Recession Jokes!
The Difference between Communism & Capitalism:
In communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to
bankruptcy. In capitalism we push the banks to bankruptcy and then
nationalise them.
Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a
small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
A concerned customer asked his stock broker if the recent market
decline and volatility worried him.
The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby.
“Really?!?” replied the customer.
“Absolutely,” said the broker,
“I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour..”
Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and thirty thieves.
Ten were laid off!
Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired
Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice
the hours at the same rate!!
Iron man is now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs?!!
A director decided to award a prize of Rs.1000 for the best idea for
saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young
executive who
suggested reducing the prize money to Rs. 100.
Women finally marrying for love! And not money!
The only "deposits" being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds
flying over them.
Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window
in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks..............nothing.
Q What’s the difference between a bond and a bond trader?
A. A bond matures.
Q. Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria?
A. It is called the Warren Buffet.
Q. Did you hear Goldman Sachs and Citi are going to merge?
A. Yes, the new name is "Sachs and the Citi"
Q: What is the Capital of Iceland?
A: About 70 cents.
Update on the Japanese Banking Crisis:
According to our inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no
signs of
ameliorating. If anything, it is getting worse.
Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are
hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back
some of its
branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song. Meanwhile,
shares in
Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 employees at Karate Bank got
chopped. Analysts
report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and some staff
there fear
they may get a raw deal.
Recession Bumper Sticker:
The recession is worse than a divorce. You lose half your fortune and
still have your wife.
A priest, a rabbi, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a
shipwreck. Sharks were soon circling around. The sharks eat the
priest. The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the
sharks eat him as well. The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as
a shark is
coming for him. But, instead, the shark puts him on its back, carries him
to shore, and
lets him off. The mortgage broker asks, “How come you didn’t eat me too?”
And the shark replied, “Professional Courtesy!”
The Difference between Communism & Capitalism:
In communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to
bankruptcy. In capitalism we push the banks to bankruptcy and then
nationalise them.
Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a
small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
A concerned customer asked his stock broker if the recent market
decline and volatility worried him.
The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby.
“Really?!?” replied the customer.
“Absolutely,” said the broker,
“I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour..”
Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and thirty thieves.
Ten were laid off!
Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired
Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice
the hours at the same rate!!
Iron man is now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs?!!
A director decided to award a prize of Rs.1000 for the best idea for
saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young
executive who
suggested reducing the prize money to Rs. 100.
Women finally marrying for love! And not money!
The only "deposits" being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds
flying over them.
Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window
in the morning?
A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean?
A: In a few weeks..............nothing.
Q What’s the difference between a bond and a bond trader?
A. A bond matures.
Q. Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria?
A. It is called the Warren Buffet.
Q. Did you hear Goldman Sachs and Citi are going to merge?
A. Yes, the new name is "Sachs and the Citi"
Q: What is the Capital of Iceland?
A: About 70 cents.
Update on the Japanese Banking Crisis:
According to our inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no
signs of
ameliorating. If anything, it is getting worse.
Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are
hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back
some of its
branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song. Meanwhile,
shares in
Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 employees at Karate Bank got
chopped. Analysts
report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and some staff
there fear
they may get a raw deal.
Recession Bumper Sticker:
The recession is worse than a divorce. You lose half your fortune and
still have your wife.
A priest, a rabbi, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a
shipwreck. Sharks were soon circling around. The sharks eat the
priest. The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the
sharks eat him as well. The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as
a shark is
coming for him. But, instead, the shark puts him on its back, carries him
to shore, and
lets him off. The mortgage broker asks, “How come you didn’t eat me too?”
And the shark replied, “Professional Courtesy!”
