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Love beyond borders: Vietnamese woman finds love with Nigerian man
By Ngoc NganMon 6/10/2024, 05:29 am (PT)
Vu Ngoc once thought she would pursue a life without marriage or children until Cosmas, a Nigerian man, changed her mind.
They met for the first time in October 2021. Ngoc was disappointed when he arrived 20 minutes late. Since eateries and restaurants were still closed, she had to wait for him on a sidewalk.
Cosmas, sweating excessively, arrived on a motorbike and apologized effusively saying he had got lost on his way from Binh Tan District, where he lived, to Ngoc's place in Go Vap District. "I felt both sorry for him and so agreed to go for a ride with him," she says.
During the ride, Cosmas talked about adapting to life in Vietnam after coming here four years ago.
He could only eat braised meat, fermented shrimp sauce, Hue-style beef noodle soup, and pho noodle soup, he said.
Ngoc was a cooking enthusiast. He made her heart flutter a bit when she met him for the first time, Ngoc admits.
She wanted to give him a chance though without thinking much about the future. "Do you want us to get to know each other?" Cosmas messaged, and Ngoc agreed.
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| Vu Ngoc and her husband Cosmas in HCMC, December 2023. Photo by Ngoc |
Cosmas, who is afraid of blood, was trembling but still took out tissues to wipe the blood away from her leg. He asked a friend to keep an eye on his motorbike and took her to a hospital.
He constantly reassured her and paid all the medical bills. "He provided a sense of protection and care that I had never experienced before," Ngoc says.
Two weeks later he continued to take care of her, took her for shots and reminded her to eat, sleep and take medicines on time. She felt like she had found a reliable source of support and decided to take the relationship seriously.
They began to consider marriage. Ngoc discovered she was pregnant in January 2022, when she had just got an office job after a period of unemployment.
Ngoc's mother could not countenance her daughter dating a Nigerian man. She worried and asked many questions about his personality, their motivation to get married quickly, and their plans to reconcile cultural differences.
"Without steady employment and an unsupportive family I was so stressed that I almost lost the baby," Ngoc says.'
Cosmas looked up on Google for "first meeting with girlfriend's family." He got gifts, cakes and fruits ready to take to Ngoc's house and memorized phrases to seek her family’s permission to marry her.
He even took his visa and labor contract to prove his legal status in Vietnam!
Cosmas met Ngoc's family in early 2022, and her mother breathed a sigh of relief and accepted him, realizing his gentle and thoughtful nature.
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| Vu Ngoc's family in Go Vap District, HCMC, in May 2024. Photo by Ngoc |
The newlyweds’ life in an apartment in Go Vap faced many challenges. Ngoc, the youngest in her family and thoroughly pampered, admits she has a hot temper.
Her husband, the eldest of three children in a rural family, is independent and hardworking.
They rarely ate together because Cosmas could only cook a few Vietnamese dishes and Ngoc could not eat egusi, a traditional Nigerian soup made from stewed melon seeds, meat and dried fish.
So, during her pregnancy, she regularly ordered food online. During her seventh month Ngoc was at risk of delivering prematurely after experiencing constant abdominal pain and fever.
Cosmas took time off from work to take care of his wife. Every morning, lying in bed, Ngoc would observe her husband wash dishes, clean the house and hang clothes to dry
What moved her the most was when their son, Osy, was born. In Cosmas’s Igbo society, traditions require the husband and wife to sleep separately. His parents maintain this practice even in their 60s.
But he could not bear to see his wife struggle to take care of Osy, who cried frequently at night. So he cared for him, sleeping just a few hours at night before leaving for work in the morning. "He would be tired and exhausted, but never complained," Ngoc says.
He would even tell her to rest since she had had a C-section. His extreme patience changed Ngoc, who now controls her anger during arguments. She says she shuts herself in her room, silent until they both calm down enough to discuss things.
"I think my husband has done so much for me. why can't I change to make us both better? I have learned his patience."
When she posted their family photo on TikTok, many people made fun of Cosmas in the comments section. But he told her to not to take offense or get into an argument because "we're just living our lives, nothing else matters."
In early 2024 they visited Nigeria. She was happy to be welcomed by her parents-in-law, who hugged her and Osy.
They had booked an apartment in Asaba, the capital of Delta State since their countryside home lacked electricity and water.
Cosmas squeezed a forty-minute drive in between his busy schedule to pick up his wife from the outskirts to the city. Osy was fascinated by the rural scenery through the car window. "I feel lucky to have met the right person," Ngoc says.
