http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,199623,00.html?
He knew no one would rescue me
Serial bully drives girlfriend to cemeteries late at night to bash her in car
By Chong Shin Yen
April 22, 2009
TERRORISED: Janet said her ex-boyfriend bashed her up in the car. TNP PICTURE: CHOO CHWEE HUA
THEIR dates would start out fine. But whenever they started quarrelling, he would drive to a cemetery.
There, in that deserted eerie place, in the dead of night, he would beat her for hours. Sometimes he would also make her have sex with him.
With no one around to help her, Janet's resolve would fade and she would give in to his demands.
Janet, 42, told The New Paper: 'He knew that cemeteries would be deserted at that time. So no matter how loud I screamed and yelled, there would be no one to come to my rescue.
'He also knew that I was terrified of the dark and he wanted to instill fear in me so that I would succumb to him.'
The abuse went on for more than three years, until last month.
On 25 Mar, Janet's boyfriend, Ben, 38, was jailed 15months for voluntarily causing hurt and outrage of modesty.
We are not using the couple's real names as there is a court order against publishing any information that would reveal Janet's identity.
She has since broken off with Ben. They had been together since 2004.
She said he started showing his abusive nature less than a year into the relationship.
'I knew I had to leave him, but every time I suggested a break-up, he would beat me,' she said. 'It was hell being with him. I lived in constant fear.'
Ben beat her once every few months, but as time went by, the abuse escalated to at least once a month.
Whenever Ben got upset with Janet, he would attack her. Minor things would trigger his temper, such as the time when he saw a friend taking her home.
Janet said he always struck at night, after 10.30pm.
'It was pitch dark and so quiet that I could hear the sounds the insects made,' she said.
Promises were to pacify him
Ben would rain punches on her, slap her and slam her head against the steering wheel.
'He also verbally abused me, telling me to prostitute myself,' she added.
'He said that I earned more than him, so I should be supporting him.'
Janet earns more than $10,000 a month as a manager, while Ben earned about $2,400 a month at a shipping firm.
The various cemeteries at Choa Chu Kang, Sime Road and Kheam Hock Road (both off Lornie Road) are all too familiar to her.
Add to the list Mandai Crematorium and the columbarium at Mount Vernon.
She said: 'I've probably been to all the cemeteries in Singapore.'
Janet said that whenever Ben hurt her physically and verbally, she would bow to his will and make promises to him out of fear.
The promises included not leaving him and not making police reports about his abuse.
'But they (the promises) didn't mean anything to me. I just wanted to pacify him and get out of the situation safely. I wanted to go home in one piece,' said Janet.
She made several police reports, but each time, she ended up returning to Ben out of fear.
The couple got to know each other through mutual friends in 1992. They lost touch with each other until she bumped into him six years later.
By then, Janet was divorced. She said Ben, who was then single, tried to date her but she was not interested.
She did not keep in touch with him until they chanced upon each other again at a shopping mall in 2004.
Ben had got married and divorced by that time, and they started going out.
'I thought that I'd found a companion in him as we both shared the same interests,' said Janet.
'We liked to go to the gym, watch movies and go for drinking sessions during the weekends.'
Ben told Janet that his ex-wife left him for another man. He also admitted that he had hit his ex-wife once.
Less than six months into the relationship, the couple began fighting over money issues.
Janet said Ben liked to gamble and would go on cruises to try his luck.
'He also bought a car knowing that he couldn't afford the instalments,' she said.
'He wanted me to help him pay for the instalments and petrol. If I refused, he would beat me.'
Janet said that, initially, Ben would apologise profusely after each assault.
'I was soft-hearted and stupidly forgave him each time,' she said.
'Then, the abuse got worse and they also became more frequent. I knew I had to leave him.'
But whenever she brought up the topic, he would end up hammering her.
Janet recalled how she was always worried about whether she could get home safely whenever she got into Ben's car.
She said: 'I had thought of ending my life many times, but he told me, 'Even if you die, I will come after you'.
'There seemed to be no escape.'
When Janet tried to avoid Ben, he would stalk her and wait for her at her void deck.
'There would be up to 200 missed calls from him on my handphone on some days. And that's not counting the calls he made to my office,' Janet added.
'On top of that, there would be at least 50 SMSes from him a day, most of which were derogatory.'
One of his worst attacks occurred on 21 Aug last year when Ben ripped off her underwear. Janet made a police report, and he was arrested and charged with outrage of modest and voluntarily causing hurt.
Ben was granted bail on condition that he was not to approach or speak to Janet. But once he was out, he went looking for her again.
'He continued harassing me. I was so terrified that I did not dare switch the lights on when I was home at night.
'I lived in total darkness for two weeks, just to avoid letting him know that I'm home.
'I used to be afraid of the dark but, thanks to him, I've overcome my fear.'
On 25 Mar, Ben pleaded guilty to four charges of voluntarily causing hurt and outrage of modesty.
Three similar charges were taken into consideration during sentencing.
Said Janet: 'I was so relieved and happy to hear that he was jailed. At least I've got my freedom back, even though it may be temporary.'
Janet said she is worried and scared that Ben will look for her after his release.
To avoid him, she has moved out of her flat and changed her phone numbers and e-mail address. But she acknowledged that he could still find her at her workplace.
'I would do anything to avoid him. I hope he will never look for me again,' she said. 'I had long wanted to end the relationship. But he was a man who cannot take 'no' for an answer.'
For outrage of modesty, Ben could have been jailed two years and caned.
For voluntarily causing hurt, he could have been jailed two years and fined $5,000.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CALL FOR HELP
Centre for Promoting Alternatives to Violence (PAVe): 65550390
Family Service Centre Helpline: 1800-8380100
Safe@Trans: 64499088
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT BEN WAS CHARGED FOR
1. 20 Oct 2007
Punched Janet on her head, neck and back at Changi Jetty.
2. 6 Feb 2008
Punched Janet on her face, grabbed her hair and knocked her head against the steering wheel. She fractured her nasal bone.
3. 10 Jul 2008
Punched Janet on her face, elbowed her back, slammed her head against the steering wheel. The beatings were so bad that blood spurted out of her left ear.
4. 21 Aug 2008
Slapped Janet on the mouth, pulled her hair, slammed her head on the car seat repeatedly. Tried to tear off her dress and bra. When he failed, he lifted her dress and pulled down her panties, causing them to tear.
5. 1 Mar 2009 (while out on bail)
Threw handphone at Janet, hitting her on the collarbone. Punched her on the upper body and arms.
He knew no one would rescue me
Serial bully drives girlfriend to cemeteries late at night to bash her in car
By Chong Shin Yen
April 22, 2009
TERRORISED: Janet said her ex-boyfriend bashed her up in the car. TNP PICTURE: CHOO CHWEE HUA
THEIR dates would start out fine. But whenever they started quarrelling, he would drive to a cemetery.
There, in that deserted eerie place, in the dead of night, he would beat her for hours. Sometimes he would also make her have sex with him.
With no one around to help her, Janet's resolve would fade and she would give in to his demands.
Janet, 42, told The New Paper: 'He knew that cemeteries would be deserted at that time. So no matter how loud I screamed and yelled, there would be no one to come to my rescue.
'He also knew that I was terrified of the dark and he wanted to instill fear in me so that I would succumb to him.'
The abuse went on for more than three years, until last month.
On 25 Mar, Janet's boyfriend, Ben, 38, was jailed 15months for voluntarily causing hurt and outrage of modesty.
We are not using the couple's real names as there is a court order against publishing any information that would reveal Janet's identity.
She has since broken off with Ben. They had been together since 2004.
She said he started showing his abusive nature less than a year into the relationship.
'I knew I had to leave him, but every time I suggested a break-up, he would beat me,' she said. 'It was hell being with him. I lived in constant fear.'
Ben beat her once every few months, but as time went by, the abuse escalated to at least once a month.
Whenever Ben got upset with Janet, he would attack her. Minor things would trigger his temper, such as the time when he saw a friend taking her home.
Janet said he always struck at night, after 10.30pm.
'It was pitch dark and so quiet that I could hear the sounds the insects made,' she said.
Promises were to pacify him
Ben would rain punches on her, slap her and slam her head against the steering wheel.
'He also verbally abused me, telling me to prostitute myself,' she added.
'He said that I earned more than him, so I should be supporting him.'
Janet earns more than $10,000 a month as a manager, while Ben earned about $2,400 a month at a shipping firm.
The various cemeteries at Choa Chu Kang, Sime Road and Kheam Hock Road (both off Lornie Road) are all too familiar to her.
Add to the list Mandai Crematorium and the columbarium at Mount Vernon.
She said: 'I've probably been to all the cemeteries in Singapore.'
Janet said that whenever Ben hurt her physically and verbally, she would bow to his will and make promises to him out of fear.
The promises included not leaving him and not making police reports about his abuse.
'But they (the promises) didn't mean anything to me. I just wanted to pacify him and get out of the situation safely. I wanted to go home in one piece,' said Janet.
She made several police reports, but each time, she ended up returning to Ben out of fear.
The couple got to know each other through mutual friends in 1992. They lost touch with each other until she bumped into him six years later.
By then, Janet was divorced. She said Ben, who was then single, tried to date her but she was not interested.
She did not keep in touch with him until they chanced upon each other again at a shopping mall in 2004.
Ben had got married and divorced by that time, and they started going out.
'I thought that I'd found a companion in him as we both shared the same interests,' said Janet.
'We liked to go to the gym, watch movies and go for drinking sessions during the weekends.'
Ben told Janet that his ex-wife left him for another man. He also admitted that he had hit his ex-wife once.
Less than six months into the relationship, the couple began fighting over money issues.
Janet said Ben liked to gamble and would go on cruises to try his luck.
'He also bought a car knowing that he couldn't afford the instalments,' she said.
'He wanted me to help him pay for the instalments and petrol. If I refused, he would beat me.'
Janet said that, initially, Ben would apologise profusely after each assault.
'I was soft-hearted and stupidly forgave him each time,' she said.
'Then, the abuse got worse and they also became more frequent. I knew I had to leave him.'
But whenever she brought up the topic, he would end up hammering her.
Janet recalled how she was always worried about whether she could get home safely whenever she got into Ben's car.
She said: 'I had thought of ending my life many times, but he told me, 'Even if you die, I will come after you'.
'There seemed to be no escape.'
When Janet tried to avoid Ben, he would stalk her and wait for her at her void deck.
'There would be up to 200 missed calls from him on my handphone on some days. And that's not counting the calls he made to my office,' Janet added.
'On top of that, there would be at least 50 SMSes from him a day, most of which were derogatory.'
One of his worst attacks occurred on 21 Aug last year when Ben ripped off her underwear. Janet made a police report, and he was arrested and charged with outrage of modest and voluntarily causing hurt.
Ben was granted bail on condition that he was not to approach or speak to Janet. But once he was out, he went looking for her again.
'He continued harassing me. I was so terrified that I did not dare switch the lights on when I was home at night.
'I lived in total darkness for two weeks, just to avoid letting him know that I'm home.
'I used to be afraid of the dark but, thanks to him, I've overcome my fear.'
On 25 Mar, Ben pleaded guilty to four charges of voluntarily causing hurt and outrage of modesty.
Three similar charges were taken into consideration during sentencing.
Said Janet: 'I was so relieved and happy to hear that he was jailed. At least I've got my freedom back, even though it may be temporary.'
Janet said she is worried and scared that Ben will look for her after his release.
To avoid him, she has moved out of her flat and changed her phone numbers and e-mail address. But she acknowledged that he could still find her at her workplace.
'I would do anything to avoid him. I hope he will never look for me again,' she said. 'I had long wanted to end the relationship. But he was a man who cannot take 'no' for an answer.'
For outrage of modesty, Ben could have been jailed two years and caned.
For voluntarily causing hurt, he could have been jailed two years and fined $5,000.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CALL FOR HELP
Centre for Promoting Alternatives to Violence (PAVe): 65550390
Family Service Centre Helpline: 1800-8380100
Safe@Trans: 64499088
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT BEN WAS CHARGED FOR
1. 20 Oct 2007
Punched Janet on her head, neck and back at Changi Jetty.
2. 6 Feb 2008
Punched Janet on her face, grabbed her hair and knocked her head against the steering wheel. She fractured her nasal bone.
3. 10 Jul 2008
Punched Janet on her face, elbowed her back, slammed her head against the steering wheel. The beatings were so bad that blood spurted out of her left ear.
4. 21 Aug 2008
Slapped Janet on the mouth, pulled her hair, slammed her head on the car seat repeatedly. Tried to tear off her dress and bra. When he failed, he lifted her dress and pulled down her panties, causing them to tear.
5. 1 Mar 2009 (while out on bail)
Threw handphone at Janet, hitting her on the collarbone. Punched her on the upper body and arms.
u mean she really so scare of his threats?? come on lah.. dump that guy.. dun behave like teenagers or what..
