HIV/AIDS carriers find partners despite obstacles
Source: Global Times Published: 2015-4-27 19:23:01
Two HIV/AIDS carriers at their wedding ceremony in Yongji county, Jilin Province Photo: IC
"Getting married was partly because I really want to, and partly because our parents wanted us to," Chen Xiao, an HIV/AIDS carrier, said.
Marriage is not a sure thing for many HIV/AIDS carriers as it is hard for them to find a partner and gain approval from both sets of parents. Also, in many cases it is uncertain how much time they have left. Love, to them, is precious.
Bloody disaster
Chen Xiao, Sun Ming and He Xin are victims of China's 1990s blood disaster, a blood collection and sale scheme that went awry. Thousands of rural Chinese were infected with HIV/AIDS from tainted blood because of unsafe practices, many of whom then infected their children during pregnancy or breastfeeding.
Sun and He were infected AIDS in utero. Chen got infected during a blood transfusion when he was young, after a doctor told his parents it would strengthen his immune system.
The HIV-positive children were called "AIDS kids" at that time. In Henan Province, there are more than 500, according to the Chi Heng Foundation, an NGO works with HIV-positive children. Shangcai county, the province's most undeveloped region, saw the most cases.
Due to a lack of medical treatment in the region, and the fact that children's immune systems are typically weaker than adults, doctors said most of the children would be lucky to live to their 10th birthdays.
But a miracle arrived in 2005 in the form of a donation of AIDS medication by former US president Bill Clinton's foundation. He Xin had a chance to meet Clinton in Zhengzhou, capital of Henan Province, to take personal delivery of one of the kits.
With regular medication, Sun, He, Chen and many other "AIDS kids" have grown up with their condition under control.
First love
Time passed, and in his first year of secondary school Sun met his first crush, another HIV/AIDS carrier from his village. But his condition suddenly took a turn for the worse. He suffered from serious cramps and was once diagnosed with brain atrophy. The hospital even listed him as being in critical condition at one point.
"And then I just got well for no reason [that anyone could tell]," Sun said.
After he recovered, Sun got dressed up in his best clothes and asked the girl to be his girlfriend. But after being together for two years, their relationship came to an end, as the girl did not want to get married at a young age.
He Xin went to a college far from his village, and kept his condition hidden. He would take his pills secretly. When people found out, he would say they were for a stomachache. "I just want to live like a healthy person," he said.
He met a girl who was one of the top students in their class. Just before graduation, she texted him, asking about his feeling towards her.
"I did not dare to think about the possibility," he said. "She did not know I have AIDS."
He eventually rejected her, using his studies as an excuse. A few years later, she married another man.
Love sometimes leaves HIV/AIDS carriers with no options.
The other half
In fact, being in a relationship is only the first challenge. As they grow older, they begin to see marriage as their biggest problem. Many of their parents, worrying about their children's marriages, go to the Chi Heng Foundation to seek help.
"We are just a charity organization, we did not expect our services would include matchmaking," Du Chong, the founder of Chi Heng Foundation said, adding that it is extremely rare for an HIV/AIDS carrier to get married to a healthy person, and the number of female carriers is fewer than the number of male carriers, restricting the men's marriage options.
Sun's father was one of those seekers. He wanted to find a woman who is also a carrier for his son.
His wish surprisingly came true last year. The foundation found Sun a woman from Anhui who also contracted HIV/AIDS in the womb. After dating for two months, they got engaged, making it the 26th couple the foundation has arranged. The day of Sun's marriage was the happiest day of Sun's father's life, while Sun stunned his neighbors by becoming the first "AIDS child" from his village to get married.
Apart from the foundation, some of the AIDS kids' doctors have also contributed to matchmaking.
Chen and his wife are an example. They met each other at the clinic. Their first date was a trip to the doctor to get physicals together.
He Xin, on the other hand, after rejecting his college crush, gave up thoughts of getting married completely, and moved to Zhengzhou, to open a tire business.
Under pressure from his parents, he finally agreed to meet a woman who is also HIV-positive, having contracted the disease accidentally through a blood transfusion.
The words "sick" and "AIDS" were taboos to the woman because she was the only one in her family who was infected with HIV/AIDS.
But He Xin told her, "If we work hard, we can live better than healthy people." Three months later, they started dating and have since married each other.
Not giving in
Although no one knows how long the "AIDS kids" have left, Sun, Chen and He Xin have refused to give in to the disease.
Chen is now planning to open his own grill shop while He Xin, whose business is losing money, has decided to sell grilled squid at night to earn extra cash.
Sun and his wife have recently welcomed a new family member, a baby girl. Through technology for preventing mother-to-child transmission of HIV, the chance of the baby contracting AIDS was reduced to 1 to 2 percent, but the baby still had to undergo two blood tests to ensure she is completely free of the virus.
On March 31, Sun and his wife got the news that the baby was healthy. But the baby still has another blood check scheduled for when she is a month and a half old.
