Q: WHEN I first saw D five months ago, I was so enamoured I couldn’t help but keep blinking at her all night. I got her phone number later and we began texting and calling each other right away.
Two days later, when we met up for coffee, she told me she’s someone’s mistress. I was shocked at first, but managed to continue the conversation eventually.
I told her I understood her situation and that it was okay; that I was not thinking of courting her, as I was still recovering from pursuing an unrequited love.
But I kept thinking about her, and I felt my feelings for her gradually growing stronger. From her calls and text messages, it seemed that she felt the same way.
Then, five days after our coffee date, something beautiful happened, though I don’t know how: we ended up in bed together. She was very afraid of giving herself to me at first and kept asking me whether I would call her the next morning.
I promised her I would, and I did, and we became very close after that.
We even went on holiday together; and that’s when she told me she’s not suitable for me, as I’m six years younger than her, and that she has two young children from past relationships.
She told me her life story, and it seems like a very hard one, as she’s suffered after being with two married men in succession and even tried to commit suicide once.
The married man she’s with now almost broke off the relationship several times and, since last year, has stopped being as generous as he used to be with her allowance.
So she gambles, she said, not only to try to get more money for her children but also to deal with the pain in her life.
Her boyfriend is 22 years older than her and rich. I consider myself quite mature but I can’t seem to live up to her expectations. And since I’m just a working class guy, I can’t afford to provide her with a luxurious life.
We’ve argued many times about this but every time, I managed to convince her that I could make her happy.
Recently, though, I discovered that the stress of our relationship, which she is hiding from her man, has driven her back to gambling, which she had given up before.
And this time, she has had to borrow money from loan sharks to cover her losses. And then I discovered that she had lied to me about the circumstances surrounding one of her children.
All this has made me uneasy. I have to say that I’ve always had high standards for potential life partners and D is definitely not someone I would usually consider suitable. Yet, somehow, I feel very attached to her and I can’t imagine living without her.
After discovering the lie about her child, though, I suggested a cooling off period. What I want to know is, should I let her have time to recover from all the stress she’s been under recently and then go back to her and hope that she will change?
I still want to be with her despite her gambling habit and dependence on the other guy. And she still tolerates me even though she keeps saying I ask too many questions about her life and am immature. Does this mean this is true love?
Sam
A: THIS lady seems to be having a bit of fun with a sweet, naïve young guy like you. While you are intense and serious about the relationship, she will leave you for financial security and her luxurious, mistress lifestyle.
She will not change for you because she is too accustomed to the good life and gambling. She also has two kids to support and sounds like she is way outside your league.
Your youth, love-struck inquisitive behaviour may charm her for a while but if you should need her for love and support, then you will be badly disappointed.
Do not kid yourself that love will conquer all. She lied to you about her child – what else will she lie about? There is much you do not know about her; all you can say for certain is that she is extremely aggressive in getting what she wants.
She caught on to your besotted blinks and came up to you, told you a convenient part of her story and went on to snare you in her gorgeous, silken web. Frankly, you never had a chance.
You are a romantic, in love with a fantasy woman. You see a damsel in distress, stuck in the dungeon with an old man and two young kids and no way out.
Perhaps the reality is a woman who has manipulated all the moves, including an affair with a strong, young man who can fulfil her lust and physical desire.
Be prepared to be dumped when she finds you tiresome and intrusive. Youth has a use-by date for women out on the prowl for thrills and excitement. She will always place her needs above love because she is cold, calculating and in control.
You are a dreamer who will get hurt, so be warned. But remember, it will be best if you break off on her terms because should you try to get away, she will find it fun to tighten the web again.
