- Joined
- Nov 5, 2024
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Andrea SanzAndrea Sanz
My mom passed away last month.
There’s no nice way to put it, even when you work in Comms. If it’s any relief, I promise you I didn’t have any fun writing this so it’s only fair if you don’t have fun reading it either. Talking about it, especially at work, has been exhausting. This is why:
- It’s a very effective way to ruin the small talk at the coffee machine
- There’s no good time to mention it during a Teams meeting
- We’re not used to it = recipe for awkwardness
Here are some things I've learned, which I hope you'll find useful next time you'd like to be supportive of a grieving colleague:
1. Don’t say: “you should take time off”. Grief is different for everyone. Some need time off, some need a distraction. For me, leaving my situation outside work kept me sane (for the most part). Instead, you can ask: “how can I support?”
2. If you don’t know what to say…say “I don’t know what to say”. That’s enough. Small gestures like a sending a card or a bouquet can mean a lot.
3. The question “how are you?” can be very difficult to answer. It helps being more specific and for example ask “how are you today?”.
4. Breaking the news to different people, over and over, takes energy and leaves you feeling tired and vulnerable, none of which make for a great day at work. That's why some might prefer to keep it private, or not offer many details. If someone does open up, don’t leave them hanging - it can double up the feelings of loneliness and you’ll have missed the opportunity to get to know each other better.
5. Don’t assume grieving people are sad all the time. Grief is many feelings at once and that small joke or laugh might be what turns the day around.
6. Sometimes, there's no happy ending. In these situations, the last thing you want to hear are invalidating things like: “I’m sure they’ll get better”, "keep fighting" or “I know what it’s like”. Don't know what to say? Go back to point #2.
7. Grief is rude! It comes and goes when it wants, and the triggers are unpredictable. So if your colleague is acting a little weird, maybe they just need a hug.
I hope you found some of these a little insightful. If you are dealing with a similar situation, or have in the past, please know you're not alone.
Last but not least, I’d like to say infinite thanks to my team. Special thanks to my manager Tiina for letting me do my thing and supporting me, and to everyone who have shared their own experiences, those who’ve called me just to check in, those who have supported me, baked cookies (!), or just had me in their thoughts. I will appreciate it forever.
Merry Christmas everyone, whatever you're up to
