I am screaming out loud in my heart

[edmwrefugee]

Holidaying alone doesn't help. When night falls, I am all alone in a souless room.

I have thought it would lighten my memories and cheer me up. I guess I am wrong, again.

On the way up to the hotel, I stopped by FamilyMart, bought a pack of Marlboro and a lighter, after my lonesome dinner.

I haven't smoke for a while. It felt good. Unfortunately, it also brought back sad memories, and an adrenaline load of mixed thoughts and emotions.

Now I finally feel the need to get what I want to say, out of my grieving heavy chest.

Yes. Now.

I desperately need a listening ear, but I do not want other humans to know who I am.

I want anonymity.

I want to scream at God.

I want to punch Satan in his face.

I want to stab Jesus in his heart and do a kungfu panda kick at Mary's womb, so that she miscarries and I can laugh out loud.

Exactly half a year has passed following her demise from uterus cancer and I still have difficulty in forgiving God.

I just want to scream out loud.

It felt like with a stroke of His Almighty Pen, He gladly signed the death sentence of her Stage 4 uterus cancer at lightening speed, from diagnosis to cremation. In a space of one and a half months, she didn't even have the time, or a chance for bodily or spiritual redemption.

The Evil God took a young and beautiful lady away from me, separating our hole-and-corner union.

Now, whenever I am down and out, I would still frequent our eating destinations in Singapore and overseas which we both like, but of course I am now alone, just like today, for the sake of memories and remembrances, of the good and healthy times, when we were together, in our clandestine union.

I wasn't always a sapphist.

I still don't believe I am 100% one.

I fell in love with boys in Victoria Junior College and National University of Singapore. I also fell for men when I was elevated into the working world.

I wasn't disappointed with men. Never. Ever. They come and go, through the revolving relationship door until one day, she came into my life, in a Yoga session when I was holidaying overseas.

It was a different experience.

As time passed, I discovered better and effective partner communication, similar likes and dislikes, shopping, gallivanting without worrying whether my other half will be bored or become frustrated, and most importantly, there was never a fear of pregnancy, which would inevitably ruin the hush-hush lovely two-person-world, that we hid ourselves in without the world knowing.

So F**k God. F**k You.

You are evil.

PS :

I definitely feel better now. I guess that's why a forum's anonymity is important for speaking one's heart out, loud and clear.

Nobody knows me here and nobody will. Eventually, what I have spoken here will be lost in the gargantuan load of threads and posts.

And last, but not least, Marlboro do taste good today. I haven't touch it since her cremation six months ago.

 

[glockman]

Holidaying alone doesn't help. When night falls, I am all alone in a souless room.

I have thought it would lighten my memories and cheer me up. I guess I am wrong, again.

On the way up to the hotel, I stopped by FamilyMart, bought a pack of Marlboro and a lighter, after my lonesome dinner.

I haven't smoke for a while. It felt good. Unfortunately, it also brought back sad memories, and an adrenaline load of mixed thoughts and emotions.

Now I finally feel the need to get what I want to say, out of my grieving heavy chest.

Yes. Now.

I desperately need a listening ear, but I do not want other humans to know who I am.

I want anonymity.

I want to scream at God.

I want to punch Satan in his face.

I want to stab Jesus in his heart and do a kungfu panda kick at Mary's womb, so that she miscarries and I can laugh out loud.

Exactly half a year has passed following her demise from uterus cancer and I still have difficulty in forgiving God.

I just want to scream out loud.

It felt like with a stroke of His Almighty Pen, He gladly signed the death sentence of her Stage 4 uterus cancer at lightening speed, from diagnosis to cremation. In a space of one and a half months, she didn't even have the time, or a chance for bodily or spiritual redemption.

The Evil God took a young and beautiful lady away from me, separating our hole-and-corner union.

Now, whenever I am down and out, I would still frequent our eating destinations in Singapore and overseas which we both like, but of course I am now alone, just like today, for the sake of memories and remembrances, of the good and healthy times, when we were together, in our clandestine union.

I wasn't always a sapphist.

I still don't believe I am 100% one.

I fell in love with boys in Victoria Junior College and National University of Singapore. I also fell for men when I was elevated into the working world.

I wasn't disappointed with men. Never. Ever. They come and go, through the revolving relationship door until one day, she came into my life, in a Yoga session when I was holidaying overseas.

It was a different experience.

As time passed, I discovered better and effective partner communication, similar likes and dislikes, shopping, gallivanting without worrying whether my other half will be bored or become frustrated, and most importantly, there was never a fear of pregnancy, which would inevitably ruin the hush-hush lovely two-person-world, that we hid ourselves in without the world knowing.

So F**k God. F**k You.

You are evil.

PS :

I definitely feel better now. I guess that's why a forum's anonymity is important for speaking one's heart out, loud and clear.

Nobody knows me here and nobody will. Eventually, what I have spoken here will be lost in the gargantuan load of threads and posts.

View attachment 150409

And last, but not least, Marlboro do taste good today. I haven't touch it since her cremation six months ago.

I hardly come into this part of the forum. Happened to pop in and saw your thread. So, you are a female? And attracted to females? Don't feel so blue lah, be strong and make the best from what life gives you.

BTW, I like that you are a smoker too

 

[edmwrefugee]

I hardly come into this part of the forum. Happened to pop in and saw your thread. So, you are a female? And attracted to females? Don't feel so blue lah, be strong and make the best from what life gives you.

BTW, I like that you are a smoker too

I kind of like the serenity here. I don't mind boisterous men but sometimes, they get too overwhelming just like in Edmw.

Yes I am ♀.

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

It has been tough holidaying alone for the first time in my entire life. I guess I know now how a widow feels like, when her other half disappeared all of a sudden.

 

[glockman]

I kind of like the serenity here. I don't mind boisterous men but sometimes, they get too overwhelming just like in Edmw.

Yes I am ♀.

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

It has been tough holidaying alone for the first time in my entire life. I guess I know now how a widow feels like, when her other half disappeared all of a sudden.

Being alone and holidaying alone can be very beneficial when one needs to get away to find some peace and quiet. I find that most times, it is good to remove ourselves from our current environment. It can help in helping us see things in a different perspective.

Oh, and there is no God. At least not what the many religions define as God.

 

[blackmondy]

I sensed a Claire-ish vibe here, but without the overtly opulent ostentatious grammar that defies mortal comprehension.

 

[edmwrefugee]

Being alone and holidaying alone can be very beneficial when one needs to get away to find some peace and quiet. I find that most times, it is good to remove ourselves from our current environment. It can help in helping us see things in a different perspective.

Oh, and there is no God. At least not what the many religions define as God.

I have seen some of your posts in this Forum previously when I wasn't subscribed to this forum yet. You seem to be a jovial good fellow, quick to shoot from your mouth, but seldom nasty.

You seem to remind me of the alehouse character, Roaring Dick of Dover, the Jovial Good Fellow of Kent. Never mind, I don't think you know what I am saying.

 

[edmwrefugee]

I sensed a Claire-ish vibe here, but without the overtly opulent ostentatious grammar that defies mortal comprehension.

Nah, I have only created two accounts here. One is the current one I am using now, and another, registered a day later, because I was under the mistaken impression that this current account had some problems with the moderation process.

The name my other account is @PenAndPaper

I hope this answer your question.

 

[edmwrefugee]

Lazing by the hotel pool lobby, I just took this picture.

In Hawaii, the Frangipani flower symbolises energy. In Hinduism, it means devotion. In Buddhism, it encourages a new life and devotion. I am not sure what does the Frangipani flower represents in Christianity or Islam. I guess it doesn't, as these two religions were not tropical in origins.

Personally, the Frangipani flower reminds me of her. We used to place a flower each on our respective left ears (as opposed to the right ear) as a symbol of our committed relationship status.

 

[plzhelpme]

Oh, and there is no God. At least not what the many religions define as God.

knn

for Once, you kong the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth


btw, do you think he is bcm ?

knn

 

[glockman]

I have seen some of your posts in this Forum previously when I wasn't subscribed to this forum yet. You seem to be a jovial good fellow, quick to shoot from your mouth, but seldom nasty.

You seem to remind me of the alehouse character, Roaring Dick of Dover, the Jovial Good Fellow of Kent. Never mind, I don't think you know what I am saying.

quick to shoot from my mouth? No lah, I usually think through what I type. But yes, I am a jovial and good man. And no, don't know who those people you mentioned are.

 

[blackmondy]

Nah, I have only created two accounts here. One is the current one I am using now, and another, registered a day later, because I was under the mistaken impression that this current account had some problems with the moderation process.

The name my other account is @PenAndPaper

I hope this answer your question.

Well, the writing flair between you two is very similar.

 

[glockman]

knn

for Once, you kong the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth


btw, do you think he is bcm ?

knn

But I always state the truth!!!

Don't think he is bcm lah.

 

[blackmondy]

But I always state the truth!!!

Don't think he is bcm lah.

More like tpw.

 

[glockman]

More like tpw.

what or who is tpw?

 

[plzhelpme]

But I always state the truth!!!

Don't think he is bcm lah.

knn

you refer below
all the ""Similiar threads""
are from _______????



knn

.

 

[blackmondy]

what or who is tpw?

Traffic Police Woman

 

[glockman]

Nah, I have only created two accounts here. One is the current one I am using now, and another, registered a day later, because I was under the mistaken impression that this current account had some problems with the moderation process.

The name my other account is @PenAndPaper

I hope this answer your question.

I hope you don't mind, I would like to invite a few forumers to join in this discussion. They would be thrilled we have another sister here.

@strawberry
@nightsafari
@sweetiepie
@Cottonmouth
@zhihau
@eatshitndie
@nayr69sg

 

[Cottonmouth]

My specialty is chitsu-therapy, holler if you need some fine tuning adjusting in the bits.
Sometimes a good flog is all you need for a reset.

 

[glockman]

My specialty is chitsu-therapy, holler if you need some fine tuning adjusting in the bits.

Dude, easy does it. She seems to be in a delicate state.

 

[blackmondy]

Dude, easy does it. She seems to be in a delicate state.

The ladypart is always in a delicate state, even in standby mode.