How a WAR between US & Newfoundland ends.. :))

[Nice-Gook]

<style></style>Newfoundland declares war on the U.S.A.

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Obama " a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie,
up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove , Newfoundland , Canada ,
eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news !
How big is your army ?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself,
me cousin Harold , me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team
from the pub. That makes eight!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my
army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. " Mr. Obama , the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry 's farm tractor."

President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks
and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day.. " President Obama , the war
is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified
Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four
boys from the Legion have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you
Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military
complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And
since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. " President Obama ! I am
sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack . "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat
over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed
two million prisoners.."

CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

 

[Nice-Gook]

[FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica]THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself


MODERN PROGRESSIVE VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries
when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news
stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Rev. Al Sharpton, Rev
Jesse Jackson and Rev Jeremiah Wright then have the group kneel down
to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the
ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an
immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs
and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by a Government Czar.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ants food while the government house he is in, which just happens to
be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

MORAL OF THE STORY: ..You tell me hor.
[/FONT]

 

[SamuelStalin]

In the ultimate goal of life, who really wins?

Ants work hard, but they just work hard. This is Old Economy thinking. Grasshoppers are more talented and can get rich doing gangsta rap. That is working smart.

The old version, while proving a very important teaching, but seen from another side, it is an ultra-conservative conspiracy to warn people against straying from the set system of living and the portrayal of those who took the road less traveled as foolish and useless.

As most motivational seminar teaches, people are now encouraged to do what they really enjoy doing (self-empowerment), and some jc kids I talked to told me they won't mind doing nothing but music for life even if that would mean they would be poor. They don't care about recognition or wealth, which sucks but is pretty cool in a way.

Well I feel the goal is to make use of ants to realize personal goals. You maggots however, are all useless and are largely being threatened by the invasion of ants from other lands, tsk tsk. Ah Sporn fucks.

[FONT=Verdana,Arial,Helvetica]THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

OLD VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself


MODERN PROGRESSIVE VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table
filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper and everybody cries
when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

ACORN stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news
stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.' Rev. Al Sharpton, Rev
Jesse Jackson and Rev Jeremiah Wright then have the group kneel down
to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the
ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an
immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs
and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by a Government Czar.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the
ants food while the government house he is in, which just happens to
be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

MORAL OF THE STORY: ..You tell me hor.
[/FONT]

 

[SamuelStalin]

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat
over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed
two million prisoners.."

canadian confidence cannot be shaken

This is a good form of face-saving, ego preservation and damage control. Nothing to do with stupid Canadian pride.

 

[scroobal]

Why so blur? The answer lies in the feeding of 2 million prisoners.

Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat
over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed
two million prisoners.."

canadian confidence cannot be shaken

This is a good form of face-saving, ego preservation and damage control. Nothing to do with stupid Canadian pride.