what the title says haha but now i’m 20 and looking back on what i said its lowkey cringe but sad. no clue if anyone will see this but will be blocking out names for privacy! enjoy my 16 y/o texting! (context, we got our o level results and i poured my feelings out to her)
hey man. i dont know what compelled me to write this. maybe because ___ said that i should talk to you. or maybe because i cant really take it much longer but i think there are just a few things i wanted to tell you and id probably regret it if i never did. but i think you’re a great person. like you know that feeling when you get someone and they get you, yeah i kind of felt that way. maybe it started off just as a crush but to me it grew into something deeper. maybe some sort of deep emotional connection we would never understand. but i did love you. and maybe i still do. and i think that you taught me many things. you taught me to love me for who i am. and the kind of heart you have for people? yeah. thats insane. i learnt to love others with such a love that cant be described. and im so so eternally grateful for these lessons. and im so so eternally grateful for this whole experience. us. maybe God wanted me to learn something and i did and He probably put you in my life for a reason. maybe to teach me that there are such great people out there who are worth living for. and in those 3 months i spent learning and growing from you, i think something changed within me. and im so thankful for that. i think it was a first love kind of thing. maybe it wasn’t, but it sure felt like it. for me to like someone, for her to like me back? what are the chances man. like who would’ve thought that there was some part of me that was gay. no one would’ve known right. i didn’t know either, until i met you. and its been 19 months since we first met. and 15 months since you left. honestly it left me in the worst places I’ve ever been in. it was pretty rough not gonna lie. but im thankful for that too, because it made me rely on God when there was truly no one else to turn to. whatever meant to be yours will not pass you by. thats the quote i lived by and honestly was when i realised that we probably weren’t meant to be. and i have soon after come to terms with that. but it still doesnt mean that i dont feel the same way about you, because you meant something to me. and we meant something to me. the way our lives crossed paths, somehow or another i cant help thinking that it must’ve been for a reason. that maybe the universe had its way of bringing someone special into my life. and ill be ever so grateful for that. this isnt a gratitude log or some cheesy note (even though it might seem like it), but sometimes i think about you. not just sometimes, all the time. once or twice a day my brain has its way of reminding me that you exist. and honestly it sucks. not because its you, but because i know for a fact that one day id have to get over it. and you’d be some memory in my brain hidden inside, not worth thinking about, or so my brain thinks. you see my heart and my brain, its so connected, yet the way it works is completely different. going by feelings and going by rational thinking, it doesnt always work out in our favour. my heart loves you and it sucks. it really does. i wish you could be some memory like my brain would like you to. but you aren’t. and I’ve learnt to embrace that. hours and hours of tears, i think they’re there for a reason. i think you came into my life for a reason and i think thats amazing. but it sucks that i wish you still were here but it feels like you aren’t. I’ve tried so hard to get over you. believe me, I’ve tried. throwing myself into relationships to prove that im straight to prove that i could live without you. to prove that i can live without you. but maybe i cant, or so i think. no one understands how it feels like not to be able to live without someone. its been rough and i do wish everyday that something may bring you back. but i know that you won’t, and thats totally okay. because i do need to move on. and i really cant, and everyone says it takes time but they dont understand how meeting someone you wish you could spend your whole life with feels like. and everyone says it takes time but they dont understand how meeting someone who you cant live without feels like. and everyone says it takes time but they dont understand what losing a first love feels like. and i wish they did because it really really hurts. one day you and i will all be just part of a memory, waiting to be forgotten. but until then i treasure every single moment i can think of. holding onto memories make everything much more painful and moving on much harder. but you truly did change my life ___, you really did. and i guess i couldn’t bear not telling you that. you helped me see the world in a different perspective, you helped me see people in a different light, and you helped me see the good in others. thank you for that, you've helped me grow as a person by learning from you and i would like to think that ive grown stronger throughout the years. you were a good friend and you still are. it hurts every time you say “i still love you, but not in that way anymore”. maybe one day ill get used to hearing it or maybe i never will, but whatever it is i think that it is a beautiful thing to be able to feel that way about someone. wherever life takes us, whether we stay as friends or end up as strangers i thought you should know that you really made an impact on my life. i hope you can live your life knowing you changed one person’s life and feel good about it,, because i couldn’t live another day not being able to tell you how i truly felt. but thank you ___, thank you for everything. even though its still hard, not gonna lie, i believe one day ill finally move on and find someone as loving and as caring as you are. thank you for changing my life ____. stay strong, stay safe, God bless.
hey man. i dont know what compelled me to write this. maybe because ___ said that i should talk to you. or maybe because i cant really take it much longer but i think there are just a few things i wanted to tell you and id probably regret it if i never did. but i think you’re a great person. like you know that feeling when you get someone and they get you, yeah i kind of felt that way. maybe it started off just as a crush but to me it grew into something deeper. maybe some sort of deep emotional connection we would never understand. but i did love you. and maybe i still do. and i think that you taught me many things. you taught me to love me for who i am. and the kind of heart you have for people? yeah. thats insane. i learnt to love others with such a love that cant be described. and im so so eternally grateful for these lessons. and im so so eternally grateful for this whole experience. us. maybe God wanted me to learn something and i did and He probably put you in my life for a reason. maybe to teach me that there are such great people out there who are worth living for. and in those 3 months i spent learning and growing from you, i think something changed within me. and im so thankful for that. i think it was a first love kind of thing. maybe it wasn’t, but it sure felt like it. for me to like someone, for her to like me back? what are the chances man. like who would’ve thought that there was some part of me that was gay. no one would’ve known right. i didn’t know either, until i met you. and its been 19 months since we first met. and 15 months since you left. honestly it left me in the worst places I’ve ever been in. it was pretty rough not gonna lie. but im thankful for that too, because it made me rely on God when there was truly no one else to turn to. whatever meant to be yours will not pass you by. thats the quote i lived by and honestly was when i realised that we probably weren’t meant to be. and i have soon after come to terms with that. but it still doesnt mean that i dont feel the same way about you, because you meant something to me. and we meant something to me. the way our lives crossed paths, somehow or another i cant help thinking that it must’ve been for a reason. that maybe the universe had its way of bringing someone special into my life. and ill be ever so grateful for that. this isnt a gratitude log or some cheesy note (even though it might seem like it), but sometimes i think about you. not just sometimes, all the time. once or twice a day my brain has its way of reminding me that you exist. and honestly it sucks. not because its you, but because i know for a fact that one day id have to get over it. and you’d be some memory in my brain hidden inside, not worth thinking about, or so my brain thinks. you see my heart and my brain, its so connected, yet the way it works is completely different. going by feelings and going by rational thinking, it doesnt always work out in our favour. my heart loves you and it sucks. it really does. i wish you could be some memory like my brain would like you to. but you aren’t. and I’ve learnt to embrace that. hours and hours of tears, i think they’re there for a reason. i think you came into my life for a reason and i think thats amazing. but it sucks that i wish you still were here but it feels like you aren’t. I’ve tried so hard to get over you. believe me, I’ve tried. throwing myself into relationships to prove that im straight to prove that i could live without you. to prove that i can live without you. but maybe i cant, or so i think. no one understands how it feels like not to be able to live without someone. its been rough and i do wish everyday that something may bring you back. but i know that you won’t, and thats totally okay. because i do need to move on. and i really cant, and everyone says it takes time but they dont understand how meeting someone you wish you could spend your whole life with feels like. and everyone says it takes time but they dont understand how meeting someone who you cant live without feels like. and everyone says it takes time but they dont understand what losing a first love feels like. and i wish they did because it really really hurts. one day you and i will all be just part of a memory, waiting to be forgotten. but until then i treasure every single moment i can think of. holding onto memories make everything much more painful and moving on much harder. but you truly did change my life ___, you really did. and i guess i couldn’t bear not telling you that. you helped me see the world in a different perspective, you helped me see people in a different light, and you helped me see the good in others. thank you for that, you've helped me grow as a person by learning from you and i would like to think that ive grown stronger throughout the years. you were a good friend and you still are. it hurts every time you say “i still love you, but not in that way anymore”. maybe one day ill get used to hearing it or maybe i never will, but whatever it is i think that it is a beautiful thing to be able to feel that way about someone. wherever life takes us, whether we stay as friends or end up as strangers i thought you should know that you really made an impact on my life. i hope you can live your life knowing you changed one person’s life and feel good about it,, because i couldn’t live another day not being able to tell you how i truly felt. but thank you ___, thank you for everything. even though its still hard, not gonna lie, i believe one day ill finally move on and find someone as loving and as caring as you are. thank you for changing my life ____. stay strong, stay safe, God bless.
