In step

[RiverOL]

Framework for generosity

For reading & meditation: Proverbs 11:1-10

"The Lord abhors dishonest scales, but accurate weights are his delight." (v.1)

How do we go about establishing a framework for generosity? First - decide that nothing you possess is your own but that everything you have belongs to God. This puts God in His place and you in yours. You are now ready to manage His possessions, not as you like but as He likes. This is real freedom. It gives you a sense of accountability to another - God.

You get your life orders not from a whim, a notion, self-impulse or whatever takes your fancy, but from the One who saved you and redeemed you. Second - go over your life and see what belongs to your needs and what merely belongs to your wants. Your needs are important - God has promised to supply them - but your wants? Ah, that is another thing.

You need as much as will make you fit - spiritually, physically and mentally - for the purposes of God while you are here on the earth. Beyond that, what you have belongs to the needs of others. How do you decide what belongs to your needs? No one can decide it for you - though they can make suggestions - for you are accountable to God.

Go over your life item by item and ask Him for directions. Your family should figure prominently in your concerns, but you must check everything with the Lord.

Third - fix it as an axiom in your mind that you will be generous to people, not for the good feelings that generosity brings, but because you are determined to bless them in some way. You must never be generous in order to get a blessing - you must be generous to be a blessing.

Prayer:
Father, I am thankful that the basis of my life is fixed in You and from that I am able to build a framework for generosity. From now on help me to give with all the stops out. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Completing the framework

For reading & meditation: Proverbs 14:27-35

"' whoever is kind to the needy honors God." (v.31)

We continue looking at how to build a framework for generosity.

Fourth - give at least a tithe of your earnings to the Lord's work. The giving of a tithe is seen by many as legalistic, but the tithe is really a symbol of acknowledgment that the nine-tenths belongs to God. The Hebrews waved the firstfruits of the harvest before the Lord as an acknowledgment that the coming harvest belonged to Him. Some will be able to give far more than a tithe, but the tithe is a good place to begin.

Fifth - make your will under God's direction and maintain a balance between responsibility for your family and the continuing work of God. Make sure your relatives don't waste what God has given you to invest in His kingdom. You might need advice here from a wise Christian.

Sixth - remember that the principle of generosity applies not only to your treasure but also to your talents and your time. Each day ask God to show you ways of using your talents and time for Him. John Wesley's advice is worth repeating: "Make all you can; save all you can; give all you can."

Seventh - accept the smallest opportunity to be generous as a proving ground for faithfulness. "You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things" (Matt. 25:21).

Don't wait for the big opportunities to be generous but start with the next opportunity that comes your way - no matter how small it may be. Get ready for the bigger by doing the little well. Why does the Bible make much of generosity? Because the truly generous are the truly wise.

Prayer:
Father, just like Simon Peter, who gave Your Son his boat from which to preach, I give You my treasure, my talents and my time for You to use as Your pulpit - today and every day. In Christ's Name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Disturbing complacency

For reading & meditation: Proverbs 13:1-10

"The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied." (v.4)

Today we come to the fourth of the seven pillars of wisdom - diligence. The wise are those who persevere, who persist in following that which is right, who stick with it and never give up. One of the great needs of our day is for diligence to be put back into life - especially among the young.

A Christian educator writes: "Diligence in the young is something that is built into them not by precept but by example. In today's world there are not enough examples of diligence to inspire or guide."

Diligence does not seem to be esteemed in the way it once was. Prior to my conversion, I lacked greatly in diligence simply because I chose not to apply myself to anything.

Then in my teens Christ came into my life and by His coming disturbed my complacency and challenged me to apply myself to the things that were before me. The result? I covered more ground in the first year following my conversion than I did in the previous two or three years.

A year or so after my conversion, an uncle of mine said to my father, "I wondered whether he had been really converted but by his diligence I can see he has found God." Forgive the continued personal emphasis, but if it had not been for the diligence I learned at the feet of Christ, I would not have been able to continue writing Every Day with Jesus. I learned diligence from the One whose life and character were the very epitome of this quality - Jesus. He is diligence personified.

Prayer:
Gracious and loving Father, I also long for this facet of wisdom, the quality of diligence. Prune from me all laziness and indolence, all lethargy and dodging of responsibility, all complacency and pride. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

So wise - yet so foolish!

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 2

"' applying your heart to understanding ' then you will ' find the knowledge of God." (vv.2, 5)

Permit me to continue to explore a little more of Victor Frankl's thinking. Although now a well-known and highly respected psychiatrist, Frankl seems unable to accept the divine perspective. Listen to this: "The reason so many people are unhappy is because they fail to understand what human existence is all about.

Until we recognize that life is not just something to be enjoyed but rather a task that each of us is assigned, we will never find meaning in our lives and we will never be truly happy." So near yet so far! So wise yet so foolish!

He understands that without meaning life is drab and difficult, but he fails to go on to the next step and say that true meaning can only be found in Christ. He is both a delight and a disappointment, a delight because he says, "Life is a task," but a disappointment because he fails to bring in Christ to help perform that task.

Yes, life is a task, a tough one that is sometimes well nigh unbearable. That's why we need to have the Lord at the center of our lives - we then pursue the divine task with the help of divine grace.

Both the writer of the Proverbs and Victor Frankl say that life works better when we give ourselves to it with diligence, but there is much more to it than this.

Why do you think God inspired the writer of Proverbs to personify wisdom? Because (as we saw) it prepares us to face the fact that true wisdom is not merely found in principles, but in a Person. And that Person is Christ.

Prayer:
O Father, how sad when the wise of this world show themselves to be so foolish. They get so close - yet pull back at the vital moment. Thank You, Father, that through Jesus I dwell in wisdom and am indwelt by it. Help me exhibit it more and more. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

What's the Point?

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 21

"The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty." (v.5)

Today we ask ourselves: What is the point of diligence? Why keep persevering in a task? I'll tell you why. It is because it is in the arena of perseverance that true character is forged out, shaped, tempered and polished.

It is in the daily grind that the character of Jesus is given the maximum opportunity to be reproduced in us, replacing what Charles Swindoll calls that "thin, fragile internal theology with a tough reliable set of convictions that enable us to handle life rather than escape from it."

Listen to how the apostle Paul puts it in Romans 5:3-4: "We also rejoice in our sufferings, [why?] because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Because life is a task, we need strength to face it, not speed to escape from it.

When the foundations shake beneath our feet, when Christian friends, even leaders, fall into immorality, when the anchor points of civilization disappear, when the bottom drops out and brutal blows push us up against the ropes and pound the very life out of us, we need what diligence and perseverance offer us - willingness to face whatever comes, determination to stand firm, knowing that Christ is not just with us but in us, insight to see the Lord's hand in everything and character enough to continue. Without diligence, we will stumble and fall. With it, we will survive and conquer.

The astute of this world are wise enough to recognize that no advances can be made in life without diligence. How much more ought we, who name the Name of Christ and have Him living within us, to recognize this also?

Prayer:
O God, help me see that I am at grips with the raw materials of human living. Out of them I must fashion the important quality of diligence. Help me never to forget that the rewards are much more than the cost. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

The Four Spiritual Flaws

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 20

"A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing." (v.4)

We saw yesterday that diligently tackling life's tasks and problems produces in the end something exceedingly precious - character. Ever heard of the Four Spiritual Laws? They are used greatly by those involved in evangelism, but today we look at the Four Spiritual Flaws. These are four common misconceptions which many have about the tough issue of the Christian life, and unless refuted diligence will have no meaning.


Flaw No 1: Once you become a Christian, you will never have any more problems. It's not true. In fact, problems may increase. What is true, however, is that Christ will be there to share our problems and get us through - victoriously.

Flaw No 2: If you are having problems, then your spirituality is deficient. Some problems can arise from lack of spirituality, but certainly not all. Some of the most spiritual people I know have wrestled with gigantic problems. Consider God's servant, Job.

Flaw No 3: Never admit to anything being a problem; if you do, negativism will take over your life. Nonsense. If you don?t face a thing squarely, then you will live in denial, which is the opposite of integrity. Flaw No 4: All problems can be resolved by the application of the right scripture.

Again, not so. I have unanswered questions concerning God's dealings with me, and I know I might have to wait until I arrive in eternity to see things clearly. Here on earth we are big enough to ask questions but not big enough to understand the answers. Diligence must keep us going.

Prayer:
Father, I would be rid of all flawed thinking. Show me that I am not called to understand, but to stand. Give me grace to keep going even in the face of every one of life's unanswered questions. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Diligence does pay off

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 24:23-34

"Thorns had come up everywhere, the ground was covered with weeds '" (v.31)

We spend one more day on the subject of diligence. What are diligence and perseverance all about? They are sticking to a task you know God wants you to do until it is completed, irrespective of the difficulties and frustrations. Diligence does pay off.

Two frogs who fell into a bucket of cream tried very hard to get out, but each time they slipped back again. One said, "We'll never get out of here," gave up and drowned. The other frog persevered with kicking. Suddenly, he felt something hard beneath his feet and discovered that his kicking had turned the cream into butter. He hopped on top of it and was able to leap out to safety.

Someone has described diligence as "an archaic word." It may not play a big part in today's world, but it plays a big part in the Bible. Those who have done great exploits for God have been men and women of persistence and perseverance. One of the greatest examples of diligence in the Bible is the apostle Paul.

The verse that best brings this out is this: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed" (2 Cor. 4:8-9). He kept going when others would have given up.

I love the story of Sir Winston Churchill who, during his last years, and though failing and feeble, stood up to address a group of university students and said: "I have just one thing to say to you: Never give up. Never, never give up. Never, never, never give up." He sat down to a standing ovation.

Prayer:
Father, I see that life can be made or broken at the place of continuance. Give me this aspect of wisdom so that, like a postage stamp, I will stick to one thing until I get there. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Words that scar

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 12:11-28

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." (v.18)

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." It's not true. Names do hurt and produce emotional scars that stay within the soul for life. A woman could not escape the bondage of a name her father gave her when she was a child: "The devil's daughter." She was freed from it eventually, but not without hours of counseling and struggle.

Unkind words are like deadly missiles that penetrate all the soul's defenses and blast a hole in the personality that may take years to repair. On the other hand, words that are encouraging can lift and cheer the soul in a way that is quite amazing. C. E. Macartney tells how he saw sitting on a bench a minister whom he had known.

The man was well advanced in years and broken in health. As a result of his condition, he had given up his church and was unable to participate in any kind of pulpit ministry. Macartney says, "I turned to speak to him, expecting to hear from him some word of melancholy, reminiscence or present gloom, but I received a pleasant surprise.

He told me that a woman going by had just spoken to him and told him that a message he had given many years ago had been the means of bringing her to Christ.

The glow on his face was something I shall never forget." How wonderful it will be if today you and I can say a cheerful and encouraging word to someone that will lift their burden, lighten their darkness and minister the life of God into their soul. At least let's try!

Prayer:
O Father, help me not to be like the person who looked into a mirror and then went away forgetting what he looked like. I have looked into the mirror of Your Word and see what I should be. Now help me be. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Driven personalities

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 18

"The tongue has the power of life and death '" (v.21)

Don't think that your words will be overlooked and easily erased. I can remember the words of a teacher who made me stand up in a crowded classroom and said something that pierced my heart, leaving a deep scar. The hurt has gone now and forgiveness had dealt with the residual effects, but the memory burned within me for years.

Any counselor will tell you how unkind and cruel words spoken to a child in its early years have shaped and molded his life for good or for bad. A minister tells of talking to a forty-two-year-old man who was frantically working himself into exhaustion - "a volatile human being whose temper exploded at the slightest hint of disagreement or criticism."

He found that during childhood this man's father repeatedly told him: "You are not going to amount to anything." Every time his father lost his temper, he would repeat this statement to the boy. Thirty years later the man still bore the pain of his father's verbal malpractice and was driven to prove his father wrong.

This is what psychologists are talking about when they refer to people who are driven. They are driven by the lash of cruel words to them years earlier. Take, on the other hand, this example of another man.

He told me that his father used to hug him every day and say: "You are so special to me. There is no one in the world who could take your place." That man grew up with aliveness and optimism in his personality. Proverbs is right: death words destroy, life words build up and give increasing strength.

Prayer: Father, I would be a builder, not a destroyer of human personalities. Forgive me for the many foolish and unwise words I have spoken. From this day forward help me keep a check on my speech and use words as You would use them. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Healing words

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 15

"The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life '" (v.4)

Today we focus on the healing power of kind and encouraging words. When Sigmund Freud found out that symptoms of emotional distress could be relieved simply by talking in certain ways to his patients, he was deeply interested and intrigued. His training in what is known as "the medical model" had conditioned him to think of people as merely biological and chemical entities whose problems arose from physical malfunctioning.

If Freud had spent some time reading the book of Proverbs, he might have been less surprised to discover that words have such a powerful impact. Most psychotherapy has to do with letting people talk.

When people put their feelings into words, it seems as if the pent up emotion flows out through the words. In the USA there is a special phone line you can ring where, after you?ve given your credit card number, a person will spend three minutes giving you some encouraging and heartening words.

The service, I understand, has become a growth industry. As I was preparing this page, I thought of the most influential and healing words anyone had ever spoken to me. I thought hard and remembered a friend coming up to me at my wife's funeral and saying: "You will be in my thoughts every hour of the day."

How different from the sincere and well-meaning person who said to me at the same event: "Be brave." We can't change the things we said yesterday, but think of the possibilities ahead of us today and tomorrow. Don't wait another day - start now. Thank God that not only death, but life also, lies in the power of the tongue.

Prayer: Father, help me minister life through my tongue this very day. Give me opportunities to put into action what I have heard and help me recognize those opportunities. I long to be all You want me to be. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

The most powerful word

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 25:11-28

"As a north wind brings rain, so a sly tongue brings angry looks." (v.23)

It's astonishing, the effect words can have upon you. This is why the writer of Proverbs refers so often to words and the way they ought to be used.

Here's a teaser I want to drop in that highlights the way words can be used. Professor Ernest Brennick of Columbia University is credited with inventing this sentence which can be made to have eight different meanings by placing the word "only" in all possible positions in it: "I hit him in the eye yesterday." Don't write to me for all the permutations; work them out for yourself.

Someone has compiled a list of the most powerful words in the English language. "The bitterest word - alone. The most revered word - mother. The most feared word - death. The coldest word - no. The warmest word - friend." What, I wonder is the most powerful word you have ever come across?

I will tell you mine - Jesus. Charles Colson, one of President Nixon's right-hand men who, after the Watergate affair, was wonderfully converted to Christ, tells of visiting a man on death row. The man had been in a fetal position for months and would speak to no one.

Charles told him the gospel and asked him to say the name Jesus. A week later he returned to find the man sitting in his chair, shaven, and the cell swept clean. When he asked what had happened, the man said, "Jesus lives here now." He went to the electric chair but his last words to the executioner were these: "I'm going to be with the Lord."

Prayer:
O Father, when I utter the name Jesus something profound goes on in my being. It is like an oratorio in two syllables, a library compressed into a single word. May I learn and appropriate in my life all the power that lies behind that name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

A disciplined tongue

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 10:18-32

"' he who holds his tongue is wise." (v.19)

I'm glad God included in the book of Proverbs the words that are before us today. It's important to talk, but talking too much is as bad as not talking at all. Proverbs extols rationing our words. Once, when Thomas Edison the inventor was at a reception, the toastmaster stood up and complimented him on his many inventions, especially the talking machine. After the toastmaster sat down, the aged inventor rose to his feet and said, "Thank you for those remarks, but I must correct one thing. It was God who invented the talking machine.

I only invented the first one that can be shut off." A doctor told me that once, while writing out a prescription, he asked a woman to put out her tongue. When he had finished, she said to him, "But doctor, you never even looked at my tongue." The doctor replied, "It wasn't necessary, I just wanted you to keep quiet while I wrote the prescription."

Amidst the humor of today's notes, don't miss the point - words are important but don't overdo them. I like the advice of an anonymous poet who wrote: If your lips would keep from slips Five things observe with care: Of whom you speak, to whom you speak, And how and when and where.

A wise person has a disciplined tongue. Many need to learn this, for, like the tongue in old shoes, our tongue is often the last thing to be worn out. If a disciplined tongue is your need, ask God to help you, for an undisciplined tongue is an unloving tongue.

Prayer: Father, I realize that oftentimes my tongue is the most difficult thing to bring under control. Yet I have the promise of Your help even in this. I give you my tongue to be bridled - take over the reins. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

We become what we say

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 21:16-31

"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity." (v.23)

Why is the tongue so important? Because the expression of a thing deepens the impression. A word uttered becomes a word made flesh - in us. We become the incarnation of what we express. Jesus said, "By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned" (Matt. 12:37). After I saw that a person becomes what he says, I have looked at this verse in a different light.

If you tell a lie, you become a lie. I said earlier, when dealing more fully with the subject of integrity, that the deepest punishment of a lie is to be the one who tells the lie. That person has to live with someone he cannot trust. Now look at what I am saying from the opposite perspective.

When we express good things, positive things, loving things, scriptural things, these things go deeper into us. Clear expression deepens impression. A brilliant young physicist tells how he often discusses complex issues relating to physics with his wife who doesn't know the first thing about the subject. He told a friend, "I describe in detail what I am doing and she doesn?t understand a word.

But sometimes when I'm through - I do." If it is true - and I believe it is - that we become the incarnation of what we express, then how careful we ought to be to ensure that what we say is guarded and governed by truth, integrity and kindness. Always remember: every word you utter becomes flesh - in you.

Prayer: O Father, how awesome is this thought - I become the incarnation of what I express. Cleanse me deep within so that I may be pure in soul as well as speech. I would be a clarified person. Grant it please, dear Father. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

The cause of most friction

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 16:21-33

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." (v.24)

Watch your tone of voice carefully. An old Chinese proverb says, "If you have a soft voice, you don't need a big stick." I am convinced that most of the friction in human relationships is caused not so much by the words we speak, as by the tone of voice in which we speak them. Our speech conveys out thoughts; our tone of voice, however, conveys our mood. How easy it is to say, "I love you," in a tone that conveys the very opposite.

Proverbs does not actually say we should focus on the right tone of voice but the implication is clearly there in the command to use words that are kind and gentle and tender. Of course, you can say things in the right tone of voice without any real feelings of kindness at all.

That is why the Bible urges us to do more than seek a change in behavior, but a change that goes right down to the core of our being. Change must always come from the inside out, otherwise it will not be real change.

Take once again the germ-free scalpel of the Spirit - the Word of God - and if necessary let it cauterise your tongue. Indeed, let it go deeper - into the "thoughts and intents of the heart" (Heb. 4:12, NKJV). What is our conclusion after meditating these past eight days on the subject of words?


Is it not this: the wise are those who understand how their words can impact another person, for good or for bad, and commit themselves to using words only as Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:29 - words that are "helpful for building others up."

Prayer: O God, I ask once more, help me to hold my tongue when I should and to speak when I should. I see so clearly that my tongue can have sourness or sweetness, but it cannot have both at the same time. Give me the wisdom of a right way with words. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Single soul in two bodies

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 22:10-16

"He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend." (v.11)

The next pillar of wisdom to occupy our attention is that of friendship.

The wise are those who know how to make friends. The book of Proverbs emphasizes the whole area of relationships - love and respect for parents, love for one's spouse and so on - but it pays particular attention to the matter of friendship.

Why is friendship such an important theme in Proverbs? What exactly is friendship? How do we go about the task of developing good friendships? These are some of the questions we must come to grips with over the next few days. First - what exactly is friendship?

Many years ago a Christian magazine offered a prize for the best definition of friendship sent in by its readers. Of the thousands of answers received the one that received first prize was this: "A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out." One way I describe friendship is this: "Friendship is the knitting of one soul with another so that both become stronger and better by virtue of their relationship."

Another definition of friendship by an ancient philosopher is "a single soul dwelling in two bodies." The word "friendship" is usually applied to non-sexual relationships between people of the same sex, but of course it can be applied equally to people of opposite sexes.

It goes without saying, I think, that romantic relationships like courtship and marriage ought to contain and demonstrate the qualities of friendship, and it is sad when married partners live together without also being the closest of friends. One's life partner ought to be one's best friend.

Prayer:
Father, teach me the art of making friends. Help me see at the very beginning that being a friend is more important than having a friend. Save me from getting the wrong perspective on this. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Synergism

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 17

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (v.17)

We continue further with the point we made yesterday that in friendship we find the creation of a new energy that was never there before. The word that is often used to describe this is "synergism."

It simply means that the whole is greater than the sum of its two parts. Synergy is seen everywhere in nature. If you put two plants close together, the roots mingle with one another and improve the quality of the soil so that both plants will grow better than they would if they had been separated.

When you put two pieces of wood together, they hold much more than the total of the weight held by each separately. One plus one equals three or more. Stephen Covey describes synergism in this way: "' the relationship which the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself.

It is not only a part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, the most unifying, and the most exciting part." This is why, when understood correctly, friendship is quite frightening because you don't quite know what exactly is going to happen or where it will lead.

Christians, of course, who bring their friendships under the authority of God and His Word need not be frightened of anything that comes, for they have - or should have - an internal security which enables them to handle anything and everything. A friendship can be frightening, exciting and at times exhausting.

But it can also open up new possibilities, new trails, new adventures, new territories and new continents. We live deprived lives if we live without friends.

Prayer: Father, I see that I am made for relationships, not isolation. Help me understand this principle of synergism and how it can work to the extension of Your Kingdom. This I ask in Jesus' precious and incomparable Name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

A friend with skin on

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 27:17-27

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (v.17)

Sometimes I hear Christians say, "Why do I need friends? God is my friend - isn't that enough?" Such a statement demonstrates a complete misunderstanding of the purpose of human relationships. Yes, we need God as our Friend - our close and most intimate Friend - but, as I once heard a little boy put it, "We need friends with skin on also." You won't know who you are until you are in a relationship.

Paul Tillich, a well-known theologian, made the same point: "You don't really know yourself until you are put over against someone other than yourself." You see, if no one ever reflects to you how you come across, never challenges your views, never confronts you, never encourages you to talk out your problems, then parts of you remain undiscovered.

Others can do that, of course, who are not friends, but it is best done by someone who knows you best. My favorite definition of a friend is: "someone who knows all there is to know about you and loves you just the same."

Looking back on my life, I can see how valuable my friends have been to me. Because I have felt safe with them, I have been able to reveal myself and in the revealing I have come to know myself in a way that I could never have done with a mere acquaintance.

Yes, we need God as our friend, but we need human friends also. This might be difficult for some to accept, but the more effectively we relate on a horizontal level with our human friends, the more effectively we will relate on a vertical level with our heavenly Friend.

Prayer: Father, I see that my best friend is someone who brings out the best in me. Help me to be a best friend to someone - and bring out the best in that person. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Steps to friendship

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 18

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (v.24)

Everyone needs a small circle of friends - even those who are married. I feel deeply sorry for anyone who does not have a friend. If friendship is so important, how do we go about making friends? The first step is - be friendly. The King James Version of our text for today says: "A man that hath friends must show himself friendly." You should not, however, become friendly just in order to gain a friend.

This is a wrong motive because you are more interested in gaining a friend than being a friend. Self-centeredness will get you nowhere. Friendliness is the art of going out of yourself and appreciating others more than you appreciate yourself. It is really an attitude.

Dale Carnegie in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, a secular approach to the subject but full of good sense nevertheless, said, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." The main reason why people have no friends is because they demonstrate an unfriendly attitude.

To have a friend - be one. The second step is - allow time for friendships to develop. Force no doors open in friendship but, like Christ in the book of Revelation, stand reverently at the door - and knock. Only if the door is opened from within should you go through.

Some relationships you have with people may never develop into close friendships. Don't be upset about that. If you are open and friendly, then God will guide you and show you where deep friendships are to be developed.

Prayer: Father, help me be a friend who does the knocking before I enter instead of knocking down after I have left. And show me not only how to sympathize with my friends' weaknesses, but summon up their strength. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

When not a true friend

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 27

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted '" (v.6)

We continue looking at the steps we need to take in order to develop friendships.

The third step is - be prepared to be hurt. No relationship is free from pain this side of eternity - so don't expect perfection in your friendships. If your goal in life is to stay safe, then don't get involved in developing friendships. Friendships demand that you leave your comfort zone and confront an unknown wilderness.

There will be times when your words or actions are misunderstood, but stay with it when this happens. This is what friendship is all about - sticking closer than a brother. It is loving as you yourself are loved.

Fourth - love your friend enough to confront him or her about anything you feel is not right. Ask yourself: Am I prepared to lose this friendship in the interest of truth? If not, then you haven't got a true friendship. You are in it for your own reasons, not God's. You are not a true friend. Where you see wrong, confront it, but do it lovingly, gently and firmly. That?s what friends are for - to help us see what we might otherwise be missing.

Fifth - allow your friend to have other friends also. Don't suffocate your friend by demanding that he or she maintain just your friendship and no one else's.

It is this attitude, more than any one thing, which is responsible for the death of friendships. Give your friend the freedom to move out into other relationships, make new contacts and see new people. You will desecrate a friendship if you try to dominate it.

Prayer: O Father, deliver me from being a suffocator in my relationships. Help me to have such a secure relationship with You that I can risk losing a friend if it is in the interest of that which is right. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen

 

[RiverOL]

No one has a double

For reading & meditation - Proverbs 27:10-16

"Do not forsake your friend '" (v.10)

Stay loyal and loving to your friends as far as you possibly can. I say "as far as you possibly can" because they may commit and continue in some sin - such as adultery - and this demands action by the church as described in Matthew 18.

Discipline may have to be given and you have to be willing to be part of that by withdrawing from that friendship until repentance is demonstrated. Loyalty and love in this case would mean continuing in prayer for your friend - prayer, by the way, that may take hours, not minutes. The opposite of friendship is - isolation.

And how much emotional damage is the result of that? "The world is so empty," said Goethe, "if one thinks only of mountains, rivers, and cities, but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us and, though distant, is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth an inhabited garden."

God made us for relationships and it is His will and purpose that we cultivate a circle of friends. Every friend is different. No one has a double in friendship.

The more we have, the richer we are. Dr. Lawrence Crabb says, "Every day we ought to move out from our base in the home and say to ourselves: Lord, help me reach out and touch someone deep in their being today, not for the rewards it brings me in terms of good feelings, but for the blessing I can be to them."

Jesus lived and acted like this. Perhaps this is why they called Him "the Friend of sinners." He hated sin, but loved the sinner.

Prayer: Father, one thing is clear - the wise are those who know how to make friends. Guide me in my future days so that in every relationship I may be able to apply some of the principles I have learned. In Jesus' Name. Amen.