A Guide to Singapore's Health Centres

Background

The term "Health Centre" probably conjures up images of clean wholesome joint where people go to relax, exercise, lift weights etc while sipping carrot juice and nibbling a yogurt bar. In reality, a health centre is a nothing more than a massage parlour. Now comes the interesting part..... a good massage is the last thing that the masseuse want to give you. They earn very little from just giving your body a massage and nothing else. Their target is your DICK. The sooner they can finish the "massage" part of their service, the more time they will have to earn some real money by giving you something they call a SPECIAL!!!!! Want to find out more??? then read on....

What exactly is a health centre?

Unlike brothels, there are no restrictions, other than those imposed by building safety and fire codes, as to where a health centre can operate. They can be found all over the island. A lot of them are situated within 4 to 5 star hotels. Shopping centres and office towers also have their fair share of them. Just pick up the yellow pages of a telephone directory and you will see literally hundreds of listings. Many of the adverts are accompanied with the photo of a pretty young lady with her tender hands caressing the back of man with only a towel wrapped round his waste. Lesson number 1. The girl in the photo is either the prettiest they have or is a professional model. There are some really ugly girls working in health centres..take my word for it! You have been warned. The next thing I want to warn everyone is that health centres are NOT brothels. They are licensed to provide massage services together with associated facilities such as sauna, steam baths, hot and cold spa pools and some light food and refreshments served in a lounge which screens laser disc movies. Some have a small gym where customers can work out after a hard day's work. However, the gym is often sorely under utilised for reasons which will become obvious in a while.

Introduction

There is little social stigma attached to visiting a health centre. After all, they look very decent and are often located in very respectable and upmarket shopping centres and hotels. (This is one of the reasons why they are so popular) When you arrive at the health centre of your choice, just walk boldly in. It doesn't matter if even if your mother-in-law sees you entering the joint. After all, you are a hard working executive with a stiff neck and an aching back. What is wrong with going for a massage to relieve the stresses of modern living.

Once inside, the counter staff will ask you to sign in and write down your IC / Passport number. This step is required by law. My advice is to write down your real name and IC number. It is a common practice to just scribble any name (maybe your boss's) and combination of numbers but I see little point in doing this. In fact, you could get into trouble! However more about that later. At most joints, the receptionist will then ask you to pay up front for your massage session. (Credit cards accepted - charges range from $35 to $68 ) She will then give you a key to a locker and ask you what time you would like your massage to be. You do not need to have your massage immediately. In fact, I have known people who fix their massage slot 4 hours later. They feel that they are getting their money's worth if they spend more time enjoying the facilities there. However, a normal interval between the time you arrive and the massage session is about half an hour to 45 minutes. This will give you sufficient opportunity to relax and use the facilities available. The actual massage session is 40 to 45 minutes depending on the establishment. Check with the counter to be sure.

Those who are new to all this would probably be wondering what sort of masseuse they are going to get. The answer is that unless you make a request for a particular girl, you will be assigned the one that is next in Q. I have witnessed some people asking to see the girls so that they can make a choice. This is not allowed at most joints so it boils down to a matter of luck. However, there is a way to beat the odds. Just hang around the reception area for a few minutes. All the girls have to go to the reception to collect their room allocations. If you see one that you fancy, then tell the receptionist "I want that one!.." You should be able to get her about 45 minutes later unless she has a long list of bookings. In that case, you may be in for an extremely long wait....1 to 2 days in some cases but more about that later.

Once you have completed the formalities, proceed to the locker room. Take off all your clothes (underwear included) and put them in the locker. The upmarket joints will have a locker attendant who will assist you and give you directions. From this point onwards, you will be naked except for a towel. If you have a large amount of cash in your wallet, it is advisable to ask for a safe deposit box as each locker key can probably open about 30% of the locker room. It is safe enough for clothing though. After all, who on earth wants to steal your smelly underwear.

Facilities vary from joint to joint so I shall skip the details regarding how you should pass your time while waiting for your massage. It all depends on where you are. In the very upmarket joints, you can even have a haircut and a manicure. Some of the cheaper joints have nothing but a steam bath and a hot pool. Whatever the case may be, just relax and enjoy yourself and wait for your locker number to be called.

The Room

After your number is called, you will either be escorted to, or asked to proceed to, a particular room number. More often than not, the "room" as they call it, is just large enough to serve its purpose. Most establishments will also have a small attached shower room. Some places dispense with the table and simply lay a mattress on the floor. You will probably notice very quickly that the walls of the room are paper thin and any conversation in the adjacent room can easily be heard. So can any moaning and groaning. In addition, you should also take note that the door cannot be locked! This is in accordance with rules and regulations governing the issuing of health centre licenses.

The Moment of truth

After about a 2 to 3 minute wait, if you not already requested a particular girl, you will find out what you are stuck with for the next 45 minutes or so. From experience, You can assured that if you have not made prior arrangements, chances are the girl of your fantasies will turn out to be a middle aged woman built like a former East German Swimmer. Disappointed? too bad! Some friends I have known have tried requesting a change but the substitute invariably looked even worse than the first one. The moral of the story is that if you are not prepared to do a little homework, then you cannot expect too much. Better luck on the next visit.

Lets continue on the assumption that you are happy with what you see....... The standard question she will ask is "do you want a drink?" The standard answer I give is always a "NO". After all, getting a drink takes up valuable time and time is a precious commodity. You are paying almost a dollar a minute for your massage!

The Massage

Although the massage parlors claim all sorts of exotic techniques in their ads, the type of massage you get is pretty much standard. There are a few variations. Some girls like pressing various spots as hard as possible till you scream for mercy. Some try and bend your joints in the direction opposite from what God intended. This part of the session can last anything between 15 to 30 minutes. One pertinent observation : The uglier the girl, the longer the massage will last and the better it will be. The converse also holds true : The very sexy girls couldn't give a proper massage even if their life depended on it. Of course there are whole range which lie in between the two extremes.

The all important "SPECIAL" services

OK so your body has been sufficiently manipulated, prodded, bent, pulled and loosened. What comes next is the bread and butter of all massage parlor girls. Even though you may pay $35 to $68 up front to the establishment, the girls only get $10 to $12 for each massage which is peanuts in Singapore. The girl will ask you whether you want something "SPECIAL" To put it bluntly, she now wants to earn a big tip for servicing your Prick which has not been touched up to this moment. It may have been tickled a bit during the massage but that was only for the purpose of arousing you sufficiently to consider the extra services.

Rather than to go into a long running commentary regarding what this term means, I shall tabulate the details in a clinical manner to remove any ambiguity regarding what your money will get you. There are variations to what I am describing below but most girls provide additional services which fall more or less into the following categories :

1.	Straight Hand job type A	Girl remains fully clothed	$30 to $50
2.	Straight Hand job type B	Girl removes bra and allows you to fiddle with her tits	$50
3.	Body Massage plus hand job.	Girl removes top half of clothing and grinds her tits against your chest, face and genitals. Some will lick you on the nipples as part of the package	$80
4.	Blow job	Blow job with condom. Girl partially undressed	$80 to $100
5.	Full fledged fuck with condom	Girl takes off bra and panties but keeps her dress on.	$100 to $120

So there you have it. The cold hard facts regarding the sort of things that happen in "Health" centres. Now you know why the term is a misnomer. There is nothing healthy about a commercial fuck. That fact that all of the above services are absolutely illegal does not help matters at all.

Currently, probably about 70% to 80% of the massage parlor girls provide all 5 categories above. However, there are the remaining 20% to 30% who stop at hand jobs as they do not want to take the risk of getting caught providing sex.

I just thought that it would be interesting to note that most of these special services are over in a very short time. Take a simple hand job that last 3 minutes and costs $50 and you will realise that on a cost per minute basis, it is probably one of the most expensive services that you have ever paid for. Let's see... $50 for 3 minutes works out to $16.68 per minute. A govt minister in Singapore earns around $1,000,000 a year. On the assumption that he works 300 days a year and puts in a 12 hour day, his earnings per minute work out to be only $4.63!!! After I realised this, I fully support the ministers' salary increases.

The Risks the girls take in providing "SPECIALS".

As I have just mentioned, the additional services provided by the girls are illegal and go against the licensing agreement. Yup even a hand job is a no no. However, theses extras are an economic necessity for the girls as a measly $12 they earn from a straight massage and nothing else is hardly worth the effort. All the girls are therefore taking a big risk when they offer these services. Hand jobs are considered to be less risky as the "evidence" (your erect throbbing dick) is easy to hide quickly in the event of raid by the anti vice squad. The reason why the girls keep some articles of clothing on is because they hope that in the event of a raid, they can get dressed quickly enough to avoid getting caught.

Girls who are caught breaking the rules will have their massage licences revoked and will no longer be allowed to work in the profession. Those who are foreigners will be deported and will be barred from entering the country again. Those of you who are already familiar with my forum (hosted at Delphi) will have obtained some pretty detailed information regarding the methodology of the Singapore Anti-Vice squad. In a recent raid at IRIS health centre, almost all the star performers were caught with dicks up their cunts. As a result, they are no longer available if you want to fuck them in Singapore. You could try looking for them in their Malaysian home towns though ;-).

The risks YOU take in receiving "SPECIALS".

1.	The anti vice squad conducts regular spot checks to ensure that health centres stick to the licensing agreement. At any time while you are having a massage, there is a possibility that the door could suddenly burst open in the middle of whatever you are doing. If you are caught with your pants down, your particulars will be recorded. If you did not sign in properly at the counter, you are liable to be prosecuted. It is for this reason that I recommended earlier that you should give your real particulars.
2.	If you have sex with these girls, there is a higher possibility that you may catch a sexually transmitted disease. This is because massage parlour girls are not subjected to the same stringent health checks as those who work in brothels.
3.	If you make too much noise while having sex, the neighbouring room can hear everything. Remember the walls are paper thin..... or did you forget that in your moments of ecstasy.

Conclusion

So there you have it. The unofficial guide to health centres in Singapore. Of course, as is the case with all guides, there are deviations from what is written above. For example, there are girls who charge $200 for a fuck and do a roaring trade. Some are willing to strip stark naked and blow and screw you without a condom. These are the trail blazers and risk takers. They are the Donald Trump type personalities who go for high risks and high returns. If they survive, they are richly rewarded with some of them earning in excess of $30,000 per month. Those who take low risks have to scrape by with a couple of thousand extra bucks a month.

If you are satisfied with what you have read, I would like to thank you for visiting my site and wish you all the best in your sexual escapades. However, if you want to know more about health centres and would like some recommendations, then proceed to my forum. and meet like minded people who will be only too happy to share their experiences with you. My recommendations list is no longer available at my site as the HC scene is too fluid for the list to remain current for more than a few days.

Disclaimer : If you get caught fucking in a massage parlour, don't blame my site. I have already told you that the extra services are illegal. Ignore my warnings at your own peril.