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Spousal Abuse
Abuse is any behaviour that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion and manipulation etc.
A. Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is any behavior that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased. Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept.
Just one example of emotional abuse:
"On the day of the delivery of the first son, the accused and victim quarrelled over the issue of feeding the baby. Previously they had mutually agreed that the baby would be exclusively breast-fed. The baby had been examined by the assigned paediatrician and was found normal and healthy. However as the accused noticed some “shivering” in the baby later, they consulted another paediatrician. The second paediatrician examined the baby and concluded that the occasional “shivering” was not a concern at all. He also said that it was not a sign that the baby was hungry as newborn babies were equipped to go without milk for a couple of days until their mothers’ milk flow came in. Subsequently the victim left the baby with Russell, and returned to see the baby bottle-fed by a nurse with victim leaning over to watch. The victim felt very hurt for so many reasons: that she had missed the baby’s first feeding, that the baby was first introduced to the bottle rather than breast, that she did not have the opportunity to bond with my baby properly, that the accused would unilaterally request for bottle-feeding breaking the prior arrangment and that the accused would choose to ignore the advice of a paediatrician and sneak in a bottle behind her back. When the nurse left the room with the baby, the victim tried to express her displeasure. Instead of apologising, the accused tried to defend his actions by repeating that he was concerned as the baby was “shivering”. When the argument heated up, he started calling disparaging names e.g. “crazy b****” and "psychotic b****". The victim was very traumatized and broke down in tears. The accused offered no apologies and turned away indifferently. The victim left the maternity suite to wonder about in the ward’s hallway. A nurse saw her distress and kindly led her to an empty room and offered her a cup of Milo drink. The victim spent at least 30 minutes working out her emotions before returning to her room to see the accused sleeping in the companion’s couch. The accused’s cold shoulder persisted well into the next day. When the O&G specialist came in for examination, the accused continued to work at his computer and ignored both the doctor and the victim."
Postscript, while the accused was on bail, he sent over 850 SMSes to the victim. Among them, sent at 14:27:30 27-10-2007, "I'm sorry I made you cry after XXX was born. I still dont know what I did wrong, but your grief was real. I really didnt mean to upset you."
B. Verbal abuse
The abuser tends to verbally assault their victim by calling names, degrading, screaming, threatening, criticizing, berating and humiliating.
Just one example of verbal assault:
"On 17 August 2006, the Plaintiff returned to the matrimonial home to retrieve her young son, then 10 months old and breastfed by the Plaintiff. The Defendent shouted obscenities at the Plaintiff while holding the baby for at least half an hour. In fear of her young son's life, the Plaintiff left the matrimonial home...."
The accused smsed at 10:50:47 26-10-2007 to say "My mother says she’s sorry for not rebuking me when I was swearing at you. But despite me trying very hard, Swan Lynn refuses to apologize for calling you names. I’m sorry on her behalf."
C. Physical Assault
(One voice in the head, "Do I really have to write about it? Sigh....." Another says, "Well, just one more pretty please?")
Just one more example of physical assault:
"On 15 August 2006, the Plaintiff decided that she could no longer tolerate the Defendant's unreasonable behaviour and lack of emotional support. She approached a law firm to commence legal proceedings. The Plaintiff returned home to retrieve the marriage certificate to commence divorce proceedings against the Defendant. When the Defendant discovered the Plaintiff's intent, he became agitated and attacked the Plaintiff with kicks and punches. The Plaintiff was examined at the Changi Hospital".
Two more things before we end this post.
#1. The victim commenced divorce proceedings on 19th March 2008. At that point, the accused had NOT yet pleaded guilty to the criminal charge. He sent various smses, pleading with the victim not to commence divorce proceedings because he knew that the past marital history would show up his true violent, abusive nature.
Sent: 22:11:17 02-04-2008
"I only want to deal with divorce after my criminal case is over. Then, all the perimeters will be known. Pointless to do it now".
Sent: 22:14:24 02-04-2008
"Don’t worry, you can still divorce me in prison. No problem at all. I just want to know who you truly are before I decide to contest or not".
Sent: 09:18:31 03-04-2008
"I will only deal with divorce after the criminal case. You are just costing us both money because I have to contest it now".
Sent: 09:20:54 03-04-2008
"I highly suggest you withdraw it until after my criminal case".
The accused subsequently made his defence and counterclaim on 24th April, and soon pleaded guilty in May 2008.
As both sides could not reach an agreement concerning the terms of agreement, a hearing was to be arranged. In January 2009, the accused asked for divorce to proceed on an uncontested basis for both sides. The victim agreed only if he would pay her costs of $5,000. The accused was inclined to refuse, then offered $1,500, upped the ante with an "Offer to Settle" at $1,500. When the victim did not budge, he finally agreed to pay full costs of $5,000 in February 2009. As with previously, he knew a divorce hearing would be detrimental to his pending criminal appeal at the High Court. The $5,000 was certainly well spent, considering he could get a reduced sentence by using largely fictitious claims, unchallanged in court.
#2. On 27 March 2008 when the divorce was first supposed to be set down in court, the accused did not turn up. Guess who did? It was his sister, Swan-lynn! The sister-in-law who had once famously predicted that the accused's marriage would not last a year from August 2006. She had attended court for her OWN divorce. Technically, since the accused's divorce was set down in court at a later date, she got her divorce first.
Remember, the Bible says, "Keep your tongue from evil" - Psalm 34:13.
Spousal Abuse
Abuse is any behaviour that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion and manipulation etc.
A. Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is any behavior that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased. Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept.
Just one example of emotional abuse:
"On the day of the delivery of the first son, the accused and victim quarrelled over the issue of feeding the baby. Previously they had mutually agreed that the baby would be exclusively breast-fed. The baby had been examined by the assigned paediatrician and was found normal and healthy. However as the accused noticed some “shivering” in the baby later, they consulted another paediatrician. The second paediatrician examined the baby and concluded that the occasional “shivering” was not a concern at all. He also said that it was not a sign that the baby was hungry as newborn babies were equipped to go without milk for a couple of days until their mothers’ milk flow came in. Subsequently the victim left the baby with Russell, and returned to see the baby bottle-fed by a nurse with victim leaning over to watch. The victim felt very hurt for so many reasons: that she had missed the baby’s first feeding, that the baby was first introduced to the bottle rather than breast, that she did not have the opportunity to bond with my baby properly, that the accused would unilaterally request for bottle-feeding breaking the prior arrangment and that the accused would choose to ignore the advice of a paediatrician and sneak in a bottle behind her back. When the nurse left the room with the baby, the victim tried to express her displeasure. Instead of apologising, the accused tried to defend his actions by repeating that he was concerned as the baby was “shivering”. When the argument heated up, he started calling disparaging names e.g. “crazy b****” and "psychotic b****". The victim was very traumatized and broke down in tears. The accused offered no apologies and turned away indifferently. The victim left the maternity suite to wonder about in the ward’s hallway. A nurse saw her distress and kindly led her to an empty room and offered her a cup of Milo drink. The victim spent at least 30 minutes working out her emotions before returning to her room to see the accused sleeping in the companion’s couch. The accused’s cold shoulder persisted well into the next day. When the O&G specialist came in for examination, the accused continued to work at his computer and ignored both the doctor and the victim."
Postscript, while the accused was on bail, he sent over 850 SMSes to the victim. Among them, sent at 14:27:30 27-10-2007, "I'm sorry I made you cry after XXX was born. I still dont know what I did wrong, but your grief was real. I really didnt mean to upset you."
B. Verbal abuse
The abuser tends to verbally assault their victim by calling names, degrading, screaming, threatening, criticizing, berating and humiliating.
Just one example of verbal assault:
"On 17 August 2006, the Plaintiff returned to the matrimonial home to retrieve her young son, then 10 months old and breastfed by the Plaintiff. The Defendent shouted obscenities at the Plaintiff while holding the baby for at least half an hour. In fear of her young son's life, the Plaintiff left the matrimonial home...."
The accused smsed at 10:50:47 26-10-2007 to say "My mother says she’s sorry for not rebuking me when I was swearing at you. But despite me trying very hard, Swan Lynn refuses to apologize for calling you names. I’m sorry on her behalf."
C. Physical Assault
(One voice in the head, "Do I really have to write about it? Sigh....." Another says, "Well, just one more pretty please?")
Just one more example of physical assault:
"On 15 August 2006, the Plaintiff decided that she could no longer tolerate the Defendant's unreasonable behaviour and lack of emotional support. She approached a law firm to commence legal proceedings. The Plaintiff returned home to retrieve the marriage certificate to commence divorce proceedings against the Defendant. When the Defendant discovered the Plaintiff's intent, he became agitated and attacked the Plaintiff with kicks and punches. The Plaintiff was examined at the Changi Hospital".
Two more things before we end this post.
#1. The victim commenced divorce proceedings on 19th March 2008. At that point, the accused had NOT yet pleaded guilty to the criminal charge. He sent various smses, pleading with the victim not to commence divorce proceedings because he knew that the past marital history would show up his true violent, abusive nature.
Sent: 22:11:17 02-04-2008
"I only want to deal with divorce after my criminal case is over. Then, all the perimeters will be known. Pointless to do it now".
Sent: 22:14:24 02-04-2008
"Don’t worry, you can still divorce me in prison. No problem at all. I just want to know who you truly are before I decide to contest or not".
Sent: 09:18:31 03-04-2008
"I will only deal with divorce after the criminal case. You are just costing us both money because I have to contest it now".
Sent: 09:20:54 03-04-2008
"I highly suggest you withdraw it until after my criminal case".
The accused subsequently made his defence and counterclaim on 24th April, and soon pleaded guilty in May 2008.
As both sides could not reach an agreement concerning the terms of agreement, a hearing was to be arranged. In January 2009, the accused asked for divorce to proceed on an uncontested basis for both sides. The victim agreed only if he would pay her costs of $5,000. The accused was inclined to refuse, then offered $1,500, upped the ante with an "Offer to Settle" at $1,500. When the victim did not budge, he finally agreed to pay full costs of $5,000 in February 2009. As with previously, he knew a divorce hearing would be detrimental to his pending criminal appeal at the High Court. The $5,000 was certainly well spent, considering he could get a reduced sentence by using largely fictitious claims, unchallanged in court.
#2. On 27 March 2008 when the divorce was first supposed to be set down in court, the accused did not turn up. Guess who did? It was his sister, Swan-lynn! The sister-in-law who had once famously predicted that the accused's marriage would not last a year from August 2006. She had attended court for her OWN divorce. Technically, since the accused's divorce was set down in court at a later date, she got her divorce first.
Remember, the Bible says, "Keep your tongue from evil" - Psalm 34:13.
