Re: If It Had Been An Ordinary HEARTLANDER Who Died In Mumbai, Would Ministers Have .
Celebrating while in mourning
December 04, 2008 Thursday, 06:13 PM
Marc Lim gives kudos to Lo's husband for remembering his wife her way.
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I REMEMBER attending my grandfather's wake many years ago and being chided by an aunt for not being sad enough.
I was 12 and had spent the last three December holidays learning to play mahjong with my ah kong. Some may frown at the notion of gambling with your own grandchildren, let alone teaching them to gamble. (And we did play for money, albeit for 10 cents a game, 20 if you pulled the winning tile on your own.) To ah kong, however, it was probably the most enjoyable time he could experience with his grandchildren.
So when he succumbed to his battle with cancer, I lost more than a grandfather. I lost a friend, a mahjong kaki, one of the gang. It took me aback, and hurt, when my aunt told us off for laughing at his wake while we reminisced over shared times and remembered moments.
In hindsight, maybe the sight of four teenagers playing mahjong might not be acceptable with some guests. But I was quite sure ah kong would have been okay with it. He would probably even have wanted that.
Which is why I would like to applaud the courage shown by Michael Puhaindran, husband of Lo Hwei Yen, the laywer slain in the senseless Mumbai massacre.
I can't even begin to imagine the pain and rollercoaster of emotions he must have been going through the last week. Yet despite the tragedy, despite the agony, he took it upon himself to plan the perfect party for his wife.
This unconventional send-off probably did raise some eyebrows. Singaporeans, Asians, may not be used to sipping champagne or listening to retro music at a wake.
A colleague argued that there should be a right time and a right place for everything. And the right emotion for wakes/funerals is solemnity.
But why can't wakes, funerals be a celebration of the person's life? And who are we to say what's suitable and what's not, anyway?
Sorrow hits everyone when a loved one passes on. The pain will take a long time to go away, for some, it will never.
There will be plenty of time to grieve. But in the few days where the world gets a last chance to be with the departed, why are people so loathe to celebrate a life?
It took a lot of courage for Michael to go through the last few days. But it took even more for him to put his wife first, and send his wife off in a manner, as he would know best, she would have wanted.
You mean there were people drinking champange at her wake? :