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6 Effective Ways to Apologize to Your Partner



Studies show that apologizing to your partner for hurting their feelings and granting forgiveness are crucial to the success of an intimate relationship or marriage. It’s essential that couples learn the value of sincere apologies and forgiveness.

For instance, one of my clients, Lauren, 36, had been feeling resentment toward Kevin, 38, for several months since he loaned his sister money without consulting her. Even when Kevin gave Lauren a sincere apology and asked for forgiveness, she had been holding a grudge and barely spoke to his sister. But once she realized that he wasn’t trying to hurt her but that his sister swore him to secrecy, she was able to forgive him and move on.
Lauren put it like this: “I love Kevin and decided that it was more important to listen to the reasons why he kept such an important matter from me. I now understand that his actions we not meant to hurt me but to keep his promise to his sister who has been struggling financially and was embarrassed about me knowing how badly she was doing.”

These six tips will help you and your partner create a shared vision for your relationship, foster emotional closeness, and teach you how to recover quickly from hurt and miscommunication. By building a deeper connection and commitment to each other, you will create a deeply trusting, loving, and sustainable relationship. If you are thinking of marrying and concerned about going the distance or are already married and struggling the six tips will help you get back on track after a dispute or when one or both partners feels injured.
6 effective ways to apologize to your partner:
  • Accept responsibility for your hurtful actions or words and the damage you caused. Acknowledge that you messed up by saying something like “I take responsibility for my actions and I’m sorry that they hurt you.” One person’s ability to do this can change the dynamic of the relationship and help you recover and heal as a couple.
  • Use the words “I am sorry” and “I was wrong” when you apologize and make it personal. Your apology will more likely be heard and accepted if you use these words. Be specific about exactly what you did to hurt, humiliate, or embarrass your partner. For example, “I’m sorry for hurting you and violating your trust. I was wrong when I embarrassed you in front of your friend and I am sorry for my unkind words.”

  • Explain to your partner how you plan to repair the situation (if this is possible). For example, if you said something to hurt your mother-in-law’s feelings, you might offer to apologize to her over lunch or by writing her a note.
  • Describe what you said or did in specific terms without making excuses or blaming your mate or someone else. Using “I” statements rather than “You” statements can help you avoid the blame monster. For instance, you might say “I’m sorry for purchasing a new laptop without consulting you when our budget is tight.” This is more effective than saying, “You never approve of me buying things so why would I tell you?”
  • Ask your partner to grant you forgiveness. Be specific about your actions and words that need to be forgiven. Be sure to do so when the setting is conducive to a private conversation and there aren’t any distractions (TV, cell phones, children in the room, etc.).
  • Don’t let wounds poison your love for your spouse. Be vulnerable and don’t let your pride cause you to hold on to being “right.” Discussing what happened with your partner and taking responsibility for your actions will allow you to let go of resentment so you can improve the quality of your relationship.
Heartfelt apologies are an essential ingredient of a strong, healthy intimate relationship. Accepting that you and your mate do the best you can will help you be more understanding. When you acknowledge your flaws, it means that you can be vulnerable with your partner rather than allowing your pride to damage your communication with him or her.
 
Forgiveness
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your sins.

Mark 11:25,25 NIV

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Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

Matthew 5:43-45 KJV

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But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned. Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure -- pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.

Luke 6:35-38 NASB

__________________

Thanks be unto God for His wonderful gift:
Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God
is the object of our faith; the only faith
that saves is faith in Him.
 
“He was sore athirst, and called on the Lord, and said, thou hast given this great deliverance into the hand of thy servant: and now shall I die for thirst?”

Judges 15:18

Samson was thirsty and ready to die. The difficulty was totally different from any which the hero had met before. Merely to get thirst assuaged is nothing like so great a matter as to be delivered from a thousand Philistines! but when the thirst was upon him, Samson felt that little present difficulty more weighty than the great past difficulty out of which he had so specially been delivered. It is very usual for God's people, when they have enjoyed a great deliverance, to find a little trouble too much for them.

Samson slays a thousand Philistines, and piles them up in heaps, and then faints for a little water! Jacob wrestles with God at Peniel, and overcomes Omnipotence itself, and then goes “halting on his thigh!” Strange that there must be a shrinking of the sinew whenever we win the day. As if the Lord must teach us our littleness, our nothingness, in order to keep us within bounds. Samson boasted right loudly when he said, “I have slain a thousand men.” His boastful throat soon grew hoarse with thirst, and he betook himself to prayer. God has many ways of humbling his people.

Dear child of God, if after great mercy you are laid very low, your case is not an unusual one. When David had mounted the throne of Israel, he said, “I am this day weak, though anointed king.” You must expect to feel weakest when you are enjoying your greatest triumph. If God has wrought for you great deliverances in the past, your present difficulty is only like Samson's thirst, and the Lord will not let you faint, nor suffer the daughter of the uncircumcised to triumph over you. The road of sorrow is the road to heaven, but there are wells of refreshing water all along the route. So, tried brother, cheer your heart with Samson's words, and rest assured that God will deliver you ere long.
 
This is the Moment for the Church at Antioch to Rise Up



In Acts 8, a massive disruption upset the Christian world. Led by Saul of Tarsus, massive persecution drove Christians from their home base of Jerusalem. Up to that time the new Christian movement was centered in Jerusalem and was confined to Jews. By the end of the book of Acts the church was more Gentile than Jewish and the church at Jerusalem was a side note. What made the difference? During the disruption, one church used it as an opportunity to innovate, and innovation changes the world.

In Acts 11:19 we see the Jewish Christians scattering from Jerusalem, telling only other Jews about Jesus. But in Antioch it was different. The Christians there spread the gospel and opened their doors to both Jews and Greeks (innovation #1, Acts 11:20-21). Not only was this church open to non-Jews, they sought out Jews with scandalous pasts, creating an opportunity for the same Saul of Tarsus to provide leadership now that he had become a follower of Jesus (innovation #2, Acts 11:25-26). When a famine struck Judea, the church at Antioch is the first church recorded in Scripture to voluntarily collect resources and intentionally send it off to assist another church (innovation #3, Acts 11:27-30).

So it should be no surprise that the church at Antioch, not the church at Jerusalem, was the one the Holy Spirit directed to change the world through intentional gospel-spreading, church-planting mission trips (innovation #4, Acts 13:1-3). What was the church at Jerusalem doing during that time? Forcing Peter to defend his actions of entering a Gentile’s home (Acts 10-11) and trying to get the Gentile Christians to become Jewish (Acts 15).

Admittedly painting with a broad brush here, the church at Jerusalem treated the dispersion of their people as an interruption. They kept waiting for things to go back to ‘normal’ and the way things were (centered in Jerusalem and around the Jews). The church at Antioch correctly saw the persecution as a massive disruption. Disruption leads to innovation. Innovation changes the world, and that’s exactly what the church at Antioch did almost 2000 years ago.

The COVID-19 crisis is another massive disruption (not interruption). This is the moment for the church at Antioch to rise up, to blaze boldly into the hybrid digital world we all now live in and spread the gospel in new and powerful ways. As church thought leader Carey Nieuwhof accurately questioned, “are churches behaving like malls in the age of Amazon?” I believe that churches that treat the COVID-19 crisis like a minor interruption are like malls, like the church at Jerusalem. If your church is waiting for this crisis to pass so that things can go back to normal, you might be waiting awhile. There will be a new normal we will eventually settle into, but it won’t be the old normal. A worldwide pandemic disrupts the world in ways that will forever change us. I believe that churches that leverage the massive disruption of the COVID-19 crisis are innovating in the age of Amazon, like the church of Antioch.
Where are the churches at Antioch? Rise up, innovate, and change our world with the gospel!
 
Nothing is Too Difficult
Behold, I am the LORD,
the God of all flesh:
is there any thing too hard for me?

Jeremiah 32:27 KJV

__________________

Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people. News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed, and he healed them.

Matthew 4:23,24 NIV

__________________

But He was pierced through
for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being
fell upon Him,
And by His scourging we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5 NASB

__________________

Thanks be unto God for His wonderful gift:
Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God
is the object of our faith; the only faith
that saves is faith in Him.
 
“Doth Job fear God for nought?”

Job 1:9

This was the wicked question of Satan concerning that upright man of old, but there are many in the present day concerning whom it might be asked with justice, for they love God after a fashion because he prospers them; but if things went ill with them, they would give up all their boasted faith in God. If they can clearly see that since the time of their supposed conversion the world has gone prosperously with them, then they will love God in their poor carnal way; but if they endure adversity, they rebel against the Lord. Their love is the love of the table, not of the host; a love to the cupboard, not to the master of the house. As for the true Christian, he expects to have his reward in the next life, and to endure hardness in this.

The promise of the old covenant is adversity. Remember Christ's words — “Every branch in me that beareth not fruit” — What? “He purgeth it, that it may bring forth fruit.” If you bring forth fruit, you will have to endure affliction. “Alas!” you say, “that is a terrible prospect.” But this affliction works out such precious results, that the Christian who is the subject of it must learn to rejoice in tribulations, because as his tribulations abound, so his consolations abound by Christ Jesus. Rest assured, if you are a child of God, you will be no stranger to the rod.

Sooner or later every bar of gold must pass through the fire. Fear not, but rather rejoice that such fruitful times are in store for you, for in them you will be weaned from earth and made meet for heaven; you will be delivered from clinging to the present, and made to long for those eternal things which are so soon to be revealed to you. When you feel that as regards the present you do serve God for nought, you will then rejoice in the infinite reward of the future.
 
Marriage Killer: The Cares of This World



In the parable of the sower, Jesus discusses how the Word of God hits some people’s hearts. Some people bear fruit for God as a result. But others do not bear fruit because they exhibit “thorny soil”—soil that is choked out by the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desire for other things (Mark 4:1-20)
The issue of bearing fruit doesn’t only apply to the individual lives of believers, but also to marriages. Some men and women love God but their marriages are never great because they never bear fruit. Why not? For the exact reasons Jesus gave.

In this Marriage Builder, I want to single out the first main fruit-killer which Jesus mentioned, because it is one that affects almost all of us.
This marriage killer is stress, or as Jesus describes it, “the cares of this world.” We were not created to operate in stress. We were created to operate in peace. Marriages require emotional energy and stress robs us of that energy.

Have you ever had a particularly stressful day or week? Afterward, it’s hard for you to relate to other people, because you are worn out emotionally.
Bonding doesn’t happen because of proximity. You can’t just sit on a couch together watching American Idol. You have to interact. You have to get emotionally involved, and this becomes very difficult when your emotions are already worn ragged due to stress.
Because men and women deal with emotions so differently, the emotional side of marriage is hard enough to begin with. Add stress to a relationship and it becomes much an even greater challenge.

But stress doesn’t just hurt relationships emotionally. It damages them physically, too. The number-one sexual problem among women is inhibited sexual desire because of stress and physical exhaustion.
Being stressed-out is a sex-killer for both husbands and wives. That’s why couples tend to have the best sex when husbands help with the kids, or the dishes, or the housework. This is a turn-on for the wife because, among other reasons, it reduces her stress.

Stress can also be a health-killer. The primary reason for doctors’ visits today in America is stress-related illness. Stress even rubs off on our children, who intuitively know when their parents are stressed. Sometimes kids will even develop physical problems because they observe their parents’ stress and internalize it.
God did not create us to live this way. We are not supposed to be like those plate-spinners at the circus, who put so many plates in motion that, eventually, some of them begin to drop and break. When that happens, you have broken children, broken bodies, broken emotions, and broken marriages.

The rule for not letting “the cares of this world” affect your marriage is this: less is more. Are you trying to do too much? Have you taken on too many responsibilities at work, or even church? Are you putting your income or success above your marriage? Those are questions we need to ask and answer.
The best lives, and best marriages, will always be the simple ones.
 
His Only Begotten Son
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 3:16 KJV

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After these things God tested Abraham, and said to him, "Abraham!" And he said, "Here am I." He said, "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Mori'ah, and offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."

Genesis 22:1,2 RSV

__________________

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?

Romans 8:31,32 NASB

__________________

Thanks be unto God for His wonderful gift:
Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God
is the object of our faith; the only faith
that saves is faith in Him.
 
“We will remember thy love more than wine.”

Song of Solomon 1:4

Jesus will not let his people forget his love. If all the love they have enjoyed should be forgotten, he will visit them with fresh love. “Do you forget my cross?” says he, “I will cause you to remember it; for at my table I will manifest myself anew to you. Do you forget what I did for you in the council-chamber of eternity? I will remind you of it, for you shall need a counsellor, and shall find me ready at your call.”

Mothers do not let their children forget them. If the boy has gone to Australia, and does not write home, his mother writes — “Has John forgotten his mother?” Then there comes back a sweet epistle, which proves that the gentle reminder was not in vain. So is it with Jesus, he says to us, “Remember me,” and our response is, “We will remember thy love.” We will remember thy love and its matchless history. It is ancient as the glory which thou hadst with the Father before the world was.

We remember, O Jesus, thine eternal love when thou didst become our Surety, and espouse us as thy betrothed. We remember the love which suggested the sacrifice of thyself, the love which, until the fulness of time, mused over that sacrifice, and long for the hour whereof in the volume of the book it was written of thee, “Lo, I come.” We remember thy love, O Jesus as it was manifest to us in thy holy life, from the manger of Bethlehem to the garden of Gethsemane. We track thee from the cradle to the grave—for every word and deed of thine was love—and we rejoice in thy love, which death did not exhaust; thy love which shone resplendent in thy resurrection. We remember that burning fire of love which will never let thee hold thy peace until thy chosen ones be all safely housed, until Zion be glorified, and Jerusalem settled on her everlasting foundations of light and love in heaven.
 
What The Bible Says About Mothers



Mothers are very special, so in honor of mothers everywhere, here is what the Bible says about you.

Honoring Mom
The Bible doesn’t just teach that we should honor others, like the elders among us, but also to honor our father and our mother. That is the first horizontal commandment given which relates to how we deal with one another. The fifth commandment says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex 20:12). That doesn’t say to honor those parents who are worthy to be honored, but to honor your father and your mother. This commandment has a promise. If a person honors their father and mother, then their “days may be long in the land.” That sounds very much like a blessing for honoring your parents. Of course some find it impossible to honor their parents if they’ve been abused. How can you honor someone that did “that” to you!? Only they can answer that question, but God does expect us to give to others, not what they deserve, but what they need.

Jesus says to “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” (Luke 6:27-28). So we can pray for our enemies, but not our parents because they did such and such to us!? Remember what God did to us in that “Christ died for the ungodly” (Rom 5:6), and so “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). God did not give us what we deserved (Rom 3:23) but what we needed (Eph 2:8-9), so even “while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life” (Rom 5:10), therefore, we give our parents what they need, and not necessarily what they deserve.

Honor in Deed
I believe honoring your father and your mother includes your father-in-law and mother-in-law. Ruth so honored her mother-in-law by telling her, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you” (Ruth 1:16-17). Ruth was willing to give up her old life to ensure her mother-in-law would be taken care of, and went to a land and people that were not her land and people. She was faithful to her mother-in-law, and honored her in deed, not just in word. My mother-in-law is easy to honor because she’s such an honorable woman. I must have the kindest, most gentle mother-in-law in human history because she’s such a good and godly woman, so I treat her with respect and honor. I realize that a lot of people are not so blessed.

Taught and Caught
I’ve heard that more is caught than taught, but don’t let us neglect the teaching part because it’s essential to the child’s wellbeing. Solomon himself was taught by his mother (Prov 31:1) and wrote, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching” (Prov 1:8). Most of us, or at least many of us, can honestly say their mothers were “like a nursing mother taking care of her own children” (1 Thess 2:7), which was just how the Apostle Paul treated the church at Thessalonica. Is it any wonder that God uses the image of the comfort a mother gives her child as the care LinkHe has for His own? The Psalmist wrote, “But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me” (Psalm 131:2). Timothy was obviously influenced by his mother and grandmother, as Paul says he was “reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well” (2 Tim 1:5). We would all do well to “Keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching” (Prov 6:20).

Honor by Sacrifice
As Jesus was dying on the cross, He gave a command to the Apostle John to take care of His mother. It says, “When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home” (John 19:26-27). Even in His agonizing moments on the cross, Jesus was thinking of His mother. He honored His mother by ensuring she’d be taken care of after His death on the cross. John didn’t hesitate, and so he also honored Jesus’ mother. Part of honoring your mother and honoring your parents is doing for them what they might not be able to do for themselves. Maybe it’s doing something to make their lives a little bit easier.

Our mothers have sacrificed so much time and effort for us, how can we not honor them, even if they’re not with us anymore. You can honor them by speaking about the good they did. You can honor them by remember the positive things they’ve done and the positive influence they’ve left on you. Honoring parents goes well beyond leaving flowers at their grave. God never placed a time limit placed on the fifth commandment, and there is no disclaimer to where if the parents are deemed unworthy, then they don’t need to be honored. We ought to praise God and thank God for our parents and our children, for “He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord” (Psalm 113:9)!

Conclusion
Mothers intuitively know to “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov 22:6). It is in their nature. Mothers are a child’s first and best teacher, only having the best interests of the child in mind, motivated by their unconditional love for their child. I believe the commandment to honor your parents includes the father-in-law and mother-in-law, but also grandparents, as they are also parents. If you liked this article about mothers, please share this with someone, or bookmark it for Mother’s Day.
 
Believe in Him!
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

John 3:16 NASB

__________________

To him give all the prophets witness, that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins.

Acts 10:43 KJV

__________________

He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

John 3:18 NASB

__________________

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!" Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

John 20:27-29 NIV

__________________

Thanks be unto God for His wonderful gift:
Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God
is the object of our faith; the only faith
that saves is faith in Him.
 

“Martha was cumbered about much serving.”

Luke 10:40

Her fault was not that she served: the condition of a servant well becomes every Christian. “I serve,” should be the motto of all the princes of the royal family of heaven. Nor was it her fault that she had “much serving.” We cannot do too much. Let us do all that we possibly can; let head, and heart, and hands, be engaged in the Master's service. It was no fault of hers that she was busy preparing a feast for the Master. Happy Martha, to have an opportunity of entertaining so blessed a guest; and happy, too, to have the spirit to throw her whole soul so heartily into the engagement.

Her fault was that she grew “cumbered with much serving,” so that she forgot him, and only remembered the service. She allowed service to override communion, and so presented one duty stained with the blood of another. We ought to be Martha and Mary in one: we should do much service, and have much communion at the same time. For this we need great grace. It is easier to serve than to commune. Joshua never grew weary in fighting with the Amalekites; but Moses, on the top of the mountain in prayer, needed two helpers to sustain his hands.

The more spiritual the exercise, the sooner we tire in it. The choicest fruits are the hardest to rear: the most heavenly graces are the most difficult to cultivate. Beloved, while we do not neglect external things, which are good enough in themselves, we ought also to see to it that we enjoy living, personal fellowship with Jesus. See to it that sitting at the Saviour's feet is not neglected, even though it be under the specious pretext of doing him service. The first thing for our soul's health, the first thing for his glory, and the first thing for our own usefulness, is to keep ourselves in perpetual communion with the Lord Jesus, and to see that the vital spirituality of our religion is maintained over and above everything else in the world.
 
What The Bible Says About Evangelism



Missionaries have a very special calling, but so do Christians, because we’re all called to go and make disciples, teaching them what Christ taught His disciples.
Imperative Command
Jesus gives the church an imperative command in Matthew 28:19-20 where He said to “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Just before He ascended back to the Father, He tells the disciples that “you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth” (Acts 1:8). The Apostle Paul was later called to be the apostle to the Gentiles.

He writes that “the Lord has commanded us, saying, I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth” (Acts 13:47). Early on, during Jesus’ earthly ministry, “he called the twelve and began to send them out two by two, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits” (Mark 6:7). He sent them, or commanded them to go, so He gave them an imperative command. Later it says, “the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them on ahead of him, two by two, into every town and place where he himself was about to go. And he said to them, ‘The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest’” (Luke 10:1-2), so obviously we are commanded to go and make disciples, and then teach them the same things Jesus taught His disciples. We might not be able to go into all the world, but we can at least go next door.

Christ Directed
When the Apostle Paul first encountered the Lord Jesus Christ on the Damascus Road, he was told that “the Lord commanded that those who proclaim the gospel should get their living by the gospel” (1 Cor 9:`4). That’s why churches raise money for missionaries. They cannot go into all the world unless they are provisioned and prepared. Only then can they “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation” (Mark 16:15). It wasn’t as if the apostles could choose a Plan B. They had to follow Jesus’ command. Paul wrote, “For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting.

For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel”
(1 Cor 9:16)! One way or another, “this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come” (Matt 24:14). Jesus Christ was proclaiming the gospel during His earthly ministry. After cleansing a man of unclean spirits, he told him, “Go home to your friends and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” And he went away and began to proclaim in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him, and everyone marveled” (Mark 5:19-20).

God Compelled
God told Jeremiah, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations” (Jer 1:5). It was as if Jeremiah was compelled from birth to proclaim God’s message. Later he writes, “If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot” (Jer 20:9), so the prophets and the apostles were compelled to preach the gospel, but the pastors are not the only ones given this responsibility. We are all responsible, so the question becomes, “How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news” (Rom 10:14-15)!


Power of God
The Gospel doesn’t depend on human strength but on the power of God. The Apostle Paul wrote that he was “not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek” (Rom 1:16), so the gospel comes with its own power. If you have the Word of God and the Spirit of God with the power of God, He can birth the children of God for the glory of God. This ought to make the children of God rejoice because they have new brothers and sisters! The gospel’s going to comfort the afflicted, but afflict the comfortable, so it shouldn’t surprise us that “the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God” (1 Cor 1:18). The gospel is “to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life” (2 Cor 2:16). I am glad it doesn’t depend on us, because none would be saved, so it is as God says: “Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of hosts” (Zech 4:6).

Conclusion
What used to be the Great Commission has now become the “great omission” since so few are witnessing for Jesus Christ. It’s not that we don’t know the gospel well enough to share it. It may be that we’re afraid to speak up because we fear rejection, but we are not to fear people but fear God, and it pleases God when we obey God by sharing Christ. Besides, it’s an imperative command from the Lord our God; our great King, Jesus Christ. The fear of man is a stumbling block, but the fear of the Lord is the very beginning of wisdom (Prov 9:10). Who told you about Jesus Christ? Have you ever thanked them for that? Aren’t you glad they overcame their fears to share Christ with you? What keeps you from doing the same with others? Does your fear keep you silent? Be silent no more. Christ could return at any moment, or the person you want to witness to could die and then face God’s judgment (He 9:27; Rev 20:12-15). Today is the day of salvation (2 Cor 6:2). Tomorrow may be too late.
 
We must walk in His Light.
Now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when He appears, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. Everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

1 John 3:2,3 NIV

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For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.

Titus 2:11-14 KJV

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Jesus, being the brightness of His glory, and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high.

Hebrews 1:3,4 KJV

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If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:8,9 NASB

__________________

Thanks be unto God for His wonderful gift:
Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God
is the object of our faith; the only faith
that saves is faith in Him.
 
“Do we then make void the law through faith? God forbid: yea, we establish the law.”

Romans 3:31

When the believer is adopted into the Lord's family, his relationship to old Adam and the law ceases at once; but then he is under a new rule, and a new covenant. Believer, you are God's child; it is your first duty to obey your heavenly Father. A servile spirit you have nothing to do with: you are not a slave, but a child; and now, inasmuch as you are a beloved child, you are bound to obey your Father's faintest wish, the least intimation of his will.

Does he bid you fulfil a sacred ordinance? It is at your peril that you neglect it, for you will be disobeying your Father. Does he command you to seek the image of Jesus? Is it not your joy to do so? Does Jesus tell you, “Be ye perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect”? Then not because the law commands, but because your Saviour enjoins, you will labour to be perfect in holiness. Does he bid his saints love one another? Do it, not because the law says, “Love thy neighbour,” but because Jesus says, “If ye love me, keep my commandments;” and this is the commandment that he has given unto you, “that ye love one another.”

Are you told to distribute to the poor? Do it, not because charity is a burden which you dare not shirk, but because Jesus teaches, “Give to him that asketh of thee.” Does the Word say, “Love God with all your heart”? Look at the commandment and reply, “Ah! commandment, Christ hath fulfilled thee already — I have no need, therefore, to fulfil thee for my salvation, but I rejoice to yield obedience to thee because God is my Father now and he has a claim upon me, which I would not dispute.” May the Holy Ghost make your heart obedient to the constraining power of Christ's love, that your prayer may be, “Make me to go in the path of thy commandments; for therein do I delight.” Grace is the mother and nurse of holiness, and not the apologist of sin.
 
Tamar the Righteous



Some observations about the story of Tamar and Judah, recorded in Genesis 38, inspired by a lively discussion of the narrative at the Theopolis Regional Course in Dallas last weekend.
1) The chapter has a chiastic structure:
A. Judah’s family, vv 1-5: take wife and conceive; births; replacement of firstborn
B. Sons die: Tamar returns to father’s house, vv 6-10
C. Judah sends Tamar back to father’s house, 11
D. Tamar prepares for her encounter with Judah by disguise as harlot, 12-14
E. Judah and Tamar, 15-18
D’. puts back on her widow’s clothes, 19
C’. Judah can’t find Tamar, 20-23
B’. Tamar pregnant, 24-26: harlotry
A’. Judah’s sons, 27-30: birth of twins: replacement of firstborn


The structure reinforces a fundamental theme of the chapter, the death and rebirth of the line of Judah. Judah’s line dies several times at the beginning of the chapter (as it does in the related genealogy in 1 Chronicles 2), but is finally revived.
Importantly, it’s revived by the incorporation of an outsider, Tamar, who is never identified as such but appears to be a Gentile (the same pattern reappears in Ruth and 1 Chronicles). The royal line rises from the dead only when the nations are incorporated.


2) Tamar’s deception is parallel to Rebekah’s deception of her husband Isaac. In both cases, a woman deceives an erring man in order to set him on track (see James Jordan’s comments on Rebekah in Primeval Saints).


Judah is a cad throughout the chapter. He separates from his brothers and marries a Canaanite. He mistreats Tamar at multiple levels. He denies Tamar marriage to his youngest son, Shelah. He sends her back to her father’s house, and treats her as if he has no obligation to her. Tamar not only loses husbands and the possibility of children, but the inheritance that should be hers through Judah’s sons. She is excluded from Israel’s line of descent, which seems to have been important to her. Why doesn’t Judah know his own daughter-in-law? Because he is, narratively if not literally, as blind as Isaac.

Tamar is clearly more concerned about the future of Judah’s family than Judah is. His ancestry is stillborn, but he does nothing to correct the situation. Tamar has to take things into her own hands, deceiving Judah into fulfilling his obligation to provide a seed for her and forcing him to recognize his sin. His confession “She is more righteous than I” shows that he, like Isaac, acknowledges his sin. He recognizes that he was responsible for ensuring that she had children, and Tamar has arranged things so that he fulfills this obligation in the most direct way imaginable. It’s a foreshadowing of Judah’s later transformation, from a brother-persecutor of Joseph to a brother-substitute for Benjamin.

3) Tamar’s conduct is scandalous; it’s not an example for women to follow! But Judah is right to judge her righteous. She’s a female Jacob, cunningly pursuing what is rightfully hers, cunningly seeking a place in the line of Israel’s kings. Her ploy is successful, as she secures a place in the ancestry of the Messiah (Matthew 1).
Typologically, she resembles the Bride of the Song of Songs, who seeks her lover in the streets, looking for all the world like Lady Folly of Proverbs. She is not a harlot, but she impersonates a harlot in pursuit of covenant blessing. She is willing to be mistaken for a prostitute, as Jacob was willing to disguise himself as Esau, if that was necessary for the fulfillment of promise.
 
As we walk in His Light He gives us more Light.
See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.

Deuteronomy 30:15,16 NIV

__________________

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

Philippians 4:8,9 KJV

__________________

Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.

Matthew 7:24,25 NASB

__________________

Thanks be unto God for His wonderful gift:
Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God
is the object of our faith; the only faith
that saves is faith in Him.
 
“All they that heard it wondered at those things.”

Luke 2:18

We must not cease to wonder at the great marvels of our God. It would be very difficult to draw a line between holy wonder and real worship; for when the soul is overwhelmed with the majesty of God's glory, though it may not express itself in song, or even utter its voice with bowed head in humble prayer, yet it silently adores. Our incarnate God is to be worshipped as “the Wonderful.” That God should consider his fallen creature, man, and instead of sweeping him away with the besom of destruction, should himself undertake to be man's Redeemer, and to pay his ransom price, is, indeed marvellous!

But to each believer redemption is most marvellous as he views it in relation to himself. It is a miracle of grace indeed, that Jesus should forsake the thrones and royalties above, to suffer ignominiously below for you. Let your soul lose itself in wonder, for wonder is in this way a very practical emotion. Holy wonder will lead you to grateful worship and heartfelt thanksgiving. It will cause within you godly watchfulness; you will be afraid to sin against such a love as this. Feeling the presence of the mighty God in the gift of his dear Son, you will put off your shoes from off your feet, because the place whereon you stand is holy ground. You will be moved at the same time to glorious hope.

If Jesus has done such marvellous things on your behalf, you will feel that heaven itself is not too great for your expectation. Who can be astonished at anything, when he has once been astonished at the manger and the cross? What is there wonderful left after one has seen the Saviour? Dear reader, it may be that from the quietness and solitariness of your life, you are scarcely able to imitate the shepherds of Bethlehem, who told what they had seen and heard, but you can, at least, fill up the circle of the worshippers before the throne, by wondering at what God has done.
 
Porn is Slowly Killing Evangelicalism



Pornography is single-handedly one of the worst epidemics facing the Evangelical church today. There are a myriad of other factors which appear to be eroding the Western church from the inside-out, yet Evangelicals scarcely address the root of the problem of pornography within the church. On the whole, human sexuality is undergoing an existential crisis. Yet the church is placed squarely in the midst of this crisis, often not even addressing its own underlying issues until far too late. Leader after leader (after leader!) disqualifies himself through sexual misconduct, all the while the name of Christ is slandered. Lest we focus on only Evangelical leaders though, sexual misconduct, including rampant use of porn, is very much present within the laity of the church.

Researchers have shown the phenomena physically alters the structure of our brains. We even know desensitization occurs, as warped views of human sexuality increase in order to even experience sexual gratification. Furthermore, we are fully aware of the correlation between sex trafficking and the multi-billion dollar porn industry. We are also startlingly aware of the correlation between viewing pornography and committing sex-crimes. It also isn’t shocking to find that an individual engaging in private infidelity through porn is more likely to carry out the physical expression if given the opportunity, even though both result in an increased likelihood of divorce.

One might be tempted to look at these things from a purely clinical perspective, but Scriptural precedent clearly establishes a direct correlation between all forms of sexual perversion and a hatred of God and our fellow man. Yet Evangelical Christians are still participating in these deeds of darkness without much forethought to the long-term consequences. Here we stand, at the precipice of cultural, sexual anarchy, enjoying the same titillating nonsense this world so eagerly digests. What is dumbfounding to me is how we continue to see Evangelical leaders fall after allegations of sexual misconduct – yet we fail to draw the proper correlation back to the epidemic that is sexual immorality. Why? We hedge our definitions.

A Personal Excursus
I vividly remember the first time I was exposed to pornography as a child. I was seven years old. Seven. These were the days of latchkey children; both parents would be working whilst their children exercised dominion over their neighborhoods. Long summer days were filled with bike-riding, scratch games of street hockey or baseball, and the regular mischief any child gets into when they have hours of free time before mom and dad come home.
On one such day my neighbor’s children easily conned me into riding our bikes past the highway – something we were all strictly forbidden of. We made our way past the busy road, closing our eyes as we darted across lanes of traffic with “no handlebars”, and found the familiar trails we had worn bare. This time though, we took a new path, one my friends assured me would lead us to stumble upon something cool when we “got there”.

We rode for about ten minutes until we reached a small clearing the new path had taken us to. While there were many amenities for the homeless man who made this patch of grass his abode, the three I remember are the Penthouse magazine, a liter of gin, and a pack of smokes. All three of us partook in the spoils of our find – and incidentally enough, those three items which rocked our adolescence provided the fodder for a plethora of pitfalls. I was seven years old. Seven.
My son, if sinners entice you, do not yield to them (Proverbs 1:10).
While there are many object lessons bound within my own story – parents would do well not to base decisions upon fear, but rather, act with prudential foresight into the very real, ever-present devastation that sin brings. My experience was 24 years ago. I am a man now equipped to deal with the baggage and weight of sin, but then I was not. I had no clue what I was getting myself into, nor did I recognize the consequences of this folly would be so long-lasting.

I did not have a father who trained me in Scripture and pleaded with me to avoid sexual sin. I grew up in a home that glorified sexual exploits at a young age (my father was an unbeliever until my early 20’s). Thus, when I entered middle school and heard the tales of my father’s youthful indiscretions, my pre-pubescent awkwardness was at its height. I was not confident. I was not able to attract women in that manner. Of course, I didn’t quite understand, beyond a vague notion of “saving yourself for the one you love”, that this was completely unhealthy for a twelve year-old, let alone a warped view of sexuality as it were.

But, I had my old standby. Porn, though hard to come by at first, was an easy outlet for my bumbling misunderstanding of sexuality. Even though I had to be sneaky because there was this sense of privatized shame attached to it, the explosion of the internet made it easy for kids. We were learning how to use it at the same time as our parents and teachers – and we were quicker students. We could already navigate past firewalls and security filters; we could clear our browser history; we could fool adults into thinking there was nothing sketchy about our internet usage.

Quite the opposite was true though. This was a time when the internet was still relatively new – so even if you didn’t know these work-arounds, you could type in a given number of innocuous keywords that would bring up pornography as you were researching for a school paper. Anyone who grew up during this timeframe knows what I speak of. Natural curiosity implanted a sense of easy mischief, one we could feign innocence in if we got caught by the librarian simply because even when you weren’t looking for porn it turned up.

I bring this foray into my personal history up because I don’t sense my experience to be all that unique. Sure – perhaps few were introduced to a Penthouse magazine when they were seven, but those in my age group surely found themselves introduced to porn much earlier than anyone would have imagined. Yet it would be absolute folly to imagine this problem was relegated to my youth and does not affect younger (and older) generations – especially as the statistics show quite the contrary.

General Statistics
While not fully up-to-date, Pornhub’s 2017 Year in Review[1] has shown the website catered to some 28.5 billion visitors. In terms of SEO count, that’s 81 million unique visitors per day. They further boasted of 24.7 billion searches in the year, which they say translates to about 50,000 searches per minute, or 800 searches per second. If that’s not easy enough to compute – they break it down a bit more practically for readers. Incidentally, that’s the same number of burgers that McDonalds sells every second.

In one year, the hours of porn uploaded to the site translated into 68 years if watched non-stop. The staggering amount of data being used to stream the website’s data was 118 GB per second – something the article boasts is enough to fill the storage of all the world’s iPhones. Put another way: in just five minutes, Pornhub’s servers transmits more data than the entire contents of the New York Public Library’s 50 million books.


While the data is limited – it doesn’t compare any statistical data of underage users – it does clearly show the majority of users are those aged 18-34 (61%). And if you think this is just a young male’s problem – you are surely mistaken. The average proportion of women world-wide is approximately 26%, showing a steady increase from year to year in every country (save Russia). Given the rapidly increasing figures, it shouldn’t be terribly long before men and women are on equal footing. Remember, these figures are from just oneporn website.
Then we can take the results of Barna’s 2016 study, which shows people do not define pornography in clear-cut terms. Rather, they define porn on the basis of the function it serves; if it is meant for arousal, its porn. Thus, most would define pornography outside of the bounds of things meant for entertainment purposes, even if the sexual depictions were graphic in nature. Keeping this in mind, the poll revealed 21% of youth pastors and 14% of pastors admit they currently struggle with pornography. Furthermore, teens and young adults overwhelmingly speak of pornography in neutral, accepting, or encouraging ways. Only 1 in 20 young adults, and 1 in 10 teens, believed viewing pornography was morally wrong.

Even more recently, we find Gallup’s study revealing the current social acceptance of pornography has grown 7% from last year, with 43% of people believing it is morally acceptable. While the isolated statistics are fascinating in and of themselves in showing the steady growth of acceptance in nearly every category, the alarming trend for religious individuals has also seen an increase. 22% of those holding that religion is very important to them believe pornography is morally acceptable, followed by 50% for those who say religion is moderately important, and 76% percent of those who say religion is not very important to them at all.

Pornography: Not Simply a Crisis for the Unbeliever
While those outside of organized religion are at higher rates of acceptance, nearly 1 in 4 who claim religion is highly important to them still view pornography as morally acceptable. This is with a loose definition of porn that doesn’t see nudity as anything pornographic – so in terms of sexually immoral content as defined by Scripture (Gal. 5:19), those statistics, staggering as they are, still do not accurately reflect the problem amongst Christians. By that criteria alone – and especially in terms of the current reader who claims Christ whilst dismissing the last two sentences, we’ve already lost the battle.

We easily justify ingesting pornographic expressions in popular culture because it isn’t as racy as the hardcore porn we have to go and find at the click of a mouse. We ogle those whom we’d be ashamed of if they were our daughters and praise that in ourselves which we would be ashamed of in our sons. We seek to find the proverbial line, which we utterly bind in subjectivity, and toe it – occasionally slipping over to the wrong side from time to time. We feel the shame connected to that, yet are perplexed at why we can’t quite be free from the bondage of sexual sin.

I am convinced that many don’t commit adulterous affairs – not out of a love for God – but because they wouldn’t know how to carry one out without getting caught or they simply just don’t have the opportunity provided to them. If this weren’t true, it seems that pornography wouldn’t be such a huge issue within the church for men and women. Porn offers a similar experience without the inherent risks of that physical expression – yet interestingly, the stats demonstrate those with a porn addiction are more than twice as likely to seek out that physical expression. The point being, porn is as much of a pit of death that Solomon warns of as the one enticing you into their bedroom; they lead to the same place.

Incidentally, Solomon also describes this same individual as brutish and utterly senseless. The adverb he uses in Proverbs 7:22 describes his sudden interest in the harlot as that which we would describe idiomatically as “in the blink of an eye”. He has no second thoughts about his actions, but is impulse-driven, like cattle led to slaughter, or the foolish criminal who simply goes from shackle to shackle. The harlot is so enticing to him that he literally shows no hesitation as he goes to his own destruction.

Porn: Not simply a Moral Crisis – But an Existential One
When we deny a metaphysics of personhood the sole enterprise becomes one in which men and women seek pleasure. In essence, pleasure is the vehicle through which people have come to identify themselves. Any form of human expression outside of human sexuality (i.e. the sexually chaste) is seen as un-whole. It is the fundamental degradation of humanity itself as it debases that which is unique in all humans (the Imago Dei) in favor of that which makes us similar to all other mammals: sex.
Women are viewed as the sole objects of pleasure, and they are encouraged in the midst of a #MeToo era to explore sexual fetishes that perpetuate the misogyny they rally against. Men are in a perpetual state of adolescence wherein they seek sexual expression without the risks of human interaction and the messiness of relationships. Behind each of these distortions of sexuality is the faulty notion that in some capacity, sexuality is intrinsically linked to what confers personhood.

This is not merely a moral crisis – it is an existential crisis, namely, because people have removed any purpose to sexuality other than pleasure. If we sense pornography does not facilitate this with abundant ease, we are naïve at best. If we sense the church has not bought into this lie, well, the statistic show otherwise. The experience of young men and women struggling with porn in our churches demonstrates otherwise. The percentage of pastors who are being ousted due to sexual misconduct also demolishes this notion. The amount of ministry leaders keeping their sin private, if the above statistics are even accurate, also exhibit the contrary.
We live in a culture that consumes pornography at the same rate as hamburgers – and we don’t see that as an absolutely terrifying trend. We don’t see the correlation between rampant sexual misconduct and the liberalization of the church – and the increased acceptance of sexual immorality behind her doors. We don’t see these things because we don’t properly understand humanity in terms of relation to God, but instead, we see it in terms of sexuality. Thereby, people adopt an ethic of harm or purpose when it comes to deriving meaning and understanding of sexuality, yet neither of these will do enough.

No, we must understand sexuality in terms of ontology – that is, how we relate to God, rather than mere, moral aesthetics. Any consumption of pornography within the churched simply demonstrates how low a view of God, truth, and virtue we possess, yet how high a view of man we maintain as we cling to our sin. It is no small wonder we see such strong ties to sexually immoral behavior and idolatry within the Scriptures. May God have mercy on us – for though we don’t see it, the Evangelical church is in existential crisis as she relates to human sexuality and flourishing. The canary in the coal mine is dead.
 
Continue walking in the light of the Word
Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:19,20 NASB

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For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified.

Romans 2:13 RSV

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As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love.

John 15:9,10 NASB

__________________

Thanks be unto God for His wonderful gift:
Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son of God
is the object of our faith; the only faith
that saves is faith in Him.
 
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