http://tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,213537,00.html?
Woman treats Tampines man 'worse than a dog'
Neighbours sickened by public abuse, but victim puts up with woman because 'I love her to death'
Woman chases him down corridor with cane
Makes him kneel in front of block and shout apologies
Makes him sleep bare-bodied on corridor floor
By Vivien Chan
September 13, 2009
FLEES: A reporter saw the man, who was bleeding slightly from the head, crying at the stairwell during a visit last week. When approached, he ran down the stairs. --PICTURE: LIANHE WANBAO
HE HAS been chased down the corridor by a woman wielding a cane, forced to smack his own mouth and pull his ears, and go down on his knees to beg for forgiveness.
These punishments were meted out in public, in full view of others.
But he's not a naughty boy being disciplined by his stern mother.
He's a man in his 30s, and she is the woman he lives with. It could not be confirmed if the couple, who live in a four-storey block on Tampines Street 23, are married.
Residents in the block told The New Paper that the woman, who is attractive and appears to be in her 40s, had been verbally and physically abusing the man for almost two years.
When we visited the couple's fourth-storey flat on Monday evening, no one came to the door. We knocked repeatedly over a two-hour period, and did not see anyone go in or out, though there was footwear outside the door.
A Chinese New Year decoration that read 'siao kou chang kai' ('always laughing happily' in Mandarin) hung outside the door.
But going by the neighbours' accounts, that is not what the occupants do inside. Or outside, for that matter.
Neighbours claimed they have seen the woman standing in the corridor and screaming down at the man, as he knelt on the grass patch below shouting apologies.
But they were not sure what he was saying sorry for.
At other times, he would be locked out of the flat and forced to spend the night bare-bodied on the concrete floor of the corridor.
--TNP PHOTO ILLUSTRATION: KUA CHEE SIONG
Sometimes, he would sit, bare-bodied and bare-footed, at the stairwell sobbing loudly to himself.
'Slash marks and bruises', both fresh and old, cover his body, the neighbours said.
They described the couple to be of average build.
Recently, someone took a video of the man being chased by the woman with a cane along the corridor, and called the police, Lianhe Wanbao reported.
A police spokesman confirmed they received a call at 8.10am on 31 Aug and officers advised the couple to keep the peace.
When a Lianhe Wanbao reporter visited the block last week, he saw the man, who was bleeding slightly from the head, crying at the stairwell.
When the reporter approached him, he ran down the stairs and disappeared.
A shopkeeper on the ground floor, who declined to be named, told The New Paper he is 'sick' of seeing the man being made to kneel on the grass patch.
'The incidents started in November 2007, but recently, they have become louder and longer,' he said in Mandarin.
He recalled a recent night when the woman disturbed the neighbours by chiding the man at the top of her voice from 2am to 5am.
The woman has lived at the block for more than 15 years, the shopkeeper said, but the man moved in with her only two to three years ago.
Kick him down stairs
Once, he said, he even saw the woman kick the man down the stairs.
'He rolled down one flight of stairs and hit the ground floor,' the shopkeeper said.
He has also overheard the woman accusing the man of visiting prostitutes, though the man denied it.
He said many people have told off the woman for her actions but she would argue that the man was 'useless'.
He has also advised the man to leave her.
'But he would tell me he 'ai si ta' ('loves her to death' in Mandarin),' he said. 'But he can never explain why.'
He claimed the woman was married twice before, and has a child from each marriage. Her son from her second marriage, who is in upper primary school, lives with her and the man.
The man, who appears to be unemployed, looks after the boy, the shopkeeper said.
'He takes the boy to school and accompanies him back sometimes,' he said.
'I once heard the boy telling the man in Mandarin as they walked by my shop, 'I don't approve of Mummy doing this. I don't like it'.'
Despite the public humiliation, the man is apparently protective of the woman.
When the police were called in, the shopkeeper overheard him telling them that he 'fell by himself and it was nobody's fault'.
'If I were him, I would have left her long ago. This kind of man has no backbone,' he said.
Other shopkeepers at the block agreed with him.
But some neighbours pitied the man and felt the woman was 'too much'.
Said Mrs Zan, 31, whose mother lives on the third storey: 'I've seen her throw files and documents down and the man has to go to get them, bare-bodied and bare-footed.
'When I stay over sometimes, I'd hear them quarrelling in Mandarin at 2 or 3am. The woman would be screaming and sometimes I would hear the word 'divorce'.'
Ms Wani, 21, a sales assistant who lives on the second storey, said the long-haired woman usually wears heavy make-up and looks 'very pretty and sexy'. 'She wears revealing clothes, mostly dresses,' she added.
When he is not bare-bodied, the man, who speaks 'good English', is usually clad in long-sleeved shirts and trousers, and sometimes a formal jacket.
Ms Wani said the woman does not speak to neighbours. And while the man is friendly, he appears embarrassed.
Once, Ms Wani recalled, she was returning home around midnight when she witnessed one of the couple's spats at the grass patch.
'He was kneeling and crying, while she was scolding and slapping him,' she said.
'A Chinese couple who was passing by tried in vain to stop the woman.
'She's too much. I don't know how any man can take that. He's being treated worse than a dog.
'Sometimes, I hear him telling the stallholders at the coffee shop that she does not give him food, and I've seen him sleep downstairs on the floor outside the coffee shop.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Abused men scared of being called henpecked
HE WAS in a car with his wife, who was driving. Suddenly, annoyed with something he said, she reached over and punched him.
She then stopped the car, took off her slipper and slapped his face with it.
Like the man in Tampines, John (not his real name) was verbally, emotionally and physically abused.
He suffered in silence as he 'loved' her too much, and put up with the abuse for nine years before seeking help.
Three years ago, he turned up with a black eye to meet social workers, and they referred him to a shelter for abused husbands in Singapore.
John's story was related to The New Paper by the shelter's founder and counsellor, who spoke on condition that he and his shelter are not named.
He said this is for the safety of his shelter's residents.
After they were named in an earlier news report, he said, some enraged wives turned up at the shelter to look for their husbands.
He said John and his wife ran a fish stall at a wet market. Whenever John counted money wrongly, his wife would slap him, hit his head with the money bucket and shout vulgarities at him in Hokkien in front of stallholders and customers.
But why did John put up with it for so long?
'His wife threatened to leave with their 6-year-old daughter if he made it public,' said the shelter founder.
And like most of the cases he has handled, abused men keep mum because of a lack of family support.
He said: 'They are usually very embarrassed and would rather keep quiet about it. When they tell family members, they are advised to 'stand up and be a man', ridiculed or laughed at for being hen-pecked.
'They face even more humiliation.'
He said his shelter, which can accommodate 15 men, is full. Close to 200 men have sought refuge there since it was set up in 2003.
Most men go there only as a last resort, and only two cases did not end up in divorce.
John's was one of them. He reconciled with his wife after his three-week stay at the shelter.
'By the end of his second week, he was already missing his wife. I don't know how they are now,' said the counsellor.
The men usually stay for three weeks to three months.
'We have male volunteers who were in similar situations before to listen to and help them,' he said.
He said he has been seeing more young men recently.
'Usually in their mid-30s, with the wife holding a high position in the workplace. The man is less qualified.
'The wife can abuse the husband over anything. It could be due to work stress or things at home not being done. Prior to violence, the couple usually has misunderstandings.'
He said men face a harder time admitting to being victims of abuse as it is still a 'social taboo' to 'bear the bad name of being a hen-pecked weakling'.
'Society needs to be educated, that saying such words to them is of no help at all,' he said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SORRY
Computer geek? I'm just a normal teen (TNP, 11Sep): The first Singaporean to win the Albert Vidal Award in 2005 was Ms Viridis Liew Mei Qi, not Ms Liang Hwee Ming. Mr Tan Thiam Shui is a third-year Nanyang Polytechnic student, not a second-year student. Ms Joan Chong Lay Kheng is not a graduate of Institute of Technical Education (ITE).
Woman treats Tampines man 'worse than a dog'
Neighbours sickened by public abuse, but victim puts up with woman because 'I love her to death'
Woman chases him down corridor with cane
Makes him kneel in front of block and shout apologies
Makes him sleep bare-bodied on corridor floor
By Vivien Chan
September 13, 2009
FLEES: A reporter saw the man, who was bleeding slightly from the head, crying at the stairwell during a visit last week. When approached, he ran down the stairs. --PICTURE: LIANHE WANBAO
HE HAS been chased down the corridor by a woman wielding a cane, forced to smack his own mouth and pull his ears, and go down on his knees to beg for forgiveness.
These punishments were meted out in public, in full view of others.
But he's not a naughty boy being disciplined by his stern mother.
He's a man in his 30s, and she is the woman he lives with. It could not be confirmed if the couple, who live in a four-storey block on Tampines Street 23, are married.
Residents in the block told The New Paper that the woman, who is attractive and appears to be in her 40s, had been verbally and physically abusing the man for almost two years.
When we visited the couple's fourth-storey flat on Monday evening, no one came to the door. We knocked repeatedly over a two-hour period, and did not see anyone go in or out, though there was footwear outside the door.
A Chinese New Year decoration that read 'siao kou chang kai' ('always laughing happily' in Mandarin) hung outside the door.
But going by the neighbours' accounts, that is not what the occupants do inside. Or outside, for that matter.
Neighbours claimed they have seen the woman standing in the corridor and screaming down at the man, as he knelt on the grass patch below shouting apologies.
But they were not sure what he was saying sorry for.
At other times, he would be locked out of the flat and forced to spend the night bare-bodied on the concrete floor of the corridor.
--TNP PHOTO ILLUSTRATION: KUA CHEE SIONG
Sometimes, he would sit, bare-bodied and bare-footed, at the stairwell sobbing loudly to himself.
'Slash marks and bruises', both fresh and old, cover his body, the neighbours said.
They described the couple to be of average build.
Recently, someone took a video of the man being chased by the woman with a cane along the corridor, and called the police, Lianhe Wanbao reported.
A police spokesman confirmed they received a call at 8.10am on 31 Aug and officers advised the couple to keep the peace.
When a Lianhe Wanbao reporter visited the block last week, he saw the man, who was bleeding slightly from the head, crying at the stairwell.
When the reporter approached him, he ran down the stairs and disappeared.
A shopkeeper on the ground floor, who declined to be named, told The New Paper he is 'sick' of seeing the man being made to kneel on the grass patch.
'The incidents started in November 2007, but recently, they have become louder and longer,' he said in Mandarin.
He recalled a recent night when the woman disturbed the neighbours by chiding the man at the top of her voice from 2am to 5am.
The woman has lived at the block for more than 15 years, the shopkeeper said, but the man moved in with her only two to three years ago.
Kick him down stairs
Once, he said, he even saw the woman kick the man down the stairs.
'He rolled down one flight of stairs and hit the ground floor,' the shopkeeper said.
He has also overheard the woman accusing the man of visiting prostitutes, though the man denied it.
He said many people have told off the woman for her actions but she would argue that the man was 'useless'.
He has also advised the man to leave her.
'But he would tell me he 'ai si ta' ('loves her to death' in Mandarin),' he said. 'But he can never explain why.'
He claimed the woman was married twice before, and has a child from each marriage. Her son from her second marriage, who is in upper primary school, lives with her and the man.
The man, who appears to be unemployed, looks after the boy, the shopkeeper said.
'He takes the boy to school and accompanies him back sometimes,' he said.
'I once heard the boy telling the man in Mandarin as they walked by my shop, 'I don't approve of Mummy doing this. I don't like it'.'
Despite the public humiliation, the man is apparently protective of the woman.
When the police were called in, the shopkeeper overheard him telling them that he 'fell by himself and it was nobody's fault'.
'If I were him, I would have left her long ago. This kind of man has no backbone,' he said.
Other shopkeepers at the block agreed with him.
But some neighbours pitied the man and felt the woman was 'too much'.
Said Mrs Zan, 31, whose mother lives on the third storey: 'I've seen her throw files and documents down and the man has to go to get them, bare-bodied and bare-footed.
'When I stay over sometimes, I'd hear them quarrelling in Mandarin at 2 or 3am. The woman would be screaming and sometimes I would hear the word 'divorce'.'
Ms Wani, 21, a sales assistant who lives on the second storey, said the long-haired woman usually wears heavy make-up and looks 'very pretty and sexy'. 'She wears revealing clothes, mostly dresses,' she added.
When he is not bare-bodied, the man, who speaks 'good English', is usually clad in long-sleeved shirts and trousers, and sometimes a formal jacket.
Ms Wani said the woman does not speak to neighbours. And while the man is friendly, he appears embarrassed.
Once, Ms Wani recalled, she was returning home around midnight when she witnessed one of the couple's spats at the grass patch.
'He was kneeling and crying, while she was scolding and slapping him,' she said.
'A Chinese couple who was passing by tried in vain to stop the woman.
'She's too much. I don't know how any man can take that. He's being treated worse than a dog.
'Sometimes, I hear him telling the stallholders at the coffee shop that she does not give him food, and I've seen him sleep downstairs on the floor outside the coffee shop.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Abused men scared of being called henpecked
HE WAS in a car with his wife, who was driving. Suddenly, annoyed with something he said, she reached over and punched him.
She then stopped the car, took off her slipper and slapped his face with it.
Like the man in Tampines, John (not his real name) was verbally, emotionally and physically abused.
He suffered in silence as he 'loved' her too much, and put up with the abuse for nine years before seeking help.
Three years ago, he turned up with a black eye to meet social workers, and they referred him to a shelter for abused husbands in Singapore.
John's story was related to The New Paper by the shelter's founder and counsellor, who spoke on condition that he and his shelter are not named.
He said this is for the safety of his shelter's residents.
After they were named in an earlier news report, he said, some enraged wives turned up at the shelter to look for their husbands.
He said John and his wife ran a fish stall at a wet market. Whenever John counted money wrongly, his wife would slap him, hit his head with the money bucket and shout vulgarities at him in Hokkien in front of stallholders and customers.
But why did John put up with it for so long?
'His wife threatened to leave with their 6-year-old daughter if he made it public,' said the shelter founder.
And like most of the cases he has handled, abused men keep mum because of a lack of family support.
He said: 'They are usually very embarrassed and would rather keep quiet about it. When they tell family members, they are advised to 'stand up and be a man', ridiculed or laughed at for being hen-pecked.
'They face even more humiliation.'
He said his shelter, which can accommodate 15 men, is full. Close to 200 men have sought refuge there since it was set up in 2003.
Most men go there only as a last resort, and only two cases did not end up in divorce.
John's was one of them. He reconciled with his wife after his three-week stay at the shelter.
'By the end of his second week, he was already missing his wife. I don't know how they are now,' said the counsellor.
The men usually stay for three weeks to three months.
'We have male volunteers who were in similar situations before to listen to and help them,' he said.
He said he has been seeing more young men recently.
'Usually in their mid-30s, with the wife holding a high position in the workplace. The man is less qualified.
'The wife can abuse the husband over anything. It could be due to work stress or things at home not being done. Prior to violence, the couple usually has misunderstandings.'
He said men face a harder time admitting to being victims of abuse as it is still a 'social taboo' to 'bear the bad name of being a hen-pecked weakling'.
'Society needs to be educated, that saying such words to them is of no help at all,' he said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SORRY
Computer geek? I'm just a normal teen (TNP, 11Sep): The first Singaporean to win the Albert Vidal Award in 2005 was Ms Viridis Liew Mei Qi, not Ms Liang Hwee Ming. Mr Tan Thiam Shui is a third-year Nanyang Polytechnic student, not a second-year student. Ms Joan Chong Lay Kheng is not a graduate of Institute of Technical Education (ITE).
