Unmasking the new me
By Zaihan Mohamed Yusof
The New Paper
Tuesday, Sep 20, 2011
She went from heroism to scorching horror, to pain, then to a depression that lasted seven years, before finally fleeing and finding peace in obscurity.
Madam Farzana Abdul Razak, the heroine of one of Singapore's worst airplane disasters, is today a happy mother of a three-year-old boy in Kuala Lumpur.
The scars from burns that covered over 40 per cent of her body are still there, but psychologically, she has recovered so remarkably that she can even joke about how they came about.
"They think I got burnt by oil while frying fish!" said the 29-year-old.
She would calmly tell them what happened.
"I know now there's nothing to hide and I am not afraid to talk about the past," she told The New Paper on Sunday.
And anyone who experienced her "past" would find it difficult to deal with.
It was Madam Farzana's fourth month working as an air stewardess with SIA when the flight she was on - the SQ006 - had a collision during take-off in Taipei.
She was only 18 then.
"There was a 'boom' and all of a sudden bags from the overhead compartments started to fly about and the oxygen masks were deployed," she recalled.
"People were screaming for help in different languages."
Briefly trapped in her seat near the tail-end of the Boeing 747, Madam Farzana tried to make her escape from the burning plane.
"I couldn't see where I was going because it was dark. I can still remember how intense the heat and smoke around me were."
The incident claimed 83 lives out of 179 people on board. The number would have been higher had Madam Farzana not pulled some passengers to safety.
But her selflessness came at a cost.
She spent 60 days recuperating in hospitals - first in Taiwan and later in Singapore. Her face and limbs were heavily bandaged.
"I was so heavily sedated that I didn't know I had bandages on my face," she said.
"When I started to feel the pain later, I pleaded with doctors to give me more morphine.
"I cried day and night because the pain was too much. But the doctors told me they couldn't increase the morphine dosage as it would pose a danger to me."
She went through extensive skin grafting operations in Singapore and overseas.
After months of anticipation, the bandages finally came off.
And she didn't like what she saw in the mirror.
"I couldn't recognise myself in the mirror when the bandages came off two weeks after the crash," she recalled.
"I was horrified.
"My head was bald and patchy, and there were superficial burns on my face. I just wanted to be alone."
She was further shattered when she was told her flying days with SIA were over. "I was only 18, and I didn't know how to deal with it.
"When I looked at the scars on my hands, I accepted the reality that I wouldn't be able to fly or wear the kebaya again. My scars were permanent."
Depression set in.
"There was a deep sense of loss. All I knew was work and then, suddenly, I wasn't able to work because of my injuries.
"Every day when I woke up, I didn't know what to do. I was emotional and couldn't control my temper.
"I wasn't the same person any more."
To this day, the sight of an airplane flying overhead or even an innocent question about her scars would trigger memories of the past.
It did not help that every October, well-wishers and journalists would call and ask how she was doing.
"In Singapore, I felt like a goldfish because people stared and asked me too many questions," she said.
"I was in bad shape mentally, and I was too depressed to make plans for the future."
Her move to Kuala Lumpur in 2006 put her on the road to mental recovery.
She said: "I had to move out because I needed to find myself.
"I didn't want my past to dictate who I would become."
In Kuala Lumpur, she found it easier to blend in.
And she found love.
Today, Madam Farzana is a housewife, raising a family with her remisier husband, Mr Don Yazid, 46.
She says the turning point came when she was pregnant with her son Syafiq.
She also has a step-daughter, 15, from her husband's previous marriage.
"I felt this strange need to change," she said.
"I was worried that my depression would eat into my life and I couldn't allow that, not with my family on the line, and my son on the way.
"I now take each day as it comes because life is so beautiful when you meet new people and listen to birds chirping away outside your window."
[email protected]
This article was first published in The New Paper.
By Zaihan Mohamed Yusof
The New Paper
Tuesday, Sep 20, 2011
She went from heroism to scorching horror, to pain, then to a depression that lasted seven years, before finally fleeing and finding peace in obscurity.
Madam Farzana Abdul Razak, the heroine of one of Singapore's worst airplane disasters, is today a happy mother of a three-year-old boy in Kuala Lumpur.
The scars from burns that covered over 40 per cent of her body are still there, but psychologically, she has recovered so remarkably that she can even joke about how they came about.
"They think I got burnt by oil while frying fish!" said the 29-year-old.
She would calmly tell them what happened.
"I know now there's nothing to hide and I am not afraid to talk about the past," she told The New Paper on Sunday.
And anyone who experienced her "past" would find it difficult to deal with.
It was Madam Farzana's fourth month working as an air stewardess with SIA when the flight she was on - the SQ006 - had a collision during take-off in Taipei.
She was only 18 then.
"There was a 'boom' and all of a sudden bags from the overhead compartments started to fly about and the oxygen masks were deployed," she recalled.
"People were screaming for help in different languages."
Briefly trapped in her seat near the tail-end of the Boeing 747, Madam Farzana tried to make her escape from the burning plane.
"I couldn't see where I was going because it was dark. I can still remember how intense the heat and smoke around me were."
The incident claimed 83 lives out of 179 people on board. The number would have been higher had Madam Farzana not pulled some passengers to safety.
But her selflessness came at a cost.
She spent 60 days recuperating in hospitals - first in Taiwan and later in Singapore. Her face and limbs were heavily bandaged.
"I was so heavily sedated that I didn't know I had bandages on my face," she said.
"When I started to feel the pain later, I pleaded with doctors to give me more morphine.
"I cried day and night because the pain was too much. But the doctors told me they couldn't increase the morphine dosage as it would pose a danger to me."
She went through extensive skin grafting operations in Singapore and overseas.
After months of anticipation, the bandages finally came off.
And she didn't like what she saw in the mirror.
"I couldn't recognise myself in the mirror when the bandages came off two weeks after the crash," she recalled.
"I was horrified.
"My head was bald and patchy, and there were superficial burns on my face. I just wanted to be alone."
She was further shattered when she was told her flying days with SIA were over. "I was only 18, and I didn't know how to deal with it.
"When I looked at the scars on my hands, I accepted the reality that I wouldn't be able to fly or wear the kebaya again. My scars were permanent."
Depression set in.
"There was a deep sense of loss. All I knew was work and then, suddenly, I wasn't able to work because of my injuries.
"Every day when I woke up, I didn't know what to do. I was emotional and couldn't control my temper.
"I wasn't the same person any more."
To this day, the sight of an airplane flying overhead or even an innocent question about her scars would trigger memories of the past.
It did not help that every October, well-wishers and journalists would call and ask how she was doing.
"In Singapore, I felt like a goldfish because people stared and asked me too many questions," she said.
"I was in bad shape mentally, and I was too depressed to make plans for the future."
Her move to Kuala Lumpur in 2006 put her on the road to mental recovery.
She said: "I had to move out because I needed to find myself.
"I didn't want my past to dictate who I would become."
In Kuala Lumpur, she found it easier to blend in.
And she found love.
Today, Madam Farzana is a housewife, raising a family with her remisier husband, Mr Don Yazid, 46.
She says the turning point came when she was pregnant with her son Syafiq.
She also has a step-daughter, 15, from her husband's previous marriage.
"I felt this strange need to change," she said.
"I was worried that my depression would eat into my life and I couldn't allow that, not with my family on the line, and my son on the way.
"I now take each day as it comes because life is so beautiful when you meet new people and listen to birds chirping away outside your window."
[email protected]
This article was first published in The New Paper.
