<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR></TR><!-- headline one : end --><TR>Wife made police report after moving out with four kids; man jailed a year for ill-treating girl </TR><!-- Author --><TR><TD class="padlrt8 georgia11 darkgrey bold" colSpan=2>By Alessa Pang
</TD></TR><!-- show image if available --><TR vAlign=bottom><TD width=330>
</TD><TD width=10>
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->SHE was only 15 when they met and after a six-year romance, she ran away from home to marry him.
She knew about his drinking habit but did not make a big issue of it as he seemed to have had it under control before they wed.
<TABLE width=200 align=left valign="top"><TBODY><TR><TD class=padr8><!-- Vodcast --><!-- Background Story --><STYLE type=text/css> #related .quote {background-color:#E7F7FF; padding:8px;margin:0px 0px 5px 0px;} #related .quote .headline {font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:10px;font-weight:bold; border-bottom:3px double #007BFF; color:#036; text-transform:uppercase; padding-bottom:5px;} #related .quote .text {font-size:11px;color:#036;padding:5px 0px;} </STYLE>Some too afraid, others in denial
PSYCHIATRISTS The Straits Times spoke to said feelings of guilt and acceptance are commonplace in abusive homes.
Dr Ang Yong Guan, a psychiatrist in private practice, said: 'There is an unequal relationship with one partner being more domineering than the other.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>However, by the time their third child was born in 2004, he was not only back to his drunken ways, but had also become abusive and lost his job as well.
In late 2006, she saw him dripping hot wax on their third, and at that time youngest, child - a 2 1/2-year-old daughter - because the girl had wet herself. He also clipped the girl's nipples with a clothes peg for up to 45 minutes and then tied her legs, and later her hands, together with his wife's nightgown.
Last week, her husband was sentenced to one year in jail for ill-treating the child.
The parents' identities cannot be revealed in order to protect their children.
During their marriage, he would also bring his friends back to the family's three-room flat in Clementi to drink. He fed them food meant for his four children and made the kids run errands such as buying snacks and drinks for the group.
Even then, the housewife, now 28, did not report her 36-year-old husband to the police, thinking all the while that she would be able to 'change' him.
'I just ignored his behaviour. The children were still young and, at least, they had a father at home,' she told The Straits Times.
Having grown up without a father herself, she said she did not want to put their children through the same experience.
She had met her husband through her cousin. Her parents never met him but they disapproved of the relationship when her cousin told them how their future son-in-law had spent his younger days in gangs and fights.
She stayed with him, anyway. She said: 'I really wanted to marry him and his past didn't matter to me.'
Last December, she finally decided to move out with their four children because she was unable to stand his abuse any longer.
When he saw her packing her bags, he burned her passport and their children's birth certificates and health booklets.
But she said she was also 'forced' into moving out by her aunt, who had supported her and her children financially through the years. Her aunt threatened to stop paying for her children's education unless she left him.
'I had no choice. I packed up my things and decided to leave,' she said.
But her husband refused to give up their third child.
'She was always his favourite child,' said the woman.
Desperate to take all of their children with her, she then decided to report his abusive behaviour to the police.
She had taken pictures of their daughter's injuries after she saw him dripping wax on her. The pictures were submitted as evidence to the police.
He is no longer allowed to go near their daughter, now aged five. Their other three children, two girls and one boy, are aged between four and eight.
His wife has not visited him since he started his sentence as only his mother has been granted visiting rights. But she said she would if she could.
As for the future, she is undecided about filing for divorce. 'Part of me feels like I deserve this. After all, I chose to marry him despite my parents' disapproval,' she said.
With four young children to look after, she is unable to find work that will accommodate her home duties. They live with her maternal aunt, who continues to help her out financially. Her parents have disowned her.
She said: 'My children still ask for their father. They're scared of him but they also miss him. They know what happened but I just tell them that he's living in Clementi and that they can't see him for a year.'
Their third child, who suffered the worst of the abuse, seemed to have forgotten about the incident, the mother said.
'She is still the same. Maybe she is a little quieter but that's all. I don't think she remembers what happened,' she said. [email protected]
</TD></TR><!-- show image if available --><TR vAlign=bottom><TD width=330>
</TD><TD width=10>
<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->SHE was only 15 when they met and after a six-year romance, she ran away from home to marry him.
She knew about his drinking habit but did not make a big issue of it as he seemed to have had it under control before they wed.
<TABLE width=200 align=left valign="top"><TBODY><TR><TD class=padr8><!-- Vodcast --><!-- Background Story --><STYLE type=text/css> #related .quote {background-color:#E7F7FF; padding:8px;margin:0px 0px 5px 0px;} #related .quote .headline {font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:10px;font-weight:bold; border-bottom:3px double #007BFF; color:#036; text-transform:uppercase; padding-bottom:5px;} #related .quote .text {font-size:11px;color:#036;padding:5px 0px;} </STYLE>Some too afraid, others in denial
PSYCHIATRISTS The Straits Times spoke to said feelings of guilt and acceptance are commonplace in abusive homes.
Dr Ang Yong Guan, a psychiatrist in private practice, said: 'There is an unequal relationship with one partner being more domineering than the other.'
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>However, by the time their third child was born in 2004, he was not only back to his drunken ways, but had also become abusive and lost his job as well.
In late 2006, she saw him dripping hot wax on their third, and at that time youngest, child - a 2 1/2-year-old daughter - because the girl had wet herself. He also clipped the girl's nipples with a clothes peg for up to 45 minutes and then tied her legs, and later her hands, together with his wife's nightgown.
Last week, her husband was sentenced to one year in jail for ill-treating the child.
The parents' identities cannot be revealed in order to protect their children.
During their marriage, he would also bring his friends back to the family's three-room flat in Clementi to drink. He fed them food meant for his four children and made the kids run errands such as buying snacks and drinks for the group.
Even then, the housewife, now 28, did not report her 36-year-old husband to the police, thinking all the while that she would be able to 'change' him.
'I just ignored his behaviour. The children were still young and, at least, they had a father at home,' she told The Straits Times.
Having grown up without a father herself, she said she did not want to put their children through the same experience.
She had met her husband through her cousin. Her parents never met him but they disapproved of the relationship when her cousin told them how their future son-in-law had spent his younger days in gangs and fights.
She stayed with him, anyway. She said: 'I really wanted to marry him and his past didn't matter to me.'
Last December, she finally decided to move out with their four children because she was unable to stand his abuse any longer.
When he saw her packing her bags, he burned her passport and their children's birth certificates and health booklets.
But she said she was also 'forced' into moving out by her aunt, who had supported her and her children financially through the years. Her aunt threatened to stop paying for her children's education unless she left him.
'I had no choice. I packed up my things and decided to leave,' she said.
But her husband refused to give up their third child.
'She was always his favourite child,' said the woman.
Desperate to take all of their children with her, she then decided to report his abusive behaviour to the police.
She had taken pictures of their daughter's injuries after she saw him dripping wax on her. The pictures were submitted as evidence to the police.
He is no longer allowed to go near their daughter, now aged five. Their other three children, two girls and one boy, are aged between four and eight.
His wife has not visited him since he started his sentence as only his mother has been granted visiting rights. But she said she would if she could.
As for the future, she is undecided about filing for divorce. 'Part of me feels like I deserve this. After all, I chose to marry him despite my parents' disapproval,' she said.
With four young children to look after, she is unable to find work that will accommodate her home duties. They live with her maternal aunt, who continues to help her out financially. Her parents have disowned her.
She said: 'My children still ask for their father. They're scared of him but they also miss him. They know what happened but I just tell them that he's living in Clementi and that they can't see him for a year.'
Their third child, who suffered the worst of the abuse, seemed to have forgotten about the incident, the mother said.
'She is still the same. Maybe she is a little quieter but that's all. I don't think she remembers what happened,' she said. [email protected]
