He missed out on his dosage of the blue pill. Cannot even get it up despite Jub's untiring efforts :p
SPG could try lol lol lol
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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
SPG could try lol lol lol
Everything is valuable only twice: 1. Before getting it and
2. After losing it!
Two things bring happiness and success in life-
1. The way you MANAGE when you have nothing and
2. The way you BEHAVE when you have everything!
NEVER win people with Arguments, rather defeat them with your Smile!
Because people who always wish to Argue with you, cannot bear your Silence!
One good thing about Egotists-
They don’t talk about other people!
2. After losing it!
Two things bring happiness and success in life-
1. The way you MANAGE when you have nothing and
2. The way you BEHAVE when you have everything!
NEVER win people with Arguments, rather defeat them with your Smile!
Because people who always wish to Argue with you, cannot bear your Silence!
One good thing about Egotists-
They don’t talk about other people!
Too bad the original one was removed by Youtube.:( I managed to see it though
Latest Nokia innovation
Free Sex
Place to kio kuay
The original McDonald's
Courteous Gang rapers, they use condoms
Free Sex
Place to kio kuay
The original McDonald's
Courteous Gang rapers, they use condoms
Three SBF Mods
2 having fun while the other desperately working
2 having fun while the other desperately working
For penis haters....burn them!
No headphones required
Tiger sharks are dangerous but this is worse
With the population increase, Singaporeans may see such condos at Bukit Timah
Tiger sharks are dangerous but this is worse
With the population increase, Singaporeans may see such condos at Bukit Timah
Do you love tattoos?
Brilliant piece, #3 has the dubious honour of 2 threads on him ...celebThree SBF Mods
2 having fun while the other desperately working
Donahue showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost
fell over when he saw him. Donahue had never been seen in church in
his life.
After Mass, the priest caught Donahue and said, "Donahue, I
am so glad you decided to attend Mass; what made you come?"
Donahue said, "I gotta be honest with you Father. A while
back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know
McGlynn has one just like mine and I know McGlynn comes to
church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take
off his hat during Mass and I figured he might leave it at the back of church.
So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest asked, "Well Donahue, I notice that you didn't
steal his hat. What changed your mind?"
Donahue replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10
commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal the hat."
The priest gave Donahue a big smile and said, "After I
talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' you decided you would rather do without
your hat than burn in Hell, right?"
Donahue shook his head and said,"No, Father; after you talked about 'Thou >>>> Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' I remembered where I left me hat."
fell over when he saw him. Donahue had never been seen in church in
his life.
After Mass, the priest caught Donahue and said, "Donahue, I
am so glad you decided to attend Mass; what made you come?"
Donahue said, "I gotta be honest with you Father. A while
back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know
McGlynn has one just like mine and I know McGlynn comes to
church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take
off his hat during Mass and I figured he might leave it at the back of church.
So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest asked, "Well Donahue, I notice that you didn't
steal his hat. What changed your mind?"
Donahue replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10
commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal the hat."
The priest gave Donahue a big smile and said, "After I
talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' you decided you would rather do without
your hat than burn in Hell, right?"
Donahue shook his head and said,"No, Father; after you talked about 'Thou >>>> Shalt Not Commit Adultery,' I remembered where I left me hat."
On Obama :p
Before Obama was elected President he went to see Bill and Hillary for some campaign advice, at their spacious home.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton 's private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a solid gold urinal! Wow!
That afternoon, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal. "Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal. But I wouldn't have something so self-indulgent!"
Later, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed Obama had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, Bill had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill:
"I found out who pissed in your saxophone."
----
An old woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell.
The party waiting behind her was a group from the White House that included Obama.
He quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet.
She thanked him and started to leave, when he said,
"I'm President Obama and I hope you'll vote for me this November."
She said, "I fell on my ass, not my head!"
----------
David Feherty, CBS and Golf Channel announcer, a native of Northern Ireland who now makes his home in Dallas, finds very unique, colorful and uninhibited ways of explaining or describing whatever is on his mind.......probably always on time delay these days.
Feherty Quotes:
"Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body."
"That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn't find it if it was wrapped in bacon."
"I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn't be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife."
Jim Furyk's swing - "It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree."
"He's (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500."
-----------------
A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother."
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER."
**************************************************
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.
**************************************************
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?*
Stress is when wife is pregnant,*
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,*
and Panic is when both are pregnant.*
**************************************************
A woman asks man who is traveling with six children,
"Are all these kids yours?"*
The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".
*************************************************
Before Obama was elected President he went to see Bill and Hillary for some campaign advice, at their spacious home.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.
When he entered Clinton 's private toilet, he was astonished to see that Clinton had a solid gold urinal! Wow!
That afternoon, Obama told his wife, Michelle, about the urinal. "Just think,' he said, 'when I am President, I too could have a gold urinal. But I wouldn't have something so self-indulgent!"
Later, when Michelle had lunch with Hillary, she told Hillary how impressed Obama had been at his discovery of the fact that, in his private bathroom, Bill had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill:
"I found out who pissed in your saxophone."
----
An old woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell.
The party waiting behind her was a group from the White House that included Obama.
He quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet.
She thanked him and started to leave, when he said,
"I'm President Obama and I hope you'll vote for me this November."
She said, "I fell on my ass, not my head!"
----------
David Feherty, CBS and Golf Channel announcer, a native of Northern Ireland who now makes his home in Dallas, finds very unique, colorful and uninhibited ways of explaining or describing whatever is on his mind.......probably always on time delay these days.
Feherty Quotes:
"Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body."
"That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn't find it if it was wrapped in bacon."
"I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn't be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife."
Jim Furyk's swing - "It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree."
"He's (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx between the cheeks of his ass and out popped $500."
-----------------
A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother."
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER."
**************************************************
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.
**************************************************
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?*
Stress is when wife is pregnant,*
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,*
and Panic is when both are pregnant.*
**************************************************
A woman asks man who is traveling with six children,
"Are all these kids yours?"*
The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".
*************************************************
Last edited:
God save the Queen?
President Obama visited the UK on 24 May 2011. He got a reception from the Queen
********** In addition, the Harrier jets from the RAF did a fly past for a special salute
****** He never noticed what the position of the aircraft were spelling....until one of his aides told him... Way to go Brits..... love it.
********* (Lean back a bit to see the words)
*
******** * ** *
President Obama visited the UK on 24 May 2011. He got a reception from the Queen
********** In addition, the Harrier jets from the RAF did a fly past for a special salute
****** He never noticed what the position of the aircraft were spelling....until one of his aides told him... Way to go Brits..... love it.
********* (Lean back a bit to see the words)
*
******** * ** *
Any Elland Road supporters here like me?
They are a good club with quite a rich history. I used to follow their progress during the days of Allan Clarke , Joe Jordan and Billy Bremner. Hope they come up again soon.
Re: Mon blues?
"Mon blues?
Chill, for mon blues?"
For the first 3 I sincerely believe so.
"Mon blues?
Chill, for mon blues?"
For the first 3 I sincerely believe so.
Last edited:
Here are some good German(translated) jokes and if you don't understand fell free to ask our new "German" Mod to explain.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.
A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
What do you call a cat with no tail?
A Manx cat.
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, it is far more efficient in both time and money to change it yourself. Failing that, ask a relative or neighbour to change it for you.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away.
One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.
So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.
How do you drown a blonde?
Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.
A black man is going to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's office wearing a suit. The doctor says, "Why are you wearing a suit?" The black man says, "I just got back from a funeral"
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
"Would you like an ice pack?"
Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?
He was weird.
A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity.
What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life.
When asked if he could see the humour in the situation, the child replied, "No. No, I don't."
A man called a lawyer and asked, "How much will you charge me to answer three questions?"
The lawyer said "$400."
"Wow," said the man. "Isn't that a lot?"
"I guess so," said the lawyer. "When are you going to ask your questions?"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.
A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
What do you call a cat with no tail?
A Manx cat.
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, it is far more efficient in both time and money to change it yourself. Failing that, ask a relative or neighbour to change it for you.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away.
One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.
So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger.
How do you drown a blonde?
Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.
A black man is going to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's office wearing a suit. The doctor says, "Why are you wearing a suit?" The black man says, "I just got back from a funeral"
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
"Would you like an ice pack?"
Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?
He was weird.
A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn't affect acceleration due to gravity.
What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed and has a difficult life.
When asked if he could see the humour in the situation, the child replied, "No. No, I don't."
A man called a lawyer and asked, "How much will you charge me to answer three questions?"
The lawyer said "$400."
"Wow," said the man. "Isn't that a lot?"
"I guess so," said the lawyer. "When are you going to ask your questions?"
Women are better at hula hoops, agree?
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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