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How to build a more gracious (and happier) Singapore
I think there’s a link between the way we use elevators and how gracious our society is. Allow me to explain.
For modern elevators, the “door close” button is a lie
I recently traveled to Germany for work. In the hotel elevator, I noticed that there was no “door close” button.
Curious, I thought.
Instead, the “alarm” button was where the “door close” button usually is.
Intrigued by the missing “door close” button, I looked it up on the Internet.
An interesting discovery: In elevators built after the early 1990s, the “door close” button doesn’t work unless it’s enabled in emergency situations using a special key.
In other words, when you press the “door close” button, you’re not actually doing anything.
Having the button there just gives you a false sense of control, because you feel like you’re actively shortening your trip by a second or two by pressing the button.
A story about an angry elevator traveler
I thought about another elevator incident that had happened to me three weeks earlier.
I was going down in an elevator, which started from the ninth floor. The elevator filled up quickly as people got in at the lower floors.
Throughout the journey from the ninth floor to the first, a man in his 50s stood by the panel of buttons.
Every time he wanted to close the doors, he jammed the “door close” button repeatedly.
He didn’t just press it once or twice. He jabbed it angrily with his index finger, again and again.
“Wow, this guy must be in a big hurry to get out,” I thought.
His assault on the “door close” button was a picture of impatience.
An ungracious Singapore?
Even though I’ve never displayed such rage toward an elevator button before, I’ll admit that I get annoyed when an elevator journey takes longer than expected because of multiple stops.
This elevator annoyance (both mine and the above-mentioned man’s) is a sign of something more serious.
It reflects on how gracious, or ungracious, our society is.
This recent survey suggests that Singaporeans have become significantly less gracious.
Over the past few years, I’ve encountered more instances of rudeness, impatience and intolerance among Singaporeans (I’ve definitely been guilty myself!), so I’m inclined to believe the results of the survey.
Is it possible to be gracious when you’re unhappy?
Some netizens have been quick to point out that there’s growing unhappiness among Singaporeans. These netizens argue that it’s impossible for unhappy people to be gracious.
I’m sure you’ve heard comments like this before:
•“How can I be a gracious commuter when the bus is so crowded?
•“How can I be a gracious driver when there are so many cars on the road and I need to fend for myself?”
•“How can I be a gracious employee when my boss is so unreasonable?”
These comments seem logical, but I question their validity.
Are you gracious because you’re happy? Or do you become happier when you choose to be gracious?
Act yourself into feeling better
The field of proprioceptive psychology suggests that you can control your emotions by making yourself behave in a certain way, even if you don’t feel like it.
For example, you can improve your mood by forcing yourself to smile. Conversely, you can induce negative emotions by forcing yourself to frown.
In other words, you don’t just smile because you’re happy; you can become happier just by smiling.
Building a gracious Singapore
This concept is relevant to the vision of building a more gracious Singapore.
Grace is demonstrated when you show kindness that’s underserved and, hence, unexpected.
If, as Singaporeans, we’re kind, patient and generous only when we’re happy, that isn’t grace. That’s just us being in a good mood.
But if we’re kind, patient and generous when we’re annoyed with our boss, frustrated with our spouse or children, or upset about the peak-hour traffic, that is grace.
When we’re able to be gracious despite our less-than-ideal circumstances, then we’re making real progress toward becoming a gracious society.
In closing…
Let’s remind ourselves that a gracious society isn’t built in a day. It’s built by one gracious individual at a time, and one gracious act at a time.
Daniel Wong is a learning and personal development expert, as well as a certified youth counselor. A sought-after speaker and coach, he is also the best-selling author of "The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success". He offers programmes to help students become both happy and successful and to help parents to connect more effectively with their children. He writes regularly at www.daniel-wong.com. Download his FREE e-book, "The Unhappiness Manifesto: Do You Make These 150 Mistakes In The Pursuit Of Happiness?", here.
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/build-more-gracious-happier-singapore-050929492.html
I think there’s a link between the way we use elevators and how gracious our society is. Allow me to explain.
For modern elevators, the “door close” button is a lie
I recently traveled to Germany for work. In the hotel elevator, I noticed that there was no “door close” button.
Curious, I thought.
Instead, the “alarm” button was where the “door close” button usually is.
Intrigued by the missing “door close” button, I looked it up on the Internet.
An interesting discovery: In elevators built after the early 1990s, the “door close” button doesn’t work unless it’s enabled in emergency situations using a special key.
In other words, when you press the “door close” button, you’re not actually doing anything.
Having the button there just gives you a false sense of control, because you feel like you’re actively shortening your trip by a second or two by pressing the button.
A story about an angry elevator traveler
I thought about another elevator incident that had happened to me three weeks earlier.
I was going down in an elevator, which started from the ninth floor. The elevator filled up quickly as people got in at the lower floors.
Throughout the journey from the ninth floor to the first, a man in his 50s stood by the panel of buttons.
Every time he wanted to close the doors, he jammed the “door close” button repeatedly.
He didn’t just press it once or twice. He jabbed it angrily with his index finger, again and again.
“Wow, this guy must be in a big hurry to get out,” I thought.
His assault on the “door close” button was a picture of impatience.
An ungracious Singapore?
Even though I’ve never displayed such rage toward an elevator button before, I’ll admit that I get annoyed when an elevator journey takes longer than expected because of multiple stops.
This elevator annoyance (both mine and the above-mentioned man’s) is a sign of something more serious.
It reflects on how gracious, or ungracious, our society is.
This recent survey suggests that Singaporeans have become significantly less gracious.
Over the past few years, I’ve encountered more instances of rudeness, impatience and intolerance among Singaporeans (I’ve definitely been guilty myself!), so I’m inclined to believe the results of the survey.
Is it possible to be gracious when you’re unhappy?
Some netizens have been quick to point out that there’s growing unhappiness among Singaporeans. These netizens argue that it’s impossible for unhappy people to be gracious.
I’m sure you’ve heard comments like this before:
•“How can I be a gracious commuter when the bus is so crowded?
•“How can I be a gracious driver when there are so many cars on the road and I need to fend for myself?”
•“How can I be a gracious employee when my boss is so unreasonable?”
These comments seem logical, but I question their validity.
Are you gracious because you’re happy? Or do you become happier when you choose to be gracious?
Act yourself into feeling better
The field of proprioceptive psychology suggests that you can control your emotions by making yourself behave in a certain way, even if you don’t feel like it.
For example, you can improve your mood by forcing yourself to smile. Conversely, you can induce negative emotions by forcing yourself to frown.
In other words, you don’t just smile because you’re happy; you can become happier just by smiling.
Building a gracious Singapore
This concept is relevant to the vision of building a more gracious Singapore.
Grace is demonstrated when you show kindness that’s underserved and, hence, unexpected.
If, as Singaporeans, we’re kind, patient and generous only when we’re happy, that isn’t grace. That’s just us being in a good mood.
But if we’re kind, patient and generous when we’re annoyed with our boss, frustrated with our spouse or children, or upset about the peak-hour traffic, that is grace.
When we’re able to be gracious despite our less-than-ideal circumstances, then we’re making real progress toward becoming a gracious society.
In closing…
Let’s remind ourselves that a gracious society isn’t built in a day. It’s built by one gracious individual at a time, and one gracious act at a time.
Daniel Wong is a learning and personal development expert, as well as a certified youth counselor. A sought-after speaker and coach, he is also the best-selling author of "The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success". He offers programmes to help students become both happy and successful and to help parents to connect more effectively with their children. He writes regularly at www.daniel-wong.com. Download his FREE e-book, "The Unhappiness Manifesto: Do You Make These 150 Mistakes In The Pursuit Of Happiness?", here.
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/build-more-gracious-happier-singapore-050929492.html
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