Best English competition - Let's have your version of good English

[scroobal]

"I declare that I with give my full loyalty to the campaign to elect Tan Kin Lian for President and will not disclose any confidential information that I have received during the campaign activities to other people (except to promote the interest to the campaign) or to act in any manner that is detrimental to the campaign. "

 

[Forvendet]

There's nothing wrong with his English except for the "with" instead "will" which is obviously a typo that could have been made by anyone. But it doesn't reflect well on him as he's so careless with a draft of undertaking and not to have it proof-read before sending out. Also, he sounds quite paranoid and distrustful of his helpers.

Frankly, in recent weeks, I think that he himself has done more detriment to his own campaign than others.

 

[kingrant]

"I declare that I shall give my full loyalty to the campaign to elect Tan Kin Lian for President and shall not disclose any confidential information that I have received during the campaign (activities deleted) to other people (except to promote the interest to the campaign) or (to deleted) act in any manner that is detrimental to the campaign. "

But wtf! As Forv said, why the fuck does he need a declaration?

 

[karmabear]

It's too long. He needs to break it into smaller sentences. Good English does not imply lengthy sentences or cheem words. CSM, despite his accent, understands this point.

 

[kingrant]

Another error I have overlooked is "...interest of" instead of "interest to".

What a dunce! What a joke!

 

[Perspective]

Frankly, in recent weeks, I think that he himself has done more detriment to his own campaign than others.

That's what people have being saying when it started.

 

[kulgai]

I declare that I shall give my full loyalty to the campaign to elect Tan Kin Lian for the Presidency and will not disclose any confidential information that I may receive during the campaign activities to other people (except for the purpose of promoting the interest of the campaign) or to act in any manner that is detrimental to the campaign.

 

[kingrant]

I think he tries too hard. Must be damned hard up of the President office with its $4 million pay and Istana servants etc.

 

[wikiphile]

The loyalty part is the one that irk me the most, his political insecurities are a sight to behold and a marvel to wonder.

 

[maja06]

I declare that I shall give my full loyalty to the campaign to elect Tan Kin Lian for the Presidency. I undertake to not disclose any confidential information that I may receive in the course of the campaign, including but not limited to: [insert laundry list here] to any Third Party/Parties, except for the purpose of promoting the interest of aforesaid campaign. I further undertake to not act in any manner that is detrimental to aforesaid campaign.

 

[No_Collar]

i shall or i will? now im conpiused

 

[Windsor]

"I declare that I with give my full loyalty to the campaign to elect Tan Kin Lian for President and will not disclose any confidential information that I have received during the campaign activities to other people (except to promote the interest to the campaign) or to act in any manner that is detrimental to the campaign. "

The mark of a true insurance salesman.

 

[kingrant]

Think of the usage this way, and yr doubts will forever be gone:

I shall drown; no one will save me.

Now compare that with:

I will drown; no one shall save me.

Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can be life threatening!

i shall or i will? now im conpiused

 

[Received_by_Kings]

Think of the usage this way, and yr doubts will forever be gone:

I shall drown; no one will save me.

Now compare that with:

I will drown; no one shall save me.

Saying the wrong thing at the wrong time can be life threatening!

While it is good that you realized "the interest of" is more appropriate but when a declaration is made "will" is better as "shall" is too weak or even whimsical.