101 - Intro to pinoy english

[Rogue Trader]

Since there are so many of them around, we must make an effort to learn and understand what they are saying.

Q: What's the difference between select and choose ??
A: Select is when you pick out something...choose is what Filipinos wear on their feet !!!

Q: What is a Filipino's idea of devastation?
A: It's where you catch de bus.

Q: How does a Filipino use "devastation" in a sentence?
A: Excuse me, don't you have to go buy your ticket at "DEVASTATION"? (if you still don't get this one, go to Lucky plaza next weekend)

Q: How much do you smoke?
A: Two facks a day.

Pinoy kindergarten teacher teaching kids how to wear shoes: You put your right feet in, you put your right feet out, you put your right feet in....

Suddenly one of the children said, "Teacher you have to say 'foot.'"

So the teacher said, "Ok. You 'foot' your right feet in, you 'foot' your right feet out....."

 

[Rogue Trader]

Q: Use MASTURBATION is a sentence....
A: Third world countries suffer from MASTURBATION (mass starvation).

Q: What are the three prides of the Philippines?
A: Pride pish. Pride chicken. And pride rice. (fried)

 

[Jah_rastafar_I]

hahhaha

but seriously i doubt many sinkees that are non english educated would use the word "devastation" in their conversation. In fact even english educated sinkies wouldn't use that word.

 

[jim007jimmyboy]

LOL


hahahhahaha

 

[kingrant]

I heard this one:

Teacher: Form a sentence with "chicken", "nut" and "bread".

Sinkie student: I was hungry so I went to the kitchen and had some chicken, nut and bread.

Pinoy boy: At night I went to my sister's room to frighten her, so I hold her neck until chicken nut bread (she cannot breathe).

 

[Rogue Trader]

CNN reporter: This is Devastation!
Folice spokesman: No. De vas only fuck here pour a why.

 

[streetsmart73]

hi there

1. bro trader!
2. you make my day man!
3. pretty accurate and funny too.

 

[dietcoke]

i can also give 1 example.

when i go RWS to play player/banker, the pinoy will say 'place yur baps'.. ' no more baps'

 

[cooleo]

Traits of a typical Pinoy worker:

1) Speak English that only their group can understand

2) Need chao chao 1 hour lunch break. Cannot negotiate shorter lunch. If can, two hours lagi better so can go for their Yoga / Pilates / Gym

3) If they work late for even 1 hour, must give them time off the next day.

4) If you pay O.T, better check they not playing Facebook during O.T hours. Ok...to be fair, some of them don't. They play Friendster. lol

5) Give them deadline must monitor EVERYDAY. Must micro-manage to every half-day if deadline is approaching.

 

[Coolsaint77]

Intermediate Level Pinoy English:

The teacher turns to the class and says, "Today, we will use these three words in a sentence. Defense, detail, and defeat. Tom, why don't you go first?"

Tom, a white kid, goes first.

Tom says, "Ahh, the football team's defense was detailed in the paper which caused the defeat of the other team." (The narrator's tone is slang-American when saying this sentence.)

"That's very good Tom, now what about you, Bong-Bong?" says the teacher. "Use defense, detail, and defeat in a sentence."

"Okay, ma'am," says Bong-Bong. "Ahhhh...dah black dog...jumped ober dah fence, dah tail first and den, dah feet."

 

[Coolsaint77]

Teacher says "Can you use yellow, pink and green in one sentence?"

Boy answered, "Of course... The phone greens, I pink it up and say Yellow!!"

 

[no_faith]

Teacher says "Can you use yellow, pink and green in one sentence?"

Boy answered, "Of course... The phone greens, I pink it up and say Yellow!!"

ya, u reminds me of "Yellow, is this..........?"