.
She said: 'Madam Mary should hand her children over to the state while she empowers herself.
'Even though she is homeless due to circumstances, she must realise that her children need a conducive environment to grow up and study,' she said.
'If this situation is left unattended, it is a form of neglect on the part of the parent.'
Ms Sheena is the counselling psychologist at NuLife Care and Counselling Services and has more than 14 years of experience in the social service sector.
She said: 'It's not fair to hold onto the children if she cannot afford to take care of them.'
Madam Mary's two sons, aged 16 and 13 , and two daughters, aged 15 and 4, have stayed in at least four different places in the last three months.
After she sold her flat last year, they lived in a rental flat for about a year.
But when she could not afford the rent, they squatted in the living rooms of her friends, moving every few days.
They stayed in a tent on Changi Beach for two days last month. They bathed in public toilets and ate bread and cup noodles bought from convenience stores.
Madam Mary earns about $800 a month as a freelance domestic cleaner. (See report on facing page.)
She admitted that she has yet to pay the school fees for a daughter who is in secondary school.
Her daughter is stressed and 'afraid she can be kicked out at any time'.
The family now lives in the master bedroom of a Sembawang flat owned by one of Madam Mary's friends.
She pays $650 a month in rent, which she says she cannot afford.
Though Madam Mary is a Singaporean, she has no family here and is unwilling to ask relatives in Malaysia for help.
Since May, she has been separated from her husband, who is bankrupt and unemployed. He could not be contacted.
Ms Sheena said: 'Madam Mary appears to be creating a facade of security when there's no real security in her financial situation.'
Madam Mary, however, insists she is not neglecting her kids.
She said: 'I cook for them, wash their clothes, and even teach my youngest daughter the alphabet and numbers.'
When probed about her inability to provide shelter, she would only say: 'That's the struggle I'm facing now.
'When my husband's business was doing well, my children lived as princes and princesses. It's just that times are hard now.'
Ms Sheena said that while Madam Mary fears that she might lose her children, she should bear in mind that she can still visit them and take them back after resolving her issues.
'It is understandable that Madam Mary might feel she has not been able to live up to her duties as a parent,' she said.
'But if she does not place her kids in a safer environment, that's when she has failed.'
A spokesman for the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports said that a parent can be deemed to have neglected a child if the parent 'wilfully or unreasonably neglects to provide adequate food, clothing, medical aid, lodging, care or other necessities of life for the child or young person'.
Care and Protection Order
When parents are not motivated to work in the interests of the child or when the risk to the child is high, a Care and Protection Order is resorted to, to ensure the child's well-being and safety are taken care of.
The spokesman advised families who are having difficulty coping with the care and management of their children to approach the nearest Family Service Centre.
These centres are equipped to provide support and to link these families with the relevant resources.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Help for family
MADAM Mary's eldest child, a Singaporean, is on a financial assistance scheme provided by the Ministry of Education via his school. His school fees are subsidised.
The second child, a Malaysian, receives $40 in vouchers a month from the Tzu Chi foundation to use at the school canteen and bookshop.
The third child, also a Malaysian, does not have financial assistance.
The youngest child, a Singaporean, has her kindergarten fees waived and gets free transport.
Madam Mary requested financial assistance from the Central Singapore Community Development Council two months ago. But it was rejected because she earns a regular income and her husband gives her money.
Her situation has been referred to the New Hope Community Services and HDB's rental section department.
It has also been referred to the Ang Mo Kio Family Service Centre for consideration under the School Pocket Money Fund.
The centre called Madam Mary late last month and arranged an appointment with her. But she did not attend because she said she had work to do.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trouble started when she sold her flat at a loss
MADAM Mary's problems started last year when she and her businessman husband sold their HDB flat.
They were trying to pay off his debts from his failed cargo delivery business.
Madam Mary blames her property agent for making a loss on the sale.
The four-room flat in Sin Ming Avenue, bought for $294,000 in 1999, was sold for $285,000 last year.
Madam Mary, who claims to have lost contact with the agent, said she can't get a bank loan to buy another home because she doesn't have a stable job.
Her husband gives her $750 a month to supplement her own $800 monthly income.
She said she cannot hold a full-time job as she has to take care of her youngest daughter.
Madam Mary studied till Secondary 4 and used to work as an airline customer service officer.
Two of her school-going children are Malaysian and must each pay school fees of about $200 a month. However, three of the kids are getting financial aid. (See report below.)
Madam Mary wants HDB to allow her to buy a subsidised three-room flat.
But this would be against HDB rules as her previous flat was bought at a subsidised rate.
Those who sell subsidised flats and want to buy a second subsidised flat from HDB must pay a resale levy to ensure a more equitable distribution of housing subsidies.
If Madam Mary wants to downgrade to a three-room flat, she has to pay a $40,000 levy in cash, which she says she cannot afford.
But she thinks that 'special arrangements' can be made for people like her.
And she still hopes that things will improve, saying: 'All my children think we will get better.'
Sometimes, she said, her children talk about their ambitions and their dreams of buying a condominium unit in the future.
'I promised them that I will find some way to send all of them to university.'
'If I can just find a shelter, I know that I will get back on my feet again, and my husband will come back to me.'
