Transmodified from hxxp://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/1259650/1/.html
PEASANTPORE: Transport Minion No Porn Lui said the regime will not be slaughtering the Commie inspired Certificate of Entitlement (COE) market in the near-term.
Speaking in Imperial Court on Wednesday, No Porn Lui responded to lobbyists who proposed smoothening the COE supply to help stabilise profits for car merchants.
No Porn Lui gave face to those idiots by praising the suggestion as 'fucking good idea'. He used the Quantum Mechanics trick of Entanglement to explain that smoothing COEs to enrich car merchants will causing other related problems.
He added COE premiums are influenced by one one factor, how much cash Ho Jinx needs for her punts that month.
No Porn Lui said Nihons and Ang Mohs are laughing at car rental system using COE. But as consolation, it better than Commie PRC's harebrained balloting system as seen in other cities like Beijing. In Beijing, they modified the system in KTV lounges for cars too. You simply cannot trust the Chink Commies who are expert at poisoning their own baby with tainted milk.
As for other ideas raised by Jane Austen inspired representatives, like pegging COE according to the value or the carbon emissions of the car, No Porn Lui said as long Ho Jinx gets her cash, any ideas will be entertained.
No Porn Lui also finally conceded that clever Ang Moh car merchants are using engine capacity as the loophole and distort the COE scam. He claimed it will be studied further despite having legions of scholars in his 'jiat leow bee' ministry.
No Porn Lui said: "You can yak all you want but best that we let them take time to settle and some breathing space for me can or not? Every week, I have to read lumpar letters written by netizens and peasants that only lambast me. Whatever I do, sure offend one group.
I favour the trains, peasants and taxi drivers moan. Raise taxi fares, peasants, bus and trains fat cats not happy. I plug the cheap loans for cars, fucking used-car merchants 'tulan'. Change ERP rates or durations, all moan except public transport cartels. You all think easy to be Transport Minion huh? Even I got LTA to be your punching bag, I still 'kenna' black eyes whenever that Desperate Quack's trains go haywire! KNNCCB ok!
No Porn Lui said with higher COE premiums, more peasants must learn from KTV and they have wisely taken to their concept that if you can 'share' whores...also can 'share' cars too.
No Porn Lui said: "Of course, I too rich to consider renting or sharing cars...so please do not ask me why I do not rent or share hor. Really stupid question.
"Fucking hell, can share whores in KTV lounges but never spin the brains and think of sharing cars huh?"
On the topic of improving taxi services and availability, No Porn Lui said the problem today is that taxi drivers are sexperts in disappearing and only responding to bookings.
No Porn Lui was countering a point raised by Best Erection Loser Lina Chiam, who had suggested bringing back the taxi ownership system.
No Porn Lui said:"Unless I am an idiot, do you think Ruler Loong wants taxi ownership to skim his profits? He rather rent cabs and allow operators to make big bucks and collect dividends or taxes from them. You never go Geylang is it? Allow whores be freelancers then what happen to the parasites called OKT huh?
No Porn Lui said most taxi cartel operators have been able to comply with the tightened taxi standards using data fudging.
LTA has been helping those merchants to massage the figures, giving impression that those petty bastards managed to meet higher targets for call booking performance and vehicle inspection passing rates.
"I should add that even before the service standards were revised, there had been some improvements in service levels. The average answer rate for call bookings was better in 2012 compared to 2011. The average peasant waiting time at key taxi stands has also improved over the same period for tourist infested spots," said No Porn Lui.
He added: "We studied the butterfly system in KTV lounges and implement it for cab company cronies-owners. The best KTV cut down butterfly time to from 30 minutes in 2011 to about 15 minutes in 2012.
And somehow it fucking worked, now easier to get cab bookings lor, within 3 minutes....huh you say flagging cabs on pavements, idiot, book cab ok. Flagging cabs just like looking for freelancers in Geylang, not recommended lor."
No Porn Lui also gave an update on the progress of several major road projects awarded to regime cronies.
He said: "We now copying Ang Moh tidal system. How it works, same like KTV, you see always whores butterfly but can do the reverse, get the horny patron bastards to do a reverse and butterfly from one room to another. Like that more efficient and patrons can taste different whores in different rooms lor.
"We have identified the Kranji Expressway-Pan Island Expressway and reverse car flow whenever we feel like doing so. LTA has awarded a contract for advanced engineering consultancy studies, so if fail to work, please blame LTA hor".
PEASANTPORE: Transport Minion No Porn Lui said the regime will not be slaughtering the Commie inspired Certificate of Entitlement (COE) market in the near-term.
Speaking in Imperial Court on Wednesday, No Porn Lui responded to lobbyists who proposed smoothening the COE supply to help stabilise profits for car merchants.
No Porn Lui gave face to those idiots by praising the suggestion as 'fucking good idea'. He used the Quantum Mechanics trick of Entanglement to explain that smoothing COEs to enrich car merchants will causing other related problems.
He added COE premiums are influenced by one one factor, how much cash Ho Jinx needs for her punts that month.
No Porn Lui said Nihons and Ang Mohs are laughing at car rental system using COE. But as consolation, it better than Commie PRC's harebrained balloting system as seen in other cities like Beijing. In Beijing, they modified the system in KTV lounges for cars too. You simply cannot trust the Chink Commies who are expert at poisoning their own baby with tainted milk.
As for other ideas raised by Jane Austen inspired representatives, like pegging COE according to the value or the carbon emissions of the car, No Porn Lui said as long Ho Jinx gets her cash, any ideas will be entertained.
No Porn Lui also finally conceded that clever Ang Moh car merchants are using engine capacity as the loophole and distort the COE scam. He claimed it will be studied further despite having legions of scholars in his 'jiat leow bee' ministry.
No Porn Lui said: "You can yak all you want but best that we let them take time to settle and some breathing space for me can or not? Every week, I have to read lumpar letters written by netizens and peasants that only lambast me. Whatever I do, sure offend one group.
I favour the trains, peasants and taxi drivers moan. Raise taxi fares, peasants, bus and trains fat cats not happy. I plug the cheap loans for cars, fucking used-car merchants 'tulan'. Change ERP rates or durations, all moan except public transport cartels. You all think easy to be Transport Minion huh? Even I got LTA to be your punching bag, I still 'kenna' black eyes whenever that Desperate Quack's trains go haywire! KNNCCB ok!
No Porn Lui said with higher COE premiums, more peasants must learn from KTV and they have wisely taken to their concept that if you can 'share' whores...also can 'share' cars too.
No Porn Lui said: "Of course, I too rich to consider renting or sharing cars...so please do not ask me why I do not rent or share hor. Really stupid question.
"Fucking hell, can share whores in KTV lounges but never spin the brains and think of sharing cars huh?"
On the topic of improving taxi services and availability, No Porn Lui said the problem today is that taxi drivers are sexperts in disappearing and only responding to bookings.
No Porn Lui was countering a point raised by Best Erection Loser Lina Chiam, who had suggested bringing back the taxi ownership system.
No Porn Lui said:"Unless I am an idiot, do you think Ruler Loong wants taxi ownership to skim his profits? He rather rent cabs and allow operators to make big bucks and collect dividends or taxes from them. You never go Geylang is it? Allow whores be freelancers then what happen to the parasites called OKT huh?
No Porn Lui said most taxi cartel operators have been able to comply with the tightened taxi standards using data fudging.
LTA has been helping those merchants to massage the figures, giving impression that those petty bastards managed to meet higher targets for call booking performance and vehicle inspection passing rates.
"I should add that even before the service standards were revised, there had been some improvements in service levels. The average answer rate for call bookings was better in 2012 compared to 2011. The average peasant waiting time at key taxi stands has also improved over the same period for tourist infested spots," said No Porn Lui.
He added: "We studied the butterfly system in KTV lounges and implement it for cab company cronies-owners. The best KTV cut down butterfly time to from 30 minutes in 2011 to about 15 minutes in 2012.
And somehow it fucking worked, now easier to get cab bookings lor, within 3 minutes....huh you say flagging cabs on pavements, idiot, book cab ok. Flagging cabs just like looking for freelancers in Geylang, not recommended lor."
No Porn Lui also gave an update on the progress of several major road projects awarded to regime cronies.
He said: "We now copying Ang Moh tidal system. How it works, same like KTV, you see always whores butterfly but can do the reverse, get the horny patron bastards to do a reverse and butterfly from one room to another. Like that more efficient and patrons can taste different whores in different rooms lor.
"We have identified the Kranji Expressway-Pan Island Expressway and reverse car flow whenever we feel like doing so. LTA has awarded a contract for advanced engineering consultancy studies, so if fail to work, please blame LTA hor".
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