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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Just as your nick precedes your repute? :pMy problem's not with stand-ins, but errr...rather cannot stand up :o :p
That being the case, I know just the very guy who could help you
Crying shame, my alter ego's not the resident hard-on bloke. :p
His diet is over laden with zine
Full Body Scans at the Airport
The T.S.A. disclosed the official Airport Screening Results:
October 2012 Statistics On Airport Screening From The Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered
0
Transvestites133
133
Hernias
1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases
3,172
Enlarged Prostates
8,249
Breast Implants
59,350
Natural Blondes
3
It was also discovered that 335 members of the Senate and Congress had no balls.
Thought you'd like to know.
The T.S.A. disclosed the official Airport Screening Results:
October 2012 Statistics On Airport Screening From The Department Of Homeland Security:
Terrorists Discovered
0
Transvestites133
133
Hernias
1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases
3,172
Enlarged Prostates
8,249
Breast Implants
59,350
Natural Blondes
3
It was also discovered that 335 members of the Senate and Congress had no balls.
Thought you'd like to know.
Last edited:
Why did God give man a penis?
So he would have at least one way to get woman to stop talking.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What is the difference between and illegal alien and the alien E.T.?
E.T. finally went home.
What is the biggest difference between a 40 year old man with no children, and a 40 year old woman with no children?
The woman is thinking about having children, and the man is thinking about dating children.
So he would have at least one way to get woman to stop talking.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
What is the difference between and illegal alien and the alien E.T.?
E.T. finally went home.
What is the biggest difference between a 40 year old man with no children, and a 40 year old woman with no children?
The woman is thinking about having children, and the man is thinking about dating children.
What is the easiest way to ruin a man's ego with three words?
Is it in?
What is the difference between an ooh and an aah?
About 3 inches.
Is it in?
What is the difference between an ooh and an aah?
About 3 inches.
FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
The Jewish Samurai[/B
Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly.
He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! "What a feat!" said the Emperor.
"Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor.
"How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"
The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
" Dead," replied the Jewish Samurai !! " Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!"
Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly.
He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two! "What a feat!" said the Emperor.
"Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.
"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor.
"How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"
The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."
" Dead," replied the Jewish Samurai !! " Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!"
Diving Into Cold Water
What does the military have in common with a blow job?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Confucius Say
Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening Windows
I met a girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us,
and she immediately dropped to her knees
and laid on the grass at my feet.
And as we lay making love, I thought...
"These taser guns are so worth the money."
My wife was screaming at me: "Leave! Get out of this house!" she ordered.
As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
So I turned around and replied, "So now you want me to stay?"
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Confucius Say
Computers are like air conditioners. They work fine until you start opening Windows
I met a girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us,
and she immediately dropped to her knees
and laid on the grass at my feet.
And as we lay making love, I thought...
"These taser guns are so worth the money."
My wife was screaming at me: "Leave! Get out of this house!" she ordered.
As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
So I turned around and replied, "So now you want me to stay?"
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