and i got AIDS...
Its been about 9 months now that I found out I was HIV+. I had been pretty careful most of my life, and was empowered with a great deal of knowledge on prevention. But I guess I was only human when I made a few mistakes along the way. And boy was it a heavy price to pay….What I never want to go through again is the pain & disappointment I put my loved ones through. Thankfully, my companion-for-life is very supportive and he is with me now on this part of the journey. Even though we didn’t exchange marriage vows, he is sticking with me in good times & bad, and in sickness & in health. I truly have a lot to be thankful for. My closest friends have also rallied around me.
Its times like these one would be tempted to ask, ‘why me?’ and sink into despair. But I realized that I alone am accountable for my actions, & have to accept responsibility for and the consequences of my actions. Through this experience, I’ve renewed my faith & spirituality; I’ve come to realize how important my loved ones are in my life; I’ve learnt to ‘let go’ when I need to; and I’ve come to cherish the many other good things in my life I should be thankful for. Each day when I awake, I’m thankful I’m still healthy; I am surrounded by the love of my family, companion & friends; I have food on the table, a roof over my head… and a renewed faith. I figured you can either see the glass as being half empty, or half full. Its your choice. I choose to see it as half full. I choose not to live in regret over things I cannot change, nor to live in fear over the future I cannot foresee.
We are all mortal. Our lives will eventually come to an end. If its not one disease, its another. I’m just thankful the new generation medication these days can go a long way to preserve your health. The 5 young dragon-boaters who were in the prime of their lives perished in Cambodia so suddenly… really, anything can happen, anytime. Getting HIV is not as dramatic and sky-crashing-down-on-you experience, as one would have you believe. It is certainly not something I’d wish upon the worst of enemies. You have to change your lifestyle, make many visits to the doctors, enforce discipline in taking your meds, getting used to the side-effects, and be careful in keeping this to yourself, especially in Singapore.
Unfortunately, Singapore is a very unforgiving society. Its tough being HIV+ in Singapore. No health insurance is available, draconian laws in place under the Infectious Diseases Act, no protection from prejudice & discrimination in the workplace. You have to live anonymously because of the prejudice and fear of the disease. But we’ve come a long way since the first death from AIDS took place here. We have the AFA & its many programs to help those infected; even some church groups have come to minister to the needs of those infected. There are many more gay friendly organizations operating openly these days, and doing their part to help educate gay men in protecting themselves. Things are getting better, slowly but surely. To those out there in the same boat, hang in there….
a very sad but brave story.
he needs it!
