Image Credit: Unsplash
By Priscilla Lee “Secretly, I was ashamed of how I was living. I couldn’t even go out or face relatives during Chinese New Year because I [think that they would] think of me as a leech, a parasite.”
Having been made fun of in school for her background and the way she spoke, Andrea* started becoming wary of people. She kept them at arm’s length and although that prevented her from forming any close friendships, it was to protect herself. At least, that was how it began.
“I developed a paranoia that people would laugh at or pity my pathetic lack of friends.”
As she grew out of adolescence, this fear of social situations manifested into an extreme level of social isolation.
Can you imagine yourself being cooped up at home for months on end? Never heading out for lunch with friends, not going to work or school and just idling away in bed?
For people like Andrea, that’s their life as hikikomori.
Having been made fun of in school for her background and the way she spoke, Andrea* started becoming wary of people. She kept them at arm’s length and although that prevented her from forming any close friendships, it was to protect herself. At least, that was how it began.
“I developed a paranoia that people would laugh at or pity my pathetic lack of friends.”
As she grew out of adolescence, this fear of social situations manifested into an extreme level of social isolation.
Can you imagine yourself being cooped up at home for months on end? Never heading out for lunch with friends, not going to work or school and just idling away in bed?
For people like Andrea, that’s their life as hikikomori.
Image Credit: Intelligencer
WHAT’S HIKIKOMORI?
For the uninitiated, hikikomori is a term used to describe those who rarely leave their house, and seek extreme degrees of isolation. Some never set foot outside their homes. Others occasionally do, heading out to buy food or even to the cinemas for the latest blockbuster, but all of them are completely, socially isolated. They would even limit their interaction with their own family members.
Although this social phenomenon is predominantly widespread in Japan, I recently stumbled upon a Reddit thread that tells me that we too, have our share of social recluses hidden in their rooms somewhere, unseen by society.
Through a local forum, I stumbled upon Andrea’s story.
Back then, Andrea cooped herself up at home for eight consecutive months. Waking up at five every morning, she spends her time browsing Reddit, reading and binging on TV series, only leaving her room for lunch and dinner, which her parents would prepare for her. At around 11 pm, she will head to bed and the same routine repeats for months, and in those months, she did not step out of her house once.
"Her home had become a place of solace for her, a fortress she can’t bear to leave."
Likewise, this is the case for the many hikikomori in Singapore, who have taken to forums to pour the feelings that they have hidden away from their friends and family.
WHY DO THEY ADOPT THE HIKIKOMORI LIFESTYLE?
Hailing from a ‘financially comfortable’ background, Andrea is aware that she is more fortunate than most, as she could afford the option of not having to work or fend for herself. But because of that, she feels more pressured to pay her parents back for all that they have done for her.
The low self-esteem, crippling social anxiety, and negative outlook on life that came from her being bullied in school when she was younger kept her imprisoned. The self-imposed pressure and the expectations about the future stressed her out and caused her to feel even more helpless.
When she finally entered the workforce, work became her life. All she did was wake up, go to work, head home to have dinner with her parents, and repeat.
Due to her micromanaging boss, she grew to resent work. Even so, she continued working for some years to save up a sum of money before eventually resigning, dampened by the rat race.
“So after that, I didn’t really have a plan. I just stayed home. Months quickly turned into years. And because I was used to a solitary lifestyle of just reading and watching drama and anime, I just shut myself off from society and basically became hikikomori, just living off my parents and my savings.”
ONLY FOR THE PRIVILEGED?
Of course, not everyone is privileged enough to be able to just drop everything and withdraw from society in the first place — most of us are not as financially blessed.
Through r/hikikomori, I was able to speak to another Singaporean hikikomori, 24-year-old Josh*, who shared how he was once a hikikomori. Like Andrea, Josh comes from a financially stable family.
“Maybe we were too sheltered. Maybe we were too spoiled and everything comes to us easy and without any barriers. Back then, I felt that no matter how useless I was, I would still be able to live comfortably, or still be able to live somehow.”
An avid fan of Disney’s classics, Josh had a grandiose dream of being a 2D Animator for Disney. When news broke that Disney closed down their 2D animation company, his hopes and dreams were dashed. Dejected, he let himself waste away, passing the days by gaming and watching anime at home.
WHAT’S THE CAUSE FOR THIS?
For many of us, such behaviour is aberrant and tough to comprehend, much less empathise with. It’s not surprising for us to jump on the conclusion that hikikomori chose to stay cooped up at home because they are just “lazy” and “spoiled”.
“We all have problems, so why can’t they just do something about their problems?”
More at https://www.domainofexperts.com/2019/03/hikikomori-in-spore-and-why-young.html
For the uninitiated, hikikomori is a term used to describe those who rarely leave their house, and seek extreme degrees of isolation. Some never set foot outside their homes. Others occasionally do, heading out to buy food or even to the cinemas for the latest blockbuster, but all of them are completely, socially isolated. They would even limit their interaction with their own family members.
Although this social phenomenon is predominantly widespread in Japan, I recently stumbled upon a Reddit thread that tells me that we too, have our share of social recluses hidden in their rooms somewhere, unseen by society.
Through a local forum, I stumbled upon Andrea’s story.
Back then, Andrea cooped herself up at home for eight consecutive months. Waking up at five every morning, she spends her time browsing Reddit, reading and binging on TV series, only leaving her room for lunch and dinner, which her parents would prepare for her. At around 11 pm, she will head to bed and the same routine repeats for months, and in those months, she did not step out of her house once.
"Her home had become a place of solace for her, a fortress she can’t bear to leave."
Likewise, this is the case for the many hikikomori in Singapore, who have taken to forums to pour the feelings that they have hidden away from their friends and family.
WHY DO THEY ADOPT THE HIKIKOMORI LIFESTYLE?
Hailing from a ‘financially comfortable’ background, Andrea is aware that she is more fortunate than most, as she could afford the option of not having to work or fend for herself. But because of that, she feels more pressured to pay her parents back for all that they have done for her.
The low self-esteem, crippling social anxiety, and negative outlook on life that came from her being bullied in school when she was younger kept her imprisoned. The self-imposed pressure and the expectations about the future stressed her out and caused her to feel even more helpless.
When she finally entered the workforce, work became her life. All she did was wake up, go to work, head home to have dinner with her parents, and repeat.
Due to her micromanaging boss, she grew to resent work. Even so, she continued working for some years to save up a sum of money before eventually resigning, dampened by the rat race.
“So after that, I didn’t really have a plan. I just stayed home. Months quickly turned into years. And because I was used to a solitary lifestyle of just reading and watching drama and anime, I just shut myself off from society and basically became hikikomori, just living off my parents and my savings.”
ONLY FOR THE PRIVILEGED?
Of course, not everyone is privileged enough to be able to just drop everything and withdraw from society in the first place — most of us are not as financially blessed.
Through r/hikikomori, I was able to speak to another Singaporean hikikomori, 24-year-old Josh*, who shared how he was once a hikikomori. Like Andrea, Josh comes from a financially stable family.
“Maybe we were too sheltered. Maybe we were too spoiled and everything comes to us easy and without any barriers. Back then, I felt that no matter how useless I was, I would still be able to live comfortably, or still be able to live somehow.”
An avid fan of Disney’s classics, Josh had a grandiose dream of being a 2D Animator for Disney. When news broke that Disney closed down their 2D animation company, his hopes and dreams were dashed. Dejected, he let himself waste away, passing the days by gaming and watching anime at home.
WHAT’S THE CAUSE FOR THIS?
For many of us, such behaviour is aberrant and tough to comprehend, much less empathise with. It’s not surprising for us to jump on the conclusion that hikikomori chose to stay cooped up at home because they are just “lazy” and “spoiled”.
“We all have problems, so why can’t they just do something about their problems?”
More at https://www.domainofexperts.com/2019/03/hikikomori-in-spore-and-why-young.html
