Women's Charter unfair to fathers?
I am in the midst of an ugly divorce initiated by my wife. I feel disadvantaged by the provisions of the Women's Charter. It assumes that the mother is the best person to look after the children. As such, I have lost out on caring for them because their mother looks after them most of the time.
I believe it is time for a charter that is neutral and takes into consideration the welfare of children so that they are not victims of divorce.
Can you tell me how children of divorced couples can grow up to be well-adjusted adults with good relationships with both parents?
Desmond Sim
I appreciate your sentiments regarding the possibility of the Women's Charter being skewed in favour of the woman.
It is not unusual for people and, the court in particular, to believe the mother is the better person to take care of the children.
Thankfully, in recent times, more fathers do end up being accorded custody of their children if there is sufficient evidence that they can provide appropriate parenting.
I also agree that children's welfare should be the most important consideration in a divorce. This is the reason for the court to favour joint custody although care and control may usually be given to only one parent.
When I work with divorcing couples, I usually seek to facilitate understanding of the children's needs and well-being. This includes children being told they are not responsible for the divorce.
Divorce does not lead to a broken family but a broken marriage. Children will still have a father and mother, although they do not live together anymore.
The couple still need to seek harmony as parents although they are no longer husband and wife.
In a dispute regarding child care, the couple should seek mediation instead of legal action. They can also agree to have their children undergo counselling.
There is no way of ensuring children will grow up to be well-adjusted adults. What can be done is for couples to hopefully resolve difficulties arising from the divorce and to heal from the pain by going through divorce counselling.
This can help them adjust to their new status and find ways to differentiate their struggles from being parents to the children.
Couples who adjust better to divorce and agree to work for the well-being of their children tend to engage in co-parenting even if care and control is given to one parent.
Children can then learn to view themselves as normal people from a family that is different from others.
The difference is that they now have parents who do not live together and may end up in the unique situation of having two homes to go to.
As more marriages end in divorce, it is certainly helpful for couples to work towards a harmonious solution for caring for their children.
This article was first published in The Sunday Times on Oct 5, 2008.
I am in the midst of an ugly divorce initiated by my wife. I feel disadvantaged by the provisions of the Women's Charter. It assumes that the mother is the best person to look after the children. As such, I have lost out on caring for them because their mother looks after them most of the time.
I believe it is time for a charter that is neutral and takes into consideration the welfare of children so that they are not victims of divorce.
Can you tell me how children of divorced couples can grow up to be well-adjusted adults with good relationships with both parents?
Desmond Sim
I appreciate your sentiments regarding the possibility of the Women's Charter being skewed in favour of the woman.
It is not unusual for people and, the court in particular, to believe the mother is the better person to take care of the children.
Thankfully, in recent times, more fathers do end up being accorded custody of their children if there is sufficient evidence that they can provide appropriate parenting.
I also agree that children's welfare should be the most important consideration in a divorce. This is the reason for the court to favour joint custody although care and control may usually be given to only one parent.
When I work with divorcing couples, I usually seek to facilitate understanding of the children's needs and well-being. This includes children being told they are not responsible for the divorce.
Divorce does not lead to a broken family but a broken marriage. Children will still have a father and mother, although they do not live together anymore.
The couple still need to seek harmony as parents although they are no longer husband and wife.
In a dispute regarding child care, the couple should seek mediation instead of legal action. They can also agree to have their children undergo counselling.
There is no way of ensuring children will grow up to be well-adjusted adults. What can be done is for couples to hopefully resolve difficulties arising from the divorce and to heal from the pain by going through divorce counselling.
This can help them adjust to their new status and find ways to differentiate their struggles from being parents to the children.
Couples who adjust better to divorce and agree to work for the well-being of their children tend to engage in co-parenting even if care and control is given to one parent.
Children can then learn to view themselves as normal people from a family that is different from others.
The difference is that they now have parents who do not live together and may end up in the unique situation of having two homes to go to.
As more marriages end in divorce, it is certainly helpful for couples to work towards a harmonious solution for caring for their children.
This article was first published in The Sunday Times on Oct 5, 2008.
