Chitchat Love but not for sex

[congo9]

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/09/...cur&smvar=q3eg&referer=http://m.facebook.com/


SEPTEMBER 12, 2017
The Sweet Spot
By STEVE ALMOND and CHERYL STRAYED
The “Dear Sugars” podcast is an advice program hosted by Steve Almond and Cheryl Strayed. The audio contains more letters; submissions are welcome at [email protected]. If you’re reading this on desktop, click the play button below to listen. Mobile readers can find “Dear Sugars” on the Podcasts app (iPhone and iPad) or Radio Public (Android and tablet).

Dear Sugars,

My partner and I have been together for three years. She’s 37, I’m 32 (and male). We’ve had our ups and downs, but the longer we’re together the stronger our relationship becomes. We support one another and share a lot of sweetness.

The problem is sex. Our libidos are mismatched, with me being the high-desire partner. My advances are often met with passivity. On average, we have sex once a month. It’s always good, if not great. We talk about what turns us on and off, we share our fantasies, and we’re open to trying new things. My partner says I’m good at pleasuring her and she often expresses her attraction to me, so I don’t understand why we have sex so seldom. We’ve had numerous conversations about it — almost always because I brought it up. I explain that I want to understand why attraction doesn’t for her translate into desire. She says sex just isn’t “a big part” of our relationship, but my desire for her is unflagging.

We’re talking about moving in together and starting a family. I’m open to that, but also reluctant, knowing that sex will likely become even less frequent once we have kids. I want to believe that we can create a robust, healthy sex life, but I’m at a loss

 

[Leongsam]

The guy is living in dreamland. He has to learn to face reality.

If wives gave husbands the sex they needed my sex forum would never have grown the way it did.

 

[halsey02]

The guy is living in dreamland. He has to learn to face reality.

If wives gave husbands the sex they needed my sex forum would never have grown the way it did.

That is the 'animal' part in all of us, that many, fail to understand or deny its existence...it is plain boring, if you just eat plain gruel evry morning.... that 'animal' in us wants "meat"...that is why many wander into your world...

 

[Leongsam]

That is the 'animal' part in all of us, that many, fail to understand or deny its existence...it is plain boring, if you just eat plain gruel evry morning.... that 'animal' in us wants "meat"...that is why many wander into your world...

Monogamy is not the natural order of our species. The standards of morality that we live with today were created by Christocentric societies and imposed upon many countries which fell under their influence.

My Grandfather had 2 wives. His father had 3. None of that "Till death do us part" crap in those days. As long as the pecking order amongst the spouses was established everyone happily cohabited.

 

[congo9]

The guy is living in dreamland. He has to learn to face reality.

If wives gave husbands the sex they needed my sex forum would never have grown the way it did.

Yes, but the wife did not give him all he needed.
I predict that when his wife finds out that his hubby has been "Dinning or lunching out", she will cry foul. Citing man is abusing the relationship, need a Constitution change so that man won't eat out.

 

[Victory2016]

Western societies will become extinct while Islamic 4 wives kind will dominate the world. The Pope tried to outlaw the use of contraceptives amongst Catholics but it is too little, too late.

Meanwhile, the Chinese are breeding themselves out of existence by their one child madness. Look at how the Malaysian Chinese are causing their own demise by low birth rates and migration.

The Islamic hope of world domination is a reality

 

[red amoeba]

Sexual desires mismatched ? More like dimensions mismatched. At 37 a woman is having raging male hormones and will have desire. One needs to unlock it.

 

[congo9]

You are right. Woman in 30s will have their hormone raging.

 

[Pek Kim Lui]

Western societies will become extinct while Islamic 4 wives kind will dominate the world. The Pope tried to outlaw the use of contraceptives amongst Catholics but it is too little, too late.

Meanwhile, the Chinese are breeding themselves out of existence by their one child madness. Look at how the Malaysian Chinese are causing their own demise by low birth rates and migration.

The Islamic hope of world domination is a reality

..not mentioning lky's stop at 2 edict which btw has been defied by faithful bitch haleemah.........

rural Chinese breeding a lot but m&ds beat them at higher rate due to plenty umno incentives.

 

[halsey02]

Monogamy is not the natural order of our species. The standards of morality that we live with today were created by Christocentric societies and imposed upon many countries which fell under their influence.

My Grandfather had 2 wives. His father had 3. None of that "Till death do us part" crap in those days. As long as the pecking order amongst the spouses was established everyone happily cohabited.

My grand father had almost a "harem"....my great grandmother wanted a son to carry the family name...his wife produced nothing but daughters, so she made him marry wives...until he got A SON...that was wife number 7...anyway, he sailed for SF- USA to earn money to feed a brood.. he died there in SF-USA..I wondered he had any wives over there...

My dad had concubines...it was customary for people who made money in those time, to have , wives, concubines, mistress....&...

 

[scroobal]

The World has gone pass the days of many wives, mistresses and what have you. Nothing to do with religion, culture or following the herd.

The penny dropped when men realised that women had brains and know how to use them. They can match any man if they put their mind to it. Why would you not go for a life partner who is your equal or better still smarter than you and some of them not only have the smarts but are some of god's beautiful creations.

No woman with beauty and brains would play second fiddle to anyone and why should they.

Now which is the lucky bloke who will find and hold on to one. Nothing with do with political correctness, religion or human rights in all its guises.

Why aim for a Toyota when can you aim for Ferrari.

 

[looneytan]

The penny dropped when men realised that women had brains and know how to use them.

Didn't you mean the penis dropped?

 

[Semaj2357]

Didn't you mean the penis dropped?

upon realizing that women had brains, it was more likely that the penis "drooped" and the balls dropped.
the men were smarter - as they realized that women could be used as prostitutes for a meal ticket

 

[eatshitndie]

upon realizing that women had brains, it was more likely that the penis "drooped" and the balls dropped.
the men were smarter - as they realized that women could be used as prostitutes for a meal ticket

even with brains they succumb to careless whispers such as "honey me gonna fuck your brains out."

 

[Thick Face Black Heart]

Agree on women having brains. The world could not have progressed the way it did over the past century if it kept women in the kitchen and failed to use their intellect and reasoning abilities. Once women have become emancipated, their natural biological instinct will be to create a society in which monogamy was the rule. Monogamy also has an egalitarian bent, because it no longer gives the wealthy and the elite a sexual privilege that is denied to the working class. Thus did the principle of monogamy become entrenched a one of the key pillars of modern society and morality.

Ironically, this is where religion now comes into conflict with the modern world. An emancipated woman is a woman with choice, and therefore the freedom not to reproduce. Just witness the birth rates of societies in which women are most economically productive as a result of being most free. This is against the instinct of religious consciousness and forms a significant reason why religious radicalism has been on the rise in tandem with the emancipation of women. Radical religion sees a free and productive woman as a fundamental threat.

 

[Semaj2357]

Agree on women having brains. The world could not have progressed the way it did over the past century if it kept women in the kitchen and failed to use their intellect and reasoning abilities. Once women have become emancipated, their natural biological instinct will be to create a society in which monogamy was the rule. Monogamy also has an egalitarian bent, because it no longer gives the wealthy and the elite a sexual privilege that is denied to the working class. Thus did the principle of monogamy become entrenched a one of the key pillars of modern society and morality.

Ironically, this is where religion now comes into conflict with the modern world. An emancipated woman is a woman with choice, and therefore the freedom not to reproduce. Just witness the birth rates of societies in which women are most economically productive as a result of being most free. This is against the instinct of religious consciousness and forms a significant reason why religious radicalism has been on the rise in tandem with the emancipation of women. Radical religion sees a free and productive woman as a fundamental threat.

apart from that, they could now choose their mates (as opposed to match-made ones that was prevalent in the past) and having the power of choice, embarked on having affairs without the stigma of a failed marriage or divorce.