In step

[RiverOL]

The "Ten Commendments"

"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'"1

A while back I received an email in French requesting a copy of the "Ten Commendments." As I can't read French, I used the Google online translator to read this person's request. When translating online, sometimes the words can come out rather funny. For instance, when I asked Google to translate, "The cat sat on the mat" into French it read, "Le chat s'est reposé sur la natte." But when I asked Google to translate this back into English it read, "The cat rested on the plait." And then when I checked the word "plait" in my computer Thesaurus it said, "ponytail." So "The cat sat on the mat" ended up as "The cat rested on the ponytail."

Jokes aside, it's understandable that this can happen when translating online from one language to another, but the same thing happens very easily when communicating in person in the same language—especially between parents and children, husbands and wives.

Effective communication should be one of many "commendments" because so many misunderstandings and broken relationships are caused by mis-communications and/or misunderstood communications.

One of the challenges in communication is that we see and hear things, and will even read into things, on the basis of how we feel about ourselves, and on the bases of unresolved issues from past significant relationships.

If I am a very insecure, super-sensitive person, the slightest negative comment can send me into an emotional tailspin. Furthermore, if I didn't get along with my mother [or father, sister, or brother], and you say or do something that reminds me of my mother, it's going to push my "mother [or whichever] button" and I will overreact way out of proportion to what you said or did. And you are going to be left wondering what on earth is happening to me. Then we get into the battle of: "You said" … "did not." "Yes you did"… "No I didn't" … "Did" … "Didn't…." And the vicious cycle continues and escalates.

As healthy relationships are vital to healthy living, learning to communicate effectively needs to be a top priority. There are many helpful tips on how we can learn to do this besides learning to hear what is not being said, but the bottom line is that we need to resolve all past impaired significant relationships so our hot buttons don't get pushed, and that we grow in maturity so we overcome our insecurities.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to see and resolve any and all impaired relationships and grow in maturity so that I can learn to love and accept myself in a healthy manner and not overreact to what others say or do to me. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Matthew 5:37 (NIV).

 

[RiverOL]

Want Financial Freedom?

. . . as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything—2 Corinthians 6:10

We ache for financial freedom. We imagine being one day free from worry about money. We dream of security and peace. Mostly, we never experience any of that; mostly, we just experience financial stress. How come? Well, let’s back up. Financial freedom comes only with financial margin. Financial margin is the difference between (1) money coming in and (2) money going out—between income and expenses. Without margin of sufficient size, we’ll never achieve financial freedom. The problem is, when we men think about margin we usually focus only on the first part of the equation, on our income. We do this because we’ve come to trust money. We’ve come to believe it can solve all problems—if we get that job, that promotion, that bonus, then everything will be great. This trust is misplaced (Revelation 3:17). We should trust God. We should trust the one who can do all things, instead of hoping money will. When we broaden our focus, however, when we focus too on the second part of the margin equation, on our expenses, we find the key to financial freedom. Though we convince ourselves otherwise, there are always ways to reduce expenses to achieve margin. It’s the way God designed things. So, when we decide, finally, to apply downward pressure on our expenses—on our lifestyles—we find that financial freedom is not actually elusive, but available right here, right now, the way God intended (1 Timothy 6:7-8; Hebrews 13:5).

Okay, so what do we do? Do a review of your expenses. How much margin do you have? If you need to, find at least one or two significant items to cut . . . and commit to doing more such reviews, and on a regular basis. Trust God to give you everything you (and your family) will ever need.

 

[RiverOL]

Friendship

"There are friends who 'pretend' to be friends, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."1

Many definitions have been given to describe friendship. Some time ago an English publication offered a prize for the best one, and, "A friend is one who understands our silence" was one of the thousands of entries. But the one that took first prize was this: "A friend—the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out."

To me, a true friend is one who knows all about you and loves you still, who gives you his or her presence, who listens with his or her heart and actually hears what you are saying—who accepts you for who you are and not for what you have or haven't done. A good friend is one who doesn't judge you, try to fix you, or tell you what you should do. He or she will appreciate your friendship and tell you so, will rejoice with you in your successes and weep with you in your sorrows. And, at times, a good friend will confront you and graciously point out a fault, but no matter what, he or she will stand by you. These friends are rare and precious.

But the greatest friend of all is the One who stepped out of the ivory palaces of heaven and came to earth as a man—clothed in a garment of human flesh—to identify with us, and who died on the cross to save us from our sins, to give us a free pardon and the gift of eternal life. He is "a friend who sticks closer than a brother" and will "never, not ever, no never leave us or forsake us."2 His love is absolutely total, unconditional, and eternal. His name is Jesus.

Prayer: "Dear Jesus, thank you that you are a friend of sinners and, as such, you have accepted me as a friend of yours. Help me to show my appreciation for your dying on the cross in my place by my living for you in every way possible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Proverbs 18:24 (NLT).
2. See Hebrews 13:5

 

[RiverOL]

Keeping Fueled & Aflame

Take your everyday, ordinary life . . . and place it before God as an offering—Romans 12:1

The author of Hebrews laid down a challenge: “. . . let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24). Eugene Peterson translated it as, “Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out” (Hebrews 10:24 MSG). What a great challenge for us men, today. It dares us to engage our God-given capacities for imagining and inventing. But, it also dares to direct these capacities toward good purposes, toward God’s purposes. Too often we use our imaginations to envision prosperous futures for ourselves, futures of comfort and materialism and separation . . . or . . . we use them to envision worrisome futures, futures where our worst fears come to pass. And too often, we use our inventiveness to build our own prosperity . . . or . . . to build barricades around our lives to protect ourselves from our fears. What if we stopped doing that so much? What if, in faith, we were to refocus these imaginative and inventive capacities? What if we put them toward the task of keeping ourselves, and keeping those around us “fueled and aflame” (Romans 12:11-13 MSG)? What if we dedicated a few moments―every week, every month―to look at ourselves, our families, our friends, our communities, and allowed ourselves to dream and create? We wouldn’t be alone. God the Holy Spirit would be right there, in those moments, guiding us, inspiring us.

It’s not easy to change how we think and how we act. We need help. Take a few minutes to pray and listen for the Holy Spirit. Be still. Consider the question of how you might encourage “love and good deeds” in your family, among your friends, in your community. Whatever comes―if it fits within the principles of Scripture―trust it and make it happen.

 

[RiverOL]

Call Out or Call In?

. . . and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free—John 8:32

We cannot mature in our faith without community. We just cannot. The process of maturing isn’t simple, isn’t smooth. It’s one of getting off track and getting on again—again and again. We need help with that. We’re designed to be together. We’re built to need one another. To “grow up healthy in God, robust in love” we need community (Ephesians 4:14-16 MSG). To help, though, our communities must actually be capable of picking us up and getting us on track and encouraging us on. Our communities must be places where we’re willing to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Speaking that way requires moving beyond simply being polite to one another—and ever ignoring or excusing sin. It also requires moving beyond just pointing out sin or shortcomings or what bothers us or what we think might bother God. Speaking the truth in love doesn’t require us to call each other out. It requires us to call each other in—into true identity. It requires us to call each other away from sin (e.g., “you don’t need to do that anymore . . .”) and into the identities God had in mind when he designed us, built us, and set us in motion (“. . . because this is who you really are”).

Do you have a sense for the true identities of your brothers in community? Get serious about learning. Get intentional about allowing God to show you. When you meet next, have each man bring a favorite story or verse from Scripture. Read them. Talk about them. They’ll point to something true. If a man loves the story of Caleb, for example, it’s likely he’s designed and built to be brave and bold and faithful like Caleb. And his community must help him do just that.

 

[RiverOL]

Being Real

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting."1

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to love open, honest, and authentic people—and how difficult it is to even like defensive, dishonest people who are living in denial?

A good definition of denial has been called Truth Decay. In the long run denial can be extremely destructive to one's physical, mental and spiritual health—and also destructive to relationships, and to the emotional and spiritual health of families and societies.

True, as children many of us were forced to build defenses around our feelings in order to survive. However, as adults we need to rid ourselves of unhealthy defenses in order to fully live and fully love—that is, to live productive lives and develop healthy, lasting and loving relationships. As long as I live behind a mask—no matter how attractive that mask may appear—I can never feel loved because my mask is not me. Only real people can get close to others and experience intimacy and real love.

Furthermore, the more dishonest I am with my inner self (my true feelings and motives), the more I will distort all other truth—including God's truth—to make it match my perception of reality, and use it to justify my behavior. Ultimately I end up unhappily believing my own lies.

So where do we begin to overcome the problem of denial, which may very well be the most destructive personal and societal problem we have?

First, let's call denial what it is. It's SIN—and a destructive sin at that. Remember, it's just as big a sin to lie to myself as it is to lie to anyone else. We can call poison by any name we like, but poison is still poison. Same goes for sin. We can call it freedom of choice, misspeak, or by any other fancy name to give it a sugar coating and make it sound attractive, but that makes it all the more deceptive and dangerous.

Second, confession. Remember that we change the world one person at a time. The first person to start with is myself. I need to realize that I can be as guilty of the sin of denial as anyone else and come to God with a genuine and humble heart asking him to "search my heart" and reveal to me, no matter how painful it may be, any areas in my life where I may be in denial and to confront me with the truth about myself.

Third, realize that without access to the truth there is no healing or recovery of individuals or societies, and there is no freedom but self-deceptive bondage. As Jesus said, only the truth sets people free (see John 8:32). It is not without good reason that God "desires truth in our innermost being."

Fourth, accept the fact that pain was the way into denial and pain is the way out of it. As they say in AA, "It's not the truth that hurts us but letting go of the lies." Indeed, facing one's truth can be painful but incredibly freeing and ultimately fulfilling. I say painful because it usually takes painful experiences to break through our self-defeating defenses.

Finally, the pursuit of truth needs to be a life-long journey. It is a journey that leads to fully living and fully loving—and ultimately to life everlasting. Lies are of the devil and ultimately lead to hell here on earth and in the life to come.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, in the words of the psalmist, 'Search me . . . and know my heart. Try me, and know my anxieties. And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.' No matter what the cost, please deliver me from the sin of denial. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Psalm 139:23-24 (NKJV).

 

[RiverOL]

Real Men Get Sleep

. . . for I am fearfully and wonderfully made—Psalm 139:14

Our physical frames matter. People see God in and through them. We have spiritual natures, yes, but our physical frames give our spiritual selves home. They also give home to God the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16-17). From an eternal perspective, they’re temporary. But our actions here and now affect our eternities—and we act, here and now, through our physical frames. Spiritual discipline matters more, but physical discipline and physical condition still matter (1 Timothy 4:7-8). The prevailing culture of this world tells us men our jobs should be our utmost priority—physical care is good, but must be disregarded when and if it interferes with workplace ascent. “Get it done.” “Do whatever it takes.” “Man up.” To these codes we sacrifice our physical selves, and especially our sleep. We stay late at the office; work late at home; live in hotels, on airplanes. But, this is not what our Father God intends: “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep” (Psalm 127:2). God blesses his sons with (and in) sleep. It’s a time to restore and heal; to relinquish worry and stress; to, quite literally, leave everything to him. We should appreciate it fully, be thankful for it, accept it wholeheartedly. We’ve all felt the results when we don’t: racing hearts; pounding heads; clouded thoughts; a lack of productivity, creativity, patience; a compromised resistance to sin. We are never the husbands, fathers, friends, bosses, employees we must be, when we sacrifice sleep.

Fight for sleep. The struggle is hard, but worthy. Minimizing it is neither responsible, nor manly. We’re designed for sleep. You know how much—but, how much are you actually getting?

 

[RiverOL]

Choices

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."1

"In Florida, two young men, eager to win the admiration of fraternity brothers, removed a stop sign and brought it back as a trophy. In Tennessee, a couple of teenagers were at a party in a high-rise apartment, and one dared the other to slide down the trash chute in the hall.

"The Florida boys were convicted of manslaughter after a fatal accident occurred at the intersection. The Tennessee boy who slid down the trash shoot was killed by an automatic trash compactor and his friend was traumatized with guilt and grief."2

Foolish choices made on the spur of the moment can lead to dire consequences. Choices made without consideration of the consequences can be equally disastrous. In fact, life is the sum total of all the choices—conscious and unconscious—we make. Choices we made years ago have brought each of us to where we are today. Choices we make today will determine where we are tomorrow, and next year, and the next, and so on.

So when it comes to making choices, as another has said, "Don't sacrifice your future on the altar of the immediate." And another, "It is choice, not chance, that determines your destiny." When making choices, it is wise in everything to acknowledge God and he will direct our path.3

And whatever you do, don't forget life's most important choice that will determine where you spend eternity. If we fail to make this choice it means we choose by default, and therein reap the eternal consequences of our sin; because we are all sinners destined for an eternity apart from God, love, and all that is good—in the place the Bible calls hell. If we want to spend eternity in Heaven with God, we need to make this our choice and act upon it by accepting God's Son, Jesus Christ, as our Savior. To help you, be sure to read the article, "How to Be Sure You're a Real Christian" at: http://tinyurI.com/real-christian.

Again, whatever you do, don't leave your eternal well-being to chance. Choose God. Choose God's gift of salvation. Choose life—life everlasting.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that you offer me the gift of forgiveness for all my sins and the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ your Son. With your help I choose to believe in you, to accept Jesus as my savior, and I choose to serve you all the days of my life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

 

[RiverOL]

Obsession With Confession

"Don't recite the same prayer over and over as the heathen do, who think prayers are answered only by repeating them again and again."1

Confession of all sins and wrongdoings is not only essential for receiving God's forgiveness, but also for achieving physical, emotional and spiritual healing and total well-being. However, a word of warning: Confession without repentance is a game.

Repentance means to turn around and go a different way; that is, turning from negative to positive behavior. To confess and not genuinely seek to discover and resolve the causes behind our negative behavior/s means that we don't want to face the real issues and are using confession as a salve to soothe our conscience. When we keep repeating this pattern, our confession may have become an "obsession with confession" and nothing but a smoke screen behind which to hide our real selves.

As Jesus said, "When you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."2

The bottom line for effective prayer and genuine confession is the motive behind the prayer; that is, being honest with ourselves and with God with a genuine desire to overcome the sins and faults we are confessing.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me never to use confession or any religious ritual as a means of hiding from my true self. Help me to always be honest with myself and with you. And may my confessions always be genuine; and grant that, with your help, I will overcome my sins and faults. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus name, amen."

1. Mathew 6:7 (TLB)(NLT).
2. Mathew 6:7-8 (NIV).

 

[RiverOL]

Danger is Your Business

What can mere mortals do?—Psalm 56:4

Our King, Jesus Christ, calls us to a new kind of life, his kind of life. “Follow me” is quoted more than fifteen times in the Gospels. Following him, however, goes against prevailing culture—for which safety and security are utmost priorities. The kind of life to which Jesus calls us is not safe, nor secure. Here’s a report from a man, the Apostle Paul, who lived it: “Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure” (2 Corinthians 11:24-27). God didn’t design Paul for safe or secure; nor did he us. We’re all designed for big, dangerous lives: “. . . for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7).

Insert your name into 2 Timothy 1:7: “. . . for God gave [ . . . you . . . ] a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” Read it through again. Now, fast-forward to the end of your life, imagine friends and family saying that of you: “He was fearless. He had power and love and self-control.” What do you need to begin now, to ensure those words then? What bold changes will you make? Remember, your days are numbered (Psalm 90:12). Commit, brother, to make at least one change this week.

 

[RiverOL]

Do Good People Go to Heaven? Part I

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father [God] except through me'"1

Do Good people go to Heaven, and if so, why, and if not, why not?

I have lost many loved ones and attended many funerals. A conversation that I often hear is regarding if this person went to Heaven. Many times it is said that the person who passed away was a good person, but does this mean they will go to Heaven? As much as I would like to believe that all my friends and loved ones will be in Heaven waiting for me, it is important to understand what the Bible teaches regarding who goes to Heaven.

First, the only way to know and understand God's plan for salvation and who qualifies for heaven is to know what his Word—the Bible—teaches, for God never acts contrary to his Word. Never. Furthermore, the issue is never what we feel or think but always based on what God says in his Word.

Second, sad to say no matter how good we are, our goodness doesn't qualify us for God's heaven. None of us is sinless no matter how good we are and because God is a God of absolute holiness, no sin or sinner can ever survive in his presence any more than a moth can survive in a flame. It just isn't possible.

Third, God is also a God of absolute justice and therefore all sinners—no matter how small—must be judged, otherwise God wouldn't be God. Because God IS God, the just judgment of all sin is death; that is, spiritual death which is actually eternal separation from a holy and just God in the place the Bible calls hell, whatever and wherever that may be.

Fourth, fortunately, God is also a God of absolute love. That's why he sent his Son Jesus to die in our place on the cross to pay the just penalty for all of our sins. If being good, religious, sincere, or being anything else could have qualified us for getting into God's heaven, Jesus would never have had to come to earth to die for our sins.

Fifth, to enter God's heaven we have to be saved or delivered from sin's consequences. That is, we need to be totally forgiven by God and cleansed from our sinfulness. All we need to do is: (1) believe that Jesus is the Son of God, (2) that he died in our place on the cross to pay the just penalty for our sins, (3) repent of [turn from] and confess our sinfulness to God and, (4) ask God for his forgiveness and accept and invite Jesus into our heart and life as our Savior.


To be continued.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, thank you that you have made it very clear in your Word, the Bible, what we need to do to have our sins forgiven and how we can become qualified for entering your heaven. And thank you for your love in giving your Son, Jesus, to die for my sins and making forgiveness and eternal life in heaven possible. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. John 14:6(NIV).

 

[RiverOL]

Do Good People Go to Heaven? Part II

"Jesus answered and said to him [Nicodemus], 'Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.'"1

Do Good people go to Heaven? If so, why? And if not, why not?

Continuing our two-part series on "Do Good People Go to Heaven?" If ever there were an individual who would have qualified for heaven through his goodness, it would have been Nicodemus, a religious leader of Christ's day.

By all human standards Nicodemus would have been a model citizen—strong in character, a man of integrity, and a sincere religious leader. It was to this good man that Jesus said, "You must be born again." In other words, unless a man/woman is born again he will not even see the kingdom of God/heaven let alone enter it.

"You must be born again," meant that Nicodemus, like everybody else, needed to be born spiritually (as well as physically) if he is to enter God's heaven.

Once, after addressing a group of church workers, the famous evangelist Dwight Moody was confronted by an angry person. "Mr. Moody," she said, "do you mean to tell me that I, an educated woman, taught from childhood in good ways, and all my life interested in the church and doing good, must enter heaven the same way as the worst criminal of our day?"

"No, madam," said Mr. Moody, "I don't. God does. He says everyone who would enter heaven, no matter how good they think they are, or how well educated, or zealous in good works, must be born again [that is, born spiritually]."

The difficult thing to grasp is that our sin has made us spiritually dead to God. This is why we all need to be reborn spiritually. To become a member of the human family, we were born physically. To become a member of God's family, we need to be born spiritually. But how can we do this?

Contrary to what many people think, it isn't by being good or through good works…or religion. It is simply by confessing our sinfulness to God and by believing that his Son, Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins, and by responding to his call to receive him into our heart and life as personal Lord and Savior.

If you're not sure that you have been born again spiritually, you can be—right now—by sincerely praying a prayer such as the following:

"Dear God, I confess that I am a sinner and ask for your forgiveness. I believe that Jesus, your Son, died on the cross to pay the consequences and penalty for all my sins. And, dear Jesus, I thank you for doing this for me. Please come into my life as Savior and Lord and help me to become the person you want me to be and to live always for you. Thank you for your forgiveness and the assurance that I will spend eternity with you in heaven forever."

 

[RiverOL]

Dare You to Pray This . . .

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me—Psalm 51:10-11

In the aftermath of adultery and murder, King David pleaded with God. He begged God not to cut him off (Psalm 51:11). You see, David had experienced what it’s like to know God, what it’s like to spend time with him, to listen to him and trust him, to love and be loved by him—and he dreaded losing that closeness and goodness and truth. So, in desperation, he invited God to do something new in him. He invited God to rebuild his heart, in any way he would like (Psalm 51:10). He gave himself up. He gave himself over . . . to whatever work, whatever journey, whatever adventure God might have for him. He decided to trust God more than he trusted himself. How about we do that too? We may or may not be guilty of adultery or murder, but we’re all sinners. We all carry sin’s taint. “If we say we have no sin . . . the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). So how about we too invite God to do something new in us? How about we too give ourselves over to whatever work, whatever journey, whatever adventure God might have for each of us? And, how about we do it, as men, together? We’ll be better for it—God’s brilliant, he’s good, and he loves us. Might it be scary? Sure it might. Might it be a little painful even? Sure it might. Will it be one of the best things we ever do? Absolutely it will.

Pray with the men of WiRE right now: “Do a new work in me, God. You’re brilliant and good, and you love me. So do whatever you’d like. And, whatever it is, I’m in. I’ll trust you more than I trust myself.”

 

[RiverOL]

What’s the Bold Move?

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear—Psalm 118:6

“What’s the bold move?” It’s a question that should be asked often, in one form or another, when men gather in Christian community. It’s a question that challenges us to press our intellectual understanding of the truth of our King, Jesus Christ, into clear, practical action. It dares us to form Gospel words into living, breathing reality. “What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? . . . Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works” (James 2:14, 18). When we men move boldly in faith it demonstrates—with our actions, with our lives—that we do indeed trust Jesus. It confirms that we’ll actually live our lives like we trust him. Maybe it’s finally deciding to draw clear work/home boundaries, despite ambition or difficulty; maybe it’s confessing some sin, despite embarrassment or awkwardness; maybe it’s giving money or time, despite greed or inconvenience; maybe it’s sharing our faith, despite discomfort or fear; or maybe it’s something else entirely. For each of us, there comes a time when we just must take action, must take risk. There comes a time when our faith mandates that action and risk are the only real options. And that’s when things begin to happen—big, breathtaking things—not because we seek them out necessarily, but because they’re the byproduct of lives that reflect faith.

How might you live out your faith with a bold move? Choose something simple, near-term (i.e., this week), and achievable. If you’re in community with other men (and you should be), formulate your bold moves together, customized to each individual and circumstance. Then, keep one another accountable for executing them. This is one way communities of men must work.

 

[RiverOL]

Boundaries vs Walls

"A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again."1

A father who is having a conflict with a family member wanted to know the difference between barriers and walls.

In relationships we all need healthy boundaries (not barriers, which are the same as walls) to shut the bad out and let the good in. That is, we need boundaries to protect ourselves from hurtful people and to stop people using and taking advantage of us—and to stop our rescuing irresponsible people. We also need boundaries to keep our own bad in—in order to stop us controlling, hurting, and/or misusing others.

If someone is abusing or hurting me, I need to let him/her firmly but lovingly know that I will not accept their behavior. And, if they continue acting in a hurtful way, I will need to distance myself from them. However, at any point should they desire to meet in a kind and loving way, my door will always be open to them.

Boundaries are thus to strengthen our "no" muscle. People who can't say "no" to others have either weak or no boundaries. And people who won't take "no" for an answer are boundary busters. These people remind me of a country-western song where the lady being pursued is having a problem with a would-be suitor in whom she has no interest. She asks, "What part of 'no' don't you understand … I'd be glad to explain…."

On the other hand, walls put up insurmountable barriers and shut everybody out. People who build walls around their heart have been hurt in the past and, being afraid of getting hurt again, shut out everybody. You simply can't get close to this type of person. Consequently they have no close relationships and suffer from an inner loneliness and love deprivation. This is a very unhealthy way to live.

Jesus set boundaries against the religious Pharisees and those who tried to get rid of him before his time was ready. He also set boundaries against the money changers and those who abused God's house in the temple in Jerusalem. Meekness is not weakness and we, as Christians, need to set boundaries against abusive people and all evil. It is neither loving nor Christian to allow people to misuse us, walk over us, or abuse us—nor for us to do the same to others.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to develop healthy boundaries and learn to lovingly say 'no' when such is called for. And help me never to be a boundary buster who fails to recognize other people's boundaries. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Proverbs 19:19 (NIV).

 

[RiverOL]

Affluenza

"Then he [Jesus] said to them, 'Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.'"1

On one occasion we had a speaker at our church who conducted a class for parents to help protect them from becoming infected with "affluenza." The idea being that we and our kids can get so caught up in the world of materialistic affluence that we miss the real meaning of life.

I believe that one of the main reasons we are so materialistic here in the West is because we are so emotionally repressed. Emotions are God-given. They add beauty and interest to life. When they are repressed and denied, life can be deadly dull and empty.

Furthermore, when we bury emotions, we tend to settle for counterfeit experiences and the feelings they produce. For instance, when the emotion of love is repressed, there is a tendency to substitute lust which can look like love and feel like love—but it isn't love and a damaging substitute at that—and leaves one more empty, lonely, and unsatisfied.

Also, consider the emotion of wonder—the emotion that puts sparkle into life and moves us deeply when a baby wraps its tiny hand around just one of our fingers and in so doing touches our very heart. When wonder is repressed, we become "characteristically bored with life," and tend to turn to materialism in a vain attempt to fill the empty void in our heart. And instead of loving people and using things, we end up unhappily loving things and using people.

So if we want to avoid the problem of "affluenza" and the blight of empty materialism and learn to fully live and fully love, it is essential that we get in touch with and connected to all of our God-given emotions.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please deliver me from the blight of materialism which can easily become the driving force in my life. Help me to get in touch with all of my God-given emotions and use them in the manner and ways you designed them to be used so that I will learn to fully live and fully love. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Luke 12:15 (NIV).

 

[RiverOL]

Thoughtfulness

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."1

According to William A. Ward, "Thoughtfulness comes in many forms, and is virtually always welcomed by its recipients. Thoughtfulness is a habit—a way of life well worth cultivating and practicing.

"The thoughtful person is quick to pay a well-deserved compliment, or to send a prompt note of congratulations to someone who has received a promotion, an honor, or special recognition.

"Thoughtful people don't wait for opportunities—they imaginatively create numerous opportunities to make life brighter, smoother, and more enjoyable for those about them. Our thoughtful attitudes and generous deeds can make many people happy—including ourselves."

Being thoughtful is being kind, it is being loving, it is being "as Jesus" to people.

Today, make sure you go out of your way to be thoughtful and kind—first of all to your own loved ones … and in some way to every life you touch.

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be loving, kind, and thoughtful today—and 'as Jesus'—to my own loved ones and to someone who needs a touch from you. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

1. Ephesians 4:32 (NIV).

 

[RiverOL]

Dare You to Pray This . . .

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me—Psalm 51:10-11

In the aftermath of adultery and murder, King David pleaded with God. He begged God not to cut him off (Psalm 51:11). You see, David had experienced what it’s like to know God, what it’s like to spend time with him, to listen to him and trust him, to love and be loved by him—and he dreaded losing that closeness and goodness and truth. So, in desperation, he invited God to do something new in him. He invited God to rebuild his heart, in any way he would like (Psalm 51:10). He gave himself up. He gave himself over . . . to whatever work, whatever journey, whatever adventure God might have for him. He decided to trust God more than he trusted himself. How about we do that too? We may or may not be guilty of adultery or murder, but we’re all sinners. We all carry sin’s taint. “If we say we have no sin . . . the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). So how about we too invite God to do something new in us? How about we too give ourselves over to whatever work, whatever journey, whatever adventure God might have for each of us? And, how about we do it, as men, together? We’ll be better for it—God’s brilliant, he’s good, and he loves us. Might it be scary? Sure it might. Might it be a little painful even? Sure it might. Will it be one of the best things we ever do? Absolutely it will.

Pray with the men of WiRE right now: “Do a new work in me, God. You’re brilliant and good, and you love me. So do whatever you’d like. And, whatever it is, I’m in. I’ll trust you more than I trust myself.”

 

[RiverOL]

Want Some Courage?

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus—Philippians 3:14

In some respects, we know the men we’d like to become. For one, we’d like to be courageous for God, not simply surviving these lives, but living boldly in them. Well, we absolutely can (Romans 8:31-39). The thing is . . . it’s hard. We’re easily distracted—by our drives for achievement and advancement and accumulation. And we’re easily made afraid—that we’ll be embarrassed if we act boldly for God; that we’re not qualified to stand with him; or just that we’ve never done it before and don’t know how to start. Yes, it’s difficult becoming courageous and, actually, it’s meant to be. God didn’t create two types of men—some cowardly and some courageous. No, he leaves the cowardice/courage decisions to us. That said, we cannot simply choose for courage and instantly become courageous any more than we can instantly become . . . say . . . orators or outdoorsmen. If we want to become either of those, we must practice. We must start small and fail and succeed; we must work and learn. So it is with courage. We become courageous men by practicing courage, by accumulating experiences, small at first, of actually being courageous. So, there are two types of men, but it’s those willing to practice and those not, resigned instead to lives of safety. The good news, brother, is that becoming the former doesn’t require an inordinate amount of time or a major lifestyle change. It just takes a bit of resolve.

Practice. Do something. Don’t overreach (and set yourself up for failure); but don’t reach too short either (and render your efforts pointless). Choose in the middle—something intimidating, but not overly. Here are some suggestions: face a phobia; spend time with someone the rest of the world avoids; serve in a way you’ve never served before.

 

[RiverOL]

Blessed Are Those Who Mourn – Part 1

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."1

Loss is hard. Period. It is a process of feelings and emotions that all need, and have the right, to be felt. Many times, we receive well-meant comments saying, "He is in a better place", "Trust God", "He is not suffering anymore", "Have faith", "Be strong", and others of this nature. Does our mourning mean we don't trust God or that our faith has weakened? The next couple of days we will see examples from the Bible regarding this topic. I will start by sharing a little of my story.

In April 2019, our baby boy, Elijah, died in utero due to Trisomy 18 which then caused a defect called Exencephaly. I had never heard of these terms in my life and came to learn that it is a very rare defect. So rare that it affects only one in 40,000 pregnancies. If you are unfamiliar with these terms like I was, Trisomy 18 is the presence of a third 18th chromosome. It is one of the two fatal chromosomal defects. Exencephaly basically means that the brain is present, but the skull does not form. We were given this diagnosis when I was two months pregnant. Although abortion was suggested, I chose to carry my baby for as long as God allowed me to. God gives life, and only He is worthy to take it. I was 5 months pregnant when Elijah's heart stopped beating, and I was induced to deliver him the same week.

The entire process since we were told of his condition was difficult and we were overwhelmed with emotions and questions. Even more difficult was having to explain to our two older children that their baby brother had gone to heaven. Family and friends would come to visit and would sometimes say, "Have faith". I remember this term making me so angry, not because of the words, but because our friends and family didn't realize that I was clinging onto God with every bit of strength I had left and that every ounce of faith and hope in my body was solely in our God. Did they mean to make me feel bad by saying this? Not by any means. They love us and were simply desperate to console us in our pain. I had no control and knew that God could have performed a miracle and healed my baby if it was HIS will to do so. When I saw Elijah's lifeless body through ultrasound at 5 months, I felt so many different emotions and couldn't control my tears, but I still felt peace. My heart was broken, but down deep I was thanking God for this little boy who had impacted my life forever. The doctors had told me he would die soon after the diagnosis, but Elijah was a fighter. During ultrasounds he was kicking and moving all around. More than anything, I was thankful that God had chosen me to be his mom.

On one of the many nights that I cried myself to sleep, beginning to believe I shouldn't be so distraught if I truly had faith, God met me exactly where I was. God reminded me of Job that night and I was able to see this well-known story through different eyes.

Tomorrow we will see a few highlights from the story of Job as he mourned.

Suggested Prayer: "Dear God, give me your heart and let me be your hands of comfort to those around me who are hurting. May my words be your words; filled with compassion and hope. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. In Jesus' name. Amen."

1. Matthew 5:4 (NIV).