Episode 20 - 19 Jan 09
Behind Istana Guardhouse - 11.30pm, 22C, very windy, sound of palm fronds rustling. Strong smel of Teh Gayong in the air and the unmistakable smell of Prince Philip Ave Nasi Lemak.
Old Man: Bro, heard you from miles away. Heard your singing near hole 5. Why so happy?
Pres: Haven't you heard?
Old Man: Heard what?
Pres: the Reserves...... they are going to touch the reserves
Old man: And...............???????
Pres: Finally I am needed. Don't you get it. Its the only fucking thing that the office of President has that is of value. I am sick and tired of cutting ribbons, shaking hands, looking at pictures on the wall, going to events that makes boredom look trifle easy. Jesus!!! Its a miracle boss, Its a miracle.
Old Man: Its no big deal bro, don't have your hopes high. Its just signature you know. Did you look at today's Business Times. Even our resident prostitutes in SPH who are paid to make us look good had the lack of women board directors as the headline on page 1 while the "touching of reserves" was mentioned in page 4.
Pres: Ah Hah!. You are making assumption. A terrible assumption.
Old Man: You mean the prostitutes in SPH. Bro, I made them. Which low life will write slanted work for money. In fact they are worst than prostitutes.
Pres: Aiyah, not the SPH. You don't have to convince me. Remember I used to be the Chairman and what a brothel it was. Even the guys were sluts, every one of them.
Old Man: Than what? What assumption?
Pres: You are assuming that I will sign.
Old Man: What the fuck bro!. Are you crazy?
Pres: This is my show, my time and no one will steal the thunder.
Old Man: What are you talking about?
Pres: Boss, you have no idea what a joke this presidency has become. People are laughing at me and the office. How can there be no suitable candidate for this office. Why are good people walking away from this office.
Old Man: Are you sure? We are just very strict with criteria.
Pres: Just go to Sammyboy. They are calling me prata man, lazy and god knows what. Even my wife thinks that the office is a joke. Do you know the number of times I got whacked on the head with the ladle by her over this office.
Old Man: This is not the time to grow a brain. Don't you know we built an escape clause after what Teng Cheong did to us.
Pres: Yes, but the public will know that I refused to sign.
Old Man: You are not thinking rationally. The funds are needed to tide the country and the people over. This is not the time to think of yourself. Singaporeans will not forgive you.
Pres: Pleeez, you are talking about Singaporeans. The moment someone turns against the govt, they suddenly become heros. Look at Teng Cheong, look at Tan Kin Lian. You are talking about a bunch of sheep. You can screw a Singaporean for 30 years but the moment you go against the "great man", you become a hero.
Old Man: Do the right thing for your country and you will be remembered.
Pres: Don't give me that righteous bullshit. Just because I am overweight, wear my belt high does not mean that I am tweedledee. I am smarter than you think.
Old Man: I am lost. Completely out at sea. What the fuck are you talking about?
Pres: I will sign only if certain conditions are met.
Old Man: Name it.
Pres: I want an independent Inquiry into Temasek's investment and whether it contributed to the hole in the budget. I want the curtains to the shenigans drawn out.
Old Man: Done.
Pres: Wait a minute. Not the Wong Kan Seng's version of independent inquiry over Mas Selamat where his subordinate sat in on the inquiry.
Old Man: Hang on a minute you just cast aspersions on my daughter in law and now my cousin's husband. This is getting personal.
Pres: Boss, whats with you anyway. Why can't your family get a job like everyone else. Every mother fucker in your family wants to put his nose in the trough. Your family is no different to the Indians in the tea estate where every family member has job in the estate.
Old Man: You are pushing your luck bro.
Pres: Look Boss, I have nothing to lose. I have got all the money in the world thanks to the salary hikes but I can't use it for fuckall. I can't go massage, I can't cheong, I can't surf pornsites and even in sammyboy, I can't reply to the bastards who call me names.
Old Man: What do you mean, you can't surf pornsites.
Pres: It will appear on the bank statement what!. They know I am the president and my staff will know.
Old Man: What a cock. You should have asked me. When you are travelling overseas, pop down to the convenience store and buy a couple of Visa prepard credit cards.
Pres: Wahpiow! Now you tell me.
Old Man: Why you think, I have not been joining you here for so many nights.
Pres: Ok, here is the deal, pass me some of the prepaid cards and you get your signature. Of course, there has to be bit of drama where I will make some queries on the proposal paper, some verification of accounts etc.
Old Man: Don't worry, I will make you look good in front of the people.
Pres: No, not for the people. Its for my wife. I can't handle the abuse with the ladle anymore. The people know exactly what the presidency is all about.
Old Man: Ok now that the affairs of the state has been dealth with, can we pop over to Botak Jones for supper.
Pres: You mean the one at Somerset / Orchard Turn junction.
Old Man: Yes. you spring for the cab ride.
Pres: Jesus!. You are fucking out of touch.
Old Man: What do you mean?
Pres: They just firebombed Seng Han Tong. If they spot you, they will BBQ you. Even SIA can't help you. 2 cabbies, both 70 and its no coincidence.
Old Man: Maybe we skip supper and hit the porn site. Just bought 32 inch LCD for it.
Pres: No lah, Botak Jones is worth going for. Lets skateboard over there. Might even pickup a PRC mei mei or 2. I heard our immigration will let in even old grandmas and if mature MILF is your thing.
Behind Istana Guardhouse - 11.30pm, 22C, very windy, sound of palm fronds rustling. Strong smel of Teh Gayong in the air and the unmistakable smell of Prince Philip Ave Nasi Lemak.
Old Man: Bro, heard you from miles away. Heard your singing near hole 5. Why so happy?
Pres: Haven't you heard?
Old Man: Heard what?
Pres: the Reserves...... they are going to touch the reserves
Old man: And...............???????
Pres: Finally I am needed. Don't you get it. Its the only fucking thing that the office of President has that is of value. I am sick and tired of cutting ribbons, shaking hands, looking at pictures on the wall, going to events that makes boredom look trifle easy. Jesus!!! Its a miracle boss, Its a miracle.
Old Man: Its no big deal bro, don't have your hopes high. Its just signature you know. Did you look at today's Business Times. Even our resident prostitutes in SPH who are paid to make us look good had the lack of women board directors as the headline on page 1 while the "touching of reserves" was mentioned in page 4.
Pres: Ah Hah!. You are making assumption. A terrible assumption.
Old Man: You mean the prostitutes in SPH. Bro, I made them. Which low life will write slanted work for money. In fact they are worst than prostitutes.
Pres: Aiyah, not the SPH. You don't have to convince me. Remember I used to be the Chairman and what a brothel it was. Even the guys were sluts, every one of them.
Old Man: Than what? What assumption?
Pres: You are assuming that I will sign.
Old Man: What the fuck bro!. Are you crazy?
Pres: This is my show, my time and no one will steal the thunder.
Old Man: What are you talking about?
Pres: Boss, you have no idea what a joke this presidency has become. People are laughing at me and the office. How can there be no suitable candidate for this office. Why are good people walking away from this office.
Old Man: Are you sure? We are just very strict with criteria.
Pres: Just go to Sammyboy. They are calling me prata man, lazy and god knows what. Even my wife thinks that the office is a joke. Do you know the number of times I got whacked on the head with the ladle by her over this office.
Old Man: This is not the time to grow a brain. Don't you know we built an escape clause after what Teng Cheong did to us.
Pres: Yes, but the public will know that I refused to sign.
Old Man: You are not thinking rationally. The funds are needed to tide the country and the people over. This is not the time to think of yourself. Singaporeans will not forgive you.
Pres: Pleeez, you are talking about Singaporeans. The moment someone turns against the govt, they suddenly become heros. Look at Teng Cheong, look at Tan Kin Lian. You are talking about a bunch of sheep. You can screw a Singaporean for 30 years but the moment you go against the "great man", you become a hero.
Old Man: Do the right thing for your country and you will be remembered.
Pres: Don't give me that righteous bullshit. Just because I am overweight, wear my belt high does not mean that I am tweedledee. I am smarter than you think.
Old Man: I am lost. Completely out at sea. What the fuck are you talking about?
Pres: I will sign only if certain conditions are met.
Old Man: Name it.
Pres: I want an independent Inquiry into Temasek's investment and whether it contributed to the hole in the budget. I want the curtains to the shenigans drawn out.
Old Man: Done.
Pres: Wait a minute. Not the Wong Kan Seng's version of independent inquiry over Mas Selamat where his subordinate sat in on the inquiry.
Old Man: Hang on a minute you just cast aspersions on my daughter in law and now my cousin's husband. This is getting personal.
Pres: Boss, whats with you anyway. Why can't your family get a job like everyone else. Every mother fucker in your family wants to put his nose in the trough. Your family is no different to the Indians in the tea estate where every family member has job in the estate.
Old Man: You are pushing your luck bro.
Pres: Look Boss, I have nothing to lose. I have got all the money in the world thanks to the salary hikes but I can't use it for fuckall. I can't go massage, I can't cheong, I can't surf pornsites and even in sammyboy, I can't reply to the bastards who call me names.
Old Man: What do you mean, you can't surf pornsites.
Pres: It will appear on the bank statement what!. They know I am the president and my staff will know.
Old Man: What a cock. You should have asked me. When you are travelling overseas, pop down to the convenience store and buy a couple of Visa prepard credit cards.
Pres: Wahpiow! Now you tell me.
Old Man: Why you think, I have not been joining you here for so many nights.
Pres: Ok, here is the deal, pass me some of the prepaid cards and you get your signature. Of course, there has to be bit of drama where I will make some queries on the proposal paper, some verification of accounts etc.
Old Man: Don't worry, I will make you look good in front of the people.
Pres: No, not for the people. Its for my wife. I can't handle the abuse with the ladle anymore. The people know exactly what the presidency is all about.
Old Man: Ok now that the affairs of the state has been dealth with, can we pop over to Botak Jones for supper.
Pres: You mean the one at Somerset / Orchard Turn junction.
Old Man: Yes. you spring for the cab ride.
Pres: Jesus!. You are fucking out of touch.
Old Man: What do you mean?
Pres: They just firebombed Seng Han Tong. If they spot you, they will BBQ you. Even SIA can't help you. 2 cabbies, both 70 and its no coincidence.
Old Man: Maybe we skip supper and hit the porn site. Just bought 32 inch LCD for it.
Pres: No lah, Botak Jones is worth going for. Lets skateboard over there. Might even pickup a PRC mei mei or 2. I heard our immigration will let in even old grandmas and if mature MILF is your thing.
