More Singaporean women find love with men from China
by Lea Wee
Singaporean Airene Tan finds men from China somewhat self-centred and ambitious, which she attributes to the country's one child policy and highly competitive education system.
That, however, is not stopping the 30-year-old senior designer with a mobile advertising company from marrying one of them.
"I would say the competitive streak in him is healthy for our relationship as I prefer someone who has drive," she says of her husband-to-be, IT specialist Ding Zhuo from Beijing. "I also find him independent and intellectually mature."
Mr Ding, 31, who came to Singapore with his parents when he was 11, says Ms Tan changed his view of Singaporean women.
"I used to think that girls from China are more intellectual. After I got to know Airene, I realised that Singaporean women can be intellectual too."
The couple met through a mutual friend in 2002 but began dating seriously only three years later. Before they got together, Mr Ding dated a woman from China, while Ms Tan did not date anyone. The couple wanted to be financially stable before getting married and plan to register their marriage at the end of this year or early next year.
Theirs is a story that is increasingly common these days.
While Singaporean men with mainland Chinese brides are no longer news, more Singaporean women seem to be marking a new trend by pairing with men from China.
Statistics in the Report on Registration of Births and Deaths 2012 released by the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority last month show that a small but growing number of babies is being born to such couples. There were 306 such babies last year, comprising 0.7 per cent of all births, up from just 64, or 0.1 per cent, in 2000.
This was the most significant jump compared to the number of babies born to Singaporean women and men of other nationalities.
The number of Chinese nationals here is estimated to be a few hundred thousand, including those who have been granted permanent residency or citizenship.
Experts cite the emergence of Chinese middle-class professionals as one reason for the rising number of marriages between Singaporean women and mainland Chinese men.
Although there is no official data, Professor Gavin Jones, director of the J Y Pillay Comparative Asia Research Centre at the National University of Singapore (NUS), says there is a significant number of professionals from China who have gained permanent resident status or are working here on contract.
For example, the 2010 census found that 61.4 per cent, or 332,000, of all permanent residents here were ethnic Chinese, although it did not give a breakdown of how many of them were from China.
In April last year, a report by NUS academics Brenda Yeoh and Lin Weiqiang stated that "the majority of skilled contract workers - apart from Malaysians - are now from China and India".
The report was published in Migration Information Source, a project by independent think-tank Migration Policy Institute.
Prof Jones says: "With such large numbers of professionals from China, this would increase the pool of potential Chinese husbands for well-educated Singaporean women."
Singaporean women who marry foreign husbands tend to be well-educated, he notes, as single women aged 30 and older with tertiary qualification here outnumber single men in the same age group, so some may look elsewhere for a partner.
"These well-educated Singaporean women tend to marry well-educated professionals they meet at work or in social situations, or perhaps when they work or holiday abroad," he says.
Of the eight couples contacted by SundayLife!, all the Singaporean women hold either a diploma or a university degree and can speak Mandarin.
The men either attended a university in China or a Western country, or were educated in Singapore.
All but one can speak English. Some have lived here for so many years that they have assimilated well and can even speak Singlish.
But some couples admit that cultural stereotypes proved a stumbling block at first.
These include perceptions of Singaporean women as materialistic and Chinese men as uncivilised and chauvinistic.
For instance, Ms Tan says when people find out her boyfriend is from China, they would make sweeping statements such as, "Oh, he must be a male chauvinist" or "Is his family back in China poor?"
Such stereotypes usually crumble as a couple get to know each other better, but they can deter Singaporean women from befriending Chinese men.
Ms Natasha Koh, 38, a Singaporean sales executive and social sciences graduate, says she will not date a man from China unless they share common interests and he speaks "some English and is quite localised".
She has yet to meet such a man. "So far, most of the mainland Chinese men I have seen are blue-collar workers.
They seem quite loud and prefer to mix with their own people."
Mr Shi Cang Yuan, 27, a mechanical engineering graduate from Jinjiang city in Fujian province, admits that he tends to hang out more with women from mainland China.
"But it's not intentional," he says.
The people who take part in clan activities he is involved in tend to be from mainland China.
He came here four years ago to pursue further studies and says he would like to meet more Singaporeans.
"It's good to know more about the people of the country you are living in."
Mr Shi, who spent a year here doing a postgraduate diploma in systems analysis at NUS, now works as a software engineer.
"I find the women here quite friendly. They are also more sociable and worldly than women from mainland China," he says.
"But women from China tend to be more willing to work hard, maybe not so much because they are from China, but because they are migrants and feel they need to prove themselves."
If he were to date a Singaporean, he would prefer her to be Chinese with a decent command of Mandarin "so that our cultural and language differences wouldn't be so great".
For Singaporean account director Tee Yen Ching, 35, and her Shanghai-born businessman husband, 45, such differences are negligible.
They met when she went to work in China in 2004 and became friends.
Love blossomed in 2011 and they got married in May. The couple are currently based in Shanghai.
Although her husband does not speak much English, she says language is not an issue as she is fluent in Mandarin.
"I think it helps us argue less as I'm less quarrelsome when I have to argue in Mandarin. I am much more sarcastic in English," she quips.
His nationality has never been an issue for her. He just happens to be someone I get along with and want to spend my life with," she says.
Bonding over common interests
by Lea Wee
Twelve days after they met for the first time in October 2010, Dr Cai Yixiong asked Singaporean Joyce Loo to be his girlfriend.
Then, after about a month of dating her, he popped the question.
In January last year, the couple held their wedding ceremony at a hotel here.
Dr Cai, 49, who works as a zoologist at a government agency here that he declines to name, says of their whirlwind courtship: "I just felt very comfortable and relaxed with her."
These were feelings he had not experienced with a woman "in a long time", he adds.
Dr Cai, who was born in Shantou, married an accountant from Beijing in 1987, at age 22, when he was a researcher at the Chinese Academy of Fishery Sciences in Beijing. The couple divorced in 1995 and he won custody of their only child, a son who is now 24 and studying sociology at the Santa Monica College in Los Angeles.
In 1997, Dr Cai came to Singapore with his son on a scholarship from the National University of Singapore to pursue a doctorate in zoology. He became a Singapore permanent resident in 2004 and once dated a Singaporean for a few years.
For Ms Loo, 47, the speed at which their relationship progressed did not faze her.
She says: "I guess, at our age, we knew what kind of life partners we were looking for."
She dated three Singaporean men before Dr Cai, but found them to be "not very sincere" about the relationship.
Dr Cai believes it was fate that brought them together. They had signed up for the same 14-day photographic outing to the Daocheng Yading nature reserve in Sichuan in 2010. He was a photography enthusiast and she, an avid traveller, was game for what she saw as an adventurous trip.
She recalls: "Yixiong and I happened to sit next to each other on the plane and we started chatting."
Their conversation continued throughout the trip and they discovered that they shared many common interests and views about life. Says Ms Loo: "We both love nature, travelling and trekking. We also love Chinese historical novels."
They also admire each other for their passions in life.
Dr Cai spent 1997 to 2004 studying freshwater shrimps while pursuing his doctorate. He also loves photography and is now the president of the Nature Photographic Society (Singapore).
Ms Loo, who holds a diploma in business, used to earn $5,000 to $10,000 a month as a stockbroker. She quit her job five years ago to be a ceramic artist and now earns about a quarter of her previous salary.
The couple communicate in Mandarin, a language that Ms Loo, the sixth of seven children, is comfortable with, having grown up in a Mandarin-speaking family.
Dr Cai's nationality has never been a concern, she says. Although she did not know any male friends from China before meeting him, she finds it "silly to judge people by their nationality".
He, too, says he does not hold any stereotypical views of Singaporean women as he finds them "very diverse".
He has not faced any prejudice from Singaporeans, he adds.
"I had a very supportive supervisor during my PhD years who made sure I picked up English fast by making the other Singaporean students speak only English to me," he says. "If you are nice to people, they will also be nice to you."
The families on both sides have been supportive of their relationship and Ms Loo says she gets along with Dr Cai's son. She has also visited his widowed mother and three older siblings in Shantou.
Married life, they say, means less time for their own interests - ceramic art for her and photography for him.
Still, they have no regrets.
"No matter how happy I was as a single, there were lonely moments. It's still better to be able to share my life with someone else," says Ms Loo.
For Dr Cai, his second marriage has so far been more smooth-sailing than his first one. "Maybe it's because I am older and know better how to live with another person.
And it certainly helps that Joyce is a very easygoing person."
The couple have no plans to move to China. In fact, Dr Cai's son, who completed his national service here, has applied for Singapore citizenship.
Says Dr Cai: "We have fully adapted to life here, although I will still make it a point to take my son back to China to visit his grandmother and our relatives."
He stood by her when she was depressed
The past year has been particularly trying for Ms Valerie Loh.
In June last year, she was diagnosed with a kidney ailment called minimal change disease.
Although it is not life-threatening, the 27-year-old suffered from medication-induced psychosis and ended up depressed and withdrawn for about six months.
Through it all, her husband, Mr Shang Liang, stood quietly by her.
Ms Loh recalls: "I was so withdrawn that for some reason, I would not speak to him. I would speak only to my parents, so we had to move back to my parents' place."
Mr Shang continued to run his creative coding agency.
Once a month, the only child would travel to Shenyang to visit his father, who had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at around the same time. He died two months ago.
A grateful Ms Loh says: "He never uttered a word of complaint. He just soldiered on quietly. That just convinced me further that I had married the right man."
She emerged from her depression in December.
"After the experience, I appreciated him more and was less inclined to quarrel with him over small things."
Mr Shang, 32, came from Shenyang in 2000 to study biology at the National University of Singapore on a scholarship from the Ministry of Education.
Although he was one of the few Chinese nationals in his university hostel, he says he and his friends never faced any discrimination.
"My Singaporean friends called me 'Chinaman' but it was out of affection. I was also active in a few hall activities, so I was able to integrate quickly."
He met Ms Loh in October 2006 at an advertising company and they began dating two months later.
Ms Loh, who has a diploma in digital media design, had just joined the company's creative department as an interactive designer.
Mr Shang, who also holds a master's degree in bioinformatics from Nanyang Technological University, was a content engineer.
He had a number of joint projects with her department and so often went over.
She heard about him even before she met him. "All the art directors loved to work with him because they said he could speak very good English and was very good at his work."
They got to know each other better in November 2006, during two company events, when they talked into the wee hours of the morning.
Ms Loh, who had dated three Singaporean men, says: "I didn't have any particular views about men from China. All I knew was that, unlike my previous boyfriends, Shang Liang was not intimidated by my assertive character.
"I was also attracted to his confidence and sense of humour."
On his part, Mr Shang, who became a Singapore citizen in 2007, says he likes assertive women.
"I found Valerie unpretentious and fun to be with," he adds.
In general, he finds Singaporean women "less materialistic, more hardworking and more career-minded" than women from China. He had dated two women from China - one before he came to Singapore and another, match made by his mother, after he arrived.
In October 2008, on the rooftop of VivoCity, he passed Ms Loh a box containing a ring. She accepted his proposal and they registered their marriage in June the following year.
But there were some hiccups along the way, mostly caused by prejudice of Ms Loh's friends and family.
"Some of my friends and relatives would ask, 'Can he speak English?' They think everyone from China speaks bad English," says Ms Loh, who communicates with her husband mostly in English.
She recounts one particular incident, in which her relative's face fell after she told her she was dating a man from China.
"She said: 'Come on, Valerie, you can do better than that'."
But she never wavered. "Not for a second," she says. "I have faith that Shang Liang is a good man who will take care of me through thick and thin, and he has proven himself."
While her parents did not mind his nationality, they were naturally protective of their only daughter - Ms Loh has a younger brother - and were initially cool towards Mr Shang.
"He was the first boyfriend I brought home. When he first visited my place, they did not talk to him."
But before he left, he told her: "Don't worry, I will make your parents like me." And he did win them over eventually.
"He would initiate conversation with them and try to make them talk to him. He even developed a taste for drinking soups, which was something new to him, but a common practice for us Cantonese."
The couple, who live in a three-room HDB flat in Queenstown, want to try for a baby in a year or two.
Ms Loh, who is helping her husband in his company, explains: "My kidney condition is stable, but I am still on medication.
My doctor has advised me to wait for a while before having children."
The couple have no plans to move to China.
Says Mr Shang: "Even if I didn't get married, I would still prefer to live in Singapore because it is much cleaner and safer. It is also more conducive for creative work."
But he would make sure his children speak Mandarin well and have a good grasp of Chinese history and culture.
Won over by his diligence
by Lea Wee
When Mr Chen Ben Zhong came to Singapore from Quanzhou in Fujian province in 1994, marriage was the last thing on his mind. The 39-year-old recalls: "I was only 20. I wanted to see the world while I was still young."
Three years later, he met his future wife: Singaporean Isabelle Lim was working in the same electronics company here.
His mechanical engineering degree from Huaqiao University in Quanzhou was not recognised here, so he worked as a technician in the production department. Ms Lim, now 38, was an assistant in the engineering department.
Whenever there were problems with the production line, she had to make a trip to his department. This happened about three times a week.
Asked about her first impression of Mr Chen, she says he was "pretty ordinary, not much different from the other technicians".
But unlike his peers, who would do only what they were told, she noticed that Mr Chen would often take the initiative to find out more. "If there was something wrong with a piece of machinery, he would try to solve the problem. He was also very hardworking," she says.
The couple got to know each other better when they went out with other colleagues about once a week to eat, shop, bowl or watch movies.
She continued to join these outings after she left the company about five months later for a higher-paying job.
One day, in December 1997, Mr Chen took her out alone for a movie and asked if she would be his girlfriend.
It took him a while to pluck up his courage, he says. "I felt that Singaporean girls wouldn't be interested in men from China. I often read in the newspapers that they would go for men with the five Cs." The five Cs stand for cash, car, credit card, condominium and country club membership.
Ms Lim, who holds a diploma in electronics and, later, a degree in information systems from the Singapore Institute of Management, was earning "a bit more" than him at that time.
But after getting to know her better, he realised that she was not a materialistic person. "She doesn't need to have her meals at expensive restaurants or her clothes to be from expensive brands. I find her to be a simple and sincere person."
He also likes that he can communicate with her in Hokkien, as she grew up speaking Hokkien and Mandarin.
Her grandparents were from Fujian province.
Ms Lim recalls being pleasantly surprised when Mr Chen asked her to be his girlfriend. It was the first relationship for both parties.
She agreed as the attraction was mutual. "I did not mind that he was earning less than me or that his university degree was not recognised here," she says. "What was more important to me was that he was hardworking and willing to do something to improve his lot in life."
He went on to study English and earned a diploma in information technology by studying part-time. Now an associate engineer at an electronics company, he earns "slightly more" than Ms Lim, who is a technical specialist at another electronics company.
She also admires his devotion to his family in China.
"He would give a large part of his salary to them. He built a four-storey house for his parents so that they could stay on the top floor and earn a regular income by renting out the rest of the house," she says. "He also helped his younger brother rebuild his family house in China."
But while Mr Chen's parents had no objections to their relationship, Ms Lim's parents had some reservations initially. Mr Chen was then a non-resident and they were concerned that he would not stay long.
In 2004, after three failed attempts, Mr Chen's application for permanent resident status was finally approved.
Ms Lim, the second of three children, says: "I was so happy. If he did not get his PR by then, I was thinking I might have to go to China to get married and live there."
She was worried about leaving her parents behind and also wondered if she would be able to find work and adapt to life there.
The couple registered their marriage in 2005 and bought a five-room HDB flat in Jurong West. They threw two wedding banquets in 2008, in Quanzhou and Singapore.
They have a son aged 41/2 and a daughter who is turning two in October.
To ensure that his children stay rooted in the Chinese language and culture, he speaks Mandarin to them.
He also takes them to visit his parents in China at least once a year.
His two children are Singaporeans and Mr Chen, who is president of the Singapore Chin Kang Huay Kuan's youth group, hopes he can one day become one too.
"My wife and children are here. This is where home is," he says.
"They are Chinese after all. If they do not have a sense of their own history and culture, they would be laughed at by others."
by Lea Wee
Singaporean Airene Tan finds men from China somewhat self-centred and ambitious, which she attributes to the country's one child policy and highly competitive education system.
That, however, is not stopping the 30-year-old senior designer with a mobile advertising company from marrying one of them.
"I would say the competitive streak in him is healthy for our relationship as I prefer someone who has drive," she says of her husband-to-be, IT specialist Ding Zhuo from Beijing. "I also find him independent and intellectually mature."
Mr Ding, 31, who came to Singapore with his parents when he was 11, says Ms Tan changed his view of Singaporean women.
"I used to think that girls from China are more intellectual. After I got to know Airene, I realised that Singaporean women can be intellectual too."
The couple met through a mutual friend in 2002 but began dating seriously only three years later. Before they got together, Mr Ding dated a woman from China, while Ms Tan did not date anyone. The couple wanted to be financially stable before getting married and plan to register their marriage at the end of this year or early next year.
Theirs is a story that is increasingly common these days.
While Singaporean men with mainland Chinese brides are no longer news, more Singaporean women seem to be marking a new trend by pairing with men from China.
Statistics in the Report on Registration of Births and Deaths 2012 released by the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority last month show that a small but growing number of babies is being born to such couples. There were 306 such babies last year, comprising 0.7 per cent of all births, up from just 64, or 0.1 per cent, in 2000.
This was the most significant jump compared to the number of babies born to Singaporean women and men of other nationalities.
The number of Chinese nationals here is estimated to be a few hundred thousand, including those who have been granted permanent residency or citizenship.
Experts cite the emergence of Chinese middle-class professionals as one reason for the rising number of marriages between Singaporean women and mainland Chinese men.
Although there is no official data, Professor Gavin Jones, director of the J Y Pillay Comparative Asia Research Centre at the National University of Singapore (NUS), says there is a significant number of professionals from China who have gained permanent resident status or are working here on contract.
For example, the 2010 census found that 61.4 per cent, or 332,000, of all permanent residents here were ethnic Chinese, although it did not give a breakdown of how many of them were from China.
In April last year, a report by NUS academics Brenda Yeoh and Lin Weiqiang stated that "the majority of skilled contract workers - apart from Malaysians - are now from China and India".
The report was published in Migration Information Source, a project by independent think-tank Migration Policy Institute.
Prof Jones says: "With such large numbers of professionals from China, this would increase the pool of potential Chinese husbands for well-educated Singaporean women."
Singaporean women who marry foreign husbands tend to be well-educated, he notes, as single women aged 30 and older with tertiary qualification here outnumber single men in the same age group, so some may look elsewhere for a partner.
"These well-educated Singaporean women tend to marry well-educated professionals they meet at work or in social situations, or perhaps when they work or holiday abroad," he says.
Of the eight couples contacted by SundayLife!, all the Singaporean women hold either a diploma or a university degree and can speak Mandarin.
The men either attended a university in China or a Western country, or were educated in Singapore.
All but one can speak English. Some have lived here for so many years that they have assimilated well and can even speak Singlish.
But some couples admit that cultural stereotypes proved a stumbling block at first.
These include perceptions of Singaporean women as materialistic and Chinese men as uncivilised and chauvinistic.
For instance, Ms Tan says when people find out her boyfriend is from China, they would make sweeping statements such as, "Oh, he must be a male chauvinist" or "Is his family back in China poor?"
Such stereotypes usually crumble as a couple get to know each other better, but they can deter Singaporean women from befriending Chinese men.
Ms Natasha Koh, 38, a Singaporean sales executive and social sciences graduate, says she will not date a man from China unless they share common interests and he speaks "some English and is quite localised".
She has yet to meet such a man. "So far, most of the mainland Chinese men I have seen are blue-collar workers.
They seem quite loud and prefer to mix with their own people."
Mr Shi Cang Yuan, 27, a mechanical engineering graduate from Jinjiang city in Fujian province, admits that he tends to hang out more with women from mainland China.
"But it's not intentional," he says.
The people who take part in clan activities he is involved in tend to be from mainland China.
He came here four years ago to pursue further studies and says he would like to meet more Singaporeans.
"It's good to know more about the people of the country you are living in."
Mr Shi, who spent a year here doing a postgraduate diploma in systems analysis at NUS, now works as a software engineer.
"I find the women here quite friendly. They are also more sociable and worldly than women from mainland China," he says.
"But women from China tend to be more willing to work hard, maybe not so much because they are from China, but because they are migrants and feel they need to prove themselves."
If he were to date a Singaporean, he would prefer her to be Chinese with a decent command of Mandarin "so that our cultural and language differences wouldn't be so great".
For Singaporean account director Tee Yen Ching, 35, and her Shanghai-born businessman husband, 45, such differences are negligible.
They met when she went to work in China in 2004 and became friends.
Love blossomed in 2011 and they got married in May. The couple are currently based in Shanghai.
Although her husband does not speak much English, she says language is not an issue as she is fluent in Mandarin.
"I think it helps us argue less as I'm less quarrelsome when I have to argue in Mandarin. I am much more sarcastic in English," she quips.
His nationality has never been an issue for her. He just happens to be someone I get along with and want to spend my life with," she says.
Bonding over common interests
by Lea Wee
Twelve days after they met for the first time in October 2010, Dr Cai Yixiong asked Singaporean Joyce Loo to be his girlfriend.
Then, after about a month of dating her, he popped the question.
In January last year, the couple held their wedding ceremony at a hotel here.
Dr Cai, 49, who works as a zoologist at a government agency here that he declines to name, says of their whirlwind courtship: "I just felt very comfortable and relaxed with her."
These were feelings he had not experienced with a woman "in a long time", he adds.
Dr Cai, who was born in Shantou, married an accountant from Beijing in 1987, at age 22, when he was a researcher at the Chinese Academy of Fishery Sciences in Beijing. The couple divorced in 1995 and he won custody of their only child, a son who is now 24 and studying sociology at the Santa Monica College in Los Angeles.
In 1997, Dr Cai came to Singapore with his son on a scholarship from the National University of Singapore to pursue a doctorate in zoology. He became a Singapore permanent resident in 2004 and once dated a Singaporean for a few years.
For Ms Loo, 47, the speed at which their relationship progressed did not faze her.
She says: "I guess, at our age, we knew what kind of life partners we were looking for."
She dated three Singaporean men before Dr Cai, but found them to be "not very sincere" about the relationship.
Dr Cai believes it was fate that brought them together. They had signed up for the same 14-day photographic outing to the Daocheng Yading nature reserve in Sichuan in 2010. He was a photography enthusiast and she, an avid traveller, was game for what she saw as an adventurous trip.
She recalls: "Yixiong and I happened to sit next to each other on the plane and we started chatting."
Their conversation continued throughout the trip and they discovered that they shared many common interests and views about life. Says Ms Loo: "We both love nature, travelling and trekking. We also love Chinese historical novels."
They also admire each other for their passions in life.
Dr Cai spent 1997 to 2004 studying freshwater shrimps while pursuing his doctorate. He also loves photography and is now the president of the Nature Photographic Society (Singapore).
Ms Loo, who holds a diploma in business, used to earn $5,000 to $10,000 a month as a stockbroker. She quit her job five years ago to be a ceramic artist and now earns about a quarter of her previous salary.
The couple communicate in Mandarin, a language that Ms Loo, the sixth of seven children, is comfortable with, having grown up in a Mandarin-speaking family.
Dr Cai's nationality has never been a concern, she says. Although she did not know any male friends from China before meeting him, she finds it "silly to judge people by their nationality".
He, too, says he does not hold any stereotypical views of Singaporean women as he finds them "very diverse".
He has not faced any prejudice from Singaporeans, he adds.
"I had a very supportive supervisor during my PhD years who made sure I picked up English fast by making the other Singaporean students speak only English to me," he says. "If you are nice to people, they will also be nice to you."
The families on both sides have been supportive of their relationship and Ms Loo says she gets along with Dr Cai's son. She has also visited his widowed mother and three older siblings in Shantou.
Married life, they say, means less time for their own interests - ceramic art for her and photography for him.
Still, they have no regrets.
"No matter how happy I was as a single, there were lonely moments. It's still better to be able to share my life with someone else," says Ms Loo.
For Dr Cai, his second marriage has so far been more smooth-sailing than his first one. "Maybe it's because I am older and know better how to live with another person.
And it certainly helps that Joyce is a very easygoing person."
The couple have no plans to move to China. In fact, Dr Cai's son, who completed his national service here, has applied for Singapore citizenship.
Says Dr Cai: "We have fully adapted to life here, although I will still make it a point to take my son back to China to visit his grandmother and our relatives."
He stood by her when she was depressed
The past year has been particularly trying for Ms Valerie Loh.
In June last year, she was diagnosed with a kidney ailment called minimal change disease.
Although it is not life-threatening, the 27-year-old suffered from medication-induced psychosis and ended up depressed and withdrawn for about six months.
Through it all, her husband, Mr Shang Liang, stood quietly by her.
Ms Loh recalls: "I was so withdrawn that for some reason, I would not speak to him. I would speak only to my parents, so we had to move back to my parents' place."
Mr Shang continued to run his creative coding agency.
Once a month, the only child would travel to Shenyang to visit his father, who had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at around the same time. He died two months ago.
A grateful Ms Loh says: "He never uttered a word of complaint. He just soldiered on quietly. That just convinced me further that I had married the right man."
She emerged from her depression in December.
"After the experience, I appreciated him more and was less inclined to quarrel with him over small things."
Mr Shang, 32, came from Shenyang in 2000 to study biology at the National University of Singapore on a scholarship from the Ministry of Education.
Although he was one of the few Chinese nationals in his university hostel, he says he and his friends never faced any discrimination.
"My Singaporean friends called me 'Chinaman' but it was out of affection. I was also active in a few hall activities, so I was able to integrate quickly."
He met Ms Loh in October 2006 at an advertising company and they began dating two months later.
Ms Loh, who has a diploma in digital media design, had just joined the company's creative department as an interactive designer.
Mr Shang, who also holds a master's degree in bioinformatics from Nanyang Technological University, was a content engineer.
He had a number of joint projects with her department and so often went over.
She heard about him even before she met him. "All the art directors loved to work with him because they said he could speak very good English and was very good at his work."
They got to know each other better in November 2006, during two company events, when they talked into the wee hours of the morning.
Ms Loh, who had dated three Singaporean men, says: "I didn't have any particular views about men from China. All I knew was that, unlike my previous boyfriends, Shang Liang was not intimidated by my assertive character.
"I was also attracted to his confidence and sense of humour."
On his part, Mr Shang, who became a Singapore citizen in 2007, says he likes assertive women.
"I found Valerie unpretentious and fun to be with," he adds.
In general, he finds Singaporean women "less materialistic, more hardworking and more career-minded" than women from China. He had dated two women from China - one before he came to Singapore and another, match made by his mother, after he arrived.
In October 2008, on the rooftop of VivoCity, he passed Ms Loh a box containing a ring. She accepted his proposal and they registered their marriage in June the following year.
But there were some hiccups along the way, mostly caused by prejudice of Ms Loh's friends and family.
"Some of my friends and relatives would ask, 'Can he speak English?' They think everyone from China speaks bad English," says Ms Loh, who communicates with her husband mostly in English.
She recounts one particular incident, in which her relative's face fell after she told her she was dating a man from China.
"She said: 'Come on, Valerie, you can do better than that'."
But she never wavered. "Not for a second," she says. "I have faith that Shang Liang is a good man who will take care of me through thick and thin, and he has proven himself."
While her parents did not mind his nationality, they were naturally protective of their only daughter - Ms Loh has a younger brother - and were initially cool towards Mr Shang.
"He was the first boyfriend I brought home. When he first visited my place, they did not talk to him."
But before he left, he told her: "Don't worry, I will make your parents like me." And he did win them over eventually.
"He would initiate conversation with them and try to make them talk to him. He even developed a taste for drinking soups, which was something new to him, but a common practice for us Cantonese."
The couple, who live in a three-room HDB flat in Queenstown, want to try for a baby in a year or two.
Ms Loh, who is helping her husband in his company, explains: "My kidney condition is stable, but I am still on medication.
My doctor has advised me to wait for a while before having children."
The couple have no plans to move to China.
Says Mr Shang: "Even if I didn't get married, I would still prefer to live in Singapore because it is much cleaner and safer. It is also more conducive for creative work."
But he would make sure his children speak Mandarin well and have a good grasp of Chinese history and culture.
Won over by his diligence
by Lea Wee
When Mr Chen Ben Zhong came to Singapore from Quanzhou in Fujian province in 1994, marriage was the last thing on his mind. The 39-year-old recalls: "I was only 20. I wanted to see the world while I was still young."
Three years later, he met his future wife: Singaporean Isabelle Lim was working in the same electronics company here.
His mechanical engineering degree from Huaqiao University in Quanzhou was not recognised here, so he worked as a technician in the production department. Ms Lim, now 38, was an assistant in the engineering department.
Whenever there were problems with the production line, she had to make a trip to his department. This happened about three times a week.
Asked about her first impression of Mr Chen, she says he was "pretty ordinary, not much different from the other technicians".
But unlike his peers, who would do only what they were told, she noticed that Mr Chen would often take the initiative to find out more. "If there was something wrong with a piece of machinery, he would try to solve the problem. He was also very hardworking," she says.
The couple got to know each other better when they went out with other colleagues about once a week to eat, shop, bowl or watch movies.
She continued to join these outings after she left the company about five months later for a higher-paying job.
One day, in December 1997, Mr Chen took her out alone for a movie and asked if she would be his girlfriend.
It took him a while to pluck up his courage, he says. "I felt that Singaporean girls wouldn't be interested in men from China. I often read in the newspapers that they would go for men with the five Cs." The five Cs stand for cash, car, credit card, condominium and country club membership.
Ms Lim, who holds a diploma in electronics and, later, a degree in information systems from the Singapore Institute of Management, was earning "a bit more" than him at that time.
But after getting to know her better, he realised that she was not a materialistic person. "She doesn't need to have her meals at expensive restaurants or her clothes to be from expensive brands. I find her to be a simple and sincere person."
He also likes that he can communicate with her in Hokkien, as she grew up speaking Hokkien and Mandarin.
Her grandparents were from Fujian province.
Ms Lim recalls being pleasantly surprised when Mr Chen asked her to be his girlfriend. It was the first relationship for both parties.
She agreed as the attraction was mutual. "I did not mind that he was earning less than me or that his university degree was not recognised here," she says. "What was more important to me was that he was hardworking and willing to do something to improve his lot in life."
He went on to study English and earned a diploma in information technology by studying part-time. Now an associate engineer at an electronics company, he earns "slightly more" than Ms Lim, who is a technical specialist at another electronics company.
She also admires his devotion to his family in China.
"He would give a large part of his salary to them. He built a four-storey house for his parents so that they could stay on the top floor and earn a regular income by renting out the rest of the house," she says. "He also helped his younger brother rebuild his family house in China."
But while Mr Chen's parents had no objections to their relationship, Ms Lim's parents had some reservations initially. Mr Chen was then a non-resident and they were concerned that he would not stay long.
In 2004, after three failed attempts, Mr Chen's application for permanent resident status was finally approved.
Ms Lim, the second of three children, says: "I was so happy. If he did not get his PR by then, I was thinking I might have to go to China to get married and live there."
She was worried about leaving her parents behind and also wondered if she would be able to find work and adapt to life there.
The couple registered their marriage in 2005 and bought a five-room HDB flat in Jurong West. They threw two wedding banquets in 2008, in Quanzhou and Singapore.
They have a son aged 41/2 and a daughter who is turning two in October.
To ensure that his children stay rooted in the Chinese language and culture, he speaks Mandarin to them.
He also takes them to visit his parents in China at least once a year.
His two children are Singaporeans and Mr Chen, who is president of the Singapore Chin Kang Huay Kuan's youth group, hopes he can one day become one too.
"My wife and children are here. This is where home is," he says.
"They are Chinese after all. If they do not have a sense of their own history and culture, they would be laughed at by others."
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