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http://www.divaasia.com/article/6414
Sun, Dec 06, 2009
The New Paper
It's not just men who are cheating
by Vivien Chan and Elysa Chen
ONLY men cheat, right?
Think again. Women fool around too, and the numbers are on the rise, say divorce lawyers and private investigators here.
Lawyer Geralyn Danker recalled a case she handled.
The man suspected his wife of having an affair for 10 years but chose to ignore it. Over time, they fell out of love and he also sought a partner outside of marriage.
His wife filed for divorce in February last year and they were granted an interim judgment for divorce this year.
They were married for 22 years.
The couple, in their 50s, have four children but he found out after the divorce was filed that the youngest was not his biological child.
“He was upset and devastated because he had raised the child as his own,” said Ms Danker, a divorce lawyer of 14 years.
She said three out of every 10 adultery cases she sees nowadays involve the wife. A decade ago, it was only one out of 10.
In the case she mentioned, Ms Danker said the woman started having an affair with a friend in 1995 after she and her husband quarrelled frequently over money.
“He felt that she was not contributing while she felt that the man should provide for the family. She said that he did not love her any more,” said Ms Danker.
Fight over money
In 2005, the man started an affair with another woman.
“Many divorces arise from quarrels over money issues,” she said.
Ms Danker said that one out of every 10 divorce cases she sees are on the grounds of adultery. But the real number could be a lot higher.
She explained: “Many choose to file for divorce on the basis of unreasonable behaviour because it is easier. The standard of proof is less.
“For adultery, you have to produce the evidence and it is harder.”
So how do spouses realise that they are being cheated on?
“Lots of text messages, high phone bills, calls to a different number late at night,” said Ms Danker.
Mr P Kalastree, a private investigator, added: “The husband usually finds his wife going out more and dressing up more.”
Mr Kalastree, who runs Mainguard Security Services, said that cases of cheating wives are on the rise.
Ten years ago, 30 per cent of the adultery cases he sees were of cheating wives. Today, the figure is about 50 per cent.
Blaming it on “today’s stressful lifestyle”, he said: “More women are working and independent.
“They can afford to hire domestic help to look after their children, so they have the freedom to go out and socialise.”
Mr Jonathan Siew, 39, a marriage counsellor at Care Corner Counselling Centre, said: “Society is evolving because women are more exposed to the working environment, and have more chances to have affairs with their colleagues.” He added: “Women may have affairs when they feel that their emotional needs are not met and feel disconnected with their spouses.”
Mr Ivan Teo, 48, chairman of CampusImpact, offered another reason: “Maintaining a successful marriage is difficult, because the women go home from work so tired, they just do the housework and sleep.
“There’s very little time spent communicating with their spouses.”
Get back at husbands
CampusImpact is a voluntary welfare organisation that provides counselling to families and youths.
“With their other relationships outside, they are free to pursue the romance without the responsibilities and duties that they have to fulfil at home,” added Mr Teo, who has been counselling couples for about five years.
Mr Kalastree added: “Many times, the women have affairs because they are influenced by their single female friends who talk about the freedom of not being tied down.
“They don’t realise that these single women don’t understand and appreciate the commitment of married life.”
In some cases, women cheat to get back at their husbands, he said.
“I see more cases where the wives have affairs because their husbands started it. They do it for revenge,” said Mr Kalastree.
This article was first published in The New Paper.
Sun, Dec 06, 2009
The New Paper
It's not just men who are cheating
by Vivien Chan and Elysa Chen
ONLY men cheat, right?
Think again. Women fool around too, and the numbers are on the rise, say divorce lawyers and private investigators here.
Lawyer Geralyn Danker recalled a case she handled.
The man suspected his wife of having an affair for 10 years but chose to ignore it. Over time, they fell out of love and he also sought a partner outside of marriage.
His wife filed for divorce in February last year and they were granted an interim judgment for divorce this year.
They were married for 22 years.
The couple, in their 50s, have four children but he found out after the divorce was filed that the youngest was not his biological child.
“He was upset and devastated because he had raised the child as his own,” said Ms Danker, a divorce lawyer of 14 years.
She said three out of every 10 adultery cases she sees nowadays involve the wife. A decade ago, it was only one out of 10.
In the case she mentioned, Ms Danker said the woman started having an affair with a friend in 1995 after she and her husband quarrelled frequently over money.
“He felt that she was not contributing while she felt that the man should provide for the family. She said that he did not love her any more,” said Ms Danker.
Fight over money
In 2005, the man started an affair with another woman.
“Many divorces arise from quarrels over money issues,” she said.
Ms Danker said that one out of every 10 divorce cases she sees are on the grounds of adultery. But the real number could be a lot higher.
She explained: “Many choose to file for divorce on the basis of unreasonable behaviour because it is easier. The standard of proof is less.
“For adultery, you have to produce the evidence and it is harder.”
So how do spouses realise that they are being cheated on?
“Lots of text messages, high phone bills, calls to a different number late at night,” said Ms Danker.
Mr P Kalastree, a private investigator, added: “The husband usually finds his wife going out more and dressing up more.”
Mr Kalastree, who runs Mainguard Security Services, said that cases of cheating wives are on the rise.
Ten years ago, 30 per cent of the adultery cases he sees were of cheating wives. Today, the figure is about 50 per cent.
Blaming it on “today’s stressful lifestyle”, he said: “More women are working and independent.
“They can afford to hire domestic help to look after their children, so they have the freedom to go out and socialise.”
Mr Jonathan Siew, 39, a marriage counsellor at Care Corner Counselling Centre, said: “Society is evolving because women are more exposed to the working environment, and have more chances to have affairs with their colleagues.” He added: “Women may have affairs when they feel that their emotional needs are not met and feel disconnected with their spouses.”
Mr Ivan Teo, 48, chairman of CampusImpact, offered another reason: “Maintaining a successful marriage is difficult, because the women go home from work so tired, they just do the housework and sleep.
“There’s very little time spent communicating with their spouses.”
Get back at husbands
CampusImpact is a voluntary welfare organisation that provides counselling to families and youths.
“With their other relationships outside, they are free to pursue the romance without the responsibilities and duties that they have to fulfil at home,” added Mr Teo, who has been counselling couples for about five years.
Mr Kalastree added: “Many times, the women have affairs because they are influenced by their single female friends who talk about the freedom of not being tied down.
“They don’t realise that these single women don’t understand and appreciate the commitment of married life.”
In some cases, women cheat to get back at their husbands, he said.
“I see more cases where the wives have affairs because their husbands started it. They do it for revenge,” said Mr Kalastree.
This article was first published in The New Paper.
u deserve each other..
