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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
And... squirt? :p But then some go alone, DIY
Kamasutra (life giving lessons)
Kamasutra (life giving lessons) :p
Kamasutra says:
1. If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy... No wonder men suffer from high B P!
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're screwed.
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.
5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!
Now that I've educated. you, go ahead and educate someone else.
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.
This is a deep philosophy.. wet experience.. And hard to believe that the fact never change from beginning of the world till now and for ever
Kamasutra (life giving lessons) :p
Kamasutra says:
1. If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!
2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B". Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a "P" Peticoat, panties, pussy... No wonder men suffer from high B P!
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're screwed.
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.
5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..!
Now that I've educated. you, go ahead and educate someone else.
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!". Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.
This is a deep philosophy.. wet experience.. And hard to believe that the fact never change from beginning of the world till now and for ever
Footy club blamed not hearing ref's whistle for -164 goals, on relegation
Birmingham Deaf football team end season on minus six points
May 26, 2014 07:00
Club says the inability to hear the referee's whistle in their Birmingham AFA league matches was a major cause of their failures
Birmingham Deaf FC lost 25 of their 26 fixtures this season A deaf football team ended a catastrophic season on minus six points – because they could not hear the referee’s whistle.
Perry Barr-based Birmingham Deaf FC’s sequence of shocking results were among the worst in the Birmingham AFA Saturday League’s history.
They lost all but one of their 26 fixtures, shipped 164 goals and ended bottom of division five.
But the team – made up of profoundly deaf players – at least had a decent excuse.
The team have recorded highlights of their games and posted them on their YouTube channel
Birmingham Deaf FC playing hearing league against Boldmere Sport & Social AFC
The squad couldn’t hear the referee’s commands – and claimed their pleas for flags to be used instead fell on deaf ears.
Club secretary Guy Whieldon, who is deaf, said: “Most lads feel officials are not geared-up for a deaf team due to communication breakdowns, which cause difficulty.
“The referees are supposed to wave flags while, at the same time, blowing a whistle.
“Most referees forget to wave or simply don’t want to use a flag.”
A player from Sutton United, who beat BDFC 10-0 home and away, told the Mail that difficulties were apparent from the first whistle.
“The ref would blow for a stoppage and they would continue to play,” he said.
BDFC, based at Birmingham City University’s Moor Lane pitches in Perry Barr, were deducted nine points for failing to turn up for three games.
And their showing during the season was so poor, they look set to be relegated TWO tiers to the league’s basement, division seven.
The weekly drubbings included a 15-0 defeat to Walsall All Stars.
A league official said: “We were told they had three players in the national deaf team, but it soon became apparent they were out of their depth.
“It is the first time I’ve known a side end with minus points.”
The official admitted refereeing with a flag had proved unpopular among officials. “Three or four did it, but it was not something that came naturally,” he said.
“They prefer the whistle.”
The club, set up in 1921, also competes in the English Deaf Football North League and Cup.
Guy, 26, refused to blame the officials for the team’s performances.
“I can’t fault the AFA,” he said.
“It was due to poor commitment from our lads as the average age of the team was 22 and our oldest player is 30.
“We wanted to start in division seven and learn, but the AFA decided to put us in division five.
“Also, we have 36 players on our books.
“Half came to play and the side was different for every fixture.”
“We played in the Birmingham AFA to raise our standards for deaf fixtures.
“Currently, I have no idea if we’ll continue in the league, that depends on the lads.”
Birmingham Deaf football team end season on minus six points
May 26, 2014 07:00
Club says the inability to hear the referee's whistle in their Birmingham AFA league matches was a major cause of their failures
Birmingham Deaf FC lost 25 of their 26 fixtures this season A deaf football team ended a catastrophic season on minus six points – because they could not hear the referee’s whistle.
Perry Barr-based Birmingham Deaf FC’s sequence of shocking results were among the worst in the Birmingham AFA Saturday League’s history.
They lost all but one of their 26 fixtures, shipped 164 goals and ended bottom of division five.
But the team – made up of profoundly deaf players – at least had a decent excuse.
The team have recorded highlights of their games and posted them on their YouTube channel
Birmingham Deaf FC playing hearing league against Boldmere Sport & Social AFC
The squad couldn’t hear the referee’s commands – and claimed their pleas for flags to be used instead fell on deaf ears.
Club secretary Guy Whieldon, who is deaf, said: “Most lads feel officials are not geared-up for a deaf team due to communication breakdowns, which cause difficulty.
“The referees are supposed to wave flags while, at the same time, blowing a whistle.
“Most referees forget to wave or simply don’t want to use a flag.”
A player from Sutton United, who beat BDFC 10-0 home and away, told the Mail that difficulties were apparent from the first whistle.
“The ref would blow for a stoppage and they would continue to play,” he said.
BDFC, based at Birmingham City University’s Moor Lane pitches in Perry Barr, were deducted nine points for failing to turn up for three games.
And their showing during the season was so poor, they look set to be relegated TWO tiers to the league’s basement, division seven.
The weekly drubbings included a 15-0 defeat to Walsall All Stars.
A league official said: “We were told they had three players in the national deaf team, but it soon became apparent they were out of their depth.
“It is the first time I’ve known a side end with minus points.”
The official admitted refereeing with a flag had proved unpopular among officials. “Three or four did it, but it was not something that came naturally,” he said.
“They prefer the whistle.”
The club, set up in 1921, also competes in the English Deaf Football North League and Cup.
Guy, 26, refused to blame the officials for the team’s performances.
“I can’t fault the AFA,” he said.
“It was due to poor commitment from our lads as the average age of the team was 22 and our oldest player is 30.
“We wanted to start in division seven and learn, but the AFA decided to put us in division five.
“Also, we have 36 players on our books.
“Half came to play and the side was different for every fixture.”
“We played in the Birmingham AFA to raise our standards for deaf fixtures.
“Currently, I have no idea if we’ll continue in the league, that depends on the lads.”
Best joke of May 2014. Even my avatar is tickled pink.
Ang Wei Neng, MP for Jurong GRC, suggested that the Ministry of Education should send Singaporeans on compulsory trips to poor communities in neighbouring countries in order to show them how lucky they are to live in Singapore.
Mr Ang believes that such a trip, although it may be expensive, would be “money well spent” because it will generate “a wind of gratitude”.
Ang Wei Neng, MP for Jurong GRC, suggested that the Ministry of Education should send Singaporeans on compulsory trips to poor communities in neighbouring countries in order to show them how lucky they are to live in Singapore.
Mr Ang believes that such a trip, although it may be expensive, would be “money well spent” because it will generate “a wind of gratitude”.
Must be some onions at work on his intestines. Flatulence personified. Pink's also colour for gays :p
My pinkies are pink ....wonder why :p
Must be some onions at work on his intestines. Flatulence personified. Pink's also colour for gays :p
Good advice for her
1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail
and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love
sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The
male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshiped
and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where
your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.
2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the
thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it
should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible
angle.
3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show
your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that
he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.
4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets
carried away and says things like, "Ride my hard cock you filthy
cock-sucking slut" or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white
love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not
enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole
sentences.
5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your
face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic
moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause
permanent blindness in most cases but this is a risk you should be
prepared to take for his happiness.
6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be
asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.
7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he
does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in
peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises without
thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.
8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If
you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play
with yourself as he rams away.
9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean
his sheets and any ball bag drip page if you have misbehaved and not
swallowed everything.
10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying: "Are
you going to come soon." If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take
your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you
should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and
takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time
trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware and gifted
human beings.
11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's
ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it
is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an
important thing.
12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a
spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know
you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind
that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at
least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.
13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who
can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting
suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If
he's a real man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn
something from her to keep your man really happy.
14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It
makes your pussy look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At
best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go
for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favoured by the Playboy
models that your man would rather be shagging.
15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate
and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it
out without savouring the taste and gluey texture - whores do that professionally. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth"
makes for a happy finale to fun and games.
16. BEING UNGRATEFUL: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and
energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if A) sex has
lasted more than five minutes and/or B) you managed to achieve an orgasm.
A man's role in sex is far more demanding than
a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.
17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm
after-sex glow to seek favours or make requests. As he drops off into
well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask, "Do you think I should buy
that dress, skirt, sofa, Mercedes, country cottage?" There is a name for
the practice of mixing sex and business. It's called whoring.
1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail
and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the love
sword as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The
male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be awed, worshiped
and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where
your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.
2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the
thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it
should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible
angle.
3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show
your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that
he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants.
4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets
carried away and says things like, "Ride my hard cock you filthy
cock-sucking slut" or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white
love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not
enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole
sentences.
5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your
face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic
moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause
permanent blindness in most cases but this is a risk you should be
prepared to take for his happiness.
6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be
asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it.
7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he
does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in
peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises without
thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done.
8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If
you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play
with yourself as he rams away.
9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean
his sheets and any ball bag drip page if you have misbehaved and not
swallowed everything.
10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying: "Are
you going to come soon." If you're doing a blowie, you'd have to take
your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you
should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and
takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time
trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually aware and gifted
human beings.
11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's
ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it
is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an
important thing.
12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a
spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know
you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind
that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at
least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation.
13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who
can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting
suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If
he's a real man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn
something from her to keep your man really happy.
14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It
makes your pussy look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At
best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go
for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favoured by the Playboy
models that your man would rather be shagging.
15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate
and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it
out without savouring the taste and gluey texture - whores do that professionally. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth"
makes for a happy finale to fun and games.
16. BEING UNGRATEFUL: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and
energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if A) sex has
lasted more than five minutes and/or B) you managed to achieve an orgasm.
A man's role in sex is far more demanding than
a woman's so it is always nice when one's prowess is appreciated.
17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm
after-sex glow to seek favours or make requests. As he drops off into
well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask, "Do you think I should buy
that dress, skirt, sofa, Mercedes, country cottage?" There is a name for
the practice of mixing sex and business. It's called whoring.
Socrates - Triple Filter
In ancient Greece , Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test.
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
"No not really …"
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
This is why Socrates was a great philosopher held in such high esteem.
In ancient Greece , Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"
"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triple filter?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test.
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"
"No not really …"
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
This is why Socrates was a great philosopher held in such high esteem.
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa's gone to heaven?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, but the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV set hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's local church minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend!"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, but the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV set hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's local church minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend!"
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