http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/414236/1/.html
Let's talk about sex
By Eveline Gan, TODAY | Posted: 10 March 2009 1310 hrs
Photos 1 of 1
SINGAPORE: When Mdm Angela Mathew’s nine-year-old son started talking about sex last year, her first instinct was to “wash his mouth out with soap”.
Fortunately for the inquisitive boy, she didn’t.
Instead, the incident made the 36-year-old homemaker and her husband realise the importance of discussing sexuality issues with their son. They ended up attending a sexuality education talk to learn how to broach the delicate subject properly.
“We want our son to hear about sex from us, so we don’t have to worry about him getting the wrong info from friends and hiding what he knows from us,” said Mdm Mathew, who also has a three-year-old daughter.
According to sexuality education experts Today spoke to, parents such as Mdm Mathew are right in opting for an open-door approach when it comes to talking about such issues with their children.
Sexuality education is a vital part in the healthy development of children, said Ms V Prema, deputy director of the Health Promotion Board’s (HPB) Youth Health Programme Development 2, Youth Health Division.
In 2007, HPB launched a workplace programme called “Love Them. Talk About Sex.” to help parents talk to their children about the topic (log on to www.parentstalksex.sg to find out more). To date, 30 workshops have been conducted at various community venues and workplaces.
“If parents aren’t telling their kids about sexuality, the kids are likely to turn to other sources, such as friends, which are less reliable. Without proper guidance, they’ll go away with distorted notions,” said Mrs Melissa Ler-Lim, centre director at Students Care Service (Yishun Centre), who conducts talks on sexuality education. Not just about sex and reproduction facts, your birds and the bees talk should also impart values on sexuality issues, she added.
So when’s the best time to start?
While there isn’t a perfect time to talk to your child about sex, starting early — even when he or she is a toddler — is recommended.
“By talking about sexuality issues when your child is still young, parents can open the communication channels for their child to freely discuss such topics with them. This not only brings about closer bonds between parent and child, but also allows for proper guidance, thereby decreasing the chances of irresponsible sexual behaviour,” explained Ms Prema.
For toddlers, parents can start talking about the various parts of the body. At around eight years old, your child can start learning about their reproductive systems and when they hit 11 or 12, talk about what happens when two people have intercourse. By 13, an age when curiosity about sex deepens, parents can talk about dating and the consequences of early sexual activity.
“This is a guide. Because every child is different, it is up to parents to discern when’s the right time to broach the topic,” said Ms Prema.
More importantly, added Mrs Ler-Lim, parents must first feel comfortable talking about the topic.
“If your first response is negative, then it becomes a closed-door communication, and your child won’t look to you to satisfy their curiosity,” she said.
Besides picking up practical tips on how to handle her son’s questions on sexuality, Mdm Mathew attended the talk so she could overcome her inhibitions about the topic. It seemed to work, she said, adding that she is now less embarrassed to talk about it.
“My husband and I haven’t really sat down and gone into details with our son. But when that happens, we’re ready,” she said.
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all manual when it comes to talking about sexuality issues, but Ms Prema and Mrs Ler-Lim offer a few tips to ease the awkwardness.
1. Seize ‘teachable moments’
Instead of holding a two-hour lecture on the topic, get a discussion going as naturally as possible. For instance, chancing upon a pregnant woman may be a good way to start a conversation with your child on how babies are born.
2. Let your child know right from the start where the conversation is going
A teenager might feel embarrassed talking about intimate sexual feelings. Put your child at ease right from the beginning by letting them know that you won’t ask them embarrassing questions during your discussion about sexuality.
3. Scam tactics won’t work
Be truthful. For example, if you catch your toddler touching his genitals, don’t tell him his eyeballs will drop out when he does that. Simply tell him it is not appropriate to do so in public.
4. Admit you don’t have all the answers
If you don’t know the answer to a challenging question your child has posed, admit it. Finding out the answer together allows for parent-child bonding. Another trick is to ask your child open-ended questions, such as “What do you think about homosexuality?”, to hear what he has to say on the topic. - TODAY/sh
Let's talk about sex
By Eveline Gan, TODAY | Posted: 10 March 2009 1310 hrs
Photos 1 of 1
SINGAPORE: When Mdm Angela Mathew’s nine-year-old son started talking about sex last year, her first instinct was to “wash his mouth out with soap”.
Fortunately for the inquisitive boy, she didn’t.
Instead, the incident made the 36-year-old homemaker and her husband realise the importance of discussing sexuality issues with their son. They ended up attending a sexuality education talk to learn how to broach the delicate subject properly.
“We want our son to hear about sex from us, so we don’t have to worry about him getting the wrong info from friends and hiding what he knows from us,” said Mdm Mathew, who also has a three-year-old daughter.
According to sexuality education experts Today spoke to, parents such as Mdm Mathew are right in opting for an open-door approach when it comes to talking about such issues with their children.
Sexuality education is a vital part in the healthy development of children, said Ms V Prema, deputy director of the Health Promotion Board’s (HPB) Youth Health Programme Development 2, Youth Health Division.
In 2007, HPB launched a workplace programme called “Love Them. Talk About Sex.” to help parents talk to their children about the topic (log on to www.parentstalksex.sg to find out more). To date, 30 workshops have been conducted at various community venues and workplaces.
“If parents aren’t telling their kids about sexuality, the kids are likely to turn to other sources, such as friends, which are less reliable. Without proper guidance, they’ll go away with distorted notions,” said Mrs Melissa Ler-Lim, centre director at Students Care Service (Yishun Centre), who conducts talks on sexuality education. Not just about sex and reproduction facts, your birds and the bees talk should also impart values on sexuality issues, she added.
So when’s the best time to start?
While there isn’t a perfect time to talk to your child about sex, starting early — even when he or she is a toddler — is recommended.
“By talking about sexuality issues when your child is still young, parents can open the communication channels for their child to freely discuss such topics with them. This not only brings about closer bonds between parent and child, but also allows for proper guidance, thereby decreasing the chances of irresponsible sexual behaviour,” explained Ms Prema.
For toddlers, parents can start talking about the various parts of the body. At around eight years old, your child can start learning about their reproductive systems and when they hit 11 or 12, talk about what happens when two people have intercourse. By 13, an age when curiosity about sex deepens, parents can talk about dating and the consequences of early sexual activity.
“This is a guide. Because every child is different, it is up to parents to discern when’s the right time to broach the topic,” said Ms Prema.
More importantly, added Mrs Ler-Lim, parents must first feel comfortable talking about the topic.
“If your first response is negative, then it becomes a closed-door communication, and your child won’t look to you to satisfy their curiosity,” she said.
Besides picking up practical tips on how to handle her son’s questions on sexuality, Mdm Mathew attended the talk so she could overcome her inhibitions about the topic. It seemed to work, she said, adding that she is now less embarrassed to talk about it.
“My husband and I haven’t really sat down and gone into details with our son. But when that happens, we’re ready,” she said.
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all manual when it comes to talking about sexuality issues, but Ms Prema and Mrs Ler-Lim offer a few tips to ease the awkwardness.
1. Seize ‘teachable moments’
Instead of holding a two-hour lecture on the topic, get a discussion going as naturally as possible. For instance, chancing upon a pregnant woman may be a good way to start a conversation with your child on how babies are born.
2. Let your child know right from the start where the conversation is going
A teenager might feel embarrassed talking about intimate sexual feelings. Put your child at ease right from the beginning by letting them know that you won’t ask them embarrassing questions during your discussion about sexuality.
3. Scam tactics won’t work
Be truthful. For example, if you catch your toddler touching his genitals, don’t tell him his eyeballs will drop out when he does that. Simply tell him it is not appropriate to do so in public.
4. Admit you don’t have all the answers
If you don’t know the answer to a challenging question your child has posed, admit it. Finding out the answer together allows for parent-child bonding. Another trick is to ask your child open-ended questions, such as “What do you think about homosexuality?”, to hear what he has to say on the topic. - TODAY/sh
