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My Experience as a Mistress
By Ravishly, Contributor
writer, Editor-In-Chief @ Ravishly.com
I never imagined myself as a mistress. About a year ago, I found myself divorced, with a wage decrease and a rent increase all in the same month. I no longer had enough money to pay my rent and keep food on the table. Thankfully, I was just one mouth to feed, but I did have to come up with another way to get cash, and fast.
A friend told me about SeekingArrangment.com. She met a man from the site that would come into her town frequently on business; they would meet at his hotel for drinks, conversation, and have sex. He would pay her generously for her time and out the door she went: no strings, no ties. She said she enjoyed herself and because of this, she didn't feel like an escort.
I wondered if I could do such a thing. One day, my curiosity (and outstanding PG&E bill) got the better of me and I posted my profile to the site. Within a few days, I had several coffee dates set up to make casual introductions and see if there might be a match.
All of the men I met were married and wanted to stay married. They said they loved their wives. Most said they were happy, but the sex at home had diminished--and that they were men, after all, and needed their desires fulfilled. Aside from that eye-rollingly common excuse for infidelity, I believed they were telling the truth about loving their wives. This troubled me, of course, but it also made it easier. No one was interested in having an emotional affair and leaving their marriage. It was about sex for them and money for me.
I made an arrangement with Eddie*. He was in his mid-50s, decent looking, and somewhat of a successful businessman. He was married with a few children and one on the way. He was an experienced sugar daddy: He had a separate phone for our communications and he paid me in cash. We would meet every other week, around lunchtime, in a hotel that was close to his work. We would smoke some weed, which helped calm my nerves, and have sex. It was easy, quick, and enjoyable. The money wasn't bad either--he paid my rent.
This went on for several months. Then, I began dating Paul*. I couldn't afford to not have Eddie in my life, and told myself that if things got serious with Paul, I would cut it off.
Shortly thereafter, I contracted an STD--I'm not sure which of them gave it to me. I told both Eddie and Paul about it immediately. Unfortunately, this did not stop Eddie from giving the STD to his wife. This discovery was devastating on levels I cannot fathom or imagine. Eddie's wife concluded he was cheating and it all came crashing down only weeks after bearing their newborn child. We stopped seeing each other immediately.
I wanted to share my story because these arrangements are happening more often than you think. Although they seem symbiotic, these arrangements can have real and dire consequences for not only the parties involved, but for the families that were not a part of the arrangement to begin with.
*Names have been changed.
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Why Do Women Become Prostitutes And Why Do Men Go To Them?
Author: Dr. Allan Schwartz, Ph.D.Last updated: Sep 25th 2024
The answers to these questions are many and complex. The complexity is embedded in the dangers of being simplistic, making generalizations, being judgmental, and falling prey to stereotyping.
The Women:
The most common stereotype of prostitutes is that they are all street walkers, drug addicted, controlled by pimps, and willing to accept a few dollars for their services.
In reality, this “oldest profession” falls into several categories. Yes, there are the street walkers whose lives are awful. However, there are also those women who provide sexual favors in massage parlors, small hotels and out of their own apartments. At the end of the spectrum are those women who are escorts or professional sex workers. Often, they work for themselves and charge sums of money that can run into thousands of dollars for a night out. Sometimes their clients are politicians, sports figures, and Hollywood movie stars.
There are many reasons for women becoming sex workers and escorts. Some of these women have stated that they are attracted by the large sums of money they can earn while they are still young. Others see it as a way to pay for university education and further advancement. Most state that they intend to leave the business once they have earned the amount they want or need. They also see themselves as helping men save their marriages by supplying something they cannot get at home, or helping them chase away loneliness when they are on business trips.
At the other end of the spectrum of prostitution are the street walkers. Most of them are addicted to drugs, and many were forced into prostitution against their will. Sex trafficking is an international, multi billion dollar business involving criminals who kidnap and enslave girls. Girls as young as ten-years of age are snatched from their countries and sold into prostitution far away from their native homes.
Again, it’s important to avoid generalizing about how women get into prostitution. Studies show that large numbers of prostitutes were sexually abused during their childhood. It is the fact of the sexual abuse, more than anything else, that seems to underlay how and why some of them become prostitutes. These are the people most likely to be addicted to drugs as well as to develop, or already have, serious health problems, not the least of which is HIV as well as other STDs.
Finally, there are women who see prostitution as their way out of poverty. While they may choose to sell themselves, it is economic necessity that drives them. These are people who are unable to get jobs and are sometimes the only bread winners in the family.
The Men:
Several men commented on the original article by saying that all of the reasons for paying for sex were not listed. Among the motivating factors for them were:
1. Believing they are ugly and unable to have sex without paying for it,
2. Wanting sex but without all of emotional involvement that comes with a girlfriend, marriage and family; wanting casual sex with no obligations attached,
3. Being convinced that their genitalia is too small and that any average woman would laugh at and reject them,
4. Working long, hard hours leaving no time for dating and romance.
These are only a few of the reasons given.
From my perspective, the major concern about these men is not so much that they pay for sex but that they seem blind to the plight of these women. They convince themselves that prostitution is a choice and that none of the women they see are exploited. In some cases, they might be right. A lot depends on where they go and who they see. In my opinion, it’s a mistake to make any assumptions about the women they are visiting.
These are difficult issues that stir controversy. There are those who advocate legalizing and regulating the sex industry.
There are others who are outraged by this for moral, or religious reasons.
For example, should a married man, for any reason, see a prostitute? Do you believe that it can help a marriage? Is a man who sees a prostitute being unfaithful?
You are encouraged to discuss your views, opinions, experiences, and opinions on this difficult issue.
Allan N. Schwartz, PhD
About MentalHealth.com
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Tsk tsk tsk evil in
Tsk tsk tsk evil ingrate Cantonese dog son of chicken persecuting me as one take benefits from me learnt about toxicity of plants not just no thank me but immediately used it against me to insinuate insult me as toxic plants when you are the toxic dogs. Pui!
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K Shanmugam Sc I see the parliament news today 22 November 24 on internet bullying, Singapore government seems to restrict internet bullying to youth phenomenon when this is far from truth. Many internet bullies are not youths at school but adults or even old people like the lazy idle Cantonese bullies in a rat hole forum that take salary don’t work but spent working hours ganging up to abuse me everyday and when you fight their bullying and sexual harassment, a self admitted Cantonese man in the group shamelessly turned around to repeat lies that I want to have sex with him.she is hokkien like @ginfreely
Six days ago I made a post that documented these adult bullies ganging up to bully me « Unfortunately there are many criminal bully dogs hiding in rat hole forum brazenly doing defamation crimes to me everyday and for years. Their profile is self claimed Cantonese or Hakka that used Cantonese vulgarities on me and one such brazen and proud Cantonese criminal with self admitted Cantonese dirty slut mother just took my life story and twist into a cheap slut whore mistress story when I am a virgin with annulled marriage. « .
Subsequent to this post, not only did the brazen Cantonese criminal bully proudly doing defamation crimes of me showed no signs of remorse but he proudly churned out mass of daily chicken and mistress threads and gang up with other Cantonese and Hakka bullies in the group to make sleazy and insulting comments of me either directly or indirectly using insinuating insults.
And everyone knows it’s Chinese culture to refer to prostitutes as chicken and this brazen Cantonese bully actually started a thread before in March 24 to explain why are prostitutes called chicken so it’s definitely not innocent but evil intentional harassment of me.
And this brazen Cantonese criminal serial liar and other bullies ganging up in the rat hole forum have the audacity to do defamation crimes and harassment crimes to me then act innocent and turned around to call me mad. They think their identity is unknown and can hide in rat hole to abuse me for years to feel good in their jealous sore loser life, such evil people should be severely punished.