just want to end it all

[feellikealoser]

I am exhausted. I feel tired. I feel that I am always not good enough. I feel ugly, untalented, nauseating even to my own self. Sometimes when I will wake up in the middle of the night, I question why I should be alive. When I finally wake up in the morning, I feel tired too.

From the moment I am awake each day now, I start to have negative thoughts. My mind would wander by itself and I have trouble focussing on anything I do at work. I feel disconnected with the people in the office I work in. I mostly keep to myself. I know people call me strange, weird or even mute guy behind my back in office. I am not joking to say I have no friends.

I have never had a romantic relationship before too. I think no one wants me to be around them as I usually do not talk much. My father and mother are successful people in their careers. As I am their only child, since young, they have always reminded me not to do anything that would embarrass them. They tell me they love me very much, but honestly, I don't feel their love. They spend most of their time in their office since I was young and now, it's even worse when I am a young adult. They seem to be more interested in becoming respected by their peers, people in high places and power than me.

Despite all this, whenever I need money to buy things since young, they would readily transfer lots of money in my DBS bank account. Even now after I have worked for a few years, they are still transferring money to my account and the sum they transfer is a couple of times more than my current monthly pay.

There was an occasion when I felt really down and depressed. I managed to get a time slot with my father. I want to tell him I want his time and not his money. The moment I opened my mouth to say I feel sad, he interrupted and said that I am just feeling down because I had just started working and it will be better over time. He said he was busy and I should talk to my mother about such emo type things.

My mother never had any time for me and I dislike her because she is very materialistic. I find her extremely fake. She would always boost that her son, i.e. me, is so smart and graduated from a top university in UK with first class honours. It isn't true. I am only a second upper honours graduate. Even then, I think I don't deserve this degree because I suspect that my well connected parents donated a lot of money to the university.

In all honesty, I do want to end my miserable life because I think this state of affairs will never change until my soul leaves my wretched body.

 

[laksaboy]

You've hit the jackpot by being born as a human. So make the best of it while you're here.

 

[Balls2U]

Go join a church and meet new people. Can ask our John Tan to recommend you a church so that you can be as successful as him one day, with good grassroot connections.

 

[red amoeba]

ok bye...u do know how to go bedok reservoir do you?

 

[laksaboy]

ok bye...u do know how to go bedok reservoir do you?

Try Pandan Reservoir, very nice and secluded place. Bedok Reservoir is too crowded.

 

[glockman]

I am exhausted. I feel tired. I feel that I am always not good enough. I feel ugly, untalented, nauseating even to my own self. Sometimes when I will wake up in the middle of the night, I question why I should be alive. When I finally wake up in the morning, I feel tired too. From the moment I am awake each day now, I start to have negative thoughts. My mind would wander by itself and I have trouble focussing on anything I do at work. I feel disconnected with the people in the office I work in. I mostly keep to myself. I know people call me strange, weird or even mute guy behind my back in office. I am not joking to say I have no friends. I have never had a romantic relationship before too. I think no one wants me to be around them as I usually do not talk much. My father and mother are successful people in their careers. As I am their only child, since young, they have always reminded me not to do anything that would embarrass them. They tell me they love me very much, but honestly, I don't feel their love. They spend most of their time in their office since I was young and now, it's even worse when I am a young adult. They seem to be more interested in becoming respected by their peers, people in high places and power than me. Despite all this, whenever I need money to buy things since young, they would readily transfer lots of money in my DBS bank account. Even now after I have worked for a few years, they are still transferring money to my account and the sum they transfer is a couple of times more than my current monthly pay. There was an occasion when I felt really down and depressed. I managed to get a time slot with my father. I want to tell him I want his time and not his money. The moment I opened my mouth to say I feel sad, he interrupted and said that I am just feeling down because I had just started working and it will be better over time. He said he was busy and I should talk to my mother about such emo type things. My mother never had any time for me and I dislike her because she is very materialistic. I find her extremely fake. She would always boost that her son, i.e. me, is so smart and graduated from a top university in UK with first class honours. It isn't true. I am only a second upper honours graduate. Even then, I think I don't deserve this degree because I suspect that my well connected parents donated a lot of money to the university. In all honesty, I do want to end my miserable life because I think this state of affairs will never change until my soul leaves my wretched body.

Aren't you just a ray a sunshine! An excellent first post, son!

 

[Willamshakespear]

The alienation you feel with yourself can simply be explained as NOT living life - a life of your own.

Based on your description, you had been living the life of someone else - the EXPECTATIONS of your parents, & thru the years of conformity conditioning, sadly, you may not be able to step out of the mental boundary others had created for you, on your behalf, & thus your desire to end it all as a solution, which is no solution as you can never return once you give up on life.

You will need courage & mental strength to break off those chains that had bound you since young to others expectation, & need not end life as a solution. Quit your job, as you are the only son & have a financially strong family backing & even your own bank account, take simple steps as starters -do something that you wanted to always do, which is at the back of your mind, so long as it does not hurt or harm others. You grew up in academia, perhaps go into Arts now? - learn to draw something, it may be an expression of you - the colors you choose, the strokes used, etc, let your imagination run wild upon the canvas.

When completed, take a step back, & try to comprehend what you had drawn. You will be amazed by what you had drawn, because finally, it will dawn upon you that it is something that is within you expressed on the canvas that only you can understand, to perfect it as you wish, & not something ordered, taught or demanded by others. It is your own ability, & proved to yourself of what you are capable of, which is only the tip of the iceberg of your hidden abilities untapped, to free yourself to live life, in a world that holds much beauty to behold you had YET to experience.

 

[mojito]

I recommend picking up a hobby, like carpentry or 3d printing. Get your supplies delivered to u easily on line. In a few month you'll be ready to assemble a pipe gun or a 150lb home made cross bow.

 

[Obs Tacle]

This is a typical chinese story. Being an only child comes with unbelievable great expectation.
Live your life for yourself not for your parents. You have already given them joy just by being born and good enough all throughout. Maybe it's time to break free.
Quit your job and travel. Go see the world and experience life. Being alive itself is something to be grateful for. Figure out who you truly are, what your hearts desire. Go out there and have fun. Life should be fun for you. I wish you all the best!

 

[blackmondy]

Try Pandan Reservoir, very nice and secluded place. Bedok Reservoir is too crowded.

This is a good reservoir for a long walk, especially after midnight. It's approx 6.2km one whole round.....

 

[Datingafter35]

Please visit KK hospital. Many ill patient kids would have no hesitation to swap places with you.

 

[LittleP]

It's clear you're a mentally challenged person. I wish you ONE ROAD GOOD WALK

 

[tobelightlight]

Sounds like another one into the ignore list.

 

[syed putra]

2nd class honours in what field? Maybe you have not discovered your passion.
Leave the parents. Go take a hike or travel for a year. Put it all on instagram if you wish to get virtusl friends.
Or just continue in this forum. And don't act like a nice guy here or they will kill you.

 

[blackmondy]

If you're a busty chiobu, I'm sure many of us here will rush to give you comfort.

 

[mahjongking]

I am exhausted. I feel tired. I feel that I am always not good enough. I feel ugly, untalented, nauseating even to my own self. Sometimes when I will wake up in the middle of the night, I question why I should be alive. When I finally wake up in the morning, I feel tired too.

From the moment I am awake each day now, I start to have negative thoughts. My mind would wander by itself and I have trouble focussing on anything I do at work. I feel disconnected with the people in the office I work in. I mostly keep to myself. I know people call me strange, weird or even mute guy behind my back in office. I am not joking to say I have no friends.

I have never had a romantic relationship before too. I think no one wants me to be around them as I usually do not talk much. My father and mother are successful people in their careers. As I am their only child, since young, they have always reminded me not to do anything that would embarrass them. They tell me they love me very much, but honestly, I don't feel their love. They spend most of their time in their office since I was young and now, it's even worse when I am a young adult. They seem to be more interested in becoming respected by their peers, people in high places and power than me.

Despite all this, whenever I need money to buy things since young, they would readily transfer lots of money in my DBS bank account. Even now after I have worked for a few years, they are still transferring money to my account and the sum they transfer is a couple of times more than my current monthly pay.

There was an occasion when I felt really down and depressed. I managed to get a time slot with my father. I want to tell him I want his time and not his money. The moment I opened my mouth to say I feel sad, he interrupted and said that I am just feeling down because I had just started working and it will be better over time. He said he was busy and I should talk to my mother about such emo type things.

My mother never had any time for me and I dislike her because she is very materialistic. I find her extremely fake. She would always boost that her son, i.e. me, is so smart and graduated from a top university in UK with first class honours. It isn't true. I am only a second upper honours graduate. Even then, I think I don't deserve this degree because I suspect that my well connected parents donated a lot of money to the university.

In all honesty, I do want to end my miserable life because I think this state of affairs will never change until my soul leaves my wretched body.

wtf, the last thing you should do is kill yourself, harden up, there are millions worse off than you, stop pitying yourself
go run a marathon or climb everest

 

[Cottonmouth]

Would you like to try flogging?

 

[rushifa666]

How gay, antigay law is already gone. Shouldnt you be spreading mknkeypox to celebrate?

 

[gutpunch]

u are overthinking it, life is very simple, it is all about being happy, and since u are rich means u actually have the means to get it but for some strange stupid reason u don't.

MONEY BUYS HAPPINESS - so just go and buy it! even if it means superficial "friends", get some cool company to join u in doing the activities u enjoy! why even work when u don't have to?

 

[Loofydralb]

Please take with you whoever it is that is causing you your grief. Could be an individual, could be a party, could be a company, could be an official.