I moved to Singapore as a pregnant newlywed and left a divorced single mom. I have no regrets.
Sara LyleSep 27, 2023, 8:14 AM GMT+8
A family trip to Phuket with a 1-year-old son. Sara Lyle
- Sara Lyle was six months pregnant when she moved to Singapore for her then-husband's job.
- She got hired as the editor-in-chief of an expat magazine, which became a lifeline during her divorce.
- She worked as a single working mom overseas before returning to the US, where she now lives with her blended family.
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I had never been to Singapore before moving there in January 2015. At the time, I knew only two people in the city-state; they were friends from New York City. That's where I had been living and working in the publishing world for 16 years — most of my adult life.
When my then-husband and I decided to move to the other side of the world, we had been living in a two-bedroom walk-up in Brooklyn. We had married less than six months before that, and I was about that far along in my first pregnancy at the age of 36.
While I had traveled extensively, I had never lived abroad for more than a couple of months. But I had always dreamed of living outside the US at some stage.
So, when my ex did a virtual job interview over Thanksgiving weekend at my in-laws' home in Pennsylvania — and was then offered a job at one of the world's biggest advertising companies' Singapore office — I wasn't about to pass up the opportunity. We flew out in late January during a winter storm they called "Snowpocalypse."
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On the flight, I devoured two books about Singapore. When we landed about 23 hours later, I had learned a little more about this foreign place I was planning to be living in for the next two years — the length of my then-husband's employment contract. As soon as I stepped foot in Singapore's Changi Airport, however, I realized I had a lot more to learn.
There were so many differences between Singapore and New York
What was this place with public bathrooms so clean that you could almost eat off the floors? I was coming from New York City, not typically known for its cleanliness. And what in the heck was the driver speaking when he drove us — and our six large suitcases — to the serviced apartment we lived in for a few months until our things arrived via cargo ship? I soon learned that it was the local creole language of Singlish.The next day, trading in our heavy winter coats for shorts and T-shirts, we explored nearby Orchard Road. We sat down for lunch at a café along Emerald Hill. From our vantage at an outdoor table, we got a good look at one of Singapore's charming heritage areas. At the time, we didn't realize how expensive the beautifully preserved shophouses were. The Lamborghinis and Porsches parked out front should have tipped us off — Singapore is the most expensive country in the world to buy cars.
At eight months pregnant, I accepted a job
Early days in Singapore before taking on a full-time job. Sara Lyle
This first taste of the sun-drenched, culture-rich Red Dot — a nickname often used for Singapore — inspired a seven-year-long quest to soak up as much as I could about this place. When a friend recommended me for the editor-in-chief position at a long-running magazine for expats in Singapore, I landed the job at eight months pregnant and agreed to start five months later. I was like, "So, you're going to pay me to learn about living here? Sign me up!"
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During my initial interview with the then-publisher, I did think it was odd that she made a point to note that, if I had my own employment pass — a requirement of residing and working in Singapore for foreigners — I would be protected from being booted out of the country if, say, my husband lost his job or we got divorced.
She mentioned that the expat divorce rate was significantly higher than that of the Singaporean population. In cases filed in the Singapore Family Courts between 2011 and 2015, the number of divorces filed between two Singaporeans had decreased, but those filed by non-residents had grown steadily, according to a study in Acadamy Publishing.
In the end, both of those things went on to happen: My husband lost his high-paying job about three years in, and — I will spare you the details about the intervening years — we eventually agreed to divorce in early 2020.
Of course, this was right around the time that COVID-19 swept the world. As a result, my son and I spent many days in full or partial lockdown in our three-bedroom condo, a five-minute walk from Singapore's beachy East Coast Park. To stave off cabin fever, we used to do daily walks or bicycle rides along its coastline — my favorite greenspace on the island.
My son and I embraced everything about Singapore
Mother and son in Singapore's Little India during last Deepavali before moving back to the US. Sara Lyle
Despite all these twists and turns, I cherish my time there. My son and I threw ourselves into celebrating popular holidays such as Deepavali, Hari Raya, Lunar New Year, and Mid-Autumn Festival. Because he was born on Vesak Day — Buddha's birthday — we always made sure to go to a Buddhist temple each year to ask for blessings on that day.
Over time, foods and drinks that had seemed exotic became comfortingly familiar — and we ended up craving them: wanton mee, laksa, and sambal stingray were regulars. To this day, after having not lived in Asia for almost two years, my son says his favorite food is roti prata — a fried Indian pancake — with curry sauce.
Other things that are hard to find outside Singapore? Easy travel throughout the region. While living there, we visited over 10 different countries thanks to its central location. And perhaps — most importantly — the incredible network of Singaporean and expat friends I was grateful to have met.
Seven years later, it was time to head back to the States
Wedding photo in Colorado Spring with blended family. Charlotte Bundgaard for Trystan Photography
In December 2021, I made the difficult decision to move to Florida with my son because that's where most of my family and close friends live. Also, by going "home" to America — a place my son had never actually lived — I was able to land a better-paying job, which was a relief after being the primary breadwinner in notoriously expensive Singapore.
Today, I live in the suburbs outside Denver in arid, mountainous Colorado. I recently eloped with my now-husband — a fellow divorced friend from my hometown whom I've known since we were 12. Our three shared sons were the only wedding guests at the simple outdoor ceremony.
Could I have seen this coming two years ago? No way. Could I have seen Singapore in my sights two years before that in New York? Heck no. But when life gives you a sign that it's time to move on, you do it — and embrace what the future holds.
