The downside of matchmaking
He gives me the example of a guy in his early twenties who came to Mark for help just a few weeks ago. Nas questioned the boy’s true intentions when he showed up at the office because he was “good-looking” and an “artist.”The boy’s reasoning was simple. He was so set on getting married and having children that he believed a matchmaker would be more efficient than waiting to meet someone in person or on a dating app, where the process can take months, if not years.
To some, this is unthinkable. Pop culture has taught us that dating should be a complicated, slow process in which two strangers gradually unpeel the layers of each other’s psyches. But for many, this is too bothersome.
Turning to a matchmaker may be a more straightforward solution, especially when dating becomes a harrowing ordeal. But there is an undeniable compromise that comes with it. To find a life partner in a tight timeframe, one must trade off the opportunity to meet someone they can get to know slowly, and with whom they can build a deeper connection with first.
Still, not really knowing who you are walking down the aisle with has its risks, especially for the brides, who presumably want to avoid finding someone simply after sex.
In 2012, a 52-year-old Singaporean delivery driver married a 23-year-old Vietnamese woman he met at Mark’s agency. After living with her for a week and sleeping with her, he sent her back to Vietnam and asked the agency for a refund. The reason given by him was that she was too ugly.
Mark tries to deter this from happening again by talking to each of his customers and filtering out those who are not serious about marriage. Nas also says that clients “come here with one intention—to find a wife and get married.”
Marcus tells me that some agents in Vietnam tell men which girls are virgins. When I ask him why this information is disclosed, he tells me that some men have a “criteria.”
Quitting the program
After a few days in Ho Chi Minh, Marcus realised that matchmaking would not work for him.“But would I recommend the service to someone else? 100%,” he says confidently.
“Many of the guys on the trip told me that their families were pressuring them to get a wife and have kids. I think it was a very efficient way to go about it in their case. But if you are like me and want to get to know the person for a long time first, this is probably not for you.”
Marcus went on to tell me about his last relationship, which ended just a few months ago. He had hoped she would be the one he would marry and have children with, so when it didn’t work out, he felt rushed to find someone else before he turned 40.
In hindsight, he realises that he was so stressed about his personal milestones that he didn’t give himself time to heal after the previous relationship. This would explain why he turned to a matchmaker. On top of being extremely friendly, Marcus is well-groomed and has a high-paying job in a global MNC.
The week in Ho Chi Minh was a huge wake-up call for him. For the first time in years, he was forced to stop, breathe, and think about what he wanted from his life.
“I came back from my week in Ho Chi Minh a changed person,” he shares. “Putting myself in a completely different situation was an opportunity to rediscover myself. I realised I don’t need to rush to settle down and that everyone needs to live at their own pace.”
“It’s so weird to say it, but what was supposed to be a weeklong adventure to find a wife turned into a realisation that I can be happy alone.”
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